A quick note to all you "the cold weather disproves global warming" nay-sayers...shut. the. fuck. up. Until you actually understand the science behind something you are NO LONGER allowed to "be the first to officially de-bunk global warming." Asses.
Hey, welcome back to the blog. Even you, Justin Bieber. Even you. So while I was out, a shitload of chemicals spilled into a river in West Virginia. The head of the company responsible for the aforementioned "tainting" decided to hold a news conference (while drinking crystal clear bottled water...because who drinks from the tap anymore, amiright?) He tried to dodge questions and leave the news conference. And then a reporter did something close to epic...
Now, to be fair to all of those people who HATE the media, this clip is for you. It follows last night's state of the union speech and the reporter is asking a congressman about campaign finance allegations. I'm only using Fox for this because it has good subtitles...and this is something you HAVE to be sure to read if you can't hear it...
How long until I have Rob Ford picking Grimm as a running mate for ANYTHING?
-B-
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Well, There's Always 2015
Happy 2014, Hard Thinkers. I hope you had a safe and wonderful New Year. But there are already some people having their worst start ever for a year. And no, I'm not talking about Chris Christie and the dolts that have nicknamed his current scandal "Bridgate." No, I'm talking about people like this woman on Fox's New Year's Eve bash:
Actually, I think SHE was having a blast. Him? Probably wishing he was anywhere else right then. But hey, it's 2014, so we're gonna fuck shit up. Like the Transformers franchise. Remember how the first movie was all cool and stuff? And then the second one was okay but we didn't want to admit it might have some sucky parts? And then the third one? And now the FOURTH one? Seriously, is Bumblebee gonna be the next co-star in the "Fast and Furious" movies??? Anyway, Michael Bay is...well, Michael Bay. He's gonna direct shit whether you like it or not. And he's gonna bang Megan Fox whether humanity likes it or not (KIDDING! There's zero proof that the two of them ever hooked up...it's just funny. Just with the jokes, people.). One would assume he's able to sit there and shoot the shit about things like movies and TVs and which TVs are best to show his epic movies. That's what Samsung thought too. Samsung thought he should bullshit on a stage about how cool its new curved TVs are. Samsung thought it would be a ringing endorsement by a big Hollywood director that the news media would LOVE and put all over the news for some free press. Samsung got it PARTIALLY right. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Michael Bay's latest offering, a clip I like to call "How I Shit The Bed"...
That dude is having a TERRIBLE start to 2014. He DOES like to take people on an emotional ride, though. This time, I was feeling horror, then shock, then confusion, then humor, then schadenfreude. But that's funny...that's the same reaction I have to some of his movies. I walk right out in embarrassment.
Here's another couple of guys who started off 2014 to a shitty start. They broke into a home. The home of a TV news photographer. With a camera. That's turned on. Also, a special shout-out to good friend Linzi Sheldon. It's nice to see she's doing well in the Pacific Northwest. Anyway, check this out...
Also starting the year off with a shitty time? People living anywhere in the eastern 2/3 of the United States. It's fucking COLD this week! And snowy! But mostly record-breaking COLD! So cold, people are trying an idiotic stunt of trying to throw boiling water in the air and watching it turn to vapor. Which some idiots are burning themselves with. Morons. Anyway, here's one example of a news station trying to urge people to be morons...
Finally, these guys are having a bad start to their year...or good, depending on how hard you laugh. The guy on the right is the brother of friend-of-the-show Bridget. This is only slightly LESS awkward than Michael Bay on the Samsung stage...
Anyway, however you started 2014, I hope it was good, but I hope the end of the year is even better. All the best!
-B-
Actually, I think SHE was having a blast. Him? Probably wishing he was anywhere else right then. But hey, it's 2014, so we're gonna fuck shit up. Like the Transformers franchise. Remember how the first movie was all cool and stuff? And then the second one was okay but we didn't want to admit it might have some sucky parts? And then the third one? And now the FOURTH one? Seriously, is Bumblebee gonna be the next co-star in the "Fast and Furious" movies??? Anyway, Michael Bay is...well, Michael Bay. He's gonna direct shit whether you like it or not. And he's gonna bang Megan Fox whether humanity likes it or not (KIDDING! There's zero proof that the two of them ever hooked up...it's just funny. Just with the jokes, people.). One would assume he's able to sit there and shoot the shit about things like movies and TVs and which TVs are best to show his epic movies. That's what Samsung thought too. Samsung thought he should bullshit on a stage about how cool its new curved TVs are. Samsung thought it would be a ringing endorsement by a big Hollywood director that the news media would LOVE and put all over the news for some free press. Samsung got it PARTIALLY right. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Michael Bay's latest offering, a clip I like to call "How I Shit The Bed"...
That dude is having a TERRIBLE start to 2014. He DOES like to take people on an emotional ride, though. This time, I was feeling horror, then shock, then confusion, then humor, then schadenfreude. But that's funny...that's the same reaction I have to some of his movies. I walk right out in embarrassment.
Here's another couple of guys who started off 2014 to a shitty start. They broke into a home. The home of a TV news photographer. With a camera. That's turned on. Also, a special shout-out to good friend Linzi Sheldon. It's nice to see she's doing well in the Pacific Northwest. Anyway, check this out...
Also starting the year off with a shitty time? People living anywhere in the eastern 2/3 of the United States. It's fucking COLD this week! And snowy! But mostly record-breaking COLD! So cold, people are trying an idiotic stunt of trying to throw boiling water in the air and watching it turn to vapor. Which some idiots are burning themselves with. Morons. Anyway, here's one example of a news station trying to urge people to be morons...
Finally, these guys are having a bad start to their year...or good, depending on how hard you laugh. The guy on the right is the brother of friend-of-the-show Bridget. This is only slightly LESS awkward than Michael Bay on the Samsung stage...
Anyway, however you started 2014, I hope it was good, but I hope the end of the year is even better. All the best!
-B-
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