Dear Santa

I have been a good boy all year. I have not poked anyone in the eye...even though there were some who ranked VERY high on my own personal "Naughty" list. I have tried to put smiles on the faces of people who talk to me, read my blog and even sometimes see me in the newsroom making faces behind anchors who are reading a story about a waterskiing squirrel. But this year, I don't want any presents for myself. Instead, I have a few friends whose wishes should be fulfilled for Christmas.

First, John McCain. I would like you to give him the internet. And an ipod. And a cell phone. Pretty much anything to get him on track with the current technology. Also, a subscription to the Wall Street Journal (however long it remains in print). With that, I hope he's able to FINALLY understand the economic crapper we're in. Finally, a different running mate. It's been a hard year for Mr. McCain.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin...a map of the world, so she may finally identify Africa as a continent and not a country. Also, a subscription to ANY newsmagazine so she can be ready for the next "gotcha" interview with Katie Couric.

President-Elect Barack Obama...the good sense to know if he gets in too deep in the middle of ANYTHING during his administration, and the better sense to admit to it.

Outgoing President George W. Bush...I'm sure there are a LOT of things people what Mr. Bush to get this Christmas, including a swift kick in the ass. I, however, would rather he have one thing: clarity. The clarity one gets when one looks back on the past several years and seriously considers decisions that could (and should) have been made differently. And if you have any extra room under his tree, can you give him a weapon of mass destruction too? He's been looking for one for YEARS, and apparently they're harder to find than the Wii Fit.

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich...humility. Please let him know it's OKAY to admit when he's done something wrong. His predecessors refused to admit defeat, but some of them still ended up behind bars. Pride will only get you picking up the soap. On that same note, can you also leave him a better toupee? Mr. Blagojevich, much like you claiming you haven't done anything wrong...YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE.

The American middle-to-lower class...a bright spot in their lives. It's been a hard year, with gas prices hitting record highs, airlines charging for baggage, the economic nosedive, the downturn in auto sales and the resulting layoffs, sitting through a vice-presidential debate with Sarah Palin (though that WAS entertaining), sending MORE troops to the middle east for a war that's now gone on for 7 years and a Britney Spears "comeback." Seriously, haven't we been through ENOUGH this year?

My sister and brother-in-law...some time to relax and enjoy being married. They tied the knot in April at a beautiful ceremony, but since then, he's been fighting several health problems, including open heart surgery three weeks before Christmas. They really deserve a break. I mean, it's hard enough being related to me...

My family and friends...these are the people I hold most dear, and I would like them to get a large dose of happiness. We've all had ups and downs this year. We've lost loved ones. We've married and given birth. We've made major changes in our professional and personal lives...and those changes will only continue.

The joy of this season is truly not in the PRESENTS we open, but in the ARMS we open...to greet a friend, relative or even a total stranger with the gift of love. It's the best gift of all.
(Don't worry...my sappiness probably won't last much past the first of the year. But my heart grew three sizes too big before I wrote this blog, so I decided to enjoy an egg nog instead of a humbug.)
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Kwanzaa!
-B-

There really IS no place like home for the holidays

Hey all and happy holidays! Before we get down to it, I'd like to bring your attention to a new "Friend of the Show." As we have a lot of female readers here on Thinking Hard (some single, some not), I thought it poignant to add the Bad First Dates Blog. I know absolutely NOTHING about the chick who writes this blog, other than she's in her 20s, just started blogging about her first dates...and apparently has sucktacular luck finding a good man. Show her a little support and read about these bad first dates.

So, if you're a longtime viewer of Thinking Hard, you probably noticed that we haven't posted much in the last week and a half. That meant being stuck with Producers Bitchin' About Snow and Jizzin' In Your Pants (those of you who commented on THAT one are alllll kinds of wrong...and perfect viewers of Thinking Hard). I spent the last 10 days in the frozen tundra of Chicago, IL. A far cry from the 60-degree temperatures in Charlotte, North Cackalacky.

I did the holiday thing early with my family because some of them are traveling to Northern Ireland for the holidays. And I find this year's experience similar to the Rectangular Box. You know the one I'm talking about. You didn't ask for clothes...you asked for a new DVD or video game or toy or inflatable doll...what? Tell me that wasn't on YOUR list during puberty! Anyway, you know as soon as you see it that it's clothes. You could be lucky or unlucky, depending who gave you the box. Close family members (siblings, parents) probably wrapped something in there you will actually WEAR. More distant family members (third cousins, creepy Uncle Larry who always wants you to "Come sit on my lap while I tell you a nice LONG story...") will likely offer you a sweater because, hey, who doesn't wear sweaters? We all get cold.

So, this Christmas holiday was a little like the Box for me. It started off a little busy, which is normal for the holidays. My parents flew me in to O'Hare, picked me up promptly and took me out to lunch. Then I had T-minus 24 hours and counting to pick up last-minute presents, wrap them and load up the car for a 5-hour car ride to Des Moines, Iowa.

I spent time visiting grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, people who I looked at suspiciously while trying to figure out who they were, people who looked at me suspiciously while trying to figure out who I was...you know, like a family reunion. Or a wedding (and man, that's a BAD time to NOT know who you're related to).

A few days later, we had gone through two Christmas dinners, 9 relatives, 5 VERY energetic dogs, dozens of packages...and a fuckload of snow that would only continue to laugh in my southern-weather-loving-underwear. Travel Tip: the midwest gets cold and snowy and icy in the winter. Pack accordingly...do NOT, under any circumstances, pack the following: sandals, short-sleeve shirts, 3/4-sleeve shirts, shorts, short-pants, sunscreen, a beach ball, and hope that you'll see a warm day (because you WON'T).

Last day in Des Moines, we packed ALL the presents into the Ford Edge (great for winter driving...trust me), then packed me, my parents, my sister's dog and my grandmother in for what looked to be a 5-hour roadtrip back to Chicago. Then the snow hit.

Yep, we were on I-80, trying to stay ahead of the winter storm, when we hit a rather BIG accident. SEVEN tractor-trailers had left the road, crashed into one another and caused a several-mile-long backlog of other tractor-trailers, business travelers and a pissed-off redhead who just want to get home.

Cue the detour three miles from the crash. From the looks of the map, it appeared to only be about 5 miles out of the way. Awesome, I thought, we'll be back on track in no time. Funny, I don't remember Johnny Rolex telling me that "no time" was equal to "3 HOURS"! Seriously, the detour ran parallel to the interstate on a two lane road with drop-offs on both sides (no use turning around) and we could actually see the traffic back-up on the interstate...and I cried when I watched THAT traffic move and WE were still stuck. Oh, and my grandma wanted to get out and stretch her legs...because she was sitting in the front seat and I was wedged in the back behind my father at the wheel, two backpacks and a doggie bed. Travel Tip #2: 6'8" guys DON'T FOLD WELL!

We finally arrived in Chicago and my sister and brother-in-law joined us the next morning. That night for dinner, we had tacos (my parents are great cooks and turned ground turkey into a mexican delight). I had asked to drink milk to cool the burn of the medium salsa I would be enjoying. I would not have enjoyment.

As I prepared my first taco, I laid the meat on the tortilla, followed by shredded lettuce and cheese. All that was missing was that medium salsa. My father offered to hand it to me and as he brought it near...the bottle dropped out of his hands. At this point, I would've expected things to move in slow-motion, but they actually happened quite fast. The bottle dropped and knocked over my glass of milk...right on my right leg. If you've never had cold milk poured on your leg, it's not fun and, no, it does NOT do a body good. Here's the best part. I looked back at my dad's hand and HE WAS STILL HOLDING THE LID TO THE SALSA JAR. As it turns out, my sister had taken it upon herself to loosen the lid to make it easier for everyone at the table to get at the salsa, part of which now adorned the CEILING above the dining room table.

This was my Rectangular Box time. I had looked forward to going home for the holidays, to seeing my family and having warm meals cooked by someone other than Stouffer. But now, as I was going through the vacation, it appeared that the big guy upstairs had given me a Rectangular Box.

But in the following days, my dread would instead by replaced by touching warmth. Simple games of Scrabble with my family kept me smiling, warm coffee and cinnamon rolls greeted me in the morning, and everyone enjoyed their presents (I even got a Rectangular Box, which was filled with two shirts that I look forward to wearing...in colder weather). My mom even cried (and got me to cry too) when she and my dad finished their "Holiday Treasure Hunt" concocted by me and my sister to give them something special for Christmas.

