Greetings and welcome to the post-holiday hangover here at Thinking Hard. We've all been hitting the egg nog pretty heavily after trips to visit family and friends for Christmas. Three of us have decided to take up recreational alcoholism to survive NEXT Christmas.
Well, for those of you who DON'T have a window or don't live on the eastern seaboard, the east coast of the US got SLAMMED with snow, making for a white Christmas in many spots (how sweet)...and making for many, MANY stranded travelers throughout (not quite as sweet). Seriously, I got home yesterday to North Carolina from Chicago and I barely recognized the place. Now the snow's over and all the melting can begin...and refreezing...and melting...and refreezing...ah, I love winter, especially in a state that's apparently not equipped to handle it.
My baggage from my flight home yesterday? Still MIA. The delivery service was supposed to call me last night between 6:30 and 10:30 to schedule a drop-off time. I went to bed at 11:15 because I got tired of waiting. It's now 8am the next day. Still no call. United customer service last night (most likely stationed somewhere in Dubai) told me the company had my bag and they were just working on getting it to me. She was very helpful...until she asked me how I would rate her service in the survey to follow the conversation. Okay, I understand wanting to track your own progress in dealing with customers, I get that. But you do NOT ask what someone is going to put into an anonymous survey! If I'd bothered to stick around for the survey, I'd have docked her a point just for that. That's like walking into a news station with a gun and asking to talk to a reporter. Yeah, they'll get RIGHT on that. Speaking of...
So usually all the crazy shit happens when I'm overworked during the holidays and my BOSS is out of town. But this time around, I was out and my boss was on duty when a woman walked into our building last week, showed security a gun (which turned out not to be loaded) and asked to speak to our consumer reporter by name. I've dealt with some of these people by phone...some nice, some just giant pains in the ass who can't make a simple phone call but want our reporter to do it for them. My heart goes out to these people who feel wronged by a big-time company (as I sit here waiting for my baggage to arrive), it really does. But I'm going to go through the United as long as I can WITHOUT DROPPING F-BOMBS ON THE PHONE (customer service tip: they will hang up on you if you drop an f-bomb on the phone), then I'll just have them pay me for what was in my luggage and be done with it. Voila. No need to get the big, bad TV involved...and no need to call and be a pain in the ass for a producer who's just trying to do his damn job. And the aforementioned armed lady could have made a couple of extra bucks by PAWNING THAT DAMN GUN!!! Oh, a TV station WILL take you seriously if you show up with a gun...so will the SWAT team that arrives shortly after. Really, people???
You know what will make me feel better? Videos. Here's some holiday cheer from SNL...and a special guest in the monologue who REALLY wanted to be there. You might remember him from Thinking Hard a few weeks ago:
Nope, that didn't do it. Maybe I need something a little more hardcore:
Hm...nope, not what I'm looking for. Perhaps a little Akon?:
Nah, that's really just "Dick in a Box"...literally. OH! I'VE GOT IT!!!!
Reminds me of watching "Cats & Dogs: The Hunt For Kitty Galore" while at home on vacation...with two pugs. If you ever want to drive two dogs (and EVERY PERSON WATCHING) crazy, just do that. Strange...they had the same reaction to seeing Sarah Palin on TV. How odd.
-B-
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
A Quick Shout From The Land Of "Dang!" Root Beer
No joke...I have found Dang! Root Beer in the midwest on my Christmas vacation. I'll remember this the next time I make fun of the country folk in the south. Maybe.
Hey, we here at Thinking Hard would like to welcome the holiday gift of Noah Hartsell into the world. James, we're sending you earplugs and whiskey. Is it too much to hope that Noah's Christmastime arrival means he's a child of immaculate conception?
So I don't have much time since I'm on vaca, but a quick note that the Senate and House both voted to repeal the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the military. Yes, I'll trade more tax cuts for the rich and less money for the already starving schools of America to allow gays in the military. Much as I appreciate Obama's imitation of Howie Mandel (I keep waiting for him to say "John Boehner...deal...or no deal?"), I really hope the deal pays off better in the long run than it looks on paper.
All right, that's enough rambling for now. I have to go deal with family. First, I need to find some Four Loko.
-B-
Hey, we here at Thinking Hard would like to welcome the holiday gift of Noah Hartsell into the world. James, we're sending you earplugs and whiskey. Is it too much to hope that Noah's Christmastime arrival means he's a child of immaculate conception?
So I don't have much time since I'm on vaca, but a quick note that the Senate and House both voted to repeal the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the military. Yes, I'll trade more tax cuts for the rich and less money for the already starving schools of America to allow gays in the military. Much as I appreciate Obama's imitation of Howie Mandel (I keep waiting for him to say "John Boehner...deal...or no deal?"), I really hope the deal pays off better in the long run than it looks on paper.
All right, that's enough rambling for now. I have to go deal with family. First, I need to find some Four Loko.
-B-
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Happy Third Anniversary!
Welcome, readers, to the third anniversary of the birth of the brainchild that is Thinking Hard! Did you send us a card? Yes, it's true. December 12, 2007, Andy and Blaine welcomed you into the home of Thinking Hard and politely asked to keep your feet off the table...MOST of you have been courteous enough to do that. Others, not so much (Sarah Palin, I'm looking in your general direction of Alaska/Russia). Anyway, in honor of our third anniversary, Intern Melissa ran in the inaugural "Thinking Hard's Running For A Cause Or A Cure Or Something Like That" Half-Marathon yesterday...wait, no, I'm being told that the race just happened to be scheduled this weekend and has nothing to do with Thinking Hard whatsoever. Man, we REALLY need to get our PR department ON that. Anyway, congrats to Melissa for rocking an amazing time of 2:04:17! Seriously, 13.1 miles in TWO MINUTES! That's FANTAST...oh, wait, sorry, I'm being told that's two hours, not minutes. But still, way to kick ass, Melissa!
Let me start today with an issue I addressed last week...federal tax cuts. So, after Congress decided not to go with extending Bush-era tax cuts last weekend, President Obama, Leader of the Free World, went to it to negotiate a deal with the GOP. And it's been quite a while since I've seen someone CAVE ON AN ISSUE SO EASILY! Seriously, Mr. President? Your argument for working out a deal to extend the tax cuts for everyone, INCLUDING WEALTHY SENATORS, is kind of a "Well, I'll agree to it, but House Speaker John Boehner and the other members of the GOP will eventually have to own up to their mistake." I like the IDEA of the justification, Mr. Obama. I LIKE the idea of telling the GOP they can fuck up anything they like, but come election time, they'll have to pay for it. However, you seem to have forgotten something: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE BLAME YOU FOR EVERYTHING! In two years, when Sarah Palin has stupidly been selected to run against you for the White House, the voters won't say "Oh, that's right, we're in a federal deficit because the GOP decided to keep spending and Mr. Obama TRIED to tell them, but eventually decided it would be a good life lesson for the GOP and, ultimately, us if the republicans were allowed to make mistakes and realize they're not perfect. I'll re-elect Obama because he's like a responsible father for the nation." No. They're going to say "Obama fucked it up!"...and in South Carolina and Texas, they'll add "Because he's black." President Obama spoke later and said "We don't negotiate with hostage-takers (referring to the GOP)...unless there's a threat of violence against the hostages (referring to the American people)." Um...wait, what??? And in other news, we DO negotiate with terrorists. Ridiculous!
*sigh* Okay, in other sad news this week, John Edwards finally killed Elizabeth Edwards. Sure he didn't do it DIRECTLY, but we all know it was the shock of seeing who it was he cheated on her with. But I have to say, I think the Associated Press tried a little too hard to bring up the bad blood on their national wires this week:
I'm pretty sure Rielle Hunter was reclining in SEVERAL of those GQ pictures. Couldn't have held off on that particular feature story for a day or two, Associated Press?
Do you text? Then I'm sure at one point or another, the auto-correct function on your phone has hosed you. You try to type "I'm hungry for a meal" and the phone mistakenly writes "I'm hungry for a male." Hilarity ensues. Well, there's a blog dedicated to these mishaps called damnyouautocorrect.com. Consider it an IMMEDIATE friend of the show.
Speaking of social networking, a new study came out recently on the number of people who use the much-maligned-by-Thinking-Hard network Twitter. The Pew Research Center found that 6% of all Americans use Twitter. In the battle of the sexes, 10% of women use Twitter, while only 7% of men do, thus proving that women think their lives are so important that other people MUST know about them. Of the races, 18% of Twitter users are hispanic, 13% black and only 5% white. And 0.0001% of those users is a TV anchor who writes every other Twitter message starting with "OH MY GWAD, YOU GUYS! WHY DON'T YOU LIKE AVATAH???"
And in other obnoxious phenomena, did you know there's a new game on the iPod/iPad based on the classic 80s cartoon "The Smurfs"? For those of you who don't remember, The Smurfs was a show about slavery, where a king of this race of little blue people (who, with perverse joy, demanded the others call him "Papa") forced his minions to work all day collecting valuable "smurfberries," while he started his own harem with the only woman of the people. They even had a "language" of sorts, though, how can you really consider it a language when the word "smurf" is used in lieu of about 90% of the english language. Anyway, there's a new game on the iPod/iPad about the lives of these slaves. It doesn't cost anything to PLAY, but you CAN buy in-game items to help make the game go faster. Which makes it a GREAT idea to hand to a 5-year-old child who knows nothing about the current rate of exchange. Well, how bad can these items really be? Let's see...a wheelbarrow...SIXTY BUCKS???? FOR A WHEELBARROW?? IN A VIDEO GAME??? What mothersmurfer thought THAT was a good idea????
Anyway, thanks for joining me for this third anniversary post. I'm heading home for the holidays this week, but I'll try to drop a blog or two while I'm there. For anyone who won't be checking in for a while, from all of us (me) at Thinking Hard, have a very blessed and joyous holiday season.
