And honestly, I'm a little surprised by how few people know/care about George Romero. No, he's not as well known as Jerry Bruckheimer or Steven Spielberg or George Lucas or Rob Zombie (it STILL seems weird to watch a horror movie directed by a rock star), but he's one of the fathers of cinema...and he's largely responsible for a movie genre that's gone from generally underappreciated to pretty mainstream. He's also probably responsible for many of your nightmares.
I'm talking about zombies. Y'know...the walking dead, the brain eaters, the people who watch the View and agree with Elisabeth Hissyfit. George Romero started it all in glorious black & white with the original "Night of the Living Dead." Since then, he's directed a few sequels. He's also been involved in the "Creepshow" movies and the "Tales from the Darkside" TV series. Guy's a legend. Anyway, so I met George Romero at an autograph signing Friday...and shelled out 15 bucks for his signature on a DVD (urgh). I think I was most surprised as I watched him sign my DVD. I watched his hand shake as he signed "Blaine, stay scared. George Romero." And I was left thinking that there's a better than average chance that I will outlast the man. But his iconic work will live on in his fans and in the annals of film. Thanks, Mr. Romero, for keeping me awake at night.
Speaking of legends who want my money, MC Hammer has signed a deal for a new REALITY SERIES on A&E! Holy crap! First, he's sending away everything he has in gold for quick cash...now he's dating three nude models in their early twenties, who will stay at his mansion and help him publish future issues of Playb...wait, sorry, wrong guy. That's someone ELSE who's past his prime. Well, at least the "gold for cash" bit was right. Anyway, watch for "Brotherhood of the Traveling Parachute Pants" on A&E, coming soon.
Speaking of the high price of fame, a vicious attack took place last week in Connecticut. A woman went to visit her friend and a CHIMPANZEE started attacking her! It feels like an awkward episode of "The Electric Company"..."HEEEEEYYYYYY YYYYOOOOOUUUU GGUUUUUUUYYY...OH GOD! GET HIM OFF ME! I'M WEARING A YELLOW DRESS AND HE'S TRYING TO UNPEEL ME!!!"
So this 70-year-old woman owns the chimp and he's starred in commercials...and as Elisabeth Hissyfit's replacement on The View. (Amazingly, no one noticed) So the chimp got out of the house, and the woman called her 55-year-old friend, Charla Nash, to help corral him. She got over to the house and the chimp went bananas...er, went ape-shi...lost his mind and started clawing at Nash and biting her face. After several minutes, the chimp's owner FINALLY decided to stab the chimp with a butcher knife and hit it with a shovel to stop the attack. Nash had life-threatening injuries.
The chimp's owner answered criticism later from the media about why she would keep a 200-lb. chimp as a pet. She responded with "Some parents have junkie kids, and they still care about them!" Okay, 1. They're human children, not animals you dress up like children (which should AUTOMATICALLY qualify you for a mental facility...or The View). 2. Let's see..."junkie" implies they're on illegal drugs. But YOU fed your chimpanzee unprescribed XANAX the morning of the attack, a drug that has not been tested on chimpanzees (at least, not that the makers will officially confirm). YOU drugged a monkey that attacked YOUR friend. YOU are an irresponsible pet-owner. YOU are the problem.
So, I fully expect to find the next edition of the Clue board game in stores soon, with additional characters and weapons. "I deduce that Ms. Hissyfit killed Mr. Boddy in the View studio while brandishing a chimpanzee."
(This blog has been sponsored by Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Sherri Shepard and Barbara Walters.)
-B-
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
I Love Crazies!
Ah, it's Valentine's Day. Let's see what I got in the ol' inbox-mailbag...
...mmm, yes, I think at some point I SHOULD cleanse my colon, but today will not be that day...
...oh, that's nice, some girl named Samson sent me an e-card telling me how much she misses her "love." What? Samson is a BOY'S name? Impossible. I don't know any boys named Samson. Come to think of it, I don't know any GIRLS named Samson either. And why is my computer getting all fuzzzzzzzzz *click*...
...well, now that I got that all cleaned up. Surely I'm not the ONLY person who will receive a virus for Valentine's Day. I think that's why it's referred to as V-Day...
...obligatory "make your penis longer" email. Look, I don't know what you've been told, but...
HOLY CRAP, IT'S MID-FEBRUARY ALREADY!!! You know what THAT means, right??? It's getting close to the annual "Thinking Hard's Hottest Mess March Madness Tournament"! I know what you're thinking: 1. "Um, sorry, what?" (if you missed out on last year's tournament, pop in the March archive. It was exciting); 2. "Blaine, I can't wait to find out who's competing in this year's tournament!"
I agree, this year's tournament will be exciting...and not just because there will be NEW names in the tournament. It's expanding! More entrants! More games! It's going to be larger than before! And speaking of larger than before, it's my privilege to introduce our first entrant in this year's Hottest Mess Tournament...Nadya Suleman!
YES! The woman who JUST finished giving birth to eight children...and giving interviews to eight media outlets...WILL compete in this year's tournament! That is, if she makes it there. Apparently, Suleman has been subjected to death threats lately. Now, is that ANY way to treat a woman who just "naturally" gave birth to eight children...on top of the six she already had? Maybe she can afford to hire a babysitt...wait, no, she's on welfare, so maybe YOU can afford to hire her a babysitter. Perhaps she can ask her husb...oh, single mom, huh? Well, that's a shocker. Who wouldn't jump at the chance to marry an interesting woman who says on the first date: "You know, I like to think of children as potato chips...you can't have just one...bag."
Suleman says she wanted many children because she grew up an only child and was lonely. So she decided that starting a small continent would make up for the emptiness. Seriously, if you moved your family to Australia, the dingoes would be drooling...right before your babies ate the dingoes.
Oh, there's also a website that's been set up to take financial and diaperial donations for Suleman. I'm sorry, but you're on welfare, you live with your parents, you already have six kids and signed up for another litter...and you want me to give you something out of SYMPATHY??? Yes, I have sympathy...for your children...so I will give you something: a TUBAL LIGATION! Get your tubes tied, woman! Your "friend" who kindly donated that sperm to you should have said "This Just Really Should Not Get Into You." In plain english, STOP HAVING BABIES! In plain german, STOPPEN GO POPPENIN SPERMIN UND POPPENOUT DER PEEIN-UND-POOPINS OOT DER VAGINADERCONVEYOR!
Suleman's also had some facial work done that makes her look a little like Angelina Jolie. We're trying to nail down a commitment from Jolie in this year's tournament, but as yet, she's been busy shooting "Wanted 2: Is Anyone Really Watching These Movies?" We'll keep you updated here at Thinking Hard.
