Big Daddy

(It is with regrets that I did not do a similar post like this to honor my mother and mothers everywhere, but please know that you, Mom, are also in my heart always.)

You kids are great hanging with Thinking Hard through the delays this spring. Though Andy and Blaine hope to be more diligent in posting new blogs (since we know you love to read them),... let's face it: we post 'em when we feel like it. This way, you're exposed to enjoyable, often funny material and not random bullshit that we feel like we HAVE to post because we're on a deadline. We work in news... every day is a deadline. We might take a while, but we never forget you. :)

Speaking of never forgetting (for better, for worse), "The Incredible Hulk" was finally released to theaters over the weekend. Many of us fans of the jolly green giant will never forget the abortion that Ang Lee spawned for Marvel studios a few years ago with Eric Bana in the starring role of "The Hulk." I imagine the word "Incredible" was left off the title because Stan Lee saw the film and was not really left... um... incrediblized. (hey, Stephen Colbert can have "truthiness," Thinking Hard can have "incrediblized") Seriously, the story in the last film strayed from the comics and even tossed in Bruce Banner's DAD as a villain. I'm sorry..what? I guess that's why I was glad to see this new film utilize one of the greatest Hulk villains of all time, the Abomination. Long story short: Edward Norton does his best (and fairly credible) imitation of Bill Bixby as Bruce Banner, exposed in an experiment to gamma rays that turn him into a giant, hulking green monster whenever his heart rate jumps. Monster creates destruction, hurts love interest Betty Ross (Liv Tyler), pisses off love interest's father and Army General (William Hurt), Bruce feels guilty and realizes Army wants to create/control more dangerous creatures like the Hulk, Bruce wanders from town to town trying to avoid incidents that make him, well... angry. After a brief recap of "Our story so far..." (with a helpful "What OTHER Hulk movie???" feel to it), we catch up to Bruce in South America, working in a bottling plant and learning portuguese using a dictionary and daytime programming. An accident alerts the military to Bruce's presence and General Ross calls in a special ops force, as well as an "ace in the hole," agent Emil Blonsky (Tim Roth, who, after watching in "Pulp Fiction," I expected to shoot up a diner with his psychotic girlfriend before going after Banner). Military finds Banner, Banner's heart rate amps up, chaos and hilarity ensue. Bottom line: Hulk escapes, Banner reunites with Betty Ross, Blonsky becomes obsessed with beating the Hulk and turns into a giant abomination to do it, big creatures have big fight in Big Apple. (seriously, does Marvel HATE New York City? It's almost like every superhero movie I see has heroes & villains beating the piss out of the city. Haven't the people there been through enough?) I left the movie with a better feeling than I had in the first Hulk outing on the big screen and actually looking forward to another appearance. I also enjoyed a cameo from the star of the OTHER big Marvel blockbuster already in theaters. Three-and-a-half stars out of five.

I took my buddy Martin because it was Father's Day and his kids are in Texas without him. That, and I couldn't be with my own dad because he's in Chicago and, well, I'm not. So I figured we'd make a day of it.

Also, NBC newsman Tim Russert died Friday. He had just gotten back from Italy after a family trip celebrating the college graduation of his son, Kyle. Russert collapsed in the NBC Washington Bureau getting things ready for "Meet the Press." I've been watching coverage of his passing all weekend, and his colleagues at NBC have done a great job eulogizing him. You might remember Russert wrote "Big Russ and Me", a book of memoirs about his own father, who is still living and in a care facility. I suppose Russert expected to outlive his father... as most of us expect to.

