Alcohol: Making People Crazier Since 325 A.D.

Please read today's blog as though you're hearing it from a homeless guy with a great voice but WEIRD Blacula-style hair. I hope all of his new offers also come with a dental plan.

Hey, welcome back to Thinking Hard, where drinking is key...except for Paula Abdul. You might remember her as the crazy, drunk/drugged-out judge of America Idol for several seasons. Now she's judging her own dance show. During an interview promoting the show, she said she's never been drunk or on drugs. Paula, a word of caution: just because you don't REMEMBER those moments doesn't mean they didn't happen. I'm sure your buddies Simon Cowell or Randy Jackson will be happy to replay some American Idol clips where you were either REALLY happy about some of that singing or...

I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention the big national story that occured in the past 24 hours. Some lunatic in his early 20s took a gun to a political event in Tucson, Arizona, yesterday and opened fire. He killed at least six people, including a 9-year-old child who was born on (wait for it) September 11, 2001. He also shot a congresswoman in the head, but she's recovering. Investigators are looking into reports that the suspect was talking about inventing a new type of currency and complaining about the illiteracy rate in Arizona. People who knew him described him as a pot-smoking loner and he tried to enlist in the military, but was not successful...for undisclosed reasons. Now the debate begins about all the high emotions in the current state of politics. Elected officials are getting more threats of violence and death than before. And while I'd like to partly blame Sarah Palin for her strong push of the "Joe Six-Pack" Tea Party Movement to get EVERYONE with an opinion (and, perhaps, a gun) involved in politics, I just can't do it. Sure, all of what I just pointed to is true. However, I don't really believe that's what happened here. This guy wanted to be heard and clearly had some mental issues that allowed him to think violence was the answer. And again, while I believe that describes about 75% of the Tea Party, I believe most of those people have enough common sense NOT to just show up at an event and start shooting, especially if one of those victims is a NINE-YEAR-OLD CHILD! Many in the Tea Party have children or have relatives with children and would have the common decency not to shoot one (on purpose, anyway. Maybe an accident involving loading a shotgun, but not on purpose). This was just a guy who went off the rails. A guy with mental issues, probably not the least of which includes paranoid schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder. Do I think the political debate has gotten a little out of hand, thanks in part to Fox "News" and MSNBC? Sure. Do I believe this kid is an example of that? No. And I fully expect to write an "I'm sorry, I was wrong" blog in the next few weeks.

A complete 180-degree switch here...Snooki from Jersey Shore hired a firm to help put her name on some licensed products. So get ready for the "Snooki Weave," the "Snooki Spray-On Tan" and the "Snooki 'Too Much Smooshing' Home STD Test."

Hey, do you know a small child? One who got several presents for Christmas? This guy's 3-year-old son apparently loves books...he and his parents have special reading time before bed. But he doesn't love books ENOUGH on a day when kids open a shitload of brand-new toys and video games:



After the video was shot, this boy's parents apparently straightened him out on "How to pretend you like everything you open"...and Daddy plans to wrap more books for him next year. We at Thinking Hard will eagerly await that video.

Hey, sports fans...anyone who's ever watched a hockey game live knows the joy and dismay that comes when a player shoots a puck at the goal, only to hit the piping of the goal and bounce off with that metallic "Ting!" running through the arena. I'm not sure if this "Ting!" would make me impressed if I took the shot:



Though I guess that's not as bad a day on the job as THIS guy. He's a news photographer in North Carolina and was sent out to get some video of a home where a guy had been accused of mistreating horses on his property. And apparently, you're only allowed on the guy's property if you're mistreating horses...and don't have a camera:

 

Now I bet THAT guy thinks books are poo.
-B-