Well, at least we know Suleman got pregnant "au natural"...kinda like Alex Rodriguez's muscles. That's right, A-Roid admitted this week he used banned performance-enhancing drugs for three years starting in 2001. The guy is the 12th all-time home run hitter (home run hitter who 'roided up? Who doesMcGwirethat soundBondslike?). He's also been rumored in a dalliance with Madonna, so this guy's already tested positive for poor judgment...and maybe a progressive case of blindness and deafness. But all is not lost. The University of Miami unveiled Alex Rodriguez Park and had A-Roid as a guest of honor Friday night. Centerpieces on the table included miniature baseball bats, tiny toy baseballs and unshelled peanuts. Because if anything screams "This guy has taken steroids", it's small sticks, small balls and wrinkly nuts.
Speaking of wrinkly nuts, the US Senate approved President Obama's stimulus package late last night. Voting started on the $787B plan around 5:30pm, but lasted until several hours later as senators awaited Sen. Sherrod Brown, D-OH, who was attending his mother's wake. YOU PAID to fly the guy back on a plane commissioned by the WHITE HOUSE just to cast the vote that passed the stimulus package (take a note, CEOs of automakers and banks...there IS a double-standard. Congressmen who do their job get to fly private planes...executives who screw consumers out of hard-earned money have to walk). House republicans complained that there wasn't enough time to read the 1,100 pages of the plan before the vote Friday. But come on, let's be serious...most of you don't subscribe to the internet, and I'd like to see SOMETHING done about the economy before we see flying Jetson cars (which, coincidentally, automaker execs also can NOT take to the next congressional hearing).
Finally, it IS Valentine's Day and love is in the air...for some people. But there's an attraction in London that allows jilted women to get a hex put on their exes. Here in North Carolina, there's a similar idea in place for jilted men to get revenge...they let ME date their exes.
Happy V-Day!
-B-
...mmm, yes, I think at some point I SHOULD cleanse my colon, but today will not be that day...
...oh, that's nice, some girl named Samson sent me an e-card telling me how much she misses her "love." What? Samson is a BOY'S name? Impossible. I don't know any boys named Samson. Come to think of it, I don't know any GIRLS named Samson either. And why is my computer getting all fuzzzzzzzzz *click*...
...well, now that I got that all cleaned up. Surely I'm not the ONLY person who will receive a virus for Valentine's Day. I think that's why it's referred to as V-Day...
...obligatory "make your penis longer" email. Look, I don't know what you've been told, but...
HOLY CRAP, IT'S MID-FEBRUARY ALREADY!!! You know what THAT means, right??? It's getting close to the annual "Thinking Hard's Hottest Mess March Madness Tournament"! I know what you're thinking: 1. "Um, sorry, what?" (if you missed out on last year's tournament, pop in the March archive. It was exciting); 2. "Blaine, I can't wait to find out who's competing in this year's tournament!"
I agree, this year's tournament will be exciting...and not just because there will be NEW names in the tournament. It's expanding! More entrants! More games! It's going to be larger than before! And speaking of larger than before, it's my privilege to introduce our first entrant in this year's Hottest Mess Tournament...Nadya Suleman!
YES! The woman who JUST finished giving birth to eight children...and giving interviews to eight media outlets...WILL compete in this year's tournament! That is, if she makes it there. Apparently, Suleman has been subjected to death threats lately. Now, is that ANY way to treat a woman who just "naturally" gave birth to eight children...on top of the six she already had? Maybe she can afford to hire a babysitt...wait, no, she's on welfare, so maybe YOU can afford to hire her a babysitter. Perhaps she can ask her husb...oh, single mom, huh? Well, that's a shocker. Who wouldn't jump at the chance to marry an interesting woman who says on the first date: "You know, I like to think of children as potato chips...you can't have just one...bag."
Suleman says she wanted many children because she grew up an only child and was lonely. So she decided that starting a small continent would make up for the emptiness. Seriously, if you moved your family to Australia, the dingoes would be drooling...right before your babies ate the dingoes.
Oh, there's also a website that's been set up to take financial and diaperial donations for Suleman. I'm sorry, but you're on welfare, you live with your parents, you already have six kids and signed up for another litter...and you want me to give you something out of SYMPATHY??? Yes, I have sympathy...for your children...so I will give you something: a TUBAL LIGATION! Get your tubes tied, woman! Your "friend" who kindly donated that sperm to you should have said "This Just Really Should Not Get Into You." In plain english, STOP HAVING BABIES! In plain german, STOPPEN GO POPPENIN SPERMIN UND POPPENOUT DER PEEIN-UND-POOPINS OOT DER VAGINADERCONVEYOR!
Suleman's also had some facial work done that makes her look a little like Angelina Jolie. We're trying to nail down a commitment from Jolie in this year's tournament, but as yet, she's been busy shooting "Wanted 2: Is Anyone Really Watching These Movies?" We'll keep you updated here at Thinking Hard.
Well, at least we know Suleman got pregnant "au natural"...kinda like Alex Rodriguez's muscles. That's right, A-Roid admitted this week he used banned performance-enhancing drugs for three years starting in 2001. The guy is the 12th all-time home run hitter (home run hitter who 'roided up? Who doesMcGwirethat soundBondslike?). He's also been rumored in a dalliance with Madonna, so this guy's already tested positive for poor judgment...and maybe a progressive case of blindness and deafness. But all is not lost. The University of Miami unveiled Alex Rodriguez Park and had A-Roid as a guest of honor Friday night. Centerpieces on the table included miniature baseball bats, tiny toy baseballs and unshelled peanuts. Because if anything screams "This guy has taken steroids", it's small sticks, small balls and wrinkly nuts.
Speaking of wrinkly nuts, the US Senate approved President Obama's stimulus package late last night. Voting started on the $787B plan around 5:30pm, but lasted until several hours later as senators awaited Sen. Sherrod Brown, D-OH, who was attending his mother's wake. YOU PAID to fly the guy back on a plane commissioned by the WHITE HOUSE just to cast the vote that passed the stimulus package (take a note, CEOs of automakers and banks...there IS a double-standard. Congressmen who do their job get to fly private planes...executives who screw consumers out of hard-earned money have to walk). House republicans complained that there wasn't enough time to read the 1,100 pages of the plan before the vote Friday. But come on, let's be serious...most of you don't subscribe to the internet, and I'd like to see SOMETHING done about the economy before we see flying Jetson cars (which, coincidentally, automaker execs also can NOT take to the next congressional hearing).
Finally, it IS Valentine's Day and love is in the air...for some people. But there's an attraction in London that allows jilted women to get a hex put on their exes. Here in North Carolina, there's a similar idea in place for jilted men to get revenge...they let ME date their exes.
Happy V-Day!
-B-
Friday, February 6, 2009
Super Happy Chick Fight Video Fun Time!