And that's when it hit me. Every single Rectangular Box I've ever gotten, I've only seen the shirt/sweater/sweatsuit inside. But I missed the important part. The love that was put into picking out the shirt, the love put into wrapping it, and the love that was watching my face as I opened the package. And that's what I had here. I had a trip that wasn't quite what I expected, maybe not quite what I'd asked for. But, in the end, I'd seen and felt the love, which was the whole point all along.

To those of you traveling this holiday season, to those of you spending time with family and friends, and to those of you who will be celebrating alone or at work, take a moment amid all the clamor to be thankful for all the love shown to you throughout the year...and show a little of it to someone else in return.

Happy Holidays!
-B-

An Ode to Winter

Oh, Winter...
How you gently caress our faces with
little flakes of frosty delight.
How you bring in strong winds to
blow our high-profile vehicles across the roads.
And, yes, you continue to bring smiles
to the faces of the sane
as others around us fear the "falling white death."
Oh, Winter, we love you for your joy and mockery.

Actually, from a local TV news perspective, this producer in Chicago probably said it best... and the anchors cemented the point of how ridiculous the viewing public can be. Enjoy!

-B-

A Little Love

First, if you are easily offended, you should just skip this clip from this week's Saturday Night Live.
Second, if you are easily offended, you are probably NOT reading this blog.

-B-

Bail Money and Bailouts

If your Christmas shopping isn't done yet, might I suggest a new car?

For weeks, we've been listening to the CEOs of the Big 3 U.S. Automakers (GM, Ford and Chrysler) beg and plead on Capitol Hill for billions of dollars in bailout money. Hell, $700B is on its way through the BANKING sector (at a rate that's so fast, even the U.S. Treasury Department can't track it...now THAT'S financing!), why can't the auto industry have a chunk too?

You might remember a few weeks ago, the CEOs...whom I will now refer to as Larry, Moe and Shemp (because being called "Curly" would be too good for these money-grubbers)...spoke before Congress and asked for $25B in bailout money on top of another $20B already on its way to them. Congress lambasted Larry, Moe and Shemp for flying in THEIR CORPORATE JETS to the hearings. Fair enough. This week, the Stooges returned to Capitol Hill, this time carpooling and driving fuel-efficient vehicles (what a novel concept). Apparently, they thought they had done a good enough job traveling to the hearings, because they asked for $9B MORE than what they had originally asked for...a total of $34B. YOU...HAVE...GOT...TO...BE...HIGH!

Fortunately, Congress is doing something right. This morning, sources report to ABC News that a bailout of the auto industry has been approved...sort of. You see, instead of $34B, the auto industry will get $15-17B. And it's coming out of money that was ALREADY going to the industry for...get this...researching and developing ENERGY-EFFICIENT, ENVIRONMENTALLY-FRIENDLY VEHICLES!!! Oh, that's awesome. See, if automakers hadn't been charging $22,000 for a hybrid vehicle versus $17,000 for a car that runs on GAS-OH-LEEN, they'd be selling more hybrid vehicles, which means more would be made, which means fewer people would need to fill up their gas tanks 3 times a day, which means gas demand would drop, which means gas PRICES would drop and the environment would be cleaner and we'd be saving the earth. But...no. In fact, this week, new numbers were released to show there are more greenhouse gases in the atmosphere than this time a year ago! Is ANYONE paying attention to what they're doing???

I'm all for employment. In October of this year, more than HALF A MILLION Americans lost their jobs because we're in "a recession" (which really means we're in a DEPRESSION and no one wants to admit it). Many of those cuts came from the auto industry. Blue-collar workers earning $28/hour got the pink slip. In reality, the assembly-line workers AREN'T AT FAULT! They're just putting together the cars. They're not affecting whether the cars are affordable or energy-efficient. Instead, the higher-ups (read: Larry, Moe and Shemp) are pocketing money left and right, refusing to take any kind of pay cut because, hey, why start now? Why not just fire a bunch of people on the assembly line? Why not rob those people of happy holidays, and even better, why not make an environment of fear for the workers who are still employed..for now?

Sure, the Stooges volunteered to work for only a dollar a year...for one year. Really? How about a permanent, LESS ridiculous pay cut that can stave off the problems in your industry for longer than a couple of weeks? You're a trio of greedy sonofabitches who valued your bottom dollar and forgot about the bottom line...people buy affordable cars that don't require them to spend $40 a week on gas. I'd hope you three end up in the poorhouse...if I wasn't so concerned about your employees. I guess for this Christmas, I hope God and Santa leave you a truckload of good sense in your stocking...either that or reindeer poop.

Speaking of reindeer poop...actually, this has nothing to do with reindeer poop, but more with someone "coming down O.J. Simpson's chimney," if you know what I mean. I'm talking about the joy many inmates will soon have in anally raping the former NFL star. Some might call it comeuppance, but The Juice was sentenced to at least 8 years in prison Friday for his role in an armed robbery in Las Vegas. The family of Ron Goldman (the guy O.J. might've possibly thought about killing along with his wife, Nicole Brown Simpson) watched as The Juice let the crocodile tears flow and apologized for the robbery, then led out of the room in shackles. The Juice won't be loose for a long time.

Finally, I found a new columnist to read. He's started a column on slate.com and opined this week about how the government needs to stop bailouts. He makes reference to a new deal by GE to buy airplanes made in China...and not the U.S. Seriously, if you've never read anything by this Eliot Spitzer guy, you should really OPEN UP TO HIM. (His name rings some bells, but I can't remember where...) Really, if there's anything this guy knows, it's HOW TO GET DOWN TO BUSINESS. (Seriously, I know this guy from somewhere. Maybe he taught me some things in college...) Well, anyway, here's the link if you want to give him a try. Seems like he'd have a few TRICKS up his sleeve if he was to become, say, the CEO of a U.S. automaker. After all, what could it hurt to give this guy a test drive?
-B-

A Little LESS Bleak Holiday Fun

Just a couple of quick things to get you out of the holiday doldrums...

Dateline: Minneapolis-St. Paul, MN
From the Star Tribune, November 26, 2008

Crowd cheered Metrodome sexcapade
by Paul Walsh
While the Iowa Hawkeyes were scoring at will on the field Saturday night, two fans from the Hawkeye State were scoring elsewhere in the Metrodome.
Police say a man and woman were "having relations" in a bathroom stall as a crowd cheered them on.
Ross M. Walsh, 26, of Linden, Iowa, and Lois K. Feldman, 38, of Carroll, Iowa, were cited for misdemeanor indecent conduct. Walsh was released to his girlfriend and Feldman to her husband, police said.
A security guard came upon the scene in the handicapped stall, police said. Police were summoned, and they separated the two.
Both were intoxicated, said University Deputy Police Chief Chuck Miner.

I have this uncomfortable picture of the "separation" of the two...followed by MORE discomfort at the thought of both of them answering to their respective partners about why, exactly, they thought it was a good idea to have sex in the bathroom. Never did figure out whether it was a men's or women's restroom.

And to wrap up this special day of Thinking VERY Hard, here's a little clip of porn that's actually SAFE FOR WORK. It was made by Diesel (I assume this is the apparel company, but I could be wrong) for their 30th (read: XXX in greek, naturally) Birthday Party. You've GOTTA see this! (feel free to leave the kids in the room for this one...they'll like the pinball machine)

-B-

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

Anyone here (other than Kat) crazy enough to jump into THIS mess on Black Friday?:


This was for a pallet full of Xbox 360s at a Walmart on Black Friday. And that's not even the worst of the crowds. That's just a sprinkling of nutmeg on your Insane Shopping Crowd Hot Chocolate. Check this out... 34-year-old Walmart employee Jdimytai Damour was trampled to death Friday morning at 5am at the store in Long Island, NY, as he and other employees unlocked the front doors for shoppers. TRAMPLED TO DEATH. That means people actually had to walk on this guy and kick him without stopping to help him up, just to get to the "Doorbuster Deals." Police were trying to give first aid to the Damour and got bumped by even MORE shoppers rushing in. And what's worse, I bet the people who trampled Damour saw the story later and thought "Oh, THAT'S what I stepped in." And don't even get me started on the two guys in California who got into a shootout at a Toys R Us store. No, they weren't fighting over any toys or anything, BUT WHO TAKES A GUN TO GO SHOPPING AT TOYS R FRIGGIN' US???

