Having A Cool Yule

This installment of Thinking Hard is all about a couple of presents from us at TH to you. I know, I know...don't thank us now. You can just send us a "late Christmas present" in cash.

If this is your first visit to TH, welcome. I encourage you to check out the entire year's worth of blogs (probably about 50 or so) because they're usually pretty entertaining. Sometimes. Okay, once in a while. But those of you who have stuck with the blog through the whole year know we strive to bring you some of the better video on the interwebs that you generally might not see anywhere else. No, no Miley Cyrus twerking here. Fuck that shit. No, you get local news fuck-ups, like the anchor who started his very first broadcast at his new station with the words "Fucking shit." Yes it's been a glorious year FULL of news bloopers...some of them seen here, others we might have missed. The researchers responsible for those have been fired. Twice. So, here it is, a year in review of some of the best news bloopers of 2013...



Y'know, one of the best things about working in TV news is being able to work in the station in onesie pajamas. I know, I know, they might seem passé, but they're making a comeback. Don't believe me? Check out this North Carolina guy's holiday greeting video.



Hey, there was a big UFC title fight last night. Had to be stopped because one competitor BROKE HIS SHIN during the fight! And I mean BROKE it. Like it bent 90 degrees against the other dude's leg. If you have a weak stomach, you might want to skip this video. If not, check this shit out...



It reminds me of a wrestling pay-per-view many years ago (late 90's-early 2000's) when one guy was just jumping off the top rope, landed funny, and his leg broke on pay-per-view! It was crazy! Here, take a look...



And now it's time for a little reflection. 2013 has been a very interesting year. Nominated for an Emmy...didn't win. Tried to get a new job...didn't succeed. Reconnected with a very dear friend of mine...that's probably one thing that went right for me over the year. It just goes to show you that no matter what you plan going into the new year, it never quite works out how you expect. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. But it's how we deal with those changes that shapes who we are on the inside. Makes us stronger in some cases. I think I was empowered by a line spoken by British actor Matt Smith: "Today's the day you save the world." Damn right it is. And with that, it's time to turn to a holiday classic. The holiday classic that didn't air on my local TV station, forcing me to work on Christmas morning. Yes, it's time for the Yule Log. You know the video...it shows for hours on TV stations and is literally JUST video of a fire burning in a fireplace. Usually it's accompanied by Christmas songs. This year, things are a little different. This year, it's got a cat with asthma called Lil Bub (cute as can be...and his tongue sticks out because he's missing teeth). If you need an hour of joy, this is it. Especially early on in the clip when it looks like he looks at the fire, then off-camera as if to say "Um, you guys know there's a FIRE back there, right??? Shouldn't someone be doing something about that???" So, I leave you with a Lil Bub Yule Log and the best wishes for a 2014 that is all that you hope for...and never more than you can handle. Peace to you all.



-B-

Have Yourself A Melee Little Christmas

Seriously, Kentucky shoppers??? You gotta be all fighting THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS??? That's like an automatic FIVE pieces of coal in your stocking...for the next ten years!

Hey, welcome to your Christmas present...a mid-week Thinking Hard. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, Happy Hanukkah to those who celebrate it, Happy Kwanzaa to those who celebrate it, and Happy Celebration Of Liberal-Bashing to those at Fox News who quietly celebrate it. They'd send their own greetings, but they're off fighting the war on Christmas.

Hey, wanna know what gets a news anchor FIRED from a station in Wichita, Kansas? On a Saturday night? And keeps him from getting ANOTHER JOB he had lined up? It's the last 6 words (7 if you like "outta" is better as "out of") in this clip...



Perhaps when he said "Let's get the fuck outta here," he meant "my career in news." Poor guy. Lesson #1 in news...if you have a microphone on, ALWAYS assume that it is turned on.

However, there were some other embarrassing moments in local news in the last couple of weeks. Take this brilliant blonde killjoy from a station in Raleigh. Perhaps she should have called out "SPOILER ALERT!"...



Is that meteorologist going for her jugular??? Awesome! Santa approves! But that's not all. How about we all just air the same script that comes to us from CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC or Fox? All around the nation? That way no one misses out!



Hey, lazy producers, it's okay if you go fuck yourselves too. Santa does NOT approve! And then there's the tweet sent out by the sports director of a station in Oklahoma City. It read “Happy we are the melting pot. Will be happier …if ppl who pour into our pot & sell me fuel & Milk Duds find time to learn our language.” I'm betting someone's gonna find Milk Duds in his fuel. More coal! Santa disapproval!

DUCK! Perhaps you heard about Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty "fame" speaking about why he thinks gays are just wrong. He told GQ magazine (also, a quick "fuck you" to GQ magazine for thinking Robertson should be interviewed. What, George Zimmerman too busy? Santa does NOT approve in principle!) "It seems like, to me, a vagina -- as a man -- would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking: There's more there! She's got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical." I believe by "more to offer," he meant in hillbilly-ese that "she can cook in the kitchen and clean clothes and birth babies all day." I wonder how he feels about a WOMAN'S anus. Maybe he thinks it smells like roses? Anyway, A&E thought enough to boot him from the show. Well, A&E, you're halfway there...now about the SHOW...

Finally, there's the Bloomberg (that's the money reporting folks) TV anchor who thought it would be interesting to give his co-anchors $20 in "bitcoin" last week. For those of you who aren't following it, bitcoin is the latest virtual currency that's starting to be used to buy stuff online and in actual stores and restaurants. A QR code is used to access the money. Which is why some greedy folks IMMEDIATELY jumped on their smartphones when the anchor SHOWED THE QR CODE ON TV!!! It's amazing how quickly 20 bucks can disappear into the interwebs. Seriously dude. That's like putting your credit card number AND security code on TV. I mean, I guess I could understand how you could make that mistake...IF YOU DIDN'T WORK AT BLOOMBERG!!! Santa disapproves HEAVILY!...but appreciates the 20 bucks.

Hey, thanks for coming back for this Christmas edition of Thinking Hard. I hope you and your loved ones are well and stay that way this holiday season. Cheers!

-B-

For Nelson Mandela

Actually, to be honest, I know Mr. Mandela never read Thinking Hard when he was alive, so all I can really do to pay tribute to him is be my usual funny and snarky self. This one's for you, Nel-Man. (that's what I always called him in my letters to him...can't imagine why he never wrote back). Actually, let's do this memoriam right, and for that, I go to a news station in Detroit. Of COURSE it's Detroit:

Did you look closely at the picture of "Mandela" in the bottom left hand corner? I knew it! Mandela's been roiding and A-Rod has been masquerading as a peaceful world leader! J'accuse!

By the way, did you know it's getting colder? Ice on the roads? Snow falling from the sky? Hey, here's a tip from a local news station in Minneapolis...don't become the lead story:



Having grown up in Iowa, Midwest roads during the winter weather season are not fun to experience. To WATCH, yes. To EXPERIENCE, no.

Well that's all the brevity I have for this week. Hey, next weekend I'm taking my annual Christmas trip to Chicago to see the family. As always, I'll try to blog while I'm gone, but I make no promises. I might be out for two weekends, but keep checking back. If I don't blog at you before Christmas, have the happiest of holidays and do NOT give out the fruit cake. The fruit cake is a bullshit present for people that you don't know how to shop for...at which point, they'd really rather have a gift card.

-B-