Third post in a week...I must be drunk on power. Anyway, check out this special visit by two Playboy bunnies to the WGN (in Chicago) weather screen. It turns out everything about one bunny is invisible...except her vagina:
Insert your own "dense moisture" joke here.
-B-
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
That's Right...Two Posts In A Week!
For those of you who only tune in on Sundays for the latest hard thoughts, keep scrolling down after today's installment to check out the special MID-WEEK post! It's fantastic!...or not...
I'm not even going to touch the most recent republican presidential debate this week. After cheering Texas for executing the most inmates, some people in the audience of this week's debate booed a gay soldier's question from Youtube for the candidates about the liberties of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Methinks thou dost protest TOO much. Seriously, why do people have to be a bunch of bigoted assholes? These are the same people who defend our right to invade other countries. So, basically they're saying "Let's invade another country!...but not that gay guy...we don't want him in the middle of a war...so he can survive...so he can come visit me in my closet...wait, what?"
Hey, ladies, do you know what your boyfriends/husbands hate doing, besides talking about their feelings? And listening to you complain about how you have to have children NOW before your "biological clock" runs out? It's shopping at IKEA. So the swedes did something nice for the fellas:
That's IKEA's new Manland. Guys can get dropped off while their ladies shop...and watch TV, relax on a sofa and eat a free hot dog. It saves men from asking "I have to assemble THAT?" until they get home.
For those of you who still buy books printed on paper (and not e-readers), you might know that Borders is now closed. The bookstore chain gave me many pleasant memories (and coupons for 40% off) before it up and died. But apparently there were some employees of the store that were unhappy while the business was still OPEN. Check out THIS sign posted at a Borders store by the employees:
Can you imagine what will happen when Walmart closes? "Dear shoppers, our nametags don't say 'Hey, Bitch' so please stop naming us that...especially the men...unless we ASK for it."
-B-
I'm not even going to touch the most recent republican presidential debate this week. After cheering Texas for executing the most inmates, some people in the audience of this week's debate booed a gay soldier's question from Youtube for the candidates about the liberties of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Methinks thou dost protest TOO much. Seriously, why do people have to be a bunch of bigoted assholes? These are the same people who defend our right to invade other countries. So, basically they're saying "Let's invade another country!...but not that gay guy...we don't want him in the middle of a war...so he can survive...so he can come visit me in my closet...wait, what?"
Hey, ladies, do you know what your boyfriends/husbands hate doing, besides talking about their feelings? And listening to you complain about how you have to have children NOW before your "biological clock" runs out? It's shopping at IKEA. So the swedes did something nice for the fellas:
That's IKEA's new Manland. Guys can get dropped off while their ladies shop...and watch TV, relax on a sofa and eat a free hot dog. It saves men from asking "I have to assemble THAT?" until they get home.
For those of you who still buy books printed on paper (and not e-readers), you might know that Borders is now closed. The bookstore chain gave me many pleasant memories (and coupons for 40% off) before it up and died. But apparently there were some employees of the store that were unhappy while the business was still OPEN. Check out THIS sign posted at a Borders store by the employees:
Can you imagine what will happen when Walmart closes? "Dear shoppers, our nametags don't say 'Hey, Bitch' so please stop naming us that...especially the men...unless we ASK for it."
-B-
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
It's Shit Like This That Makes Chicago Awesome
Yeah, I know, I don't normally blog during the week, but this...
...is apparently a thing. And that is FUCKING AWESOME!!!! They don't have MUCH of a webpage, but here is a link to check it out. Also on the list of Skeeball League cities...CHARLOTTE, NORTH F'N CAROLINA, HOME OF THE THINKING HARD CASTLE!!! Charlotte's webpage, incidentally, isn't very exciting. It's just an email address. Sign up now for a Thinking Hard Skeeball team...and grab those huge, hard balls.
-B-
...is apparently a thing. And that is FUCKING AWESOME!!!! They don't have MUCH of a webpage, but here is a link to check it out. Also on the list of Skeeball League cities...CHARLOTTE, NORTH F'N CAROLINA, HOME OF THE THINKING HARD CASTLE!!! Charlotte's webpage, incidentally, isn't very exciting. It's just an email address. Sign up now for a Thinking Hard Skeeball team...and grab those huge, hard balls.
-B-
Monday, September 19, 2011
Help, I've Been Kidnapped By A Member Of "Journey"
...nope, STILL don't care about the kidnapping/tryst of Michaela Salahi. I imagine I'll see her gate-crashing the Democratic National Convention here in Charlotte next year, though.