-B-
Let me start today with an issue I addressed last week...federal tax cuts. So, after Congress decided not to go with extending Bush-era tax cuts last weekend, President Obama, Leader of the Free World, went to it to negotiate a deal with the GOP. And it's been quite a while since I've seen someone CAVE ON AN ISSUE SO EASILY! Seriously, Mr. President? Your argument for working out a deal to extend the tax cuts for everyone, INCLUDING WEALTHY SENATORS, is kind of a "Well, I'll agree to it, but House Speaker John Boehner and the other members of the GOP will eventually have to own up to their mistake." I like the IDEA of the justification, Mr. Obama. I LIKE the idea of telling the GOP they can fuck up anything they like, but come election time, they'll have to pay for it. However, you seem to have forgotten something: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE BLAME YOU FOR EVERYTHING! In two years, when Sarah Palin has stupidly been selected to run against you for the White House, the voters won't say "Oh, that's right, we're in a federal deficit because the GOP decided to keep spending and Mr. Obama TRIED to tell them, but eventually decided it would be a good life lesson for the GOP and, ultimately, us if the republicans were allowed to make mistakes and realize they're not perfect. I'll re-elect Obama because he's like a responsible father for the nation." No. They're going to say "Obama fucked it up!"...and in South Carolina and Texas, they'll add "Because he's black." President Obama spoke later and said "We don't negotiate with hostage-takers (referring to the GOP)...unless there's a threat of violence against the hostages (referring to the American people)." Um...wait, what??? And in other news, we DO negotiate with terrorists. Ridiculous!
*sigh* Okay, in other sad news this week, John Edwards finally killed Elizabeth Edwards. Sure he didn't do it DIRECTLY, but we all know it was the shock of seeing who it was he cheated on her with. But I have to say, I think the Associated Press tried a little too hard to bring up the bad blood on their national wires this week:
I'm pretty sure Rielle Hunter was reclining in SEVERAL of those GQ pictures. Couldn't have held off on that particular feature story for a day or two, Associated Press?
Do you text? Then I'm sure at one point or another, the auto-correct function on your phone has hosed you. You try to type "I'm hungry for a meal" and the phone mistakenly writes "I'm hungry for a male." Hilarity ensues. Well, there's a blog dedicated to these mishaps called damnyouautocorrect.com. Consider it an IMMEDIATE friend of the show.
Speaking of social networking, a new study came out recently on the number of people who use the much-maligned-by-Thinking-Hard network Twitter. The Pew Research Center found that 6% of all Americans use Twitter. In the battle of the sexes, 10% of women use Twitter, while only 7% of men do, thus proving that women think their lives are so important that other people MUST know about them. Of the races, 18% of Twitter users are hispanic, 13% black and only 5% white. And 0.0001% of those users is a TV anchor who writes every other Twitter message starting with "OH MY GWAD, YOU GUYS! WHY DON'T YOU LIKE AVATAH???"
And in other obnoxious phenomena, did you know there's a new game on the iPod/iPad based on the classic 80s cartoon "The Smurfs"? For those of you who don't remember, The Smurfs was a show about slavery, where a king of this race of little blue people (who, with perverse joy, demanded the others call him "Papa") forced his minions to work all day collecting valuable "smurfberries," while he started his own harem with the only woman of the people. They even had a "language" of sorts, though, how can you really consider it a language when the word "smurf" is used in lieu of about 90% of the english language. Anyway, there's a new game on the iPod/iPad about the lives of these slaves. It doesn't cost anything to PLAY, but you CAN buy in-game items to help make the game go faster. Which makes it a GREAT idea to hand to a 5-year-old child who knows nothing about the current rate of exchange. Well, how bad can these items really be? Let's see...a wheelbarrow...SIXTY BUCKS???? FOR A WHEELBARROW?? IN A VIDEO GAME??? What mothersmurfer thought THAT was a good idea????
Anyway, thanks for joining me for this third anniversary post. I'm heading home for the holidays this week, but I'll try to drop a blog or two while I'm there. For anyone who won't be checking in for a while, from all of us (me) at Thinking Hard, have a very blessed and joyous holiday season.
-B-
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Wikileaks Called...They Won't Post My Blog Because It's Too Embarrassing
Hey, do you like paying more taxes? No? Congress says: too bad. After the House of Representatives approved a bill to extend the Bush-era tax cuts for the low- and middle-class, but not the wealthy (yes, Mr. Wickersham, $250k IS considered "wealthy"...even if it's you), the Senate voted on the bill Saturday and denied it. That's despite support from 53 democrats. Look, republicans, can we have a chat?...SERIOUSLY??? You want to fuck Americans because YOU don't want to have to pay taxes on all that lobbying money you're getting in office??? Look, I knew you were corrupt and evil and greedy bastards, but even THIS is pushing it! And that just COMPOUNDS the bad news for the nation, considering the latest unemployment numbers show the highest national rate of unemployment in SEVEN MONTHS! Hey, Johnny No-Job...happy fucking holidays! Hope you didn't put any of your family's presents on that credit card because the job market just punched you in the face...and Congress kicked you in the dick while you were down! I'll be avoiding the Sunday morning news shows because all republicans are going to say is "Obama isn't doing what's right for America." Hey, republicans, you want to ingratiate yourselves with voters before your anticipated upheaval of the White House in 2012? Start by HELPING OUT THE VOTERS! I understand wanting to throw your weight around since you haven't been in control of any part of Congress for a few years, but THIS ISSUE?? REALLY??? Why not pick another issue? Like what John McCain is working on. In fact, with all the problems in Washington, let's see what life WOULD have been like if voters had picked the OTHER guy for president:
Well, at least Palin knows how to whore herself out...and passed along that genetic trait to her daughter. Say, while we're talking about people who REALLY need to stop tweeting (Melissa, I'm glancing in YOUR direction), you all remember Kanye West, right? He's that performance artist who claims to be a singer, but just babbles things incoherently at the most inopportune times. Kinda like a black Borat. Well, he's CLEARLY not going to stay off Twitter. Fortunately, SOMEONE found a way for us to enjoy his tweets...
Just head to babelgum.com to check out more of the adorable tweets. While YOUR tweets will probably never be reenacted by children, there IS something unique you CAN do with your tweets. If you send your tweet to @TalayRobot the tweet will be sent to a robotic arm at Sony Music's London studio. An HD camera will record the arm doing its thing and a soundtrack will be added...then the tweet will be sent back to you! Looks a little something like this:
While we're on the topic of social networking, word came out this week there's a show in development based on the more recent social network, foursquare. Yes, FOURSQUARE is getting a TV show!!! Again I ask: WHERE IS THINKING HARD'S SHOW????
Finally, I received word this week that former "Walker, Texas Ranger" star Chuck Norris was made an HONORARY Texas Ranger this week! (Seriously, Texas? Too much time on your hands?) Bad guys, beware! I learned from the internets that Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour. (also, if you're looking for that perfect holiday gift, www.chucknorrisfacts.com will put a Chuck Norris fact on a t-shirt and sell it to you...I wonder if I can get one with a Sarah Palin tweet on it)
-B-
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Gaypocalypse Now | ||||
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| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| America's Tweetheart | ||||
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Well, at least Palin knows how to whore herself out...and passed along that genetic trait to her daughter. Say, while we're talking about people who REALLY need to stop tweeting (Melissa, I'm glancing in YOUR direction), you all remember Kanye West, right? He's that performance artist who claims to be a singer, but just babbles things incoherently at the most inopportune times. Kinda like a black Borat. Well, he's CLEARLY not going to stay off Twitter. Fortunately, SOMEONE found a way for us to enjoy his tweets...
Just head to babelgum.com to check out more of the adorable tweets. While YOUR tweets will probably never be reenacted by children, there IS something unique you CAN do with your tweets. If you send your tweet to @TalayRobot the tweet will be sent to a robotic arm at Sony Music's London studio. An HD camera will record the arm doing its thing and a soundtrack will be added...then the tweet will be sent back to you! Looks a little something like this:
While we're on the topic of social networking, word came out this week there's a show in development based on the more recent social network, foursquare. Yes, FOURSQUARE is getting a TV show!!! Again I ask: WHERE IS THINKING HARD'S SHOW????
Finally, I received word this week that former "Walker, Texas Ranger" star Chuck Norris was made an HONORARY Texas Ranger this week! (Seriously, Texas? Too much time on your hands?) Bad guys, beware! I learned from the internets that Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour. (also, if you're looking for that perfect holiday gift, www.chucknorrisfacts.com will put a Chuck Norris fact on a t-shirt and sell it to you...I wonder if I can get one with a Sarah Palin tweet on it)
-B-
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Black Friday Deals On Sarah Palin Jokes
I'd like to start this week's installment of Thinking Hard by saying I SURVIVED BLACK FRIDAY! At 10am Friday, I went to a Target, a Best Buy, another store and a Starbucks and finished all of my shopping by 11:15am. Seriously, the longest line I stood in had only about 5 people for 3 cashiers. I didn't even have to get trampled for my trouble. I think some crazy people enjoy the rush of shopping at 3 or 4 in the morning...when you can find the same deals at 10am. More power to you, but I don't want to have to wear a protective cup to avoid serious injury in the throng of shoppers.
So, big week for the Palin family. America FINALLY came to its senses and voted Bristol off "Dancing with the Stars," giving Dirty Dancer Jennifer Grey the win. Sarah's had a busy week too. She talked to Sean Hannity on Fox "News" about whether she'd do another interview with "Gotcha Journalist" Katie Couric. Her response (keep in mind she's talking to SEAN HANNITY of FOX NEWS):
“As for doing an interview, though, with a reporter who already has such a bias against whatever it is that I would come out and say? Why waste my time? No. I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree. I studied journalism, who, what, where, when, and why of reporting. I will speak to reporters who still understand that cornerstone of our democracy, that expectation that the public has for truth to be reported. And then we get to decide our own opinion based on the facts reported to us. So a journalist, a reporter who is so biased and will, no doubt, spin and gin up whatever it is that I have to say to create controversy, I swear to you, I will not my waste my time with her. Or him."