(You'll have to pardon the title...I had Chinese for lunch)
Oh, Friday, how I have longed for you. Only you could grant me the full time to unleash my mental prowess upon the "interwebs." Thank you, glorious Friday.
Check it! Welcome back to Thinking Hard. Oh, what a week it has been. We'll get to the chick fighting in a sec, but first, I want to start with a hot Hollywood actor...who whines like a little girl when someone interrupts his scene. Yes, if you haven't heard it by now, the audio tapes have been released of "The Dark Knight" himself, Christian Bale, unleashing an endless stream of obscenities while shooting...wait, is this right?...I'm getting word he was shooting ANOTHER DAMN TERMINATOR MOVIE! (Didn't he read last week's blog???) So, he was shooting a star-studded scene with Bryce Dallas Howard (you remember her...she's Ron Howard's daughter whose only recent claim to fame is M. Night Shamalamadingdong's "Lady in the Water"...poor thing) in New Mexico last summer. A cinematographer misstepped into the scene he was shooting with Howard and he went OFF on the poor bastard. Here's a 4-minute clip: (this is NOT safe for work)
A few days later, Bale would be arrested for physically assaulting his mother and sister. I bet he's great at parties. But in Bale's defense, he's Bat-shit Crazy. Actually, the funnier version of this popped up on a BBC morning show: (also, NOT safe for work)
(Don't you just love Super Happy Chick Fight Video Fun Time day???)
Actually, this makes me think of the Super Bowl. Nope, not referring to Bruce Springsteen crotching himself on an HD camera during halftime (though, I'm sure of all the people and things he saw during halftime, the camera was the LAST thing he expected on his crotch). What? You missed it??? Well, here's another look:
(That clip got replayed TWICE on the DVR at the Super Bowl party I went to) No, I'm talking about the Arizona Cardinals fans in Tucson. See, they were watching the game on Comcast and (if you missed the game) the action really picked up in the last few minutes. Exciting finish. Anyway, while they're watching these sweaty guys playing football...Comcast cuts away for a few seconds of accidental PORN! Would've been nice...had the film not been featuring a NAKED MAN at the time. That is NOT the kind of ball handling you want to see at the Super Bowl.
Moving on, let's talk about CHICKS, MAN! So, did you see inauguration night for President Barack Obama? Lots of celebrities, lots of dancing, and a special performance by Beyonce of Etta James' famous song "At Last" while the first couple danced. It was a beautiful moment. So, Etta "I'm not really that crazy, I'm just really old...okay, so I'm also really crazy, but at least I wasn't wearing Aretha Franklin's hat" James came out this week and said she was upset that Beyonce sang HER SONG at the inauguration. She even went as far as to say Beyonce "was gonna get her ass whipped" and that Obama "wasn't MY president." Well, this morning, James told the media she was "just kidding" Beyonce and Obama. And that's been our new segment, "Wow, my sense of humor is going to SUCK when I'm old."
MORE CHICKS, MAN! Ashley Judd (you remember her, right? She was the only ATTRACTIVE Judd with a promising movie career. No, she's not dead...just her career) is in a new video for the animal rights group Defenders of Wildlife. She's preaching the ills of killing wolves and bears in Alaska from airplanes. And GUESS WHO SHE'S TARGETTING! That's right...she calls out former VP candidate/media darling/soundbite queen/MENSA candidate Sarah Palin. Palin found the time to look up from reading all of her magazines to respond. She says the anti-wolf/bear/any furry creature-overpopulation program is scientifically based (it says so in this magazine right...shoot, now where did that thing go?...well, I read it in all of them) and is important to keep up the moose and caribou populations...FOR HUNTERS. I presume they're the poor hunters who can't afford to do their shootin' from a fancy ol' plane. "HOO-WEE! You got TWO wings on that thing??? Do the Russians know about this?"
Okay, enough fighting. I have to show you this clip from Conan O'Brien this week. The artist's name is Theresa Andersson. The things at her feet are recording her words and looping them as playback. What she does here is just amazing by the time she gets to the end. This IS safe for work and one of the most impressive pieces of music I've ever seen performed:
Remember, kids, just say yes to drugs. This public service announcement brought to you by Michael Phelps..."Michael Phelps, soon to be living in a van down by a river near you."
-B
Oh, Friday, how I have longed for you. Only you could grant me the full time to unleash my mental prowess upon the "interwebs." Thank you, glorious Friday.
Check it! Welcome back to Thinking Hard. Oh, what a week it has been. We'll get to the chick fighting in a sec, but first, I want to start with a hot Hollywood actor...who whines like a little girl when someone interrupts his scene. Yes, if you haven't heard it by now, the audio tapes have been released of "The Dark Knight" himself, Christian Bale, unleashing an endless stream of obscenities while shooting...wait, is this right?...I'm getting word he was shooting ANOTHER DAMN TERMINATOR MOVIE! (Didn't he read last week's blog???) So, he was shooting a star-studded scene with Bryce Dallas Howard (you remember her...she's Ron Howard's daughter whose only recent claim to fame is M. Night Shamalamadingdong's "Lady in the Water"...poor thing) in New Mexico last summer. A cinematographer misstepped into the scene he was shooting with Howard and he went OFF on the poor bastard. Here's a 4-minute clip: (this is NOT safe for work)
A few days later, Bale would be arrested for physically assaulting his mother and sister. I bet he's great at parties. But in Bale's defense, he's Bat-shit Crazy. Actually, the funnier version of this popped up on a BBC morning show: (also, NOT safe for work)
(Don't you just love Super Happy Chick Fight Video Fun Time day???)
Actually, this makes me think of the Super Bowl. Nope, not referring to Bruce Springsteen crotching himself on an HD camera during halftime (though, I'm sure of all the people and things he saw during halftime, the camera was the LAST thing he expected on his crotch). What? You missed it??? Well, here's another look:
(That clip got replayed TWICE on the DVR at the Super Bowl party I went to) No, I'm talking about the Arizona Cardinals fans in Tucson. See, they were watching the game on Comcast and (if you missed the game) the action really picked up in the last few minutes. Exciting finish. Anyway, while they're watching these sweaty guys playing football...Comcast cuts away for a few seconds of accidental PORN! Would've been nice...had the film not been featuring a NAKED MAN at the time. That is NOT the kind of ball handling you want to see at the Super Bowl.
