Let's Make This Quick..."Skins" Is On

Today's Thinking Hard is brought to you by THIS guy:



That's the FORMER Fox Charlotte guy who got knocked down by his producer last week. Since the last installment of Thinking Hard, both he and the producer have been charged with a misdemeanor AND both have been canned. I side with the producer, but I understand the company had to let both guys go. You can't have that resentment festering in a newsroom. However, if I may speak for a moment to the bosses over at Fox...next time, make sure you have warm bodies to step in when you fire your on-air "talent." At the printing of this post, the station had THREE news-readers on its morning show...and only ONE ANCHOR for all seven days of its evening broadcasts. Now THAT'S must-see TV.

Also, a quick note from a TV station in Hartford, Connecticut, and a cautionary tale about viral petitions gone wrong... WTNH decided not to renew the contract of its veteran meteorologist, who had worked at the station for 26 years. They were going to let him ride out the rest of his contract and work through the end of February. So, 10,000+ people signed a Facebook petition to keep him on the air. The station's response? Managers decided to let him go EARLIER! They said they didn't want all the attention that the Facebook petition had wraught. Ah, social media...is there no career you can't end?

Hey, the Super Bowl is set. The Green Bay Packers are in the big game, as well as THIS team:



That's from the CBS station in Louisville, KY. I miss Louisville. Anyway, so the Pack will be concentrating on stopping the Jews at the Super Bowl...er, wait, no, that's not right. Well, it's gonna be a "Heil" of a game...um, no...can I get a better writer in here? This dude looks like Hitler.

You know, this is a perfect moment for Jon Stewart to step in...

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
24 Hour Nazi Party People
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

Of course, Fox HAS to have the last word...or at least it TRIED to...

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Bill O'Reilly Defends His Nazi Analogies
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

And while we're on the subject of Fox News, it reminds me that the Hottest Mess Tournament is coming up. And that reminds me of one of the tournament favorites over the past couple of years, Sarah "Don't Test Me...I'm Just Crazy Enough To Run For President In 2012!" Palin. For as much as I rip on the Tea Party for supporting her, it's nice to see she's getting some mainstream attention again. Take it away, "30 Rock's" Tracy Morgan:



Can't tell if Palin was flattered or not, but I think I just found a reason to start a MEN'S bracket this year...

FREE EGYPT! AND PESHAWAR!

-B-

Apparently "Dump" Is An Offensive Word

Hey, welcome back to the blog. We've been following a major news story this week...check that: a major newsROOM story. A douche-y local Fox anchor got KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT by a producer in their newsroom this week. Apparently, the anchor had been telling the management about things the producer was writing about the management on his Facebook page. When confronted, the anchor stood his ground and pulled the glasses off the producer's face...then hilarity ensued as that producer KICKED THE SHIT OUT OF THE ANCHOR IN THE NEWSROOM! The anchor claims he got a nose injury by tripping over a desk during the fight and that he and the producer are "buddies again." Riiiight. You guys can relive your good times together in the unemployment line. Why is it there are so many anchors who feel they have to brown-nose so much? Seriously. The postings on the Facebook page were just frustrated rants and saying "Hey, do you know what this guy's been writing about you on a Facebook page that no one else gives a shit about" to the management is just a dick move. And while the producer probably shouldn't have hit the anchor (maybe...possibly...okay, he SHOULD HAVE FUCKING LEVELED HIM), I'm pretty sure that anchor had it coming and that no one felt sorry for him. So, remember kids, be careful who you "friend" on Facebook and be careful of what you put on the internet. The open spaces of the world wide web probably aren't the safest spots to write about managers who think "Everybody Poops" but not everyone can "take a dump."

Speaking of shitty jobs, did anyone catch last weekend's Miss America "pageant"? Yeah, me neither. But you know the pageant's question-and-answer competition is GREAT for soundbites every year. Here's what this year's winner, Miss Nebraska Teresa Scanlan, responded when, in a question regarding WikiLeaks, she was asked how to balance the public's right to know with the need for government security:


"You know, when it came to that situation, it was actually based on espionage, and when it comes to the security of our nation, we have to focus on security first, and then people's right to know. Because it's so important that everyone in our borders is safe, and so we can't let things like that happen, and they must be handled properly, and I think that was the case."


Y'know, I think that actually would have had MORE of a point if she started talking about teaching and using "maps and such" in third-world countries.

