United Airlines STILL HAS MY BAGGAGE!!!

Greetings and welcome to the post-holiday hangover here at Thinking Hard. We've all been hitting the egg nog pretty heavily after trips to visit family and friends for Christmas. Three of us have decided to take up recreational alcoholism to survive NEXT Christmas.

Well, for those of you who DON'T have a window or don't live on the eastern seaboard, the east coast of the US got SLAMMED with snow, making for a white Christmas in many spots (how sweet)...and making for many, MANY stranded travelers throughout (not quite as sweet). Seriously, I got home yesterday to North Carolina from Chicago and I barely recognized the place. Now the snow's over and all the melting can begin...and refreezing...and melting...and refreezing...ah, I love winter, especially in a state that's apparently not equipped to handle it.

My baggage from my flight home yesterday? Still MIA. The delivery service was supposed to call me last night between 6:30 and 10:30 to schedule a drop-off time. I went to bed at 11:15 because I got tired of waiting. It's now 8am the next day. Still no call. United customer service last night (most likely stationed somewhere in Dubai) told me the company had my bag and they were just working on getting it to me. She was very helpful...until she asked me how I would rate her service in the survey to follow the conversation. Okay, I understand wanting to track your own progress in dealing with customers, I get that. But you do NOT ask what someone is going to put into an anonymous survey! If I'd bothered to stick around for the survey, I'd have docked her a point just for that. That's like walking into a news station with a gun and asking to talk to a reporter. Yeah, they'll get RIGHT on that. Speaking of...

So usually all the crazy shit happens when I'm overworked during the holidays and my BOSS is out of town. But this time around, I was out and my boss was on duty when a woman walked into our building last week, showed security a gun (which turned out not to be loaded) and asked to speak to our consumer reporter by name. I've dealt with some of these people by phone...some nice, some just giant pains in the ass who can't make a simple phone call but want our reporter to do it for them. My heart goes out to these people who feel wronged by a big-time company (as I sit here waiting for my baggage to arrive), it really does. But I'm going to go through the United as long as I can WITHOUT DROPPING F-BOMBS ON THE PHONE (customer service tip: they will hang up on you if you drop an f-bomb on the phone), then I'll just have them pay me for what was in my luggage and be done with it. Voila. No need to get the big, bad TV involved...and no need to call and be a pain in the ass for a producer who's just trying to do his damn job. And the aforementioned armed lady could have made a couple of extra bucks by PAWNING THAT DAMN GUN!!! Oh, a TV station WILL take you seriously if you show up with a gun...so will the SWAT team that arrives shortly after. Really, people???

You know what will make me feel better? Videos. Here's some holiday cheer from SNL...and a special guest in the monologue who REALLY wanted to be there. You might remember him from Thinking Hard a few weeks ago:



Nope, that didn't do it. Maybe I need something a little more hardcore:



Hm...nope, not what I'm looking for. Perhaps a little Akon?:



Nah, that's really just "Dick in a Box"...literally. OH! I'VE GOT IT!!!!



Reminds me of watching "Cats & Dogs: The Hunt For Kitty Galore" while at home on vacation...with two pugs. If you ever want to drive two dogs (and EVERY PERSON WATCHING) crazy, just do that. Strange...they had the same reaction to seeing Sarah Palin on TV. How odd.

-B-