"Spin and gin up?" Anyway, I guess I can appreciate the point by Mrs. Palin as she's speaking to SEAN HANNITY of FOX NEWS about journalists not spinning the facts and just presenting the information. And I can understand Sarah's concern about Katie Couric's bias...Couric, while speaking to a VICE-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, believed said candidate would be well informed of world events and at least know the name of ONE WEEKLY NEWS MAGAZINE. Personally, I'm offended by Couric's lack of integrity and ethics and am going to write a stern letter to...that one magazine...with the, y'know, the writers and the pictures...they did a story recently on Iran or Iraq or Afghanistan, didn't they?...
Sarah showed how CLEARLY in the know she is on Glenn Beck's radio show this week. After a show of military force in North and South Korea, Palin offered HER opinion on the events:
Now, I'll be totally fair to Sarah here...she clearly just mis-spoke when she announced the U.S. support for NORTH Korea (or she didn't know there were TWO Koreas since she can't see THEM from her backyard). However, in listening to the first 20 or so seconds of her comments, I didn't get the sense that she had ANY idea what Beck was talking about. It kinda just sounded like "Let's support South Korea in whatever they do...even if it involves murdering children."
Palin was also a topic of discussion on "Larry King Live" without even having to be a guest. In fact, former President George H. W. Bush ("Thousand Points of Light" Bush, not "nu-cue-lar weapons" Bush) and his grandmo- er, I mean WIFE, Barbara Bush, were asked their opinion of the former VP candidate. Babs said it best:
"I sat next to her once. Thought she was beautiful. And she's very happy in Alaska, and I hope she'll stay there."
While Barbara was on a roll of saying what America thinks, she went on to ask George if he realized that people think she's his grandma and not his wife.
A tough week for "Sarah Palin's Alaska" on TLC...after a record-breaking premiere for the cable network, the second episode DROPPED 40% of its viewers. When asked about the drop in viewership, Palin replied, "I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of television ratings. And I have a communications degree."
Avril Lavigne did something interesting at the American Music Awards Sunday. She was describing the nominees for the alternative artist award and coined the new word "amaze-balls." Sarah Palin replied, "Oh, come ON! Why is she just making up words???"
In non-Sarah Palin news...an artist in New York is planning a new exhibit: he's had a small, flat camera implanted in the back of his head and will take still images of what's going on BEHIND him, to be put on display. In a related story, a creepy guy living near the artist had a small camera implanted in the top of his big toe and will be walking barefoot while suspiciously close to women's dressing rooms and ladies wearing skirts.
Hey, on a serious note, people who know me know I'm not always on Facebook and don't always appreciate it for what it is (though my hatred for Twitter is MUCH greater). However, I read a story this week about a brave woman who used Facebook in an emotional way. A 19-year-old woman in Argentina was at a park with her boyfriend when he started going through her text messages. He flew into a rage, accused her of betraying him and started hitting her. She reported the attack to police. She also took pictures of the injuries and posted them to Facebook saying, "Someone who claims to love you cannot do this to you. I’m uploading these pictures to give courage to other girls who have gone or are still going through what I’ve been through.” Her family didn't even know what she'd been going through. But her father, who's the president of the soccer team on which her now-ex-boyfriend played, fired the guy. Many people online have offered their support to this woman. And regardless of whether she has to see any of the strangers on Facebook face-to-face, I believe it took a lot of strength to be able to stand up in the world of social networking and say "This happened to me...and I don't want it to happen to you." The growth of social networking in the past few years has been HUGE, and quite frankly, this woman is probably reaching more people by doing this than if she limited her conversations to family and friends. It's good to see someone doing something IMPORTANT with social networks instead of offering pure drivel...like this blog. And this rather UNUSUAL push for a new guest host of Saturday Night Live:
To be fair, he can't be any worse than Scarlett Johansson. Man, that guy was terrible. Wait, what?...NOT a dude?...
-B-
So, big week for the Palin family. America FINALLY came to its senses and voted Bristol off "Dancing with the Stars," giving Dirty Dancer Jennifer Grey the win. Sarah's had a busy week too. She talked to Sean Hannity on Fox "News" about whether she'd do another interview with "Gotcha Journalist" Katie Couric. Her response (keep in mind she's talking to SEAN HANNITY of FOX NEWS):
“As for doing an interview, though, with a reporter who already has such a bias against whatever it is that I would come out and say? Why waste my time? No. I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree. I studied journalism, who, what, where, when, and why of reporting. I will speak to reporters who still understand that cornerstone of our democracy, that expectation that the public has for truth to be reported. And then we get to decide our own opinion based on the facts reported to us. So a journalist, a reporter who is so biased and will, no doubt, spin and gin up whatever it is that I have to say to create controversy, I swear to you, I will not my waste my time with her. Or him."
"Spin and gin up?" Anyway, I guess I can appreciate the point by Mrs. Palin as she's speaking to SEAN HANNITY of FOX NEWS about journalists not spinning the facts and just presenting the information. And I can understand Sarah's concern about Katie Couric's bias...Couric, while speaking to a VICE-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, believed said candidate would be well informed of world events and at least know the name of ONE WEEKLY NEWS MAGAZINE. Personally, I'm offended by Couric's lack of integrity and ethics and am going to write a stern letter to...that one magazine...with the, y'know, the writers and the pictures...they did a story recently on Iran or Iraq or Afghanistan, didn't they?...
Sarah showed how CLEARLY in the know she is on Glenn Beck's radio show this week. After a show of military force in North and South Korea, Palin offered HER opinion on the events:
Now, I'll be totally fair to Sarah here...she clearly just mis-spoke when she announced the U.S. support for NORTH Korea (or she didn't know there were TWO Koreas since she can't see THEM from her backyard). However, in listening to the first 20 or so seconds of her comments, I didn't get the sense that she had ANY idea what Beck was talking about. It kinda just sounded like "Let's support South Korea in whatever they do...even if it involves murdering children."
Palin was also a topic of discussion on "Larry King Live" without even having to be a guest. In fact, former President George H. W. Bush ("Thousand Points of Light" Bush, not "nu-cue-lar weapons" Bush) and his grandmo- er, I mean WIFE, Barbara Bush, were asked their opinion of the former VP candidate. Babs said it best:
"I sat next to her once. Thought she was beautiful. And she's very happy in Alaska, and I hope she'll stay there."
While Barbara was on a roll of saying what America thinks, she went on to ask George if he realized that people think she's his grandma and not his wife.
A tough week for "Sarah Palin's Alaska" on TLC...after a record-breaking premiere for the cable network, the second episode DROPPED 40% of its viewers. When asked about the drop in viewership, Palin replied, "I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of television ratings. And I have a communications degree."
Avril Lavigne did something interesting at the American Music Awards Sunday. She was describing the nominees for the alternative artist award and coined the new word "amaze-balls." Sarah Palin replied, "Oh, come ON! Why is she just making up words???"
In non-Sarah Palin news...an artist in New York is planning a new exhibit: he's had a small, flat camera implanted in the back of his head and will take still images of what's going on BEHIND him, to be put on display. In a related story, a creepy guy living near the artist had a small camera implanted in the top of his big toe and will be walking barefoot while suspiciously close to women's dressing rooms and ladies wearing skirts.
Hey, on a serious note, people who know me know I'm not always on Facebook and don't always appreciate it for what it is (though my hatred for Twitter is MUCH greater). However, I read a story this week about a brave woman who used Facebook in an emotional way. A 19-year-old woman in Argentina was at a park with her boyfriend when he started going through her text messages. He flew into a rage, accused her of betraying him and started hitting her. She reported the attack to police. She also took pictures of the injuries and posted them to Facebook saying, "Someone who claims to love you cannot do this to you. I’m uploading these pictures to give courage to other girls who have gone or are still going through what I’ve been through.” Her family didn't even know what she'd been going through. But her father, who's the president of the soccer team on which her now-ex-boyfriend played, fired the guy. Many people online have offered their support to this woman. And regardless of whether she has to see any of the strangers on Facebook face-to-face, I believe it took a lot of strength to be able to stand up in the world of social networking and say "This happened to me...and I don't want it to happen to you." The growth of social networking in the past few years has been HUGE, and quite frankly, this woman is probably reaching more people by doing this than if she limited her conversations to family and friends. It's good to see someone doing something IMPORTANT with social networks instead of offering pure drivel...like this blog. And this rather UNUSUAL push for a new guest host of Saturday Night Live:
To be fair, he can't be any worse than Scarlett Johansson. Man, that guy was terrible. Wait, what?...NOT a dude?...
-B-
Sunday, November 21, 2010
If You Touch My Junk, I'll Have You Arrested
Hey, you know what, Johnny Antiestablishment? You have one of three options: walk through the body scanner, get a patdown, or DON'T FUCKING FLY, YOU MORON! Personally, I'd prefer you take Option 3...because it means I'll get MY patdown sooner. In a line I wish I'd come up with this week, I wonder if TSA will start charging people who want a patdown a "baggage handling fee." Seriously, if you assholes complaining about the patdowns and body scanners (that are, mind you, in place to prevent ANOTHER 9/11 attack) have a BETTER idea that doesn't start with "just let" and end with "us through," the TSA's website is www.tsa.gov. I'm sure they'd love to hear your brilliant idea.
On another note of how americans just don't have a clue, Bristol Palin made it to the finals of "Dancing with the Stars." So, for those of you who haven't been watching this season, the finals are the chick from "Dirty Dancing," a chunky black kid whose claim to fame is being a chunky black kid on Disney Channel programming... and a chick who REALLY should have just said "No" to Levi...the daughter of a woman that the world should just say "No" to.