Check THIS out...talk show host and Slim Jim fanatic (but only if it's charred with a cigarette lighter) Wendy Williams is going to host a "game show" on Game Show Network. It's called "Love Triangle" and it'll focus on one person using a lie detector to decide between two relationships. Dear Wendy...When describing an ACTUAL triangle, please remember it's a figure that has THREE SIDES. Seriously, Game Show Network, what the hell are you doing? This is as terrible a "game show" idea as that ridiculous show "Baggage" with Jerry Springer, where contestants would check out some single people with suitcases that reveal some emotional baggage they have. I like to think of it as "Deal-breaker or No Deal-breaker." But come ON, GSN! You are just one Valerie Bertinelli TV movie away from being the fourth Lifetime channel.

Oh, hey, breaking news! We just got home video in of the fight in the Fox newsroom! Here, we'll all watch it together for the first time:



Wait, no, I'm being told that's just home video of a guy playing the new motion-controller Kinect for the Xbox 360. The difference between the cat and the Fox anchor? None. They're both p***ies.

-B-

Television Viewers Are Dumb

Let me rephrase that...the television viewers who think their opinion will impact what is shown on TV are dumb. Let's start at the top...this week, my area was bitch-slapped by Mother Nature like Snooki's mom should have slapped her. Snow...turning to freezing rain...turning to dangerously icy streets that STILL aren't completely clear almost a week later. Monday's news coverage? SnOMG storm coverage. Little else. This is the one time when I think the balls-to-the-wall storm tracker 8000 coverage was warranted, and I'm a tough sell. So you can imagine my surprise when a viewer sent an email complaining that there was too much snow coverage on and nothing about last weekend's shooting in Tucson that "involved an assassination attempt on a U.S. Representative." Um, two things...one, take a look outside your window. Which story impacts YOU DIRECTLY that morning? Two, I can't help but notice your email completely absent of a mention of anyone DYING in the shootings, including a NINE-YEAR-OLD GIRL BORN ON 9-11!!! Oh, you just happened to forget that? You're a fucking idiot. So are the bulk of the people who complain just to be an asshole. Perhaps my opinion could be better summed up by an anchor who's been on the air for years in Phoenix, Arizona (you know...Arizona...the state where the shootings actually happened). KPNX kept breaking into network programming to bring live, local updates on the shooting. Here's the problem: "network programming" just happened to be "football playoffs." So you KNOW a bunch of (sometimes drunken) assholes called into the KPNX newsroom to politely request that the station perhaps shorten the important coverage, possibly even being more strategic about when to potentially break in with the very-important news. I believe the calls went like this: "You *********s, I'm watchin' the ****** game! **** you!" So give it up to anchor Mark Curtis, who posted THIS on his Facebook page:

I love football as much as anybody. For goodness sakes I was a sportscaster for 25 years… but for people to call and bitch about coverage of todays shooting in Tucson interrupting their halftime hilites drives me CRAZY! 18 people were shot today including a U.S Congresswoman…and 6 were killed including a 9 year old…

Hells yes! It's those same fuckers who call upset that tornado coverage is keeping them from watching "Dancing with the B-listers." People...PRIORITIES!!! Get them straight!!! How important IS that touchdown versus having an actual idea about what's going on in the world around you? No wonder people think Sarah Palin's brilliant! They're not even WATCHING the news!

Although, to be fair, news coverage isn't entirely without its faults. Check out this awkwardly-worded headline from the Boston Herald website this week:



Wait, did the ax attack cause the son to "split"? I have a very bizarre mental image in my head.

I'll toss in one more and end my rant...for now. This is video of a Seattle TV station doing its early morning "stormcam" coverage of a winter storm. Traffic's light this time of morning...which is probably a good thing, considering the traffic sign that shows up when the truck turns onto a side street at about the :24 mark:



Did you see it? Here's what that sign says:



I'd use the word "fail" if it hadn't been banished.

-B-

Alcohol: Making People Crazier Since 325 A.D.

Please read today's blog as though you're hearing it from a homeless guy with a great voice but WEIRD Blacula-style hair. I hope all of his new offers also come with a dental plan.

Hey, welcome back to Thinking Hard, where drinking is key...except for Paula Abdul. You might remember her as the crazy, drunk/drugged-out judge of America Idol for several seasons. Now she's judging her own dance show. During an interview promoting the show, she said she's never been drunk or on drugs. Paula, a word of caution: just because you don't REMEMBER those moments doesn't mean they didn't happen. I'm sure your buddies Simon Cowell or Randy Jackson will be happy to replay some American Idol clips where you were either REALLY happy about some of that singing or...