I have some memories about my own dad (again, still living... doing fine in Chicago), though probably not enough to put into a book. There are a few that stick out: graduation from high school and college, the disappointed look on his face as I apologized profusely for totalling the family minivan, and an anecdote I'd like to share with you now. My father and I were golfing in Minnesota. Just the two of us, not many people on the course. The course was short, more a par 32 than a par 72. We got up to a par-3 and I had a horrendous tee shot that only got halfway down the fairway. Now, I should point out that I love to golf...I just don't do it very much. So every time I go out, it's almost like I'm re-learning the game over and over again. Which makes a very challenging situation for those stuck golfing with me. That day, it was my dad. So he reminded me to keep my shoulders straight and focus on the ball. Take a nice, easy swing. I kept his voice in my head as I reached back and brought the club down onto the ball. That ball landed on the green, rolled... and dropped out of sight, into the hole. I screamed. Loud. And yet, above my voice, I heard something else: laughter. I heard the excited laughter of my father. And I turned around, jumped up and leapt into a giant hug. And the man who had lifted me off the ground and onto his shoulders for my first several years of life again lifted me off the ground in a big bear hug of celebration. My pop: player, coach, supporter through good times and bad. I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Love you, big guy!
-B-

Well, we fucked up another one...

By "we," I mean "the Democrats," not "Andy & Blaine." You would never see this kind of in-fighting between Andy and Blaine. Blaine would totally be happy as Andy's VP without all the primaries. (start the campaign now to write us in on the November ballots!)

No, I mean the Democrats, and all the primary bullshit. Full disclosure: I'm a Democrat and a fan of Barack Obama. That's all you'll get out of me. Anyway, back to the point at hand. I would rather see the "Sex and the City" movie THREE TIMES than watch what happens in November. Because, let's face it, if the ticket for the Democrats doesn't read some form of the words "Obama," "Clinton" and "Vote", there are gonna be a lot of pissed off voters. And I've seen those voters give soundbites on air. Like the crazy woman who thinks that Obama owes his campaign to Hillary Clinton running for office. I can see Clinton supporters choosing McCain just to spite Obama. And I can see Obama supporters choosing McCain to spite Clinton. And I can see McCain supporters laughing and drinking 100-year-old whiskey (which is STILL younger than McCain). So the Democrats have managed to lose another "gimme" election.

I mean, how much effort would it really take for a Democrat to win the White House after the past 8 years of Bushie. (and don't even get me started on the guy I saw on television saying "Bush just needs four more years!" To do what? Fuck us all and finish Cheney's master plan of launching a nuclear war? Seriously, if we're all turned to dust, who would Cheney suck the blood out of to continue his immortality?) Meanwhile, the Bush administration has launched their "Last Year in Office" campaign... or as I like to call it, "Fuck it." Seriously, I saw this week that Cheney made a slanderous joke against the people of West Virginia, then followed it up with "See, I can say that now because it's not a re-election year." And why would THAT stop you? Hell, you've been making decisions like that since Bush's been in office! By the way, if anyone would like to be shot in the face this week, dial Cheney's hotline: 1-800-I-SHOOT-PEOPLE-AND-ENJOY-IT-HEH-HEH-HEH. Or his website: www.whatareyougonnadoI'mthefuckingvicepresidentI'muntouchable...
..dot-gov.

So, Mr. McCain, if things go the way they're heading, please do me a favor and don't launch a spy investigation into my blog. For better or for MUCH worse, I'm red, white and blue, through-and-through. Just as long as your ticket for November doesn't have any form of the letters "B", "U", "S" and "H", you're golden.
Vote Andy & Blaine in November!
-B-

So it's going to be one of THOSE summers!

...(c'mon, the blog's about to start... whaddya mean you lost the script??? Okay, it's too late to put anything in the prompter, so we'll do it live. YES, WE'RE GONNA DO IT LIVE! This fucking place sucks!)

Hey there! Welcome back to Thinking Hard!

Sorry, just a little fun at Bill O'Reilly's expense. Yes, viral video is already starting to hit the interwebs, and I'm enjoying it. First, Billy Oh's tirade from back in the day when he worked on that high-class news outfit, Inside Edition. (click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tJjNVVwRCY) Then, Sue Simmons, anchor at WNBC, gets caught (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzclFi5lAWc) with her lips flapping on live TV. Turns out, she thought she and her fellow anchor (Joe Scarborough of MSNBC's Scarborough Country) were TAPING a promotional spot for a later newscast. He wasn't paying attention, they were live... and she let's out a nice little expletive. And how about The Hills hottie Audrina Patridge doing some topless pics (see at http://audrina-patridge.blogspot.com/evilbeetgossip.film.com/2008/03/19/yes-were-running-the-naked-photos-of-audrina-patridge/ or any possible google search)? Yeah, wasn't a big fan before, but could have my arm twisted now. All of these are NOT SAFE FOR WORK (NSFW).