Speaking of Sarah Palin, her TLC reality show scored record premiere ratings for the network last week (Kate Gosselin's gonna be PIIIIISSSSSSSSED). And she told Barbara Walters she believed she could beat President Obama in 2012, which caused Walters' head to explode. Also, Ms. "Fox News, would you mind funding my 2012 presidential campaign" Palin received what I can only assume are accolades for her CREATIVE (read: awful, just plain awful) use of the English language:
Thanks, Oxford Dictionary for a notoriously bad idea: encouraging stupid people to expand the English language. And believe me, I know a lot about notoriously bad ideas. I keep having them. But nowhere NEAR as bad as the idea NBA star Tony Parker had: he's rumored to have slept with the wife of a former teammate. Don't remember Tony Parker? Here's a refresher: he married Eva Longoria. Now they're getting a divorce. And now, an open letter from Thinking Hard to Tony Parker:
Dear Tony,
REALLY?!
Love, Blaine
PS: Since you're great at having bad ideas, can you please send me your soon-to-be-ex-wife's phone number?
Hey, I went to see "Morning Glory" yesterday. Entertaining movie. I'm a big Rachel McAdams fan (read: stalker). It was fun to see how morning news was portrayed, especially the anchors who are difficult to work with. Hm...
Speaking of news, there are just some things on local news that I'll never understand HOW they make it on TV, but they entertain me nonetheless:
Well, THAT woman probably won't be out to do any Black Friday shopping this week. Ah, yes, how I love the holiday tradition of peaceful shopping among quiet, friendly customers. It's so tranquil. Hm, maybe I'll see what THIS store has to offer:
...perhaps not. Black Friday shopping seems like a notoriously bad idea.
Happy Thanksgiving!
-B-
On another note of how americans just don't have a clue, Bristol Palin made it to the finals of "Dancing with the Stars." So, for those of you who haven't been watching this season, the finals are the chick from "Dirty Dancing," a chunky black kid whose claim to fame is being a chunky black kid on Disney Channel programming... and a chick who REALLY should have just said "No" to Levi...the daughter of a woman that the world should just say "No" to.
Speaking of Sarah Palin, her TLC reality show scored record premiere ratings for the network last week (Kate Gosselin's gonna be PIIIIISSSSSSSSED). And she told Barbara Walters she believed she could beat President Obama in 2012, which caused Walters' head to explode. Also, Ms. "Fox News, would you mind funding my 2012 presidential campaign" Palin received what I can only assume are accolades for her CREATIVE (read: awful, just plain awful) use of the English language:
Thanks, Oxford Dictionary for a notoriously bad idea: encouraging stupid people to expand the English language. And believe me, I know a lot about notoriously bad ideas. I keep having them. But nowhere NEAR as bad as the idea NBA star Tony Parker had: he's rumored to have slept with the wife of a former teammate. Don't remember Tony Parker? Here's a refresher: he married Eva Longoria. Now they're getting a divorce. And now, an open letter from Thinking Hard to Tony Parker:
Dear Tony,
REALLY?!
Love, Blaine
PS: Since you're great at having bad ideas, can you please send me your soon-to-be-ex-wife's phone number?
Hey, I went to see "Morning Glory" yesterday. Entertaining movie. I'm a big Rachel McAdams fan (read: stalker). It was fun to see how morning news was portrayed, especially the anchors who are difficult to work with. Hm...
Speaking of news, there are just some things on local news that I'll never understand HOW they make it on TV, but they entertain me nonetheless:
Well, THAT woman probably won't be out to do any Black Friday shopping this week. Ah, yes, how I love the holiday tradition of peaceful shopping among quiet, friendly customers. It's so tranquil. Hm, maybe I'll see what THIS store has to offer:
...perhaps not. Black Friday shopping seems like a notoriously bad idea.
Happy Thanksgiving!
-B-
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Seriously, Can We PLEASE Vote Bristol Off "Dancing" Now???
I'm serious. Little Miss Palin has been on the bottom for the past three weeks and voters decided to give someone ELSE the boot. You're only encouraging the Palins. One more week of not getting booted...and ABC signs Bristol on as a "special correspondent" for Good Morning America. Meanwhile, George Snufflupagus laments for the times when he did ACTUAL news.
In sports news, go Cocks. (that might be my favorite line EVER in this blog)
Hey, want to antagonize a homeless cat from millions of miles away? A company has set up cat toys at two animal shelters so YOU can control the toys from your computer and entertain/annoy the cats right from your desk. Excited? Yeah, don't be. As you can imagine, every time I've tuned into the live web cam, the cats are mostly laying around with disinterest in the toys that are shaking around the room. I can't say I blame 'em...they're probably more interested in FINDING A HOME than playing with phantom toys. But, hey, if that's your cup of tea, Google the Idaho Animal Shelter or the Oregon Animal Shelter. It's fun to watch (if nothing else) the crazy cat people on the live chat: "I LOVE those kittehs! I want twenty to go with the forty I already own!" or "Why won't they play with me??? If they don't move, I'm going to KILL them!"
Big week to be a president of the free world. President Obama is facing down all of his creditors on a ten-day tour of Asia that includes the ever-popular G20 summit. Obama spent much of his speech Friday telling China how their economy needs help...though, I was strangely curious at how he referred to the country as "Kettle" and called them "black." And Former President W...er, Bush kicked off a book tour for his memoir this week. Seems like the right time to talk about the lowest part of his presidency, which is most assuredly Iraq or Katrina or something like that:
Huh, how do you like that? I've officially made a NSFW (not safe for work) blog by including "Cocks" and "Bush." Well, since no one's going to get to read this anyway, let's close with what has got to be the WORST beginning to a newscast...that I've never been a part of:
Midday News Complete Disaster - Watch more Funny Videos
To be fair, at least Bristol Palin wasn't reporting.
-B-
In sports news, go Cocks. (that might be my favorite line EVER in this blog)
Hey, want to antagonize a homeless cat from millions of miles away? A company has set up cat toys at two animal shelters so YOU can control the toys from your computer and entertain/annoy the cats right from your desk. Excited? Yeah, don't be. As you can imagine, every time I've tuned into the live web cam, the cats are mostly laying around with disinterest in the toys that are shaking around the room. I can't say I blame 'em...they're probably more interested in FINDING A HOME than playing with phantom toys. But, hey, if that's your cup of tea, Google the Idaho Animal Shelter or the Oregon Animal Shelter. It's fun to watch (if nothing else) the crazy cat people on the live chat: "I LOVE those kittehs! I want twenty to go with the forty I already own!" or "Why won't they play with me??? If they don't move, I'm going to KILL them!"
Big week to be a president of the free world. President Obama is facing down all of his creditors on a ten-day tour of Asia that includes the ever-popular G20 summit. Obama spent much of his speech Friday telling China how their economy needs help...though, I was strangely curious at how he referred to the country as "Kettle" and called them "black." And Former President W...er, Bush kicked off a book tour for his memoir this week. Seems like the right time to talk about the lowest part of his presidency, which is most assuredly Iraq or Katrina or something like that:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| The Decider Returns | ||||
| ||||
Huh, how do you like that? I've officially made a NSFW (not safe for work) blog by including "Cocks" and "Bush." Well, since no one's going to get to read this anyway, let's close with what has got to be the WORST beginning to a newscast...that I've never been a part of:
Midday News Complete Disaster - Watch more Funny Videos
To be fair, at least Bristol Palin wasn't reporting.
-B-
Sunday, November 7, 2010
A Midterm Victory For Fox News
Let's hear it for Fox News! The crew over at Rupert Murdoch's stronghold posted big election night ratings Tuesday...AND they got the GOP back in power in the House! What a huge night for Fox! Thank you, Fox, for proving that the American public WILL believe anything they see on TV. Actually, if you have a few minutes, Jon Stewart spoke with Fox anchor Chris Wallace after the elections, and I was actually surprised to see someone with journalistic integrity working for the big F...
So, yeah, another midterm election is in the books, and President Obama likely has a huge hangover because the House is now controlled by republicans and the democrats lost a few seats in the Senate. But again, I'd like to point out the squandered opportunity the democrats had to push through anything they wanted in the past two years. Instead, they played fair...and got next to nothing done. Tucker Max says it best: Assholes Finish First (now available at bookstores nationwide).
It was a pretty brutal campaign season. I showed a clip last week of Jon Stewart talking about all of the negative ads run in this year's campaign...and then I considered what would have happened if the founding fathers of our country had access to television and campaign spending:
But, hey, bonus points for anyone who went out this year and blew 20 minutes trying to figure out those electronic voting machines. Remember...elderly + techonology = explosions. At least they got out and voted. Bristol Palin was SO busy with her incomprehensible run on "Dancing with the Stars" that gosh, she plum forgot all about her silly little absentee ballot (tee hee). Look, Bristol, I know you've got a lot on your plate, dancing in gorilla costumes and whoring yourself out to every media outlet who will pay any attention to you (kinda like high school, no?), but how long can it possibly take to fill out an absentee ballot and mail it in??? You don't even have to GO anywhere except a MAIL BOX!! Oh, if only that could happen in 2012...
There IS some bad news to come with the midterm elections: Alvin Greene lost his bid to be senator of South Carolina. I know, I know, I'm heartbroken too. Can you imagine all of the awesome soundbites that would've been on the 24-hour networks for the next several months?? Ah, well, let's give him a proper send-off with video from his sparsely-attended concession party. See if YOU can figure out why he showed up (because I can't):
Finally, the days of drunk-texting are now behind us...and drunk-facebooking are here. Yes, somehow, people who are too drunk to operate a motor vehicle are finding ways to get home and somehow TYPE random crap on people's walls. Frankly, I didn't know there was a problem until I saw the OTHER Blaine Clark's facebook page. "I'm Blaine Clark, bitch"...CLEARLY that guy is drunk. So James Hartsell was kind enough to show me the next wave of anti-drunk-facebooking technology:
I'm still working on an app that will prevent people with a low IQ from calling TV stations...that includes the talent.