Okay, so people are assholes when they think they can get a good Black Friday deal. It's really nothing unusual, though I would have pictures things differently since the economy is down the shitter this year. Consider this...despite all the layoffs and federal bailouts you keep hearing about in the news, the National Retail Federation (a group paid to track this kind of thing...now THERE'S job security) estimates Black Friday shoppers this year spent about $10.6 BILLION more this year nationwide than last year. For those of you who don't have those numbers handy, that's an estimated $470.4 BILLION SPENT IN ONE DAY!

For the past several years, the term "Black Friday" has been used to describe the Friday after Thanksgiving because that's when stores offer some of their deepest discounts... and rely heavily on the day's sales to move them from the "red" (losses) to the "black" (profits). But we might as well call it "Bleak Friday" this year, with regard to the shoppers. Many families laid off in the last few months could be seeing this Christmas as one "last hurrah" to give the family everything they want... and worry about the credit card bills in the spring.

Andy sent me a link to an article in today's New York Times (I assume he was not reading the Peruvian version). In it, a business columnist published an e-mail he received from an anonymous banking executive. Here's the link if you want to read the full article (because it's fascinating), but here are just a few points...

I received a catalog today from Casual Living and in big bold print on the front page, it said “BUY NOW, PAY NOTHING”. Then in significantly smaller print underneath, it said, (until April). That mantra has been sung throughout the credit markets over the last 10 years. The banks wave a carrot in front of the consumer and reel them in and encourage them to go deeper and deeper into debt. They do this by prescreening customers through credit reporting agencies, mailing offers to apply, and to transfer balances at teaser rates or zero percent financing. They base it on credit score and not on capacity to repay. A good credit score does not equate to the ability to repay debt.

Over my career, I have seen thousands of consumers that have credit card lines in excess of their annual salaries. Some are sinking under their burden. Some have been fiscally responsible and have minimal amounts outstanding. My 21-year-old daughter, who’s in college, gets pre-approved offers all the time. She has no ability to repay debt, yet the offers flow in just the same. We all know how these lines are accumulated. The banks, in their infinite stupidity, keep upping credit lines because the customer pays the minimum payments on time. My daughter’s credit line started at $1,000 and has been increased over the last two years to $4,400. She has no increased earnings to support this. But the banks do it without asking. And without being asked. The banks reel in the consumer, charge interest rates higher than those charged by the mob, increase lines without the consumer asking and without their consent, and lure them into overextending. And we can count on the banks to act surprised when they aren’t paid back. Shame on them.

The bank exec goes on to propose a plan that would help cut back on these problems. But for those people already out of a job or looking at declaring bankruptcy, there's not a whole lot for them to do. The pallet of Xbox 360s is empty. And now THEY'RE the ones getting trampled...only this time, it's by the banks looking to take the money of some other poor schmuck.
-B-

Happy Turducken Day

(A quick shout-out to longtime reader Jessica Sells, who turns 21 Sunday...congratulations!)

If you read my Christmas preview blog a few days ago, you'll recall that I categorized people into three groups (if you want to know what those groups are...WHY AREN'T YOU READING MORE OF THIS BLOG???). Today, I'm going to do the same for Thanksgiving, and I'm going to use the Turducken to do it.

First, you have the turkeys. These are the people who are usually hosting 100 relatives and friends. They start planning this dinner WEEKS in advance. They've talked to all the guests to find out favorite dishes and special diets. They have all the ingredients and pans bought ahead of time. And they have the turkey sitting out 48 hours ahead of time so it has plenty of time to thaw and cook. And after it's all said and done, and they've done all the cleaning and the preparing and the cooking and the smiling and the greeting and the stirring and the broasting and the sauteeing and the hugging... they look at the mess that's been created in their homes and vow to have Thanksgiving at someone ELSE'S house next year. They become the next group...

Chickens. These are either former turkeys or have absolutely no desire to ever become a turkey. These friendly folks are the ones whose only real jobs on Thanksgiving are to get in the car, don't get lost on the way to someone else's home, and bring a hot dish or pie (preferrably store-bought, because if they're not cooking a turkey, why in God's name would they want to cook anything ELSE?). These people have usually received SEVERAL "Get Out of Thanksgiving Duty Free" cards. But beware, turkeys tend to get VERY angry and jealous at chickens on Thanksgiving.

Finally, we come to the ducks. As in "Duck and Cover." These are the people who usually don't even want to set foot outside their doors on Thanksgiving. They bought a case of beer the day before, woke up Thanksgiving day around 2pm (just in time for Domino's delivery and football) and "feel bad" for the poor bastards who are cooking dinner. And if the ducks are REALLY practicing tradition, they won't even set foot outside their doors on Black Friday. Not even for groceries. Why would they? They still have good beer and pizza!

Whatever your classification, love whoever you're with and enjoy the holiday. And I'll leave you with a little story that's keeping my family close to my heart, even though they're hundreds of miles away...

This week, a man strapped on a jetpack and no parachute and took a 21-second flight over a canyon in southern Colorado known as the Royal Gorge. An impressive feat, to be sure...especially without the parachute. But it hit a little closer to home for me.

When I was little, my parents made it a point to take us SOMEWHERE for summer vacation every year they could. Some years it wasn't possible, but for others, we hit the road. We packed into the minivan (that I would later wreck) and headed out for adventure. On one particular outing, we explored the western United States. We went to the Badlands and Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. We went to Las Vegas (keep in mind, I was not old enough yet to appreciate Sin City past "OO, look at all the pretty lights!"). And, yes, we went to the Royal Gorge. It was really cool. There was a little tram that took people (including me) down the side of the canyon and up close and personal with the river below. Then there was the bridge across it. Thick wooden planks supported drivers AND pedestrians, all looking to get a glimpse of exactly how far down it was to the bottom. I remember walking that bridge and thinking how high up I was...and hoping the bridge didn't break. It didn't. And more importantly, it sat in the back of my brain, a wonderful memory of a family vacation that's keeping me warm inside this holiday season. They'll probably never read this (Seriously, is NO ONE reading this blog???), but to my mom and dad, two of the most special people I'll ever know...Thank you.
-B-

It's Never Quite How We Plan It

I make no excuses except that it's been an emotionally and physically exhausting week here and I'm a little late with the blogging. I blame mai kitteh. (See: I Can Has Cheezburger under "Friends of the Show.")

As we enter the holiday season, I've become convinced there are three types of holiday people...Humbug, Cheer and Meh. I'm pretty sure you can put 2 and 2 together to figure out what means what. I'm pretty sure I fall somewhere between Cheer and Meh.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the holidays. I've been moving from city to city the past 9 years, and that makes seeing my family especially important during the holidays. It's the only way that they can ensure I'm still alive...and the only opportunity to ask me why I still don't have a girlfriend/fiancee/wife/puppy. I think getting my cat a few years ago at least calmed the questions about the puppy.

But I have this sense of melancholy. Not to get all religious on you readers who aren't, but I DO know the true meaning of the season. I grew up in a Lutheran church and love the history of Christmas. It gives me a warm fuzzy. But with all the build-up to the big event, December 26th just feels like a let-down (no offense to my jewish readers, who apparently have 8 nights of partying...mazel tov). We spend weeks planning out what to buy for who, who's going to travel to who's house for dinner, which form of poultry (turkey, chicken, duck or turducken?), did we leave any presents/children at home by accident...things like that. Then Thanksgiving and Christmas come and go and...nothing. We're left with new stuff to play with, new clothes to wear, more family memories...but a certain empty feeling inside. Like having a delicious meal, then finding out later (the hard way) that it gave you food poisoning.

I'm looking forward to the holidays...but I wish it could feel like this all year.
Also, just to show you I'm not all morose and stuff, here's a special holiday treat...Alaska Governor (and can we PLEASE leave her there? alone??? I DON'T want to dread 2012) Sarah Palin giving an interview to a local TV station that includes a reference to pardoning a turkey. Please take careful note of the UNpardoned one behind her...and the creepy molester-looking guy who can't take his eyes off the gov:

Mmmm...who wants the drumstick?
-B-

Just Palin Stupid

Welcome, everyone, to Economic Crisis '08...-'09....-'10....-whenever SOMEONE hurries up and FIXES IT!