Moving on, let's talk about CHICKS, MAN! So, did you see inauguration night for President Barack Obama? Lots of celebrities, lots of dancing, and a special performance by Beyonce of Etta James' famous song "At Last" while the first couple danced. It was a beautiful moment. So, Etta "I'm not really that crazy, I'm just really old...okay, so I'm also really crazy, but at least I wasn't wearing Aretha Franklin's hat" James came out this week and said she was upset that Beyonce sang HER SONG at the inauguration. She even went as far as to say Beyonce "was gonna get her ass whipped" and that Obama "wasn't MY president." Well, this morning, James told the media she was "just kidding" Beyonce and Obama. And that's been our new segment, "Wow, my sense of humor is going to SUCK when I'm old."
MORE CHICKS, MAN! Ashley Judd (you remember her, right? She was the only ATTRACTIVE Judd with a promising movie career. No, she's not dead...just her career) is in a new video for the animal rights group Defenders of Wildlife. She's preaching the ills of killing wolves and bears in Alaska from airplanes. And GUESS WHO SHE'S TARGETTING! That's right...she calls out former VP candidate/media darling/soundbite queen/MENSA candidate Sarah Palin. Palin found the time to look up from reading all of her magazines to respond. She says the anti-wolf/bear/any furry creature-overpopulation program is scientifically based (it says so in this magazine right...shoot, now where did that thing go?...well, I read it in all of them) and is important to keep up the moose and caribou populations...FOR HUNTERS. I presume they're the poor hunters who can't afford to do their shootin' from a fancy ol' plane. "HOO-WEE! You got TWO wings on that thing??? Do the Russians know about this?"
Okay, enough fighting. I have to show you this clip from Conan O'Brien this week. The artist's name is Theresa Andersson. The things at her feet are recording her words and looping them as playback. What she does here is just amazing by the time she gets to the end. This IS safe for work and one of the most impressive pieces of music I've ever seen performed:
Remember, kids, just say yes to drugs. This public service announcement brought to you by Michael Phelps..."Michael Phelps, soon to be living in a van down by a river near you."
-B
Saturday, January 31, 2009
BlaGO AWAY YOU SON OF Avich
Welcome to Dumb Criminal Day here at Thinking Hard! It's a celebration of the morons who get caught doing dumb things that prove, once again, that Darwin was right.
Let's start in Illinois...some tool decided he could get away with defrauding the national government. Yeah, get this: he thought he would try to SELL a U.S. SENATE SEAT! Who does that??? Oh, wait, he's the governor. Or he WAS.
That's right. Thursday, state lawmakers in Illinois voted to oust Rod Blagojevich from his position as the state's governor. I think back to this week's trial in the state senate...is there anything BlaGONEjevich could have done to save himself? Well, he could have SHOWED UP! Yeah, Little Rod decided the first day of the trial Monday was a great day to talk to Good Morning America, The View (Elisabeth Hasselbeck conspicuous by her absence...maybe it's another round of morning sickness. Zounds! She's spawning ANOTHER one!), Nightline and Larry King Live. "Tonight, the Rod Blagojevich National 'Out of Context' Tour rips through the Big Apple..NEW YORK CITY! Are you ready to MOCK???" I think I most enjoyed his conversation with ABC's Cynthia McFadden. She quoted his wiretapped conversation that he was "sitting on a bleeping goldmine" with regards to President Barack Obama's open Senate seat. He responds with "I am not a crook"...no, wait. He responds with "That was taken out of context." Cynthia fires back "Then put it IN context!" And Blago-a-go-go says he can't because the laws prevent him from talking about the case. Uh-huh. So THAT'S why you're on your "If I Did It" book tour? So you can go on TV and NOT answer media questions about what's about to remove you from your office?
Tuesday, he showed up on CBS's "The Early Show." His hair got more viewers than the segment.
Thursday, he FINALLY shows up to defend himself to the state senators. He spoke for 45 minutes...and was voted UNANIMOUSLY out of the governor's office. Thanks for playing, here are some lovely parting gifts...a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat...$200 in light bulbs from GE. GE: We bring good things to light...and 25 free visits to the Donald Trump Hair Salon, to keep that "do" from becoming a "don't."
NO LAWMAKER FROM ILLINOIS SUPPORTED BL-ALMOST-GOT-AWAY-WITH-IT-VICH! In fact, I listened to the roll call vote and one senator even said "Absolutely." That's not a yes! That's a "even if you asked me when I was piss-drunk, I would still recognize that this guy is a crook...and his hair is winking at me." First governor in 20 years to be ousted from office (trivia: the first governor to be ousted was in the early 1800s and was from the great state of North Carolina) and the first EVER governor to be removed in the history of Illinois. Well, congratulations Rod...you can now take your name from the infamous Guinness Book listing of "Worst Haircut" and move it over to "Worst Governor." Shit, EVEN SARAH PALIN STILL HAS A JOB! You suggested on ABC that you were in talks to put Oprah in the vacant Senate seat...you know she can hear you, right? More importantly, you know she's on TV and radio, right? Yeah, she went on her satellite radio network and said she had NO IDEA she was up for the job...but probably would have turned it down because of her busy schedule of...um...eating? And let's check in with one more person: the guy who WAS selected to fill the open Senate seat, Roland Burris. In the best case ever of "biting that Rod that fed you", Burris did not side with Blagoon either. How's that for irony...a BLACK guy from Chicago made it big and a WHITE guy got arrested.
Moving ahead (but not far)...the Chicago Police Department got a new recruit last weekend. He showed up in uniform Saturday afternoon and was assigned to a partner and a squad car. But he WAS ONLY 14 YEARS OLD! Yup, totally faking the cop thing. He just really wanted to be a cop. Worse yet, it took his new partner FIVE HOURS to realize he was not an officer because his uniform was missing a star that's on every officer's uniform. Way to go, Columbo! Remember kids, if you're going to murder someone in Chicago, make sure you put on that "I'm Not The Killer" shirt before police get to the scene.
Finally today...shit, I can't even write this any better. Just take a look at what happened in New Zealand:
Like music? Jay-Z and Radiohead are teaming up (shit you not) for an album similar to what Beyonce's husband did with Linkin Park. Check out the riffs at www.jaydiohead.com
Peace.
-B-
Let's start in Illinois...some tool decided he could get away with defrauding the national government. Yeah, get this: he thought he would try to SELL a U.S. SENATE SEAT! Who does that??? Oh, wait, he's the governor. Or he WAS.