-B-
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Exclusive - Chris Wallace Extended Interview | ||||
| ||||
So, yeah, another midterm election is in the books, and President Obama likely has a huge hangover because the House is now controlled by republicans and the democrats lost a few seats in the Senate. But again, I'd like to point out the squandered opportunity the democrats had to push through anything they wanted in the past two years. Instead, they played fair...and got next to nothing done. Tucker Max says it best: Assholes Finish First (now available at bookstores nationwide).
It was a pretty brutal campaign season. I showed a clip last week of Jon Stewart talking about all of the negative ads run in this year's campaign...and then I considered what would have happened if the founding fathers of our country had access to television and campaign spending:
But, hey, bonus points for anyone who went out this year and blew 20 minutes trying to figure out those electronic voting machines. Remember...elderly + techonology = explosions. At least they got out and voted. Bristol Palin was SO busy with her incomprehensible run on "Dancing with the Stars" that gosh, she plum forgot all about her silly little absentee ballot (tee hee). Look, Bristol, I know you've got a lot on your plate, dancing in gorilla costumes and whoring yourself out to every media outlet who will pay any attention to you (kinda like high school, no?), but how long can it possibly take to fill out an absentee ballot and mail it in??? You don't even have to GO anywhere except a MAIL BOX!! Oh, if only that could happen in 2012...
There IS some bad news to come with the midterm elections: Alvin Greene lost his bid to be senator of South Carolina. I know, I know, I'm heartbroken too. Can you imagine all of the awesome soundbites that would've been on the 24-hour networks for the next several months?? Ah, well, let's give him a proper send-off with video from his sparsely-attended concession party. See if YOU can figure out why he showed up (because I can't):
Finally, the days of drunk-texting are now behind us...and drunk-facebooking are here. Yes, somehow, people who are too drunk to operate a motor vehicle are finding ways to get home and somehow TYPE random crap on people's walls. Frankly, I didn't know there was a problem until I saw the OTHER Blaine Clark's facebook page. "I'm Blaine Clark, bitch"...CLEARLY that guy is drunk. So James Hartsell was kind enough to show me the next wave of anti-drunk-facebooking technology:
Social Media Sobriety Test from TDA_Boulder on Vimeo.
I'm still working on an app that will prevent people with a low IQ from calling TV stations...that includes the talent.
-B-
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Boo
Happy Halloween from the spooky haunted offices of Thinking Hard. Who's haunting the offices? The ghosts of people with half a brain...who died when they saw the number of insane people in the world. So instead of hearing "Wooooooooooooo," we get more of a "Will you look at that? James Cameron is planning to write a second AND third sequel to 'Avatar.' Is that truly necessary?" And, yes, Cameron IS planning to write those sequels...provided he MAKES it that long. Mwahahahahahahaha!
Actually, let me hit briefly on the subject of insane people. This week, three tornadoes ripped through our area, killing at least one person and injuring several others. Of course, that meant live tornado warning coverage that broke into regularly scheduled network programming. That meant viewers calling in to local TV stations and complaining that the dangerous weather coverage was interrupting their valued shows. Really, people? REALLY?! First, that live coverage might have saved some lives. Second, is your show THAT important? I mean, I'm a BIG TV junkie. My DVR STILL has crap on it from three weeks ago because I just have that much to watch. But I also know how to READ A BOOK or TALK TO PEOPLE to pass the time! Seriously, those stupid fuckers are contributing to the dumbing down of society! And third...come on, people. This is the technology age. You think your "valued shows" won't be available on the internet in the next 24 hours? How stupid and selfish are you? Tell you what...next time there's a tornado in your neighborhood, I hope the TV stations go ahead and just air "Dancing with the Stars" and run a little graphic at the bottom of the screen that reads "Tornado War--aw, never mind. Fuck you."
And one more person on the list of "Are You Fucking Kidding Me???"...police say a Florida woman was deep into an enthralling game of the popular Facebook game "Farmville" when she heard her baby crying. So she got up from the game...and shook the baby to death! Are you fucking kidding me???
Okay, now I'm done with insane people. Now I can focus on politicians, who are almost as insane. What, you don't believe me? Consider this year's political ads:
That's Jon Stewart, who held this week's "Daily Show" episodes in our nation's capital. He was there for this weekend's Rally to Restore Sanity. Congrats to him and the entire Daily Show crew...they had a MASSIVE turnout. Call it a success for sanity. Hell, Stewart even interviewed President Obama. Here's a recap of that interview:
It seems one political challenger is already getting a lot of attention. Remember THIS guy from the New York governor's race?:
That's candidate Jimmy McMillan, and now there's a talking ACTION FIGURE for McMillan. The figure says "The rent is Too. Damn. High." But here's the catch...the figure is priced at $49.99. The action figure's price is Too. Damn. High. Also, Alvin Greene is calling...he wants a figure that spouts his catch phrase: Jim DeMint started the recession.
Speaking of viral sensations, how about THIS guy getting a new job:
(Bonus points for every Antoine Dodson costume you see this Halloween.) Maybe Dodson will be the new Slap-Chop spokesman.
Y'know the other fun part about the Halloween season? Sports. Now, anyone who's ever heard me speak will tell you I'm not a huge sports nut. But I AM a big fan of crazy sports coverage on TV. Consider this guy, covering the World Series:
And with the latest 3D technology, I'd like to see some sports highlights replayed in 3D, like this one:
Can we get Sarah Palin hired to operate a handheld camera at future hockey games?
Happy Halloween...and we'll see you after Election Day.
-B-
Actually, let me hit briefly on the subject of insane people. This week, three tornadoes ripped through our area, killing at least one person and injuring several others. Of course, that meant live tornado warning coverage that broke into regularly scheduled network programming. That meant viewers calling in to local TV stations and complaining that the dangerous weather coverage was interrupting their valued shows. Really, people? REALLY?! First, that live coverage might have saved some lives. Second, is your show THAT important? I mean, I'm a BIG TV junkie. My DVR STILL has crap on it from three weeks ago because I just have that much to watch. But I also know how to READ A BOOK or TALK TO PEOPLE to pass the time! Seriously, those stupid fuckers are contributing to the dumbing down of society! And third...come on, people. This is the technology age. You think your "valued shows" won't be available on the internet in the next 24 hours? How stupid and selfish are you? Tell you what...next time there's a tornado in your neighborhood, I hope the TV stations go ahead and just air "Dancing with the Stars" and run a little graphic at the bottom of the screen that reads "Tornado War--aw, never mind. Fuck you."
And one more person on the list of "Are You Fucking Kidding Me???"...police say a Florida woman was deep into an enthralling game of the popular Facebook game "Farmville" when she heard her baby crying. So she got up from the game...and shook the baby to death! Are you fucking kidding me???
Okay, now I'm done with insane people. Now I can focus on politicians, who are almost as insane. What, you don't believe me? Consider this year's political ads:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Midterm Teapartyganza - Indecision 2010 - Negative Campaigning | ||||
| ||||
That's Jon Stewart, who held this week's "Daily Show" episodes in our nation's capital. He was there for this weekend's Rally to Restore Sanity. Congrats to him and the entire Daily Show crew...they had a MASSIVE turnout. Call it a success for sanity. Hell, Stewart even interviewed President Obama. Here's a recap of that interview:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Midterm Teapartyganza - Next Media Animates Barack Obama Interview | ||||
| ||||
It seems one political challenger is already getting a lot of attention. Remember THIS guy from the New York governor's race?:
That's candidate Jimmy McMillan, and now there's a talking ACTION FIGURE for McMillan. The figure says "The rent is Too. Damn. High." But here's the catch...the figure is priced at $49.99. The action figure's price is Too. Damn. High. Also, Alvin Greene is calling...he wants a figure that spouts his catch phrase: Jim DeMint started the recession.
Speaking of viral sensations, how about THIS guy getting a new job:
(Bonus points for every Antoine Dodson costume you see this Halloween.) Maybe Dodson will be the new Slap-Chop spokesman.
Y'know the other fun part about the Halloween season? Sports. Now, anyone who's ever heard me speak will tell you I'm not a huge sports nut. But I AM a big fan of crazy sports coverage on TV. Consider this guy, covering the World Series:
And with the latest 3D technology, I'd like to see some sports highlights replayed in 3D, like this one:
Can we get Sarah Palin hired to operate a handheld camera at future hockey games?
Happy Halloween...and we'll see you after Election Day.
-B-
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Completely Inappropriate
The rent is too damn high.
It's been a long week here at Thinking Hard. It all started with pictures like this from the upcoming issue of GQ:
That's "Glee" stars (left to right) Dianna Agron, Cory Monteith and Lea Michele. GQ decided to do a racy photo spread with the ladies. When I first saw the pictures, I thought "Hey, that's pretty hot. I mean, even though the girls play teenagers on TV, I know enough about the real world to know that they're in their early 20s and of legal status to look attractive in whatever they choose." Then the Parents Television Council got a hold of the pictures. If you're not familiar with the PTC, they're the people who think parents don't do enough parenting, so they fight the "smut" on TV, like pro wrestling. The PTC is up in arms for the image the pictures present to young "Glee" fans out there. Even Katie "Take a REAL Good Look at My Colon" Couric expressed her disappointment. My thought? Get over it. Dianna Agron responded to the criticism saying the photo shoot didn't represent who she is as a person, but she also didn't walk away from it. She also went on to point out there aren't many children who read GQ and maybe it's the PARENTS' responsibility to make sure they don't leave a copy of GQ laying out at home. Good call. There aren't a lot of good parents out there. But also, I came to the realization that there's something wrong with ME if I think a blonde and a brunette in their early 20s are attractive. Despite what my driver's license says, I think of myself as young. But I now know it's not how I perceive MYSELF that matters...it's how I'm viewed by others. And others would think that's skeezy. So, thanks, GQ, for making me feel dirty.