Seriously, if there's any doubt that there's not enough money to save the economy, check out what AIG said recently...the $700B buyout was not going to be enough for them. NOT ENOUGH??? Bank of America is under investigation...the bank is accused of using the RESCUE MONEY to pay some of its executives $250k bonuses. I'M SORRY, WHAT???? And, speaking of that federal plan to save the banks, apparently the plan has changed. Instead of using the money to buy the troubled assets of the banks (i.e., defaulted loans and problem mortgages), the federal government is going to instead encourage the banks to go back to lending as they have done to this point. Troubled assets..still there. And guess what? Bank lending is part of where all this trouble began.

I was listening to the "Stuff You Should Know" podcast from the writers of howstuffworks.com. Here's the fascinating information I wanted to share...in case you're as in the dark about finances as I am: a lot of the current economic woes can be traced back to the dawn of mortgage-based securities. What's a mortgage-based security? So glad you asked...

I'll start bare-bones...when a person wants to buy a home, they apply for a mortgage loan through a bank. If that person has a good credit rating and gets a mortgage, that mortgage is considered a PRIME mortgage. Now, picture mortgages that are bought and sold like stocks by investors. Let's say John gets a mortgage. Now let's say Bob, Henry, and Skip are greedy sonuvabitches and buy into John's mortgage through the bank. Now, every time John pays his monthly mortgage payment, Bob, Henry, and Skip get a chunk of money. If John were to fall behind on his payments, Bob, Henry, Skip AND the bank would lose money. But John's less likely to fall behind because he has a PRIME mortgage. Well, there was an economic boom...before Bush, Jr., took the White House. So there was a LARGE demand from people looking to buy into mortgages. Investment banks were also taking control of the mortgages from the lender banks. So pressure went onto the lender banks to offer up more mortgages for people to invest in. So the lender banks say "Y'know, let's ease up on the qualifications for mortgages...what do we care? We're now just the middlemen and will no longer lose any money on problem mortgages." So lender banks eased the credit rating requirements and income requirements and began issuing SUBPRIME mortgages. I'm sure you've heard the word "SUBPRIME"...it just means the person taking out the loan isn't as financially capable of paying back the loan as the PRIME borrower. So, Bob, Henry, and Skip start buying into the SUBPRIME mortgages...big risk, but hopefully big rewards for them. Except the borrowers of those loans run into financial trouble. They miss 1, 2...10 payments. Their homes are foreclosed. And because that money's not coming in, Bob, Henry, and Skip lose money too. So foreclosures end up hitting people who own homes AND the people who invested money, hoping those homeowners would be able to pay back those loans. So, bottom line, we're all just a bunch of greedy bastards and are the victims of our own design. And apparently, if you have a 401(k) or IRA or something along those lines, there's a chance you have invested in those mortgages...or even your own. Weird, huh?

That's my little gift for you today. Now you can get pissed at PEOPLE instead of just the SITUATION. And there's nothing more fun than DIRECTED anger.

Also in the news recently, I spoke with my parents Monday night. My dad told me he and my mom were watching Morning Joe on MSNBC that morning when Joe Scarborough dropped the F-bomb on air live (Fortunately, my mother didn't hear it because she was crunching her breakfast). I went back and watched the clip on YouTube and saw that not only did he drop the bomb, he didn't even notice he did it! He meant to say "F- You" and his brain didn't filter out the "uck." Then he apologized to children who might have been watching, but told the adults to deal with it. The execs at MSNBC have already given him his Christmas present...no, not a pink slip (though in local TV, that would be the death knell for one's career). No, this year, Little Joey's getting a SEVEN-SECOND DELAY in his stocking. Santa must REALLY love him. (also, I'm not posting the clip on this site because if someone's gonna drop the f-bomb around here, it's me and not some highly-paid anchor on a cable news channel. So there.)

And let's talk politics. There have been a LOT of anonymous verbal attacks launched at Sarah Palin since John McCain lost the presidential election. Some McCain campaign "sources" have come out and told the media that Palin was a "diva" and had been known to throw "tantrums." They also said she wouldn't even READ her notes during the morning briefings and even thought AFRICA was a COUNTRY instead of a CONTINENT. So, when she was badmouthing Barack Obama about his "lack of experience," she thought his father was born in a country overseas? Sure, it's probably tucked somewhere in between Letsbombit-istan and Neiman-Marcus. Fortunately, she's BEEN to Neiman-Marcus, so she has SOME international background.

Seriously, though, Palin's been taking it on the chin (and by "it", I mean "Todd"). She's been talking to more media from her home in Alaska than she did during the time between her announcement as VP candidate and the presidential election. And she's telling everyone that she doesn't fault Katie Couric for her questions (like "What newspapers and magazines do you read?", to which she replied "All of them." What she didn't share is that "All of them" is actually the name of an Alaska newspaper that focuses on wildlife-hunting, snowmobile-racing, and shopping). She even said she wished she'd done MORE interviews before the election. Oh, believe me, Governor Palin, so do WE. But after your 2nd or 3rd interview, muddling through...what do you call it...the ENGLISH LANGUAGE...John McCain wisely decided to join you during those interviews. Seriously, he was doing TWO jobs during the campaign: 1) War Hero Trying To Become President and 2) Babysitter To A Woman Who Named Her Newborn Son After What's Likely Going To Be One Class He's Going To Have Trouble With In High School (Trigg..for Trigonometry...oh, come ON, it's a MATH JOKE!).

And I'll make this point again (because I did in my last post too)...it MIGHT have had something to do with the FEARMONGERING done during the McCain-Palin campaign. You know, trying to tie Obama to ACORN, which McCain and Palin has terrorist ties. Wait, what's this?...I've just been handed a story (from Tuesday...I have GOT to hire a couple of interns) that reports one of the groups that has funded millions of dollars to ACORN over the past several years is PULLING it's funding because of concerns that ACORN leaders are pocketing the money. You might have heard of this group. It's a group of U.S. ROMAN CATHOLIC BISHOPS! So now the CATHOLICS are TERRORISTS! Holy War! I'm kidding. I know the catholics aren't tied to terrorists. But it's funny to see the roles reversed, huh? Not so much "ha ha", but more "uh oh."

-B-

The fundamentals are changing

By now you are probably sick of hearing about the economy. Everyday brings a new bundle of headlines about a new economic crisis somewhere in the western world including the united states.

Even the political analysts during their post-game election coverage point to the exact day John McCain began slipping in the polls, September 15, 2008. On that day investment bank Lehman Brothers collapsed and McCain told a crowd in Florida these fateful words "The fundamentals of our economy are strong." Obama pounced and the rest is history.

Oh Grampy, The fundamentals are not strong, they are changing. McCain isn't the only person not to recognize this, it seems most people over 40 are struggling with how the world is changing.

Everything in our economy is becoming de-centralized.

The music industry has been fighting it for a long time starting with Napster and continues to struggle with other file sharing software invented since.

American manufacturing is undergoing the same upheaval thanks to the Wal-Marts and Targets of this world. Once good paying jobs all across the U.S. have been shipped overseas for higher profits and lower cost goods.

Now, factory workers overseas are struggling because U.S. based stores aren't putting in the orders they once were. Many of these people show up for work only to find a padlock on the gate and no explanation from management what happened to their jobs.

The once strong American automobile industry is in turmoil. The big three are hemorrhaging money and asking for government assistance. Tens of thousands of jobs are at stake from the board room to the dealership. Stock in General Motors, a bellwether of American industry, has lost 90% of its value in the last year. G.M. along with Ford and Chrysler are in Washington, hat in hand, looking for a bailout.

We can't forget about the big bank bailout and its ever changing priorities.

What about homeowners who are currently underwater thanks to the rising tide of debt and falling home values. There are literally whole cities in California and Nevada where just about every homeowner owes more on their homes than they are worth.

The change is here, and its not all about Obama. Although, he will have a big say in where we go from here. Where it ends nobody knows.

-A-

Five Easy Recipes to Cook Your Loved One

First, we'll start with a nice chicken noodle...

WAIT A SEC! WE HAVE A NEW PRESIDENT! Silly me. My lack of sleep coupled with the extra work at the office this morning must have caused me to go senile (no, no "McCain is Old" jokes today...he's been through enough).