That's right. Thursday, state lawmakers in Illinois voted to oust Rod Blagojevich from his position as the state's governor. I think back to this week's trial in the state senate...is there anything BlaGONEjevich could have done to save himself? Well, he could have SHOWED UP! Yeah, Little Rod decided the first day of the trial Monday was a great day to talk to Good Morning America, The View (Elisabeth Hasselbeck conspicuous by her absence...maybe it's another round of morning sickness. Zounds! She's spawning ANOTHER one!), Nightline and Larry King Live. "Tonight, the Rod Blagojevich National 'Out of Context' Tour rips through the Big Apple..NEW YORK CITY! Are you ready to MOCK???" I think I most enjoyed his conversation with ABC's Cynthia McFadden. She quoted his wiretapped conversation that he was "sitting on a bleeping goldmine" with regards to President Barack Obama's open Senate seat. He responds with "I am not a crook"...no, wait. He responds with "That was taken out of context." Cynthia fires back "Then put it IN context!" And Blago-a-go-go says he can't because the laws prevent him from talking about the case. Uh-huh. So THAT'S why you're on your "If I Did It" book tour? So you can go on TV and NOT answer media questions about what's about to remove you from your office?
Tuesday, he showed up on CBS's "The Early Show." His hair got more viewers than the segment.
Thursday, he FINALLY shows up to defend himself to the state senators. He spoke for 45 minutes...and was voted UNANIMOUSLY out of the governor's office. Thanks for playing, here are some lovely parting gifts...a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat...$200 in light bulbs from GE. GE: We bring good things to light...and 25 free visits to the Donald Trump Hair Salon, to keep that "do" from becoming a "don't."
NO LAWMAKER FROM ILLINOIS SUPPORTED BL-ALMOST-GOT-AWAY-WITH-IT-VICH! In fact, I listened to the roll call vote and one senator even said "Absolutely." That's not a yes! That's a "even if you asked me when I was piss-drunk, I would still recognize that this guy is a crook...and his hair is winking at me." First governor in 20 years to be ousted from office (trivia: the first governor to be ousted was in the early 1800s and was from the great state of North Carolina) and the first EVER governor to be removed in the history of Illinois. Well, congratulations Rod...you can now take your name from the infamous Guinness Book listing of "Worst Haircut" and move it over to "Worst Governor." Shit, EVEN SARAH PALIN STILL HAS A JOB! You suggested on ABC that you were in talks to put Oprah in the vacant Senate seat...you know she can hear you, right? More importantly, you know she's on TV and radio, right? Yeah, she went on her satellite radio network and said she had NO IDEA she was up for the job...but probably would have turned it down because of her busy schedule of...um...eating? And let's check in with one more person: the guy who WAS selected to fill the open Senate seat, Roland Burris. In the best case ever of "biting that Rod that fed you", Burris did not side with Blagoon either. How's that for irony...a BLACK guy from Chicago made it big and a WHITE guy got arrested.
Moving ahead (but not far)...the Chicago Police Department got a new recruit last weekend. He showed up in uniform Saturday afternoon and was assigned to a partner and a squad car. But he WAS ONLY 14 YEARS OLD! Yup, totally faking the cop thing. He just really wanted to be a cop. Worse yet, it took his new partner FIVE HOURS to realize he was not an officer because his uniform was missing a star that's on every officer's uniform. Way to go, Columbo! Remember kids, if you're going to murder someone in Chicago, make sure you put on that "I'm Not The Killer" shirt before police get to the scene.
Finally today...shit, I can't even write this any better. Just take a look at what happened in New Zealand:
Like music? Jay-Z and Radiohead are teaming up (shit you not) for an album similar to what Beyonce's husband did with Linkin Park. Check out the riffs at www.jaydiohead.com
Peace.
-B-
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Change, Creativity and Creepy Hairstyles
The new era has officially begun. Barack Obama is the new President of the United States. I wonder if we'll start referring to him as "O." I don't know if there's been a LOT of change in the past four days, but I DO know that three major media outlets (two of them being the Associated Press and Reuters) are already pissed off at the big "O" because their news photographers were kept out of the Oval Office on the first day of the new presidency. Instead, the White House press office issued photos of Obama hard at work in the office. But the news outlets complain every other president let them in to take pictures and it's not like they're trying to take pictures of his private quarters or anything like that. Personally, I think they just wanted to be the first people to say they took a picture of the president's "O" face.
From O to Blag-O, Illinois Governor (for now) Rod Blagojevich heads to trial next week on accusations of fraud and corruption. He still contends he did nothing wrong, though there are phone tap recordings of Blagojevich trying to sell off President Obama's senate seat to the highest bidder. He also used a lot of...um...COLORFUL language. Blagojevich says he would have kept the language cleaner if he knew the government was listening in on his phone calls. WHAT? That defense makes about as much sense as him showing up to defend himself on a ridiculous TV show like "The View"...WHAT??? HE IS??? Yeah, apparently he's trying to book himself on Good Morning America and "The View" Monday morning. Let me tell you, I L-O-A-T-H-E Elisabeth Hasselbeck, but I hope she gets her conservative claws into his bleeping ass.
Let's wrap this up with the Oscars. Heath Ledger received a posthumous nomination for his role as The Joker in "The Dark Knight." It's the only nomination the movie got, and it's a classy move by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" got THIRTEEN noms. "Slumdog Millionaire" was also honored nine nominations, which is the first time I can recall that many nominations for a bollywood-style film. So, congratulations to the ORIGINAL films at the box office, as well as those films based on LITERARY WORKS. (For those of you not keeping track, "Benjamin Button" was a story written by "Great Gatsby" author F. Scott Fitzgerald) You'll note the absence of movies like "Halloween" and "Saw 5" from the nomination list. Hollywood has been obsessed with remakes and sequels for YEARS, and this year is no different. It's sad, really. Directors keep putting out trash that we've seen before, and yet we keep paying to see it. And we pass up the Oscar-nominated films. It's almost like the Oscar has become the award for the "Best Movie No One Paid To See."
Seriously, I read this week that some a-hole is doing a big-screen version of Tom and Jerry. Computer-animated cat and mouse, everything else is real. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? What is the market for that? Those of us who watched the cartoon as kids are too old now to really enjoy that (and hopefully too smart to take our own children).
So here's the bottom line...Hollywood has for years...and will continue to...put that kind of trash on the big screen. You know why? Because we pay for it. "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" was the top movie at the box office. Anyone see the trailers for that movie? Kevin James as a mall security guard who saves the day. Funny that production on the film was announced just a few months after my friend Martin pitched his TV show idea to some network execs in Vegas. It was called "Mall Police." At least one of the characters got around using a Segway. I don't want to suggest that Happy Madison ripped off his TV idea...but I'm not going to that movie.
Anyway, back to the point. Movies continue to play to the lowest common denominator. People apparently don't want to have to think at the theater. I make this plea...don't stop watching the crap movies, but for every, say, 3 crap movies you pay $10 a head to see, could you please see ONE critically-acclaimed movie? Much like a good book, you might be surprised to find something you're interested in. I suggest "Frost/Nixon." You can watch it before the upcoming remake of...wait, are you shitting me...FRIDAY THE 13TH??? Dammit.