One more thing I'd like to hit on this week (no pun intended)...NPR fired "journalist" Juan Williams after he went on Fox News and said he gets nervous every time he boards a flight and sees a muslim in full religious garb on board. Fox News then expressed outrage at the firing and offered Williams MORE airtime. People on both sides of the issue say it has to do with the muslim debate. Personally, I think has to do with Williams. He's been touting himself as a "journalist" on NPR for years, while at the same time "contributing" to Fox News. In other words, he's been reporting on NPR and offering his opinion on Fox. Anyone else see that as a conflict of interest? There's a certain acceptance that when a reporter speaks on-air on ANY outlet, that person will be talking about the facts of a story. But when said reporter starts spouting opinions, that line gets blurred. I don't want to see Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly or Keith Olbermann or Chris Matthews report from the scene of a burglary because I believe they'll just offer their two cents worth during the report. Likewise, I don't give a rat what Brian Williams or Lara Logan think about the muslim debate...just give me the news. But if you start blurring the line between reporter and "person with opinion," the future of news gets blurred as well. And people ALREADY don't trust the media. Just saying.
Imagine a world where every newsroom is run by people who value the internet more than what you see on TV. What would News Director Natalie do:
You think THAT'S a train wreck? Try watching a nerd dance-off at video game convention...hosted by, of all people, JAY MOHR:
Seriously, Jay Mohr hanging out with people half his age? Now THAT'S inappropriate.
Happy election day.
-B-
It's been a long week here at Thinking Hard. It all started with pictures like this from the upcoming issue of GQ:
That's "Glee" stars (left to right) Dianna Agron, Cory Monteith and Lea Michele. GQ decided to do a racy photo spread with the ladies. When I first saw the pictures, I thought "Hey, that's pretty hot. I mean, even though the girls play teenagers on TV, I know enough about the real world to know that they're in their early 20s and of legal status to look attractive in whatever they choose." Then the Parents Television Council got a hold of the pictures. If you're not familiar with the PTC, they're the people who think parents don't do enough parenting, so they fight the "smut" on TV, like pro wrestling. The PTC is up in arms for the image the pictures present to young "Glee" fans out there. Even Katie "Take a REAL Good Look at My Colon" Couric expressed her disappointment. My thought? Get over it. Dianna Agron responded to the criticism saying the photo shoot didn't represent who she is as a person, but she also didn't walk away from it. She also went on to point out there aren't many children who read GQ and maybe it's the PARENTS' responsibility to make sure they don't leave a copy of GQ laying out at home. Good call. There aren't a lot of good parents out there. But also, I came to the realization that there's something wrong with ME if I think a blonde and a brunette in their early 20s are attractive. Despite what my driver's license says, I think of myself as young. But I now know it's not how I perceive MYSELF that matters...it's how I'm viewed by others. And others would think that's skeezy. So, thanks, GQ, for making me feel dirty.
One more thing I'd like to hit on this week (no pun intended)...NPR fired "journalist" Juan Williams after he went on Fox News and said he gets nervous every time he boards a flight and sees a muslim in full religious garb on board. Fox News then expressed outrage at the firing and offered Williams MORE airtime. People on both sides of the issue say it has to do with the muslim debate. Personally, I think has to do with Williams. He's been touting himself as a "journalist" on NPR for years, while at the same time "contributing" to Fox News. In other words, he's been reporting on NPR and offering his opinion on Fox. Anyone else see that as a conflict of interest? There's a certain acceptance that when a reporter speaks on-air on ANY outlet, that person will be talking about the facts of a story. But when said reporter starts spouting opinions, that line gets blurred. I don't want to see Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly or Keith Olbermann or Chris Matthews report from the scene of a burglary because I believe they'll just offer their two cents worth during the report. Likewise, I don't give a rat what Brian Williams or Lara Logan think about the muslim debate...just give me the news. But if you start blurring the line between reporter and "person with opinion," the future of news gets blurred as well. And people ALREADY don't trust the media. Just saying.
Imagine a world where every newsroom is run by people who value the internet more than what you see on TV. What would News Director Natalie do:
You think THAT'S a train wreck? Try watching a nerd dance-off at video game convention...hosted by, of all people, JAY MOHR:
Seriously, Jay Mohr hanging out with people half his age? Now THAT'S inappropriate.
Happy election day.
-B-
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Can We Just Get To November Already?
Seriously, I should LOVE this time of the year...clever campaign ads, mudslinging, soundbites from politicians who may or may not have been caught on camera with a hooker at a posh hotel the night before, etc. But I don't. As if you couldn't already tell in my other 150+ posts, I'm a democrat. And I've been excited after the two most recent major elections (2006, 2008) because, hey, my party finally has some power. But let's not kid ourselves here...the democrats have done absolute shit with their power. I think back to what the republicans probably consider their glory days of shoving every bill they could possibly think of through the conservative-controlled Congress during the Bush, Jr. era (which sounds a little like Hardee's-offshoot Carl's, Jr. if you think about it). THAT'S what I wanted the democrats to do! A little payback for TWO "W" administrations. What did I get? Nada. Even that much-touted health care bill this summer...the Obama administration just backed off part of that bill and said "Um, look...insurance companies...you can, uh, go ahead and charge more for policies with seriously sick children." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? That was one of the things that was supposed to make it easier for parents! I'm not even planning to BE a parent and I'm pissed off! ...meh. Maybe Jon Stewart will make me feel better:
Meh...still not quite happy. What else ya got?
Hmm...warmer... Come ON! Is Christine O'Donnell going to be the only candidate to do something ludicrous this campaign season? Isn't there SOME other candidate who doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning... who did something unusual on-camera, yet was COMPLETELY overlooked by the media? And can you spice it up with a little bit of "Where's Waldo?"
Ah, thaaaaat's the stuff. A little Alvin Greene goes a long way. I'll miss him. I hear he was at the fair to offer himself as a "Deep-Fried Candidate," but didn't like the scalding hot deep-fry oil. I'll miss him.
Politics made their way onto The View this week. Fox...um, "commentator?"...Bill O'Reilly appeared and started talking about the islamic center proposed at Ground Zero. You know those people at work (or at home) who LIVE to rile you up and play calm while you freak out? Yeah, it's like that:
I have to agree a little with Babs on this one...if you want to prove you're the bigger person, you just have to sit there and take it and not walk off set, no matter HOW much it feels like the right thing to do. I wonder how Fran Drescher of "The Nanny" fame would react on her upcoming new "Tawk Show" (yes, it's really going to be spelled like that)...
Vive Chile! I wonder what that one miner said underground when he found out both his wife AND his mistress showed up at the dig site to pray for him. How do you say "Well...shit" in Chile?
While we're on the subject of marriage, the "storybook romance" of Courteney Cox and David Arquette is on the skids. The day after they separated, Arquette called in to the Howard Stern show, all sad and heartbroken. He talked about cheating on Courteney a couple of times. He also talked about how Cox had treated him like a child sometimes. Uh, Dave, if I can interject...you ARE a child! You're a 12-year-old trapped in a 39-year-old body! How do I know? Because I'M a 10-year-old trapped in a 33-year-old body!
Let's wrap this one up with my favorite newspaper-picture caption I've seen in weeks:
His son's Peter has good taste (that's what she said).
-B-
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Indecision 2010 - Unforced Errors Edition | ||||
| ||||
Meh...still not quite happy. What else ya got?
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Rally Dos and Don'ts | ||||
| ||||
Hmm...warmer... Come ON! Is Christine O'Donnell going to be the only candidate to do something ludicrous this campaign season? Isn't there SOME other candidate who doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning... who did something unusual on-camera, yet was COMPLETELY overlooked by the media? And can you spice it up with a little bit of "Where's Waldo?"
Ah, thaaaaat's the stuff. A little Alvin Greene goes a long way. I'll miss him. I hear he was at the fair to offer himself as a "Deep-Fried Candidate," but didn't like the scalding hot deep-fry oil. I'll miss him.
Politics made their way onto The View this week. Fox...um, "commentator?"...Bill O'Reilly appeared and started talking about the islamic center proposed at Ground Zero. You know those people at work (or at home) who LIVE to rile you up and play calm while you freak out? Yeah, it's like that:
I have to agree a little with Babs on this one...if you want to prove you're the bigger person, you just have to sit there and take it and not walk off set, no matter HOW much it feels like the right thing to do. I wonder how Fran Drescher of "The Nanny" fame would react on her upcoming new "Tawk Show" (yes, it's really going to be spelled like that)...
Vive Chile! I wonder what that one miner said underground when he found out both his wife AND his mistress showed up at the dig site to pray for him. How do you say "Well...shit" in Chile?
While we're on the subject of marriage, the "storybook romance" of Courteney Cox and David Arquette is on the skids. The day after they separated, Arquette called in to the Howard Stern show, all sad and heartbroken. He talked about cheating on Courteney a couple of times. He also talked about how Cox had treated him like a child sometimes. Uh, Dave, if I can interject...you ARE a child! You're a 12-year-old trapped in a 39-year-old body! How do I know? Because I'M a 10-year-old trapped in a 33-year-old body!
Let's wrap this one up with my favorite newspaper-picture caption I've seen in weeks:
His son's Peter has good taste (that's what she said).
-B-
Saturday, October 9, 2010
OMG ABC!
Okay, so I WAS going to title this week's blog "OJ Simpson...and Rick Sanchez...still not jews," but as I surfed the web, I found there are some OTHER issues I have to tackle first...don't worry, I'll get to Rick Sanchez. Oh, yes, I will.