Hey, special day here at the Thinking Hard offices as I turn a year older today. Nothing reminds a guy how old he is like a co-worker in her early 20s ask "What's layaway?" That aside, I went to my very first NFL tailgate yesterday at the Panthers/Packers game. It was pretty fun, considering I don't have a vested interest in either team, nor did I have tickets to the game itself. But fun nonetheless. However, it was not my favorite moment in football this week. THIS clip of an ABC/ESPN commentator during Monday night's Dolphins/Patriots game was my favorite moment...listen closely at the 29 second mark and see if you can tell which word the censors SHOULD have caught:
But that's only my SECOND-favorite televised highlight from a sports commentator. Check out THIS clip following Saturday's "controversial" (I guess? I don't watch much boxing) title fight featuring Floyd Mayweather (who the crowd apparently does not care for very much). This is the post-match interview, and it starts a little slow, but it's TOTALLY worth the payoff at the end of the 2-and-a-half minute clip:
Oh, hey, did anyone catch that NBC's Twitter feed was hacked on the Friday before 9/11 and the hackers wrote there was a terror attack at ground zero? Let's hear it for news stations using Twitter as an ACTUAL NEWS SOURCE. Any newsmen from the 80s are sitting there shaking their heads because they remember the "good ol' days" when sources had to be confirmed and news stations had to stand by their reports. Ah, nostalgia. (PS: Fuck you, Twitter.)
All right, this is my stop. I have togo look at leaked photos of Scarlett Johansson naked go party up birthday or something like that. I would like quickly to thank all of you who read this for supporting my weekly ramblings. It is my hope that you find SOMETHING each week that entertains you. And if not, I'll brave the cease and desist order and post the Scarlett pics.
-B-
Hey, special day here at the Thinking Hard offices as I turn a year older today. Nothing reminds a guy how old he is like a co-worker in her early 20s ask "What's layaway?" That aside, I went to my very first NFL tailgate yesterday at the Panthers/Packers game. It was pretty fun, considering I don't have a vested interest in either team, nor did I have tickets to the game itself. But fun nonetheless. However, it was not my favorite moment in football this week. THIS clip of an ABC/ESPN commentator during Monday night's Dolphins/Patriots game was my favorite moment...listen closely at the 29 second mark and see if you can tell which word the censors SHOULD have caught:
But that's only my SECOND-favorite televised highlight from a sports commentator. Check out THIS clip following Saturday's "controversial" (I guess? I don't watch much boxing) title fight featuring Floyd Mayweather (who the crowd apparently does not care for very much). This is the post-match interview, and it starts a little slow, but it's TOTALLY worth the payoff at the end of the 2-and-a-half minute clip:
Oh, hey, did anyone catch that NBC's Twitter feed was hacked on the Friday before 9/11 and the hackers wrote there was a terror attack at ground zero? Let's hear it for news stations using Twitter as an ACTUAL NEWS SOURCE. Any newsmen from the 80s are sitting there shaking their heads because they remember the "good ol' days" when sources had to be confirmed and news stations had to stand by their reports. Ah, nostalgia. (PS: Fuck you, Twitter.)
All right, this is my stop. I have to
-B-
Sunday, September 11, 2011
There Was Something I Was Supposed To Remember...
Ah, yes, it's September 11th...again. And on this, the tenth anniversary of the devastating terror attacks, the media are insistent upon showing every single news story and TV program they have in the vault that has anything to do with Ground Zero. So when the media say "Never Forget," they REALLY mean "(we will) Never (let you) Forget (as long as you keep giving us big ratings every time 9/11 rolls around)." Well, in honor of 9/11, we here at Thinking Hard have a few OTHER things we don't want you to forget:
*Never forget...that even though there are almost ten different republicans vying for the White House, there are really only two that stand a chance (and the American people apparently LOVE the death penalty)...
*Never forget...that one Saturday Night Live sketch from at least ten years ago where Alec Baldwin appears as a chef (of sorts) with the last name of Schweddy (pronounced "Shweaty") on an NPR talk show talking about his famous food product, the Schweddy Balls. Funny for its time...a DECADE ago...but apparently Ben & Jerry's just got the joke because that's their new flavor of ice cream: Schweddy Balls. It has some chocolate/rum balls in the ice cream. Dear Ben & Jerry's, I have a joke that you probably haven't heard/understood yet: "Knock, knock..."
*Never forget...that spiders are no joking matter:
(Right, Holly?)
*Finally, never forget...that the assholes who decide they want to start a holy war in other countries are just assholes that represent a small group of assholes in an otherwise HUGE world of people. Don't take out the acts of a few dicks on an entire population of people who follow one religion. Remember, Americans are probably viewed as a bunch of dicks who invade countries (like Afghanistan and Iraq...where Bin Laden was NOT hiding), but only a PART of our population agreed with the military insurgence in those countries. Can't we all just get along?