-B-
From O to Blag-O, Illinois Governor (for now) Rod Blagojevich heads to trial next week on accusations of fraud and corruption. He still contends he did nothing wrong, though there are phone tap recordings of Blagojevich trying to sell off President Obama's senate seat to the highest bidder. He also used a lot of...um...COLORFUL language. Blagojevich says he would have kept the language cleaner if he knew the government was listening in on his phone calls. WHAT? That defense makes about as much sense as him showing up to defend himself on a ridiculous TV show like "The View"...WHAT??? HE IS??? Yeah, apparently he's trying to book himself on Good Morning America and "The View" Monday morning. Let me tell you, I L-O-A-T-H-E Elisabeth Hasselbeck, but I hope she gets her conservative claws into his bleeping ass.
Let's wrap this up with the Oscars. Heath Ledger received a posthumous nomination for his role as The Joker in "The Dark Knight." It's the only nomination the movie got, and it's a classy move by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" got THIRTEEN noms. "Slumdog Millionaire" was also honored nine nominations, which is the first time I can recall that many nominations for a bollywood-style film. So, congratulations to the ORIGINAL films at the box office, as well as those films based on LITERARY WORKS. (For those of you not keeping track, "Benjamin Button" was a story written by "Great Gatsby" author F. Scott Fitzgerald) You'll note the absence of movies like "Halloween" and "Saw 5" from the nomination list. Hollywood has been obsessed with remakes and sequels for YEARS, and this year is no different. It's sad, really. Directors keep putting out trash that we've seen before, and yet we keep paying to see it. And we pass up the Oscar-nominated films. It's almost like the Oscar has become the award for the "Best Movie No One Paid To See."
Seriously, I read this week that some a-hole is doing a big-screen version of Tom and Jerry. Computer-animated cat and mouse, everything else is real. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? What is the market for that? Those of us who watched the cartoon as kids are too old now to really enjoy that (and hopefully too smart to take our own children).
So here's the bottom line...Hollywood has for years...and will continue to...put that kind of trash on the big screen. You know why? Because we pay for it. "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" was the top movie at the box office. Anyone see the trailers for that movie? Kevin James as a mall security guard who saves the day. Funny that production on the film was announced just a few months after my friend Martin pitched his TV show idea to some network execs in Vegas. It was called "Mall Police." At least one of the characters got around using a Segway. I don't want to suggest that Happy Madison ripped off his TV idea...but I'm not going to that movie.
Anyway, back to the point. Movies continue to play to the lowest common denominator. People apparently don't want to have to think at the theater. I make this plea...don't stop watching the crap movies, but for every, say, 3 crap movies you pay $10 a head to see, could you please see ONE critically-acclaimed movie? Much like a good book, you might be surprised to find something you're interested in. I suggest "Frost/Nixon." You can watch it before the upcoming remake of...wait, are you shitting me...FRIDAY THE 13TH??? Dammit.
-B-
Friday, January 16, 2009
Is it cold in here, or is it just your shoulder?
Bust out the flaming garbage cans and throw an extra rabbit on the fire...IT'S COLD! Now, to be entirely fair, the 20-degree highs in Charlotte today are NOWHERE near the highs of 26-degrees...BELOW ZERO.. in Fargo, North Dakota. Yes, we midwesterners understand the risk when we live there. But that's just "ridiculous cold" (a couple of notches past "stupid cold" and "what the fuck was I thinking coming out here without any pants on cold"). And it's worse in spots where there's snow. My friends and family in Chicago were battening down the hatches for some flurries, but they never came. Still, the city was prepared:
It's funny, my co-worker (NOT a Chicago-phile) thinks the Sears Tower and Hancock Building look like the World Trade Center towers and thought it might be in bad taste. I tried to assure her the Twin Towers were NOT brought down by an evil, giant snowman...but she was having none of it.
Speaking of the Twin Towers, I watched a documentary called "Man on Wire" today. Pick it up (whether it be through Blockbuster, Netflix, Best Buy...or even by illegal download...it's THAT good). It's about the guy who walked a tightrope/cable strung between the towers back in 1974. It's fascinating, has some thrills, some romance. It also reminded me of the good video there is out there of the Twin Towers...NOT GETTING BLOWN TO KINGDOM COME BY A BUNCH OF DUMBASS HIJACKERS. Seriously, it seems like every Twin Towers-related documentary in the last 5 years has had something to do with the 9/11 attacks. It's nice to see something that celebrates something that happened while the World Trade Center was still standing.
And speaking of movies and the war on terror, Joe the Retar...I mean, PLUMBER...is officially "embedded" in the Gaza Strip, covering the war between Israel and Hamas. I saw a soundbite from him that suggested reporters should not be embedded in the war, that we should instead be informed about the war by those little newsreel clips shown at the beginning of movies back in the 1940s. Really? The reason some moron decided it was a good idea to send you over there (provided he wasn't trying to get you killed) is because he wanted you to give a perspective of the war that we CAN'T get from just a couple of 20-second stories on our local news channel. YOU'RE GETTING PAID to make those little newsreels seem worthless. Seriously, you don't want to plumb for your living, you don't want to report for your living, what DO you want to do??? Because, frankly, you appear to only be good at one thing, and I don't think you have the CEO/Manager credibility to be sitting around on your thumbs all day. Remember, kids, just say no to crack.
A big congrats to the Carolina Panthers for a strong season...that ended in a home playoff game last Sunday against the Arizona Cardinals. "Dear Jake Delhomme....FIVE PICKS??? REALLY??? Love, Blaine."
Speaking of playoffs, it's mid-January, which means we're about 2 months from March Madness. And it's almost time for Thinking Hard's 2nd Annual "Hottest Mess" tournament. I'm tracking some of the major players and thinking of opening it up to people outside Hollywood. But I have to take some road trips to scout possible competitors...and I hear Alaska is downright frigid this time of year.
-B-
It's funny, my co-worker (NOT a Chicago-phile) thinks the Sears Tower and Hancock Building look like the World Trade Center towers and thought it might be in bad taste. I tried to assure her the Twin Towers were NOT brought down by an evil, giant snowman...but she was having none of it.
Speaking of the Twin Towers, I watched a documentary called "Man on Wire" today. Pick it up (whether it be through Blockbuster, Netflix, Best Buy...or even by illegal download...it's THAT good). It's about the guy who walked a tightrope/cable strung between the towers back in 1974. It's fascinating, has some thrills, some romance. It also reminded me of the good video there is out there of the Twin Towers...NOT GETTING BLOWN TO KINGDOM COME BY A BUNCH OF DUMBASS HIJACKERS. Seriously, it seems like every Twin Towers-related documentary in the last 5 years has had something to do with the 9/11 attacks. It's nice to see something that celebrates something that happened while the World Trade Center was still standing.