It appears that ABC is trying to find ways to convince people that they're not part of the (we can all thank Sarah Palin for this idiotic yet infectious term) "lamestream" liberal media. Item #1: Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars. Now look, I realize that the people on that show are doing as much "dancing" as they are "stars," but we've come to realize we're going to get a bunch of b-or-c-list movie, music, sports and TV personalities shaking their groove things for a few weeks and we'll enjoy poking fun at the Master Ps of the world while we cheer for the Shawn Johnsons out there. But let's not kid ourselves: Bristol Palin is NOT anywhere remotely related to the word "star." Quite the opposite. She's a black hole (just ask Levi). Nothing more. So it's clear ABC is directly trying to pander to Sarah Palin and get in her good graces by allowing her "virginal" daughter to appear on the show. Item #2: Outspoken conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck is the new "reporter" for Good Morning America. I know, I know. This girl's only experience with anything related to news is sitting next to Barbara Walters on The View. How this chick rose to popularity is beyond me anyway. But, yes, by ALL means, put the former "Survivor" contestant and the girl who admitted on national TV that her third pregnancy was an error into a reporting position on Good Morning America. After all, the show has already sucked all the credibility George Snuffulupagus had from hosting "This Week." Why not turn it into a parody of itself?
Wait, I'm not done. ABC has done one more thing to piss me off this week. Remember CBS's "brilliant" (is anyone counting my quotation marks this week? Do I qualify for the "unnecessary quotations" blog?) idea to air a sitcom about the blog "Shit My Dad Says"? ABC's taking it one step further...the network execs are putting together a show surrounding the "Awkward Family Photos" blog. I'm. Not. Kidding. As blog, humorous. As book, humorous. As sitcom, TERRIBLE. Hey, ABC! If you're listening, I have a couple of actually GOOD sitcom ideas for you...but you'll actually have to THINK HARD to figure out one of them! (start sending your emails to ABC corporate now...we here at TH can use the big TV money)
Also a bad TV decision: they're going to remake the "Wonder Woman" series. Okay, maybe not as bad a decision as "Awkward Family Photos," but some of us have been waiting YEARS for a decent big-screen movie featuring Wonder Woman. The guy who's creating the show also created "Ally McBeal"...so expect a bunch of whining from WW about why Superman never calls back.
While I'm on the subject of awkward sexual encounters, a new study about sex came out this week. One interesting note: 85% of the men in the survey say their latest girlfriend achieved orgasm...while only 64% of the women said they had the big O. Lesson: women lie and men are gullible (many of them probably also believe Jessica Biel is a talented actress). Also of note: 15% of men aged 50-59 reported they'd received oral sex from another man at some point. No report on the response to the follow-up question "Was it an altar boy?"
Okay, let's FINALLY get to this:
While we do enjoy poking fun at people here at Thinking Hard, I want to give Mr. Sanchez his moment as well:
Look, Rick, I can understand you being pissed that a former governor who was the butt of SO many jokes after sleeping with a hooker is now in the coveted time spot on CNN that you were on briefly, therein removing your opportunity to Wicker up the Shams in prime time, but let's not kid ourselves: if your last name wasn't Sanchez, I probably wouldn't realize you're in a minority. And yes, there are many jewish people in high-ranking positions in Hollywood and television news, but come on...don't you think they kind of EARNED it, what, with all of the CONCENTRATION CAMPS??? And if you think mexicans and hispanics and others are being mistreated, don't you think you should take it out on, oh, I don't know....ANYONE AT FOX NEWS, WHOM JON STEWART EXPLICITLY OPPOSES?????? Seriously, he makes fun of you because you're terrible at your job and, at times, borderline mentally handicapped. Not because of your heritage.
Speaking of the boobs over at Fox News, I KNEW this would be an issue when I saw it come out. The classic, over-the-top basketball video game NBA Jam is coming back. It's the game that started the "Big Head Mode" trend before Rihanna ever hit the scene. One of the classic features of the old version was the ability to put in a code and play as certain people, including the designers of the game and I even think Frankenstein's Monster was available. This time around, the designers included secret playability for President Obama, Vice President Biden...and, yes, Sarah Palin. But there are some complaints that the Dems are more represented in the game than the Reps. Seriously? The fact that the discussion about Reps vs. Dems in NBA Jam even came up makes about as much sense as THIS existing:
Stupid Levi. Thanks, Melissa, for giving me an image I just can't un-see. Like the OTHER Blaine Clark on Facebook, Stephen Hass. Here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Blaine-Clark/244458890606 I won't post any pictures of the site, but read this dude's wall. It's HILARIOUS. I kinda want to make him a Friend of the Show, but I think that would disrupt the space-time continuum.
Hey, you're probably familiar with Dora the Explorer. The 14-year-old girl who lends her voice to the cute animated character...is SUING Nickelodeon for royalties from reruns and DVD sales. Really? "Today, we're going to the...LAWYER'S OFFICE...the COURTROOM...and the CONFERENCE ROOM TO SETTLE...can YOU remember where we're going today?" I can just picture THAT courtroom battle: "Mr. Boots, Your Honor, for the plaintiff. Miss Explorer, can you show us on the Backpack where the bad men stole your money?"
Let's wrap this up with one more AWESOME clip. It's of Bolivian president Evo Morales in a charity soccer match. Ignore the music...a lot of the online clips had copyright violations. Anyway, just remember as you watch the clip: Morales is number 10 on the green team:
BOOM-SHAK-A-LAK-A! Can we trade players with Brazil? I'll take Morales and give Sarah Palin to Brazil. I'd vote for this guy!
-B-
It appears that ABC is trying to find ways to convince people that they're not part of the (we can all thank Sarah Palin for this idiotic yet infectious term) "lamestream" liberal media. Item #1: Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars. Now look, I realize that the people on that show are doing as much "dancing" as they are "stars," but we've come to realize we're going to get a bunch of b-or-c-list movie, music, sports and TV personalities shaking their groove things for a few weeks and we'll enjoy poking fun at the Master Ps of the world while we cheer for the Shawn Johnsons out there. But let's not kid ourselves: Bristol Palin is NOT anywhere remotely related to the word "star." Quite the opposite. She's a black hole (just ask Levi). Nothing more. So it's clear ABC is directly trying to pander to Sarah Palin and get in her good graces by allowing her "virginal" daughter to appear on the show. Item #2: Outspoken conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck is the new "reporter" for Good Morning America. I know, I know. This girl's only experience with anything related to news is sitting next to Barbara Walters on The View. How this chick rose to popularity is beyond me anyway. But, yes, by ALL means, put the former "Survivor" contestant and the girl who admitted on national TV that her third pregnancy was an error into a reporting position on Good Morning America. After all, the show has already sucked all the credibility George Snuffulupagus had from hosting "This Week." Why not turn it into a parody of itself?
Wait, I'm not done. ABC has done one more thing to piss me off this week. Remember CBS's "brilliant" (is anyone counting my quotation marks this week? Do I qualify for the "unnecessary quotations" blog?) idea to air a sitcom about the blog "Shit My Dad Says"? ABC's taking it one step further...the network execs are putting together a show surrounding the "Awkward Family Photos" blog. I'm. Not. Kidding. As blog, humorous. As book, humorous. As sitcom, TERRIBLE. Hey, ABC! If you're listening, I have a couple of actually GOOD sitcom ideas for you...but you'll actually have to THINK HARD to figure out one of them! (start sending your emails to ABC corporate now...we here at TH can use the big TV money)
Also a bad TV decision: they're going to remake the "Wonder Woman" series. Okay, maybe not as bad a decision as "Awkward Family Photos," but some of us have been waiting YEARS for a decent big-screen movie featuring Wonder Woman. The guy who's creating the show also created "Ally McBeal"...so expect a bunch of whining from WW about why Superman never calls back.
While I'm on the subject of awkward sexual encounters, a new study about sex came out this week. One interesting note: 85% of the men in the survey say their latest girlfriend achieved orgasm...while only 64% of the women said they had the big O. Lesson: women lie and men are gullible (many of them probably also believe Jessica Biel is a talented actress). Also of note: 15% of men aged 50-59 reported they'd received oral sex from another man at some point. No report on the response to the follow-up question "Was it an altar boy?"
Okay, let's FINALLY get to this:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Hurty Sanchez | ||||
| ||||
While we do enjoy poking fun at people here at Thinking Hard, I want to give Mr. Sanchez his moment as well:
Look, Rick, I can understand you being pissed that a former governor who was the butt of SO many jokes after sleeping with a hooker is now in the coveted time spot on CNN that you were on briefly, therein removing your opportunity to Wicker up the Shams in prime time, but let's not kid ourselves: if your last name wasn't Sanchez, I probably wouldn't realize you're in a minority. And yes, there are many jewish people in high-ranking positions in Hollywood and television news, but come on...don't you think they kind of EARNED it, what, with all of the CONCENTRATION CAMPS??? And if you think mexicans and hispanics and others are being mistreated, don't you think you should take it out on, oh, I don't know....ANYONE AT FOX NEWS, WHOM JON STEWART EXPLICITLY OPPOSES?????? Seriously, he makes fun of you because you're terrible at your job and, at times, borderline mentally handicapped. Not because of your heritage.
Speaking of the boobs over at Fox News, I KNEW this would be an issue when I saw it come out. The classic, over-the-top basketball video game NBA Jam is coming back. It's the game that started the "Big Head Mode" trend before Rihanna ever hit the scene. One of the classic features of the old version was the ability to put in a code and play as certain people, including the designers of the game and I even think Frankenstein's Monster was available. This time around, the designers included secret playability for President Obama, Vice President Biden...and, yes, Sarah Palin. But there are some complaints that the Dems are more represented in the game than the Reps. Seriously? The fact that the discussion about Reps vs. Dems in NBA Jam even came up makes about as much sense as THIS existing:
Stupid Levi. Thanks, Melissa, for giving me an image I just can't un-see. Like the OTHER Blaine Clark on Facebook, Stephen Hass. Here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Blaine-Clark/244458890606 I won't post any pictures of the site, but read this dude's wall. It's HILARIOUS. I kinda want to make him a Friend of the Show, but I think that would disrupt the space-time continuum.