Yeah, just around 11pm last night, I looked up and virtually every major network (except CMT. it figures.) declared Illinois Senator (and NON-TERRORIST) Barack Obama the next President of the United States. I hoped his late grandmother who died earlier this week was watching from Heaven as he spoke to the crowd of supporters about the promising future of happiness, joy and a puh-pay on every doorstep. (it's a puppy...and a shout-out to my friend Kat. Go read her blog after you're done here. She's the polipino thing on the right hand side of the page)

And with every acceptance speech, there must be a concession speech. Arizona Senator John McCain spoke to his supporters and encouraged them to embrace the new president. He also blamed himself for his failed campaign. Y'know, Senator McCain, there's always a sword to fall on, but you shouldn't be the ONLY one to do it. In fact, let that ditzy Alaskan chick your team picked as your running mate fall on it first. Seriously, they did the equivalent of patting you on the back, saying you did a good job...then leaving a big "Kick Me" sign on your back. Oh, wait, I'm sorry...maybe you ENJOYED correcting the people who believed Sarah Palin when she suggested (STRONGLY) that Obama was a terrorist and was cavorting with terrorists. But that was only one stumbling block in the McCain campaign. Perhaps telling people at a live presidential debate that you knew "where Osama bin Laden is hiding" and knew "how to get him" finally made people think, "Wait a sec...if he's known all this time, then what the hell are our troops still DOING in the Middle East??? McCain's been in wars...does he think the soldiers are dying for FUN???"

Ah yes, this day is actually quite bittersweet. How many of us have enjoyed turning on the TV and watching those now-classic sketch-comedy classics during the political season? I'm talking, of course, about the campaign rallies and commercials. It was like McCain and Palin couldn't stop themselves from saying some BSC (again, that's Bat Shit Crazy, for you newcomers) thing about Obama. "He's a terrorist." "His campaign started in the living room of William Ayers." "He's a time-traveler, hell-bent on destroying the past so he can live the life of luxury in the distant future." And my personal favorite: "He's competent." Don't forget about Rev. Wright. You know, Obama's preacher who was quoted as saying "Not 'God Bless America'! God Damn America!"

Actually, that's a brilliant idea...

Coming soon to an outdoor ballfield near you...The Not Yet Ready For Public Relations Players! Watch Rev. Wright wear hilariously awkward clothing that no one this side of Africa would be caught dead in! Listen to his two-man stand up routine with the Reverend Jesse Jackson called "God Damn America..Now Cut Off Their Nuts!" Then, Senator Joe Biden takes the stage to share funny anecdotes and tell people how he read a story that "in the future", we'll all be ruled by angry robots and "the president will bow down to the will of terrorists and sacrifice the nation to save himself." Wait until THAT gets quoted out of context in a McCain campaign ad! Instant hilarity! And check out THIS headliner...Alaska Governor Sarah Palin! Hear Palin...speak as if she has half a brain! Catch her wickedly outrageous act before she jets off to the frozen tundra to the excitement of snowmobile racing, moose-hunting and baby-birthing! And show up later...or not at all...for a special appearance by Joe "The Plumber Guy" Wurzelbacher! He's coming to Git-R-Outofpayinganykindoftaxesbecausehe'sasonuvabitchwhowillholdontohismoneyforever! If there's shit to be found, you KNOW this guy's somewhere nearby!

Hey, maybe they need a marketing guy...
PS: Congratulations, President-elect Obama.
-B-

The Only Things Certain Are Death & Texas

In a little more than 48 hours, we'll (hopefully) know who will be the next President of the United States. That's barring any miscounts in any southern states (I'm looking at you, Florida) and any confusion in our electoral process (I'm looking at you, popular vote vs. electoral vote). In North Carolina alone, more than 2.5 million people have already voted in early voting. By comparison, about 3 million people voted in the state in the 2004 election. And we haven't even HIT Election Day yet! It's such a big election and it's the topic of many conversations at home, on the street and in the workplace. Seriously...listen in public for any conversations that drift toward the left, then count how long it takes for someone to ask the people to shut up or to insert their own View-hosting, hair-bleaching, McCain-loving, anti-Obama-Kool-Aid opinions. It's funny to see how upset the conservatives are...and know that they would be MORE than happy to brag about the Republican party if McCain were leading in more polls.

I digress. In the waning hours before this landmark election, we're hearing a lot of talk about Joe the Plumber, "Godless Americans," and Marxism. If you are able to filter through all that bullshit, you'll also hear some talk about the ECONOMY. Wow, what a novel idea...talking about something that AFFECTS AMERICANS. So, the contrite response from the McCain campaign is that Obama wants to tax people and, in some cases, raise taxes. The Republicans are all upset about this, all up in arms and wagging their fingers at Obama...but don't they realize he's trying to clean up THEIR mess???

Let's go all the way back to the Clinton administration. Sure, it's a tarnished, even "stained", administration. And some might argue it won't be the ONLY Clinton administration we'll ever see. But I want to go back to February 2000. The last year Bill Clinton would present a budget proposal to Congress. The price tag on that budget? A whopping $1.84 TRILLION! That seems like a lot, but America was experiencing a budget surplus at that time. In fact, the budget proposal was laid out as a blueprint that would ELIMINATE the national debt by 2013. Debt...gone. Adios, bon voyage. Not only that, but the plan ALSO called for increasing spending on the military, education and health care. In fact, the administration projected a budget surplus of $2.9 trillion over the next ten years (this was 8 years ago). Clinton also proposed in the plan $351 billion in tax cuts aimed at low-income and moderate-income families. You know how he planned to do it? With $96 billion in new taxes (including the $.25 per pack tax on cigarettes) and closing corporate loopholes. Wait, he planned to help people by raising taxes? Wow, if only we had a presidential candidate now with enough economic savvy to suggest he could do THAT...

Now, don't think for a second he was skimping on the military spending. Clinton proposed $291 billion in spending for the 2001 fiscal year. That's up from previous years. At the time, CNN quoted then-presidential candidate John McCain (seriously, will this guy EVER die???) as saying he supported increased military spending, "Not since Pearl Harbor has our investment in national defense been so low as a percentage of our gross national product." Well, times have changed, haven't they?

A report also by CNN (by the way, if you're going to attack my source as "liberal elite" or some other bullshit argument, I'm pulling facts from the stories, not any editorial associated with them. Just numbers and quotes.) from June 2008 shows the War in Iraq is expected to reach $2.7 trillion by the time it's all over...whenever THAT is. It makes me think of George W. as Jane Jetson. You know, when the show starts, George Jetson is dropping the family off and drops off Jane at the mall. He pulls some amount of cartoon money out of his wallet...and Jane grabs the wallet and flies off. Chances are good Jane spent it all...and her husband was left with little more than grocery money.

So, the war itself is set to cost $2.7 trillion (according to Congressional testimony...if you can believe THOSE people). The national deficit has found its way up to more than $10.5 trillion (according to the National Debt Clock, which might be a little skewed...but it doesn't just pull those numbers out of nowhere). Not sure where the other $7.8 tril has gone, but still...

So, let's take a moment for an economics lesson. Does anyone in class today know where money DOESN'T come from? That's right, little Ahmed, it DOESN'T come from trees. Does anyone know who IS responsible for paying for things like military, education and health care? That's right, little Joe, WE do through taxes...now put your plunger down. So, if the national deficit has gone up because of this war (which...WHY are we still in the middle of it? Did Nazis invade Baghdad and I didn't hear about it? We're talking suicide bombers with IEDs who were there BEFORE we invaded...oh, sorry, LIBERATED...Iraq. So what's the problem?), and people pay taxes to pay for things like the military, can anyone tell me WHY the Republican party is so appalled that Barack Obama would suggest raising taxes? Anyone?

It's a fact of life. We're going to pay taxes. Some years more, some years less. Based largely on our income. That's why homeless people don't pay many taxes and people making, say, $250,000 a year are asked to pay more. Sure, they're paying for health care and education that others might be using more than they do. But they're also paying for the military. And I have yet to hear ANY right-wingers bitching about paying higher taxes because all their "hard-earned" money is going to a bunch of undeserving "soldiers" who are "defending freedom" in Iraq.

Any questions?
-B-

Grow a Set! (or Politics Is Such A Palin The Ass)

Okay, we're 5 days out from Election Day...which means we're 6 days out from the end of those God-awful election campaign ads. But, come on, we secretly enjoy watching the ads. Not so much the tame "I'm such a good person and you should elect me" ads, but the ones that are bordering on the outlandish. The ones that accuse their opponents of illegal practices, the ones complaining that the incumbents haven't done a thing in office except watch their own interests, and my personal favorite...Senator Elizabeth Dull...sorry, DOLE...accusing challenger Kay Hagan of being -quote- "Godless" and an atheist. I have seen some crazy ads in my day, but that is just about loony. Perhaps Dole's husband is her campaign manager? Next we'll see one suggesting voters using the "little blue pill" should vote for Dole. (Oh, and if you see a campaign ad that's paid for by a party or a committee to re-elect somebody, but not "approved by" the candidate, that just means the candidate liked the ad, but thought it in poor taste to verbally "approve" it.)