And speaking of movies and the war on terror, Joe the Retar...I mean, PLUMBER...is officially "embedded" in the Gaza Strip, covering the war between Israel and Hamas. I saw a soundbite from him that suggested reporters should not be embedded in the war, that we should instead be informed about the war by those little newsreel clips shown at the beginning of movies back in the 1940s. Really? The reason some moron decided it was a good idea to send you over there (provided he wasn't trying to get you killed) is because he wanted you to give a perspective of the war that we CAN'T get from just a couple of 20-second stories on our local news channel. YOU'RE GETTING PAID to make those little newsreels seem worthless. Seriously, you don't want to plumb for your living, you don't want to report for your living, what DO you want to do??? Because, frankly, you appear to only be good at one thing, and I don't think you have the CEO/Manager credibility to be sitting around on your thumbs all day. Remember, kids, just say no to crack.
A big congrats to the Carolina Panthers for a strong season...that ended in a home playoff game last Sunday against the Arizona Cardinals. "Dear Jake Delhomme....FIVE PICKS??? REALLY??? Love, Blaine."
Speaking of playoffs, it's mid-January, which means we're about 2 months from March Madness. And it's almost time for Thinking Hard's 2nd Annual "Hottest Mess" tournament. I'm tracking some of the major players and thinking of opening it up to people outside Hollywood. But I have to take some road trips to scout possible competitors...and I hear Alaska is downright frigid this time of year.
-B-
Friday, January 9, 2009
Thank Goodness I Don't Deliver TV Interviews
Welcome back for the second Thinking Hard post of 2009! What do I get for that? Lint? Tinfoil? Brass farthing?
First off, you'll notice a new friend of the show. It's a blog written by that morning show producer in Chicago who went off on television snow coverage a few weeks ago (if you look in Thinking Hard's December '08 posts, you'll find the video link). If you enjoy Thinking Hard, you'll enjoy Ben's Breakfast Blog. If you don't enjoy Thinking Hard...then you probably aren't reading this. So piss off.
Also, a quick note, apparently there's a new gauge available to let people know what type of audience their online ramblings are tuned to, i.e. a college education or high school education, etc. Thinking Hard was awarded a classification of "Elementary." And let me promise you that in 2009, Thinking Hard will continue to fight hard for the exploits of mediocrity and the undereducated. After all, I've been told that two people I know (in their 20s AND 40s) had no idea that Washington, DC, was, in fact, NOT in Washington State and was instead in the District of Columbia. For such a little-known place, a lot of the nation's most important people sure do hang out there.
So, let's crack open this cold one and enjoy it. I titled this post "Thank Goodness I Don't Deliver TV Interviews" because I've seen a lot of really, REALLY bad ones this week.
Let's start with the media rampage of the juggernaut-cum-Godzilla known as Ann Coulter. She has a new book...and apparently a new "Fuck you, broadcast news" attitude. Spotted on both CBS's Early Show and NBC's Today this week, Coulter took pointed questions from respected journalists Harry Smith and Matt Lauer...and insulted them. What did you expect? An Ann Coulter interview where she's NOT combative and comes off like a total bitch? It's like going to a hockey game and NOT expecting to see guys punching each other's teeth out. Seriously, I'm a liberal and I would be willing to listen to Coulter's conservative views if she didn't seem like such an a-hole when she's doing it. Enough with the pious, "holier than thou" attitude! And if she's hoping her "attack on the media" will generate hype around her new book, consider this...I don't even remember what the book's called, and I've seen the cover now at least twice.
Also a target of Coulter's rampage is Caroline Kennedy, who's being considered to replace outgoing New York senator Hillary Rodham Beckinghamton Shropshire Checkoutmyfancymiddlename ImissedbeingpresidentbyTHISmuch Clinton. In a local TV interview in New York, Kennedy was heard at points doing what some consider "rambling", filling gaps in her sentences with a lot of "ums" and "you knows." Hey, I'm okay if Coulter wants to criticize Kennedy's lawmaking skills, but let's wait and see what happens if she's appointed. After all, I've heard PLENTY of useless ramblings from men and women who were ELECTED BY THE PEOPLE to their seats in Congress. And don't even get me STARTED on that Bush fellow...
But Caroline Kennedy isn't just drawing the barbs of Ann Coulter. No, sirree-bob, you betcha (you see where this is going). Recent grandmother and host of the new reality series "What The F*&% Am I Going To Do NOW?" Sarah Palin...wait, she's also a what...A GOVERNOR???...who would be stupid enough to elec...oh...
Anywho, Palin did a recent television interview saying that the media has been a little more forgiving in its interviews with Caroline Kennedy than they were with her. I mean, she has a good point. Kennedy's in line for a Senate seat! That's an important role! Can you imagine all the scrutiny she'd get if she was running for, say, VICE PRESIDENT??? Palin suggested it's a "class" issue. I agree...Kennedy is a member of the "upper" class; Palin is a member of the "no" class.
Palin also took shots at the "liberal journalists" who interviewed her during her stumble...er, drunken stupor...er, RUN for the Vice President's office. You might remember those "difficult" and "unfair" questions, like Katie Couric's "What magazines and newspapers do you read?" and the gripping follow-up question "Just give me a name of one of them." Palin chided Couric, saying the world does not revolve around Katie Couric. Again, I agree. Palin makes an excellent point. Katie Couric should not be treated as if she was, say, running for VICE PRESIDENT!
Palin made another point during her interview that she was defensive of any and all media coverage of her daughter's out-of-wedlock, almost-underage birth. I'm not going into that here with the exeception of two words: Tripp? REALLY?
And following "Sarah Palin's Happy TV Friends and Friends", one of her former co-stars on the comedy-tragedy that is her "career," Joe the Plumber has a new job. Get this: he's going to the Gaza region to report on the Israel-Hamas conflict for a website. Awesome. If he doesn't get shot in his first week, you can almost guarantee he'll be suggesting that Israel "put some of that Hamas on their pita chips and stop this war." He might also report the overwhelming presence of chickpeas in the Hamas ranks.
Let's slowly move away from politics and talk tech. President-elect Obama (I can't WAIT to drop that ELECT from his name...I'm so excited for him to take office, for inauguration day, I'm going to make some BARACK-COLI...it's a vegetable joke) announced this week that he's pushing for a delay in the government-mandated switch from analog television signals to digital television signals. The switch was ordered by Congress to happen next month. But apparently the government's not financially ready for the switch. This is the switch you've seen countless commercials about, talking about how you'll need a new converter box to attach to your antenna to draw in the new digital signal or your TV won't work. The government offered $20 off coupons for every American who signed up for them. But now they've run out of the coupons (and the money to support them) and are now putting people on a waiting list. But it DOES NOT mean there's a shortage of converter boxes. It just means you'll have to drop full bank for a box instead of saving 20 bucks. I thought it was funny that a lot of the people who won't be rushing out to by a brand new HDTV are the older audience members and that the signup for the coupons was on the internet...something they STILL don't understand.
