Greetings and welcome to the post-holiday hangover here at Thinking Hard. We've all been hitting the egg nog pretty heavily after trips to visit family and friends for Christmas. Three of us have decided to take up recreational alcoholism to survive NEXT Christmas.
Well, for those of you who DON'T have a window or don't live on the eastern seaboard, the east coast of the US got SLAMMED with snow, making for a white Christmas in many spots (how sweet)...and making for many, MANY stranded travelers throughout (not quite as sweet). Seriously, I got home yesterday to North Carolina from Chicago and I barely recognized the place. Now the snow's over and all the melting can begin...and refreezing...and melting...and refreezing...ah, I love winter, especially in a state that's apparently not equipped to handle it.
My baggage from my flight home yesterday? Still MIA. The delivery service was supposed to call me last night between 6:30 and 10:30 to schedule a drop-off time. I went to bed at 11:15 because I got tired of waiting. It's now 8am the next day. Still no call. United customer service last night (most likely stationed somewhere in Dubai) told me the company had my bag and they were just working on getting it to me. She was very helpful...until she asked me how I would rate her service in the survey to follow the conversation. Okay, I understand wanting to track your own progress in dealing with customers, I get that. But you do NOT ask what someone is going to put into an anonymous survey! If I'd bothered to stick around for the survey, I'd have docked her a point just for that. That's like walking into a news station with a gun and asking to talk to a reporter. Yeah, they'll get RIGHT on that. Speaking of...
So usually all the crazy shit happens when I'm overworked during the holidays and my BOSS is out of town. But this time around, I was out and my boss was on duty when a woman walked into our building last week, showed security a gun (which turned out not to be loaded) and asked to speak to our consumer reporter by name. I've dealt with some of these people by phone...some nice, some just giant pains in the ass who can't make a simple phone call but want our reporter to do it for them. My heart goes out to these people who feel wronged by a big-time company (as I sit here waiting for my baggage to arrive), it really does. But I'm going to go through the United as long as I can WITHOUT DROPPING F-BOMBS ON THE PHONE (customer service tip: they will hang up on you if you drop an f-bomb on the phone), then I'll just have them pay me for what was in my luggage and be done with it. Voila. No need to get the big, bad TV involved...and no need to call and be a pain in the ass for a producer who's just trying to do his damn job. And the aforementioned armed lady could have made a couple of extra bucks by PAWNING THAT DAMN GUN!!! Oh, a TV station WILL take you seriously if you show up with a gun...so will the SWAT team that arrives shortly after. Really, people???
You know what will make me feel better? Videos. Here's some holiday cheer from SNL...and a special guest in the monologue who REALLY wanted to be there. You might remember him from Thinking Hard a few weeks ago:
Nope, that didn't do it. Maybe I need something a little more hardcore:
Hm...nope, not what I'm looking for. Perhaps a little Akon?:
Nah, that's really just "Dick in a Box"...literally. OH! I'VE GOT IT!!!!
Reminds me of watching "Cats & Dogs: The Hunt For Kitty Galore" while at home on vacation...with two pugs. If you ever want to drive two dogs (and EVERY PERSON WATCHING) crazy, just do that. Strange...they had the same reaction to seeing Sarah Palin on TV. How odd.
-B-
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
A Quick Shout From The Land Of "Dang!" Root Beer
No joke...I have found Dang! Root Beer in the midwest on my Christmas vacation. I'll remember this the next time I make fun of the country folk in the south. Maybe.
Hey, we here at Thinking Hard would like to welcome the holiday gift of Noah Hartsell into the world. James, we're sending you earplugs and whiskey. Is it too much to hope that Noah's Christmastime arrival means he's a child of immaculate conception?
So I don't have much time since I'm on vaca, but a quick note that the Senate and House both voted to repeal the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the military. Yes, I'll trade more tax cuts for the rich and less money for the already starving schools of America to allow gays in the military. Much as I appreciate Obama's imitation of Howie Mandel (I keep waiting for him to say "John Boehner...deal...or no deal?"), I really hope the deal pays off better in the long run than it looks on paper.
All right, that's enough rambling for now. I have to go deal with family. First, I need to find some Four Loko.
-B-
Hey, we here at Thinking Hard would like to welcome the holiday gift of Noah Hartsell into the world. James, we're sending you earplugs and whiskey. Is it too much to hope that Noah's Christmastime arrival means he's a child of immaculate conception?
So I don't have much time since I'm on vaca, but a quick note that the Senate and House both voted to repeal the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the military. Yes, I'll trade more tax cuts for the rich and less money for the already starving schools of America to allow gays in the military. Much as I appreciate Obama's imitation of Howie Mandel (I keep waiting for him to say "John Boehner...deal...or no deal?"), I really hope the deal pays off better in the long run than it looks on paper.