But then I read about an interview done via satellite with Joe Biden. Anchor Barbara West of Florida TV station WFTV had a 4-minute interview with Biden and she used part of that precious time to quote a teaching of Karl Marx. "You may recognize this famous quote: 'From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs,'" West said. "How is Senator (Barack) Obama not being a Marxist if he's intending to spread the wealth around?" Biden's response: "Are you joking?" She wasn't. Later, the Obama campaign released a statement calling the interview "combative" and "unprofessional", and the campaign pretty much assured WFTV they would not get any more interviews until after Election Day. (I mean, I'm sure the questions just came from a newsroom manager whose sole reason for earning a paycheck is to tell other people what to do...and who doesn't work with one of THOSE?)

Think whatever you want about the line of questioning, whether it was appropriate or uncalled for. That's not the point here. The point is really two-fold...the media needs to grow a set, and the candidates need to grow a set. (and for those of you a little to old to understand the terminology...Senator John McCain, I'm looking at you...because you're OLD...I mean, grow a set of balls)

Hey, media (I say looking in the mirror), grow a set! You've had no problem asking Sarah Palin the tough questions (so much so that NBC's "not as exclusive" interview with "Palin" was with "McCain and Palin"...more on that in a moment). But how about hitting McCain, Obama and Biden with some BSC questions? And by BSC, I mean Bat Shit Crazy. Come on, take a chance! Ask McCain if the reason he's not releasing his health records is because of his ONE TESTICLE, then compare him to Adolf Hitler! Ask Obama about his terrorist ties to Bill Ayers, then show a picture from the Enquirer of the two of them looking at plans for a nuclear warhead! Ask Biden...more inane questions about Obama! Come on! There was SO much more investigative journalism in the days of Richard Nixon and Watergate (by the way, I pause for a moment to mourn this week's passing of the director of "Deep Throat"...who died after having a stroke). Reporters dug deep for dirt and FOUND IT, then VERIFIED IT before REPORTING IT. Now, there isn't enough time for a reporter to follow and investigate leads because they're too busy trying to shoot 3-5 stories during the day just to fill a minute and a half in the 6pm news. You think I'm kidding...I'm not. So that leaves the rest of you to pick up the slack. Start throwing shit at the wall and see what sticks! "Senator McCain, are you an alien?...No...Senator McCain, are you a robot?...Absolutely not...Senator McCain, are you scheduled to die the day after inauguration?...WHAT?? WHO TOLD YOU???" You're bound to come up with SOMETHING concrete as long as you keep asking.

Now, to the candidates...grow a set! After absolutely appalling (abysmal? suicidal?) interviews with ABC and CBS, NBC finally got a crack at making Sarah Palin say something absolutely outlandish...and John McCain sat by her the whole time! What the fuck??? I thought you picked her because she was her own woman! With her own values! And her own knack for shoving those hooker-booted-feet in her mouth! (which I hear there's a "homemade" video of...if you know what I mean) SHE'S A MAVERICK! Let her grab the deck and shove her OWN ace into the fight! (that line is really funnier if you say it out loud... then use the word "dick" instead of "deck" and "ass" instead of.. aw, forget it) You made your own bed, McCain, and spent some time staring at that fine ass without listening to her (like most old men look at their own daughters after a stroke)... now you have to lie in it. Look at the Biden/Obama camp. Biden's not afraid to step in front of a group of people and say Obama will be tested in the first month of his presidency if elected. The republicans say "OH! Snap! Biden's lost faith in his own candidate!" But Joe Lieberman says "Hey, assholes, I said the same thing a while back and I was talking about BOTH McCain and Obama...sure, no one listens to the jew..." And he's right. Foreign powers test new presidents. "W" was in office only about 9 months when Osama bin Laden decided to send some "Al Qaeda air mail" to the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. It is a fact of life. The kids always want to know just how far they can push the new babysitter, to see where exactly those limits are. In W's case, he came in, fell asleep on the couch, and while he was out, the kids put his hand in warm water and made him piss his pants. Then, for the next 7 years, the kids ran to the neighbor's house while W kept checking behind trees in the front yard saying "I...GOTCHA", only to find no one behind the tree.

We're going to be tested again and again because we're in charge of the world...or at least that's what we've been led to believe. And if Iraq wasn't filled with (God, can't we PLEASE use a better energy like, say, WIND that NEVER goes away???) oil, we wouldn't still have more than 4,000 troops dying over there. Whoever gets elected next Tuesday, I hope to high heaven that he is smarter than the guy in the White House now, whom I could really make smarter if the Secret Service would just let me open up his skull.. and PISS ON HIS BRAIN!

God bless term limits.

The One We Waited For....I Guess

Want to start with a couple of quick shout-outs. My good friends Donald Zalewa, Charlotte Brown and Beth Bryant are all celebrating nuptials. No, they're not marrying each other in the first-ever three-way wedding... although that IS an awesome idea. Anyway, they're going off and doing all adult stuff like getting married, going on honeymoons, etc., and I'm thrilled for them. I wish I could be there for their special days, but I can't. So I'm hoping they know how much I love them by reading this blog... which you ARE reading, right???

Now, I just wanted to drop a little somethin'-somethin' for you faithful readers. Those of you who have actual lives on the weekends might have missed out on Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's guest appearance on Saturday Night Live. Yes, for weeks, Tina Fey has been dropping DEAD-ON impersonations of the vice presidential candidate, and this week, we viewers had the surreal enjoyment of watching the two of them on the same stage. It was almost as fun to watch as when Dana Carvey, known for his impersonations of George H. W. Bush, sat across from George H. W. Bush. Anyway, my thoughts on the opening segment... meh. I thought it was funnier to see Mark Wahlberg show up, wanting to kick Andy Samberg's ass for last week's "Mark Wahlberg Talks To The Animals" segment. He would later find Samberg and do exactly what Samberg did while portraying him last week:





But, the bottom line is, the Palin stuff wasn't really all that funny... until we got to Weekend Update. And THIS, my friends, makes going into sketch comedy TOTALLY worth it. Imagine this... I'm posting a Weekend Update segment and it's NOT Jean K. Jean. IN-CRAY-AH-BLAY!:

I'm Blaine Clark, and I approve this message

Okay, first, for all you non-politicos sick of reading my posts about the election, I'll satisfy you early: it was reported this week that pop culture icon Rolling Stone is shrinking the size of its magazine. I'm talking actual physical size. It will now be the same size as every other magazine on the shelf, with a roughly 8 1/2" x 11" page size. So, for all you non-conformist college students who ordered the magazine to "stick it to the man"... you'll be pleased to know your non-conformist magazine is conforming.

Now, onto Misdirection '08...

This week marked the third and final presidential debate between candidates (named in alphabetical order so as not to appear biased) John "Don't Vote For Him, He's Old" McCain and Barack "C'mon, Is There Really A Competition At This Point" Obama. Not five minutes into this debate, McCain used an anecdote of a man at an Obama rally earlier in the week. The man is a small business owner worried about being taxed if he earns more than $250,000 (part of the Obama tax plan). His name...is Joe Six-Pack. Wait, no, that's not right... hang on here.... oh, here it is... Joe the Plumber. No, wait, that's not it either... hold on... oh, got it right here... Joe Mama. Oh, wait, I guess I was right the second time.

Yes, Joe Wurtzelbacher quickly became a "media darling" after McCain WOULDN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT JOE THE DAMN PLUMBER. During the FIRST conversation about Joe, I got bored and started watching The Daily Show from the night before. I tuned back in for the debate 20 minutes later.. and the second sentence from McCain mentioned JOE THE DAMN PLUMBER! All this guy wanted to do was to give Obama some shit about his plan and get him to say "No, sir, you will not be taxed because you clearly are far better than the rest of the people in this world." Let alone we didn't hear that his wife is ALSO in a high-paying career in a similar field... she's a hooker. Oh, come ON... she OBVIOUSLY would know just as much about laying pipe as her husband! Okay, okay, I'll stop with the Joe the Plumber jokes. I'm sure we've all had MORE than our fill of plumber's cracks.