I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention the big national story that occured in the past 24 hours. Some lunatic in his early 20s took a gun to a political event in Tucson, Arizona, yesterday and opened fire. He killed at least six people, including a 9-year-old child who was born on (wait for it) September 11, 2001. He also shot a congresswoman in the head, but she's recovering. Investigators are looking into reports that the suspect was talking about inventing a new type of currency and complaining about the illiteracy rate in Arizona. People who knew him described him as a pot-smoking loner and he tried to enlist in the military, but was not successful...for undisclosed reasons. Now the debate begins about all the high emotions in the current state of politics. Elected officials are getting more threats of violence and death than before. And while I'd like to partly blame Sarah Palin for her strong push of the "Joe Six-Pack" Tea Party Movement to get EVERYONE with an opinion (and, perhaps, a gun) involved in politics, I just can't do it. Sure, all of what I just pointed to is true. However, I don't really believe that's what happened here. This guy wanted to be heard and clearly had some mental issues that allowed him to think violence was the answer. And again, while I believe that describes about 75% of the Tea Party, I believe most of those people have enough common sense NOT to just show up at an event and start shooting, especially if one of those victims is a NINE-YEAR-OLD CHILD! Many in the Tea Party have children or have relatives with children and would have the common decency not to shoot one (on purpose, anyway. Maybe an accident involving loading a shotgun, but not on purpose). This was just a guy who went off the rails. A guy with mental issues, probably not the least of which includes paranoid schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder. Do I think the political debate has gotten a little out of hand, thanks in part to Fox "News" and MSNBC? Sure. Do I believe this kid is an example of that? No. And I fully expect to write an "I'm sorry, I was wrong" blog in the next few weeks.

A complete 180-degree switch here...Snooki from Jersey Shore hired a firm to help put her name on some licensed products. So get ready for the "Snooki Weave," the "Snooki Spray-On Tan" and the "Snooki 'Too Much Smooshing' Home STD Test."

Hey, do you know a small child? One who got several presents for Christmas? This guy's 3-year-old son apparently loves books...he and his parents have special reading time before bed. But he doesn't love books ENOUGH on a day when kids open a shitload of brand-new toys and video games:



After the video was shot, this boy's parents apparently straightened him out on "How to pretend you like everything you open"...and Daddy plans to wrap more books for him next year. We at Thinking Hard will eagerly await that video.

Hey, sports fans...anyone who's ever watched a hockey game live knows the joy and dismay that comes when a player shoots a puck at the goal, only to hit the piping of the goal and bounce off with that metallic "Ting!" running through the arena. I'm not sure if this "Ting!" would make me impressed if I took the shot:



Though I guess that's not as bad a day on the job as THIS guy. He's a news photographer in North Carolina and was sent out to get some video of a home where a guy had been accused of mistreating horses on his property. And apparently, you're only allowed on the guy's property if you're mistreating horses...and don't have a camera:

 

Now I bet THAT guy thinks books are poo.
-B-

Bring It On, 2011!

Happy New Year from all of us (me) here at Thinking Hard! And we start the new year with a new Friend of the Show. She lives in Washington, DC, and writes a blog about the science(ish) of being single. It's quite an entertaining blog and great for people of both genders to read, especially those starting 2011 on the single side of things. Remember: being single means having to deal with one fewer schedule.

I'm REALLY going to be excited about South Carolina politics in 2011. Remember Alvin Greene? You know, the guy who wanted to make action figures out of himself and held a memorable interview with MSNBC, answering every question (including one about where he got the nickname "Turtle") with "Jim DeMint started the recession"? He was only one of about 12 people to show up at his not-really-gonna-happen-victory party on election night. Anywho, he's trying it AGAIN! He'll be running in a special primary in February (with the winner advancing to an election in April) for a South Carolina House seat, left vacant by the death of the previous representative. Hey, if Alvin Greene is suited for ANYTHING, it's to run in a SPECIAL election. At last word, he was watching the news in his parent's basement, waiting to hear the name of his opponent so he could blame the recession on them. Good luck, Alvin!

Ever been to an "adult bookstore" (read: porn store) and thought to yourself "Wow, I wish I could just have a little more privacy because that creepy guy on the next aisle keeps giving me this look..."? Then Huntsville, Alabama, has the solution for you: a DRIVE-THRU PORN STORE. Works just like a McDonald's, except you DEFINITELY want to hold the "special sauce" on that Big Mac.

Hey, because it's the new year, Michigan's Lake Superior State University has released 2011's list of banished words and phrases for misuse, overuse or general stupidity. Couple of shout-outs to Sarah Palin: "refudiate" and "momma grizzlies." No more BFFs. And don't even THINK about using the nouns "Facebook" and "Google" as verbs. Also, kindly remove "viral," "epic," and "fail" from your lexicon.

And while we're at it, here's a 10-minute viral video of some of the best fails of 2010, thanks to James Hartsell. I don't know that I'd call any of these "epic"...but, spoiler alert: most of them involve motorized vehicles...or a stripper pole...or Justin Beiber...



Happy new year...here's hoping 2011 is a little SAFER than 2010. Or not.
-B-