Finally, a new type of television was unveiled this week at the Consumer Electronics That You Can't Afford In This Recession Unless You're A CEO Who Hasn't Been Convicted Of A Federal Crime Show (or CETYCAITRUYACWHBCOAFCS, for short). We're talkin' 3-D BABY!!! Finally, I can watch porn the way it was MEANT to be watched...expect to see the following post SEVERAL times on Craigslist:
"Brand new 3-D TELEVISION!!! Works great. $5,000 or $2,500 if you promise not to ask about the white stain on the screen."
-B-
First off, you'll notice a new friend of the show. It's a blog written by that morning show producer in Chicago who went off on television snow coverage a few weeks ago (if you look in Thinking Hard's December '08 posts, you'll find the video link). If you enjoy Thinking Hard, you'll enjoy Ben's Breakfast Blog. If you don't enjoy Thinking Hard...then you probably aren't reading this. So piss off.
Also, a quick note, apparently there's a new gauge available to let people know what type of audience their online ramblings are tuned to, i.e. a college education or high school education, etc. Thinking Hard was awarded a classification of "Elementary." And let me promise you that in 2009, Thinking Hard will continue to fight hard for the exploits of mediocrity and the undereducated. After all, I've been told that two people I know (in their 20s AND 40s) had no idea that Washington, DC, was, in fact, NOT in Washington State and was instead in the District of Columbia. For such a little-known place, a lot of the nation's most important people sure do hang out there.
So, let's crack open this cold one and enjoy it. I titled this post "Thank Goodness I Don't Deliver TV Interviews" because I've seen a lot of really, REALLY bad ones this week.
Let's start with the media rampage of the juggernaut-cum-Godzilla known as Ann Coulter. She has a new book...and apparently a new "Fuck you, broadcast news" attitude. Spotted on both CBS's Early Show and NBC's Today this week, Coulter took pointed questions from respected journalists Harry Smith and Matt Lauer...and insulted them. What did you expect? An Ann Coulter interview where she's NOT combative and comes off like a total bitch? It's like going to a hockey game and NOT expecting to see guys punching each other's teeth out. Seriously, I'm a liberal and I would be willing to listen to Coulter's conservative views if she didn't seem like such an a-hole when she's doing it. Enough with the pious, "holier than thou" attitude! And if she's hoping her "attack on the media" will generate hype around her new book, consider this...I don't even remember what the book's called, and I've seen the cover now at least twice.
Also a target of Coulter's rampage is Caroline Kennedy, who's being considered to replace outgoing New York senator Hillary Rodham Beckinghamton Shropshire Checkoutmyfancymiddlename ImissedbeingpresidentbyTHISmuch Clinton. In a local TV interview in New York, Kennedy was heard at points doing what some consider "rambling", filling gaps in her sentences with a lot of "ums" and "you knows." Hey, I'm okay if Coulter wants to criticize Kennedy's lawmaking skills, but let's wait and see what happens if she's appointed. After all, I've heard PLENTY of useless ramblings from men and women who were ELECTED BY THE PEOPLE to their seats in Congress. And don't even get me STARTED on that Bush fellow...
But Caroline Kennedy isn't just drawing the barbs of Ann Coulter. No, sirree-bob, you betcha (you see where this is going). Recent grandmother and host of the new reality series "What The F*&% Am I Going To Do NOW?" Sarah Palin...wait, she's also a what...A GOVERNOR???...who would be stupid enough to elec...oh...
Anywho, Palin did a recent television interview saying that the media has been a little more forgiving in its interviews with Caroline Kennedy than they were with her. I mean, she has a good point. Kennedy's in line for a Senate seat! That's an important role! Can you imagine all the scrutiny she'd get if she was running for, say, VICE PRESIDENT??? Palin suggested it's a "class" issue. I agree...Kennedy is a member of the "upper" class; Palin is a member of the "no" class.
Palin also took shots at the "liberal journalists" who interviewed her during her stumble...er, drunken stupor...er, RUN for the Vice President's office. You might remember those "difficult" and "unfair" questions, like Katie Couric's "What magazines and newspapers do you read?" and the gripping follow-up question "Just give me a name of one of them." Palin chided Couric, saying the world does not revolve around Katie Couric. Again, I agree. Palin makes an excellent point. Katie Couric should not be treated as if she was, say, running for VICE PRESIDENT!
Palin made another point during her interview that she was defensive of any and all media coverage of her daughter's out-of-wedlock, almost-underage birth. I'm not going into that here with the exeception of two words: Tripp? REALLY?
And following "Sarah Palin's Happy TV Friends and Friends", one of her former co-stars on the comedy-tragedy that is her "career," Joe the Plumber has a new job. Get this: he's going to the Gaza region to report on the Israel-Hamas conflict for a website. Awesome. If he doesn't get shot in his first week, you can almost guarantee he'll be suggesting that Israel "put some of that Hamas on their pita chips and stop this war." He might also report the overwhelming presence of chickpeas in the Hamas ranks.
Let's slowly move away from politics and talk tech. President-elect Obama (I can't WAIT to drop that ELECT from his name...I'm so excited for him to take office, for inauguration day, I'm going to make some BARACK-COLI...it's a vegetable joke) announced this week that he's pushing for a delay in the government-mandated switch from analog television signals to digital television signals. The switch was ordered by Congress to happen next month. But apparently the government's not financially ready for the switch. This is the switch you've seen countless commercials about, talking about how you'll need a new converter box to attach to your antenna to draw in the new digital signal or your TV won't work. The government offered $20 off coupons for every American who signed up for them. But now they've run out of the coupons (and the money to support them) and are now putting people on a waiting list. But it DOES NOT mean there's a shortage of converter boxes. It just means you'll have to drop full bank for a box instead of saving 20 bucks. I thought it was funny that a lot of the people who won't be rushing out to by a brand new HDTV are the older audience members and that the signup for the coupons was on the internet...something they STILL don't understand.
Finally, a new type of television was unveiled this week at the Consumer Electronics That You Can't Afford In This Recession Unless You're A CEO Who Hasn't Been Convicted Of A Federal Crime Show (or CETYCAITRUYACWHBCOAFCS, for short). We're talkin' 3-D BABY!!! Finally, I can watch porn the way it was MEANT to be watched...expect to see the following post SEVERAL times on Craigslist:
"Brand new 3-D TELEVISION!!! Works great. $5,000 or $2,500 if you promise not to ask about the white stain on the screen."
-B-
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