Hey, you're probably familiar with Dora the Explorer. The 14-year-old girl who lends her voice to the cute animated character...is SUING Nickelodeon for royalties from reruns and DVD sales. Really? "Today, we're going to the...LAWYER'S OFFICE...the COURTROOM...and the CONFERENCE ROOM TO SETTLE...can YOU remember where we're going today?" I can just picture THAT courtroom battle: "Mr. Boots, Your Honor, for the plaintiff. Miss Explorer, can you show us on the Backpack where the bad men stole your money?"
Let's wrap this up with one more AWESOME clip. It's of Bolivian president Evo Morales in a charity soccer match. Ignore the music...a lot of the online clips had copyright violations. Anyway, just remember as you watch the clip: Morales is number 10 on the green team:
BOOM-SHAK-A-LAK-A! Can we trade players with Brazil? I'll take Morales and give Sarah Palin to Brazil. I'd vote for this guy!
-B-
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Great F***-Ups in World History
Sure, we've all done dumb things at the office...it just feels like THIS week, things have been EXTRAORDINARILY dumb.
Take, for instance, politics. Sure, we know politicians are mostly evil. But this week seemed pretty memorable:
Why, oh, WHY couldn't a nuclear bomb go off under Palin's chair??? Honestly, someone should have started a new segment on "Dancing" this week called "The Whiner's Circle." Palin's always bitching about the liberal media and Michael Bolton, who got voted off this week, complained that Bruno Tolioni embarrassed him by saying Bolton was an awful dancer...right in front of Bolton's mother, who was in the crowd. Come ON, dude! After all the jokes about your singing, your hair and your sexual preference...I'd think your mom enjoyed letting someone ELSE rag on you for once! Meanwhile, Mrs. Palin thought Bolton was hosed by the liberal media...because she doesn't like ANYONE to take fault for their own mistakes...unless they're democrats.
While we're on the subject of mistakes, this one was a doozy. This comes from the LIVE finale of Australia's Next Top Model. Keep a close eye on the host's face around the 2:30 mark:
I guess it could have been worse. She COULD have said Michael Bolton's an awesome dancer and Sarah Palin would make a great president.
You know who ELSE probably thinks she'd make a great president? Snooki. She's releasing a memoir of sorts soon...and who better to write the first page of the book about her life than YOU. That's right, Snooki's holding a contest for people to write the first page of her book. The winner gets it printed (and Snooki has one less page she has to stretch her brain to write). Here's my entry (don't copy): "Since I was born, I've been soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunk. I like sex. Palin 2012!"
Any of you go to a party and that ONE guy/girl shows up and you think "Who invited THAT guy/girl?" Usually it's me (and once, it was the 2008 vice-presidential debate)...but this time, it's Stephen Colbert:
Finally, I want you to see if you can identify the design flaw in this new Las Vegas hotel:
Give up? IT'S A DEATH RAY! Apparently, the sun reflects off the windows down onto the swimming pool...the sun has burned some people and melted plastic bags! Holy shit! Scientists have finally done it! They made the perfect vacation spot for Snooki AND the Palin family!
Welcome, Io.
-B-
Take, for instance, politics. Sure, we know politicians are mostly evil. But this week seemed pretty memorable:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Indecision 2010 - Taliban Dan & Boo-Gate | ||||
| ||||
Why, oh, WHY couldn't a nuclear bomb go off under Palin's chair??? Honestly, someone should have started a new segment on "Dancing" this week called "The Whiner's Circle." Palin's always bitching about the liberal media and Michael Bolton, who got voted off this week, complained that Bruno Tolioni embarrassed him by saying Bolton was an awful dancer...right in front of Bolton's mother, who was in the crowd. Come ON, dude! After all the jokes about your singing, your hair and your sexual preference...I'd think your mom enjoyed letting someone ELSE rag on you for once! Meanwhile, Mrs. Palin thought Bolton was hosed by the liberal media...because she doesn't like ANYONE to take fault for their own mistakes...unless they're democrats.
While we're on the subject of mistakes, this one was a doozy. This comes from the LIVE finale of Australia's Next Top Model. Keep a close eye on the host's face around the 2:30 mark:
I guess it could have been worse. She COULD have said Michael Bolton's an awesome dancer and Sarah Palin would make a great president.
You know who ELSE probably thinks she'd make a great president? Snooki. She's releasing a memoir of sorts soon...and who better to write the first page of the book about her life than YOU. That's right, Snooki's holding a contest for people to write the first page of her book. The winner gets it printed (and Snooki has one less page she has to stretch her brain to write). Here's my entry (don't copy): "Since I was born, I've been soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunk. I like sex. Palin 2012!"
Any of you go to a party and that ONE guy/girl shows up and you think "Who invited THAT guy/girl?" Usually it's me (and once, it was the 2008 vice-presidential debate)...but this time, it's Stephen Colbert:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Truthiness to Power | ||||
| ||||
Finally, I want you to see if you can identify the design flaw in this new Las Vegas hotel:
Give up? IT'S A DEATH RAY! Apparently, the sun reflects off the windows down onto the swimming pool...the sun has burned some people and melted plastic bags! Holy shit! Scientists have finally done it! They made the perfect vacation spot for Snooki AND the Palin family!
Welcome, Io.
-B-
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Katy Perry's Cooties: Too Hot For Elmo
...wait, wait, I'm being told I misunderstood...it's her HOOTERS that are too hot for Elmo. My bad. Seriously, though, two notes: 1. who thinks it's appropriate for KATY PERRY to appear on Sesame Street? and 2. CHILDREN watching Sesame Street don't give a SHIT about her breasts...they just want to see Elmo. The only people watching who want to see Katy Perry's cleavage are the stay-at-home fathers who, apparently, are chained to the house by their overbearing wives.
Honestly, I could care less about seeing Katy Perry on TV. Same goes for Bristol Palin:
That judging ceremony would've been a LOT funnier if it had gone like this: "Carrie Ann Inaba...6! Len Goodman...9! Bruno Tolioni...see if she'd stuck with THAT, she wouldn't have the baby!"
You know, Bristol Palin just goes to show you...the best things can come to you in the strangest packages. Remember the guy who appeared on THIS BLOG a few weeks ago, talking about a rapist in his community?:
Well, someone remixed Antoine Dodson's angry tirade into a song and slapped it on Itunes. Dodson received 50% of the profits...and made enough to move into a new home with his sister. He also plans to use some money to go back to school and finish his associate's degree in business. He'd like to open a salon. Um, Mr. Dodson, I'd like a little off the top and NONE of what you've done to your OWN hair.
Hey, you know what I like about public transportation? NOT TAKING IT:
Next we'll see a police officer pull over a swerving trash truck...the driver will say "Sorry, officer, I was just trying out this new app that allows me to drive this thing remotely." And they're worried about TEXTING and driving?
Hey, guess what controversial military policy ISN'T getting repealed in the near future:
Seriously, conservatives? You DO realize that you could be sending homosexuals INTO a dangerous WAR ZONE where they could be killed! If you're SO against homosexuality, I would think that would work for you. But then, who would you hire as interns and pages and fondle in hotel rooms late at night, only to defend your actions later as "playing around." Fair enough.
One other item of note:
NEWS ANCHOR BARBIE is set to go on sale this month. Features include a microphone, notebook, heightened sense of self-worth and a voice-chip that includes such phrases as "Come ON, you've been working me for FOUR HOURS...I didn't even get any SLEEP last night" and "I DESERVE a promotion...don't you know who I am???" Bonus Ron Burgundy t-shirt reading "I'm Kind Of A Big Deal" sold separately.
-B-
Honestly, I could care less about seeing Katy Perry on TV. Same goes for Bristol Palin:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Bristol Palin's Dancing Performance | ||||
| ||||
That judging ceremony would've been a LOT funnier if it had gone like this: "Carrie Ann Inaba...6! Len Goodman...9! Bruno Tolioni...see if she'd stuck with THAT, she wouldn't have the baby!"
You know, Bristol Palin just goes to show you...the best things can come to you in the strangest packages. Remember the guy who appeared on THIS BLOG a few weeks ago, talking about a rapist in his community?:
Well, someone remixed Antoine Dodson's angry tirade into a song and slapped it on Itunes. Dodson received 50% of the profits...and made enough to move into a new home with his sister. He also plans to use some money to go back to school and finish his associate's degree in business. He'd like to open a salon. Um, Mr. Dodson, I'd like a little off the top and NONE of what you've done to your OWN hair.
Hey, you know what I like about public transportation? NOT TAKING IT:
Next we'll see a police officer pull over a swerving trash truck...the driver will say "Sorry, officer, I was just trying out this new app that allows me to drive this thing remotely." And they're worried about TEXTING and driving?
Hey, guess what controversial military policy ISN'T getting repealed in the near future:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Are We Run by A**holes? | ||||
| ||||
Seriously, conservatives? You DO realize that you could be sending homosexuals INTO a dangerous WAR ZONE where they could be killed! If you're SO against homosexuality, I would think that would work for you. But then, who would you hire as interns and pages and fondle in hotel rooms late at night, only to defend your actions later as "playing around." Fair enough.
One other item of note:
NEWS ANCHOR BARBIE is set to go on sale this month. Features include a microphone, notebook, heightened sense of self-worth and a voice-chip that includes such phrases as "Come ON, you've been working me for FOUR HOURS...I didn't even get any SLEEP last night" and "I DESERVE a promotion...don't you know who I am???" Bonus Ron Burgundy t-shirt reading "I'm Kind Of A Big Deal" sold separately.
-B-
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