During the debate, McCain also expressed outrage that Obama would not repudiate the comments of a friend of both of theirs, Senator John Lewis. Lewis has spent the last few weeks comparing McCain and running mate Sarah Palin with a politician known well for his..um..."off-color"... oh, hell, they were RACIST comments... George Wallace. Okay, I can understand why McCain would be upset about being called a racist. Lewis also drew a link between McCain and a church bombing in Alabama. That TOTALLY pissed off McCain! He doesn't cavort with people who want to blow shit up in the U.S... he leaves that to Obama.

Yeah, kinda indignant on McCain's part to be compared to a terrorist act when he and Palin have been linking Obama with "known terrorist" Bill Ayers. "Paging Mr. Kettle, Mr. Kettle, there's a Mr. Pot on the phone for you..."

And the racism thing... why on earth would we get that impression from McCain? It's his VOTERS who are the racists! Like that nice, old bigot who, at a recent McCain rally, expressed she was afraid of Obama because he was an Arab. Wait... what? First, not an Arab. Second, does she usually find herself afraid of people of other ethnicities? Ohhhh, she apparently got her information about Arabs from the Wikipedia entry:
"Arab: see also Terrorist, Mad Bomber, Someone Who Doesn't Speak English, Someone Who Likes To Rape Old Women. Author: Mohn McJain." (It probably doesn't help that Palin is telling people that Obama is hanging out with terroristS, but can only name Bill Ayers. David Letterman asked him about those comments point-blank on the Late Show last night... to which McCain responded that not everything said in this campaign has been totally accurate. You think?)

At least McCain had the good taste to say she had no reason to be afraid of the tan-skinned man. I can't remember... did he respond to the person who shouted from the crowd at an earlier rally about Obama, "Off with his head"? Real classy, America. We've used our Freedom of Speech and Religion and turned it into "That thing in the constitution that comes up right before the part that says I can have 20 loaded guns in my home," which, by the way, it doesn't. It's a military right, not the right of every redneck, uneducated piece of shit in the country to have a gun in their homes that will eventually kill their children in an accidental shooting preceded by the words "Hey, Bobby, check THIS out!" Ladies and gentlemen, the law enforcement officers of America.

I digress... bottom line, this is a RIDICULOUSLY contentious fight for president, one that's forcing people to cross their own party lines and "root for the other guy." Example: Chris Buckley is the son of the founder of the magazine National Review. I don't want to point fingers, but I think most people at the magazine would agree that it's generally a conservative, right-wing, Republican publication. Anyway, Buckley (again, the son of the FOUNDER) wrote a recent column endorsing Obama. Seeing how that might not gel with the editorial board at the magazine, he resigned shortly after he wrote the column. This is not a critique of Buckley or National Review... it's just one example of how people are so sick of the past 8 years of George W. Bush mo-running the country into the ground. Heck, even McCain's statement that he'll get Osama bin Laden sounds SANE.

Anyway, McCain has done a brilliant job of forming a lynch mob... er, group of supporters... during the campaign and looked like an idiot doing it. Obama, meantime, is trying new things in this campaign. I won't say he's not attacking McCain and Palin (let's be fair), but he's also planning a 30-MINUTE campaign ad to air before the election (a la Ross Perot) AND is putting his campaign ads in video games with online connectivity (like on the Xbox 360 or Playstation 3). Billboards and other signs in the games will show Obama ads in at least 10 swing states between now and election day. BRILLIANT! That's someone who KNOWS about new technology... more on this in a second...

I want to interject here that I have lost a lot of faith in the voting process in the past 8 years. In 2000, the presidency was left riding on the number of votes in Florida and the number of Republicans vs. Democrats sitting on the Supreme Court. In 2004, after Bush had already started a war with a country that had NO weapons of mass destruction and, to this point, has NOT been proven to be hiding Osama bin Laden, people STILL re-elected him! So, no, I can't say that I'm going to vote in this year's election. Yes, every vote counts, and I strongly encourage you, if you have an informed opinion, to get out and vote for whoever you think will best serve the country. If you still don't know who to pick, but still want to vote, I IMPLORE you to PLEASE do some kind of homework on the issues. I recommend visiting the campaign websites of both candidates (and even Ralph Nader, just to see what he's all about). Don't watch news reports on the candidates. You're likely to get biased coverage. Fox appears to some viewers to be right-wing. CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC... they appear to some viewers to be left-wing. No one is reporting on Nader. All of that is fine and dandy for viewers who already know who they plan to pick. But for those of you "undecideds" out there, please go directly to the campaigns and find out what their plans for America are. Unedited, untainted coverage. There might be a few half-truths in there, but at least you're walking in with a healthy amount of skepticism, something that's sorely missing from viewers of local and national news coverage. But, I can't see a point in wasting my time in a process that has abandoned any common sense since I became old enough to vote. (However, I'm still on the fence)

Anyway, back to the point I was making earlier... Obama has a good feel for new technology and how to use it. McCain... I doubt it. Here's WHY McCain's TV won't even work past February:

Crashing and Burning

So, who up in this hizzy has some money in that stock market??? I know, that's a terrible way to start this. It's like walking into a friend's home for dinner and saying "Hey, I just drove my car over your dad...twice...I think he might be dead...OOO, look, cocktail weenies!"

Seriously, the markets took quite a beating this week. The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped to its lowest point since 2003. And overseas markets also felt the heat, with Japan's markets dropping 10% in a day and Indonesia actually STOPPED trading to avoid a major selloff. All this after a $700B buyout plan passed by Congress last Friday that was supposed to "save" the country. Now, the government wants to buy into banks to make sure we (the bankers) know our money is safe and government-backed. Oh, it's a good thing the federal government will soon be taking control of my money. I was thinking about sending it to the troops in Iraq myself, but apparently the government will be taking care of that for me. Seriously, how am I supposed to believe my money is insured by the federal government if we're already in a deficit in the billions-approaching-the-trillions? Here's an idea: I'll get everyone in America to send BACK that $600 tax rebate check if you will just STOP SPENDING THE MONEY! And let's consider this...the world markets look to OURS for financial advice. Yeah. Brilliant. That even AFTER they met George W.

And I'm in a unique circumstance. I'm in (I guess) the tail end of Generation X. That means I've been alive now for TWO stock market slumps. I keep seeing references to the crash of 1987, only I don't remember much of that one. I was only 10 years old, and Peter Piggy Bank was still in charge of holding my 401(k). This one is new to me...and at a time when investment analysts say I should be putting more of my money into investments. I can't say I blame them. This is like walking into Best Buy and seeing the HDTVs on sale for 80% off. Seriously, I have 5 bucks in my pocket...I can buy a share of General Motors stock. Or I can just feed it to my cat. At least THAT way, I can guarantee SOME return on my investment.

But here's the thing that worries me. This is the SECOND time in their lives that my parents have had to deal with this economic bullshit. Now, I say "bullshit," but I don't mean "the economy should always be awesome," because it's not. But it should also not be crashing twice in 16 years. I'm okay with volatile. The market lately has had 1-day drops of 300 points, only to recuperate and gain 200 more points. That's a little stronger fluctuation than I'd like, but I'm okay with it. I'm talking about the crap where EVERYBODY SELLS OFF THEIR FUCKING STOCKS LIKE THEY'RE ON FIRE! Come ON! Part of investing in the stock market is riding with the ebbs and flows. Hell, even people who "invest" by dropping 20 bucks in the Powerball drawing every week know they're going to have far more bad days than good... and some of those people don't even have any of their original teeth! How is it that THEY get it, but Wall Street doesn't???

And let's look at our grandparents. They're LIVING off their investments. If the market crashes, they're left without food, medicine... a HOME.

So, I think it's a fair assumption that much of America thinks the federal government can do something to fix economic problems (so far, the $700B buyout? Not so much.). It's also apparent that "W" isn't helping. I heard a stock trader on Wall Street, who listened to "W" try to convince America that everything is fine and not in a recession, say "He (W) just needs to stop talking." Agreed. The damage is done from the past eight years. It's time we look to the new presidential administration to see what they have to offer:

McCain has 5 homes (or 12...he forgets). He must know SOMETHING about real estate.
Obama is "best buds" (thanks McCain) with a man who used to be involved in domestic terror activities. He must know SOMETHING about investing in chemical companies.