All right, that's enough rambling for now. I have to go deal with family. First, I need to find some Four Loko.
-B-
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Happy Third Anniversary!
Welcome, readers, to the third anniversary of the birth of the brainchild that is Thinking Hard! Did you send us a card? Yes, it's true. December 12, 2007, Andy and Blaine welcomed you into the home of Thinking Hard and politely asked to keep your feet off the table...MOST of you have been courteous enough to do that. Others, not so much (Sarah Palin, I'm looking in your general direction of Alaska/Russia). Anyway, in honor of our third anniversary, Intern Melissa ran in the inaugural "Thinking Hard's Running For A Cause Or A Cure Or Something Like That" Half-Marathon yesterday...wait, no, I'm being told that the race just happened to be scheduled this weekend and has nothing to do with Thinking Hard whatsoever. Man, we REALLY need to get our PR department ON that. Anyway, congrats to Melissa for rocking an amazing time of 2:04:17! Seriously, 13.1 miles in TWO MINUTES! That's FANTAST...oh, wait, sorry, I'm being told that's two hours, not minutes. But still, way to kick ass, Melissa!
Let me start today with an issue I addressed last week...federal tax cuts. So, after Congress decided not to go with extending Bush-era tax cuts last weekend, President Obama, Leader of the Free World, went to it to negotiate a deal with the GOP. And it's been quite a while since I've seen someone CAVE ON AN ISSUE SO EASILY! Seriously, Mr. President? Your argument for working out a deal to extend the tax cuts for everyone, INCLUDING WEALTHY SENATORS, is kind of a "Well, I'll agree to it, but House Speaker John Boehner and the other members of the GOP will eventually have to own up to their mistake." I like the IDEA of the justification, Mr. Obama. I LIKE the idea of telling the GOP they can fuck up anything they like, but come election time, they'll have to pay for it. However, you seem to have forgotten something: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE BLAME YOU FOR EVERYTHING! In two years, when Sarah Palin has stupidly been selected to run against you for the White House, the voters won't say "Oh, that's right, we're in a federal deficit because the GOP decided to keep spending and Mr. Obama TRIED to tell them, but eventually decided it would be a good life lesson for the GOP and, ultimately, us if the republicans were allowed to make mistakes and realize they're not perfect. I'll re-elect Obama because he's like a responsible father for the nation." No. They're going to say "Obama fucked it up!"...and in South Carolina and Texas, they'll add "Because he's black." President Obama spoke later and said "We don't negotiate with hostage-takers (referring to the GOP)...unless there's a threat of violence against the hostages (referring to the American people)." Um...wait, what??? And in other news, we DO negotiate with terrorists. Ridiculous!
*sigh* Okay, in other sad news this week, John Edwards finally killed Elizabeth Edwards. Sure he didn't do it DIRECTLY, but we all know it was the shock of seeing who it was he cheated on her with. But I have to say, I think the Associated Press tried a little too hard to bring up the bad blood on their national wires this week:
I'm pretty sure Rielle Hunter was reclining in SEVERAL of those GQ pictures. Couldn't have held off on that particular feature story for a day or two, Associated Press?
Do you text? Then I'm sure at one point or another, the auto-correct function on your phone has hosed you. You try to type "I'm hungry for a meal" and the phone mistakenly writes "I'm hungry for a male." Hilarity ensues. Well, there's a blog dedicated to these mishaps called damnyouautocorrect.com. Consider it an IMMEDIATE friend of the show.
Speaking of social networking, a new study came out recently on the number of people who use the much-maligned-by-Thinking-Hard network Twitter. The Pew Research Center found that 6% of all Americans use Twitter. In the battle of the sexes, 10% of women use Twitter, while only 7% of men do, thus proving that women think their lives are so important that other people MUST know about them. Of the races, 18% of Twitter users are hispanic, 13% black and only 5% white. And 0.0001% of those users is a TV anchor who writes every other Twitter message starting with "OH MY GWAD, YOU GUYS! WHY DON'T YOU LIKE AVATAH???"
And in other obnoxious phenomena, did you know there's a new game on the iPod/iPad based on the classic 80s cartoon "The Smurfs"? For those of you who don't remember, The Smurfs was a show about slavery, where a king of this race of little blue people (who, with perverse joy, demanded the others call him "Papa") forced his minions to work all day collecting valuable "smurfberries," while he started his own harem with the only woman of the people. They even had a "language" of sorts, though, how can you really consider it a language when the word "smurf" is used in lieu of about 90% of the english language. Anyway, there's a new game on the iPod/iPad about the lives of these slaves. It doesn't cost anything to PLAY, but you CAN buy in-game items to help make the game go faster. Which makes it a GREAT idea to hand to a 5-year-old child who knows nothing about the current rate of exchange. Well, how bad can these items really be? Let's see...a wheelbarrow...SIXTY BUCKS???? FOR A WHEELBARROW?? IN A VIDEO GAME??? What mothersmurfer thought THAT was a good idea????