The summer of viral video and pictures has begun.
I'm posting a nude pic next week.
-B-

In the news....

Since I'm trying to blog more.. here are a few items in the news that caught my eye.

Photog tips off police raid

A photographer at a North Carolina TV station allegedly sits through a Sheriff's Department briefing on a raid at a local "adult club". Then starts texting his friends inside the club before the heat comes down.

If this is true this guy should be fired.

In an ironic or sad twist the photog's station did not run the story. Of course its rival did.

Who's watching TV?

A couple of studies came out this week that TV is still the number one choice for adults to get their news. A second found TV is still the most effective way to advertise. There may be hope for us yet.


Daily News or Daily Show?http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

In a related story a Journalism think tank debunks the idea young folk get their news from Comedy Central's Daily show. Its researchers say if you don't watch the news you don't get the jokes.

Internet isn't all that...

While I believe the internet is the future... its still got to evolve. For the first time in humankind everyone has access to the printing press, yet we don't know how to use it.

Case in point, a while ago Time-Warner launched a comedy website called superdeluxe. It was tied heavily and promoted on the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim program block and website. Guess what? Superdeluxe is no more because it WAS too much like Adult Swim.

Another good rant for the side of old media came in this week's Minneapolis Star-Tribune sports section. Old curmudgeon Patrick Reusse wrote a column about the importance newspapers play in sports coverage.

He's right, a jack off in his basement can lament over his favorite sports team, but they can't rightfully report on the facts. Its all analysis, which is why I don't watch ESPN very often anymore. It's become the FOX News Channel of sports. All talk, no real news. Sure, its entertaining, but few ESPN reporters "break" stories.

This old newspaper reporter was a little misguided though, but not too far off.

Newspapers set the tone for the news in most markets. Here, despite hemorrhaging money and rumors of bankruptcy every other week the S'trib is the news source for the metro. Sure there are four good TV stations, another daily paper and news radio, but everyone gravitates towards the Star-Tribune.

If it wasn't for newspapers how would we have this gem.

You Get The Best Of Both Worlds...If You're Bisexual

Sadly, this is not about Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, being bisexual. But I DID want to touch briefly on the latest controversy surrounding Billy Ray Cyrus' Achy Breaky Daughter.

Cyrus posed in what are being termed "artistic" photos taken for Vanity Fair by acclaimed photographer Annie Leibovitz. I've only seen two pictures. The first shows Miley and Billy Ray more-or-less lounging against each other while sitting/laying on the ground. Both are clothed (thank God..didn't we already get enough of Billy Ray in the '90s???), but they way their arms are "draped" (I used the quotes because they seem a little..um...awkward, but that's the term being tossed around by the media) around each other implies a little reverse-Oedipus-complex stuff going on. How long until we see Miley gouge out her own eyes? It's a little creepy.

But what's REALLY creepy is that OTHER pic of the15-year-old saccharin-sweet superstar. You've probably seen it... her naked back is show and she's looking at the camera like a leper while holding a sheet over her chest. My first thought? "Wow, another promo picture for the next Batman movie." Seriously, Miley looks like friggin' Heath Ledger as the Joker in The Dark Knight Returns. I mean, she always looked like she was storing nuts in those cheeks for the winter (hold all your nut jokes...the girl's 15!), but this picture makes it look worse! Whoever did her makeup in this picture should be shot. It looks like it was done by a blind orangutan with the world's first case of Parkinson's Tourette's Syndrome. She paler than usual and her lipstick is smeared all over the place. She shouldn't be embarassed because she's doing a little "Bareback Mountain" thing.. she should be embarassed by that makeup!