-B-
*Never forget...that even though there are almost ten different republicans vying for the White House, there are really only two that stand a chance (and the American people apparently LOVE the death penalty)...
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Indecision 2012 - The Great Right Hope | ||||
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*Never forget...that one Saturday Night Live sketch from at least ten years ago where Alec Baldwin appears as a chef (of sorts) with the last name of Schweddy (pronounced "Shweaty") on an NPR talk show talking about his famous food product, the Schweddy Balls. Funny for its time...a DECADE ago...but apparently Ben & Jerry's just got the joke because that's their new flavor of ice cream: Schweddy Balls. It has some chocolate/rum balls in the ice cream. Dear Ben & Jerry's, I have a joke that you probably haven't heard/understood yet: "Knock, knock..."
*Never forget...that spiders are no joking matter:
(Right, Holly?)
*Finally, never forget...that the assholes who decide they want to start a holy war in other countries are just assholes that represent a small group of assholes in an otherwise HUGE world of people. Don't take out the acts of a few dicks on an entire population of people who follow one religion. Remember, Americans are probably viewed as a bunch of dicks who invade countries (like Afghanistan and Iraq...where Bin Laden was NOT hiding), but only a PART of our population agreed with the military insurgence in those countries. Can't we all just get along?
-B-
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Rocked Me Like A Hurricane
So, Irene DID cause some death and destruction last weekend...I guess now I have to apologize to her. I'm sorry, Irene. But thank you...for beautiful TV moments like THIS reporter, who thought SEWER foam was SEA foam. Tip: don't be eating anything while you watch this clip:
(Update: city officials say that this sea foam is actually sea foam...without sewage. *sigh* At least it gave me a laugh for about four days.)
But there's a much BIGGER media storm brewing. It's called the "Comedy Central Roast." Oh, wait until they get a load of THIS year's roastee: Charlie Sheen. Yes, you read that right. The kids over at Comedy Central are going to roast Charlie Sheen. In what's usually a no-holds-barred session of bashing of the guest of honor, it should prove to be entertaining up until the point when Sheen gets HIS turn on the microphone...and then it'll just get BSC (I'm bringing it back, kids...Bat Shit Crazy). But what's perhaps the MOST insane move is one of the roasters. MIKE F'N TYSON will be roasting Charlie Sheen! What is Comedy Central thinking??? Do they not recall when The Situation bombed HORRIBLY during the Donald Trump roast??? (I posted that clip a few months ago here on the blog...go searching for it) And as one media agency reported, you have a wife-beater/rapist roasting a hooker-beater/drug addict. So, you know, there's that.
I'm currently chilling in Chicago with the fam, but we'll be back from our On Location shoot for next week's blog. And hopefully, I won't be flying back to Charlotte on "Abstinence Air." Seriously, it's like the people that board that flight saw Oprah outside the terminal shouting "You get a screaming kid! You get a screaming kid! And YOU get a screaming kid! EVERYBODY gets a screaming kid!!" Ugh.
-B-
Reporter Gives Update Covered In Sea Foam: MyFoxNY.com
(Update: city officials say that this sea foam is actually sea foam...without sewage. *sigh* At least it gave me a laugh for about four days.)
But there's a much BIGGER media storm brewing. It's called the "Comedy Central Roast." Oh, wait until they get a load of THIS year's roastee: Charlie Sheen. Yes, you read that right. The kids over at Comedy Central are going to roast Charlie Sheen. In what's usually a no-holds-barred session of bashing of the guest of honor, it should prove to be entertaining up until the point when Sheen gets HIS turn on the microphone...and then it'll just get BSC (I'm bringing it back, kids...Bat Shit Crazy). But what's perhaps the MOST insane move is one of the roasters. MIKE F'N TYSON will be roasting Charlie Sheen! What is Comedy Central thinking??? Do they not recall when The Situation bombed HORRIBLY during the Donald Trump roast??? (I posted that clip a few months ago here on the blog...go searching for it) And as one media agency reported, you have a wife-beater/rapist roasting a hooker-beater/drug addict. So, you know, there's that.
I'm currently chilling in Chicago with the fam, but we'll be back from our On Location shoot for next week's blog. And hopefully, I won't be flying back to Charlotte on "Abstinence Air." Seriously, it's like the people that board that flight saw Oprah outside the terminal shouting "You get a screaming kid! You get a screaming kid! And YOU get a screaming kid! EVERYBODY gets a screaming kid!!" Ugh.
-B-
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