Anyway, thanks for joining me for this third anniversary post. I'm heading home for the holidays this week, but I'll try to drop a blog or two while I'm there. For anyone who won't be checking in for a while, from all of us (me) at Thinking Hard, have a very blessed and joyous holiday season.
-B-
Let me start today with an issue I addressed last week...federal tax cuts. So, after Congress decided not to go with extending Bush-era tax cuts last weekend, President Obama, Leader of the Free World, went to it to negotiate a deal with the GOP. And it's been quite a while since I've seen someone CAVE ON AN ISSUE SO EASILY! Seriously, Mr. President? Your argument for working out a deal to extend the tax cuts for everyone, INCLUDING WEALTHY SENATORS, is kind of a "Well, I'll agree to it, but House Speaker John Boehner and the other members of the GOP will eventually have to own up to their mistake." I like the IDEA of the justification, Mr. Obama. I LIKE the idea of telling the GOP they can fuck up anything they like, but come election time, they'll have to pay for it. However, you seem to have forgotten something: THE AMERICAN PEOPLE BLAME YOU FOR EVERYTHING! In two years, when Sarah Palin has stupidly been selected to run against you for the White House, the voters won't say "Oh, that's right, we're in a federal deficit because the GOP decided to keep spending and Mr. Obama TRIED to tell them, but eventually decided it would be a good life lesson for the GOP and, ultimately, us if the republicans were allowed to make mistakes and realize they're not perfect. I'll re-elect Obama because he's like a responsible father for the nation." No. They're going to say "Obama fucked it up!"...and in South Carolina and Texas, they'll add "Because he's black." President Obama spoke later and said "We don't negotiate with hostage-takers (referring to the GOP)...unless there's a threat of violence against the hostages (referring to the American people)." Um...wait, what??? And in other news, we DO negotiate with terrorists. Ridiculous!
*sigh* Okay, in other sad news this week, John Edwards finally killed Elizabeth Edwards. Sure he didn't do it DIRECTLY, but we all know it was the shock of seeing who it was he cheated on her with. But I have to say, I think the Associated Press tried a little too hard to bring up the bad blood on their national wires this week:
I'm pretty sure Rielle Hunter was reclining in SEVERAL of those GQ pictures. Couldn't have held off on that particular feature story for a day or two, Associated Press?
Do you text? Then I'm sure at one point or another, the auto-correct function on your phone has hosed you. You try to type "I'm hungry for a meal" and the phone mistakenly writes "I'm hungry for a male." Hilarity ensues. Well, there's a blog dedicated to these mishaps called damnyouautocorrect.com. Consider it an IMMEDIATE friend of the show.
Speaking of social networking, a new study came out recently on the number of people who use the much-maligned-by-Thinking-Hard network Twitter. The Pew Research Center found that 6% of all Americans use Twitter. In the battle of the sexes, 10% of women use Twitter, while only 7% of men do, thus proving that women think their lives are so important that other people MUST know about them. Of the races, 18% of Twitter users are hispanic, 13% black and only 5% white. And 0.0001% of those users is a TV anchor who writes every other Twitter message starting with "OH MY GWAD, YOU GUYS! WHY DON'T YOU LIKE AVATAH???"
And in other obnoxious phenomena, did you know there's a new game on the iPod/iPad based on the classic 80s cartoon "The Smurfs"? For those of you who don't remember, The Smurfs was a show about slavery, where a king of this race of little blue people (who, with perverse joy, demanded the others call him "Papa") forced his minions to work all day collecting valuable "smurfberries," while he started his own harem with the only woman of the people. They even had a "language" of sorts, though, how can you really consider it a language when the word "smurf" is used in lieu of about 90% of the english language. Anyway, there's a new game on the iPod/iPad about the lives of these slaves. It doesn't cost anything to PLAY, but you CAN buy in-game items to help make the game go faster. Which makes it a GREAT idea to hand to a 5-year-old child who knows nothing about the current rate of exchange. Well, how bad can these items really be? Let's see...a wheelbarrow...SIXTY BUCKS???? FOR A WHEELBARROW?? IN A VIDEO GAME??? What mothersmurfer thought THAT was a good idea????
Anyway, thanks for joining me for this third anniversary post. I'm heading home for the holidays this week, but I'll try to drop a blog or two while I'm there. For anyone who won't be checking in for a while, from all of us (me) at Thinking Hard, have a very blessed and joyous holiday season.