More pointedly, every guardian of Miley Cyrus who was on the set that day and even Miley herself say they saw digital proofs of the pictures on the set and said the photos looked "beautiful" and "artistic." But NOW Miley's all embarassed... probably because Disney caught a glimpse of the shot. Hey, at least she's not pulling a full "Vanessa Hudgens" frontal shot. But seriously, even if Miley had no idea what she was getting into, her "handlers" really should've said something. And now I'll be seeing those pictures in my mind when I go to bed at night... and crying myself to sleep.
-B-

Back From Vacation

Thanks for those of you who thought of me while I was at my sister's wedding. It's good to feel loved.

Actually, the trip was great. Part of it was spent celebrating my father's birthday, including a 9-hole round of golf on a day that reminded me why Chicago is called the "Windy City." The rest..all wedding. Bachelor party for my brother-in-law. Hanging at a hotel. Serving as groomsman and gettin' jiggy with it at the reception. If my sister and brother-in-law are reading this, I hope you're having a fun time in Hawaii!

Other thought of the day...I've seen they're planning to make a video game that's going to pit the characters of Mortal Kombat against the characters in DC Comics, like Batman and Superman.

What. The. Fuck.

It's like they tossed a bunch of video game franchises in a hat, pulled out two and decided to build a game around it. Sure, Street Fighter took on characters in Marvel Comics, like Spider-Man and the Hulk, a few years ago. THAT was well-received, so maybe this has a shot, but I doubt it. Maybe Mortal Kombat versus Pac-Man. And instead of blood, power pellets come flying out of Pac-Man's body.
-B-

I Lose More Of My Stuff That Way...

I'm referring, of course, to dating. We've all been there. We're seeing someone for any given amount of time...a year, a month, a couple of minutes, whatever. Our significant other/target of our stalking talks about something they like to read/do/play/eat and we think "Wow, I have one of those...I should loan it to my stalking target/significant other." And that, friends, is where we go inherently wrong in the dating world, for we are fortunate to ever see that stuff again.

See, for the most part, relationships don't work out (with the exception of 1... or 2...hey, I'm not here to judge). No matter how shiny and glossy that new boyfriend/girlfriend/pregnant man might seem, things are likely not to work out. Not that you can tell any of us that while we're in our "afterglow" stage of our relationships. You could tell me my girlfriend's a mass murderer and has an icepick laying next to the bed, and I'd say "Oh, that's nice. If I ever need an ice pack on my sore back in the middle of the night, she's willing to go get some for me. What a sweetheart!" Yes, there's no showing people the reality of the world while they're dating...so heed my warning well now while you're single: do NOT loan your stuff to someone you're dating unless you absolutely do not care if you see it again.

I've lost DVDs, books...and pants. Yes, pants, and don't you dare judge. I think I've even lost a pair of boxers...but they looked good on her! And break-ups are hard anyway, but if either party has hurt feelings over the whole thing, it is MUCH harder to retrieve your stuff. It's like keeping an ex's belongings fills one with a sense of self-satisfaction, a sense of "Ha ha, you might have slept with me, then broke my heart, but I have your Loverboy album, so there", followed immediately by a tongue stuck out of one's mouth. It's just like being back in elementary school, where we first learned that possession is 9/10's of the law. That, and licking someone's stuff makes them want it less.

But you must...repeat: MUST...set a dollar amount for yourself. Don't loan anything worth more than $20. Don't loan anything you can't replace (it was VERY difficult to get my high school class ring back from a college girlfriend). And, for the love of all that's holy, do NOT loan anything that has been given to you by a previous girlfriend/boyfriend. If they find it, it will not be pretty.

So, I'll never get my Harry Potter DVD back or my Lewis Black DVD, and I could always buy a new copy...but I don't think I will. After all, those things represent a happier time, a time when I didn't question what I said wrong or did to annoy my exes. I don't worry about whether I was snoring too loud or drooling on their hair in my sleep (don't judge me...it's not like I do it on PURPOSE). I don't question whether they think I'm a slob or a bad kisser. When I loaned those things to my exes, I was happy, and wanted to share that happiness in any way possible. And there's some part of me that hopes they still have my stuff...and remember when we were happy.
...and for the record, I'm a great kisser.
-B-