-B-
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Wikileaks Called...They Won't Post My Blog Because It's Too Embarrassing
Hey, do you like paying more taxes? No? Congress says: too bad. After the House of Representatives approved a bill to extend the Bush-era tax cuts for the low- and middle-class, but not the wealthy (yes, Mr. Wickersham, $250k IS considered "wealthy"...even if it's you), the Senate voted on the bill Saturday and denied it. That's despite support from 53 democrats. Look, republicans, can we have a chat?...SERIOUSLY??? You want to fuck Americans because YOU don't want to have to pay taxes on all that lobbying money you're getting in office??? Look, I knew you were corrupt and evil and greedy bastards, but even THIS is pushing it! And that just COMPOUNDS the bad news for the nation, considering the latest unemployment numbers show the highest national rate of unemployment in SEVEN MONTHS! Hey, Johnny No-Job...happy fucking holidays! Hope you didn't put any of your family's presents on that credit card because the job market just punched you in the face...and Congress kicked you in the dick while you were down! I'll be avoiding the Sunday morning news shows because all republicans are going to say is "Obama isn't doing what's right for America." Hey, republicans, you want to ingratiate yourselves with voters before your anticipated upheaval of the White House in 2012? Start by HELPING OUT THE VOTERS! I understand wanting to throw your weight around since you haven't been in control of any part of Congress for a few years, but THIS ISSUE?? REALLY??? Why not pick another issue? Like what John McCain is working on. In fact, with all the problems in Washington, let's see what life WOULD have been like if voters had picked the OTHER guy for president:
Well, at least Palin knows how to whore herself out...and passed along that genetic trait to her daughter. Say, while we're talking about people who REALLY need to stop tweeting (Melissa, I'm glancing in YOUR direction), you all remember Kanye West, right? He's that performance artist who claims to be a singer, but just babbles things incoherently at the most inopportune times. Kinda like a black Borat. Well, he's CLEARLY not going to stay off Twitter. Fortunately, SOMEONE found a way for us to enjoy his tweets...
Just head to babelgum.com to check out more of the adorable tweets. While YOUR tweets will probably never be reenacted by children, there IS something unique you CAN do with your tweets. If you send your tweet to @TalayRobot the tweet will be sent to a robotic arm at Sony Music's London studio. An HD camera will record the arm doing its thing and a soundtrack will be added...then the tweet will be sent back to you! Looks a little something like this:
While we're on the topic of social networking, word came out this week there's a show in development based on the more recent social network, foursquare. Yes, FOURSQUARE is getting a TV show!!! Again I ask: WHERE IS THINKING HARD'S SHOW????
Finally, I received word this week that former "Walker, Texas Ranger" star Chuck Norris was made an HONORARY Texas Ranger this week! (Seriously, Texas? Too much time on your hands?) Bad guys, beware! I learned from the internets that Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour. (also, if you're looking for that perfect holiday gift, www.chucknorrisfacts.com will put a Chuck Norris fact on a t-shirt and sell it to you...I wonder if I can get one with a Sarah Palin tweet on it)
-B-
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Gaypocalypse Now | ||||
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| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| America's Tweetheart | ||||
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Well, at least Palin knows how to whore herself out...and passed along that genetic trait to her daughter. Say, while we're talking about people who REALLY need to stop tweeting (Melissa, I'm glancing in YOUR direction), you all remember Kanye West, right? He's that performance artist who claims to be a singer, but just babbles things incoherently at the most inopportune times. Kinda like a black Borat. Well, he's CLEARLY not going to stay off Twitter. Fortunately, SOMEONE found a way for us to enjoy his tweets...
Just head to babelgum.com to check out more of the adorable tweets. While YOUR tweets will probably never be reenacted by children, there IS something unique you CAN do with your tweets. If you send your tweet to @TalayRobot the tweet will be sent to a robotic arm at Sony Music's London studio. An HD camera will record the arm doing its thing and a soundtrack will be added...then the tweet will be sent back to you! Looks a little something like this:
While we're on the topic of social networking, word came out this week there's a show in development based on the more recent social network, foursquare. Yes, FOURSQUARE is getting a TV show!!! Again I ask: WHERE IS THINKING HARD'S SHOW????
Finally, I received word this week that former "Walker, Texas Ranger" star Chuck Norris was made an HONORARY Texas Ranger this week! (Seriously, Texas? Too much time on your hands?) Bad guys, beware! I learned from the internets that Chuck Norris can travel through time by running 88 miles per hour. (also, if you're looking for that perfect holiday gift, www.chucknorrisfacts.com will put a Chuck Norris fact on a t-shirt and sell it to you...I wonder if I can get one with a Sarah Palin tweet on it)
-B-
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