Bottom line...America wants to know how, if and when the economy will be fixed. And the "his best friend is a known terrorist" bullshit from the McCain camp about Obama really makes me wonder if the guy who owned the first-ever dollar bill (HE'S OLD!) really has an economic plan at all. And given that half of America wants THAT guy in office...makes me think that the next market crash doesn't start on Wall Street, but Pennsylvania Avenue.

FIX....IT!
-B-

Love at First Sight

She had him at "Can I call you Joe?"

YES! The vice-presidential debate finally got underway last night after WEEKS of hype! Did you see the pre-fight comments from Sarah Palin? That girl's a spitfire! Check out her scathing wit and energy when our color commentator, Katie Couric, hit her with hard questions about READING:

Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?

Palin: I've read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.

Couric: What, specifically?

Palin: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years.

Couric: Can you name a few?

Palin: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news, too. Alaska isn't a foreign country, where it's kind of suggested, "Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C., may be thinking when you live up there in Alaska?" Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.

WOO! Take THAT, Joe Biden! Palin's not gonna waste her TIME talking about where SHE gets her U.S. NEWS & WORLD REPORTs! For her, it's not just a day full of news...it's an entire NEWSWEEK! I guess poor Katie's just gonna have to go ENQUIRE(R) somewhere else! (seriously, you couldn't even name Maxim? Good Housekeeping?)

So, let's go to the fight! Gwen Ifill's not going to let a broken ankle shatter her spirit...she's going in there to be the ENFORCER in this clash of the titans! There's not going to be any ear-Biden...er, bitin'... but this fight will STILL Palin...er, pale in... comparison to any other fight you've ever seen!

...okay, enough of that. So, it wasn't the "crash & burn" I was hoping for, but it was still a good debate. Biden and Palin were both very cordial to each other, almost FRIENDLY. Now THERE'S a chilling thought. I half-expected her to bring him cookies, but she has her own (and Bristol's own) children to look after, and there's just not enough time in the day, what with keepin' an eye on those Russians, because, after all, "Putin is always just around the corner." (If Palin had been reading her newspapers UPRIGHT instead of UPSIDE-DOWN, she would know MEDVEDEV is the new guy in charge in Russia)

Let's not kid ourselves, Palin had some tough questions on her already-shaky foreign policy, like "Please point to Iraq on this map." She DID address nuclear policy. She thinks no country should be in control of such dangerous weapons as nuclear weapons (wait for it)... except the U.S. to keep those other countries in check. Also, she doesn't think anyone should be allowed to have an abortion (wait for it)... except for her daughters, once she finds out her husband got them pregnant.

The debate got very exciting, but Biden and Palin mostly spent their time touting their respective running mates (the black guy and Old Whitey). Safe tactics by Biden AND Palin. There were actually times when Palin was talking that I saw Biden smile at her with a kind of "she made a really good point, good for her" look on his face. I was really expecting her to say something dumb.

But it wasn't ALL good points. During the debate, Ifill would toss questions her direction about international issues and her response would be "I DO think John McCain has the right plan, but let me go back to the point made by Senator Biden..." It was a beautiful case of "hey, watch my right hand conducting the orchestra because my left hand has only two fingers and half a thumb and is possessed by the devil."

Also, both candidates were asked about what they would do if their candidate was elected president, then died in office (I'm looking in YOUR direction, John "Who's older...me or Dick Clark?" McCain). Biden said it would be a national tragedy and he would continue Obama's work. Palin said it would be a national tragedy...and that she'd do her own thing in office! She went on to say "What do you expect with a team of mavericks?" I EXPECT THE VICE-FUCKING-PRESIDENT TO DO WHAT THE GUY WHO I VOTED INTO OFFICE WAS DOING!

And did anyone catch a REALLY subtle barb from Biden when he was talking about his upbringing? He talked about how things were tough financially for his family, and he worked hard and now he and his family have ONE beautiful home. I'm surprised Palin didn't respond with a "Hey, now, JOE, John McCain ALSO has a beautiful home! Like 15 or 20 of them!"

So, who won? Who cares? Not a lot of dumb comments in this one, which makes it less interesting. I'm just looking forward to what Saturday Night Live does with this one, presumably with Tina Fey as Palin, Kenan Thompson as Ifill, and Darrell Hammond...or a potato (is there really a difference anymore?).. as Biden. But if Obama and Biden win, Fox's "24" with Keifer Sutherland TOTALLY called it last season:

Why is there STILL crappy stuff on TV in the fall???

Yes, it's fall premiere season, and while I've been anxiously looking forward to shows like "Fringe," "My Own Worst Enemy" and "Paris Hilton's New BFF Search" (seriously, they'll put ANYTHING on TV nowadays), I'm STILL seeing my fair chunk of Crap TV.

Let's start with the presidential debate. :) Okay, to be fair, I bet there were a lot of people watching this last night because they wanted to see John McCain and Barack Obama go toe-to-toe in a no-holds-barred, electrified steel cage death match (see, that's what they get when they air the debate at the same time as Friday Night Smackdown). Everyone else tuned in because NOTHING ELSE WAS ON. Thank goodness for our local independent station, which aired Oprah while the debate was on. Don't judge.

In all seriousness, the debate was really good. Both guys got in their shots, sounded like they knew what they were talking about, nobody's last name was Bush... everything I look for in a presidential debate. Though, I have to say, I don't know who did McCain's facial reconstruction, but next time, can we get that doctor to wipe the smirk off his face? I'm not shitting around. Watch the debate and watch his face. Every time Obama's talking, McCain is smirking at Jim Lehrer. He's either a dick...or has an unfortunate facial malfunction.

Anyway, I wasn't really dying to see this debate. It's the VICE-presidential debate I want to see. Time for Sarah Palin to answer some tough questions on foreign policy. She HAS been meeting with foreign dignitaries over the past couple of weeks...but she's met them in the UNITED STATES. McCain's harping on Obama for not visiting the middle east...has he MET his running mate? Or has he just been staring at her ass this whole time? Regardless, it will be interesting, because I think many expect McCain to die in office and Palin would take over. So she HAS to start boning up on her Foreign Policy 101. (and on a side note, I like Obama. I want Obama in the White House. But I'm starting to see it not happening. I think America is still more racist than it is ageist or chauvanist. That's sad.)

Earlier this week (speaking of BONING IT), "magician" David Blaine "hung upside down for days in New York, then took a dive of death to the ground." I put every single part of that in quotes except his name (I probably should've done that too) because he did NOTHING of what was promised. Sure, he hung upside down, but kept getting pulled upright onto a crane to pee, eat, whatever. And his "dive of death" was him jumping off a 40-foot platform to the ground with a helium balloon and a couple of wires attached...then "floating" into the sky. Fans there had no idea what was going on...hell, even ABC's announcer went dead silent trying to figure out how to call it: "Well, folks, it looks like David Blaine fucked up another one. Join us again for his special next year 'When Will People Just Start Ignoring My Antics'...and the live crowd even booed Blaine. He showed up on Regis and Kelly trying to explain what he was trying to do and that the wind didn't cooperate with his helium balloon. He said ABC told him to cancel the stunt, but he didn't want to disappoint his (booing) fans. He also said he knew something went wrong when his closest friends called to say "Um, what was THAT?" After his botched "hold my breath for 7 minutes underwater" stunt, I hope ABC drops his sorry ass. Before you sign a multi-million dollar contract to perform a stunt, you better damn well make sure it WORKS.

Also in showbiz news this week, Clay Aiken is gay. Shocker. American Idol judge Simon Cowell wasn't surprised, adding "it's like being told Santa Claus isn't real." Clay said he finally wanted to come out to show his new son that it's not okay to lie. What he SHOULD have said was it's not okay to lie BADLY. C'mon, Clay, did you REALLY think you were fooling us? Like that one time your hair and makeup made you look like Ellen DeGeneres...who is ALSO GAY?? I would've loved to play hide-and-seek with him as a kid. I'm sure he'd hide...by standing out in the middle of an open meadow with a big neon sign above him that read "Don't Look Here!"

And finally, PETA (the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) wants Ben & Jerry's (the ice cream guys) to start using women's breast milk in their ice cream instead of cow's milk. I would say that again...but I had to stifle my laughter AND my gag reflex the first time. Really, PETA? You think "Ben & Jerry's Spu-Mommy Ice Cream" would be a big seller? How about "Ben & Jerry's Chunky Pumpy"? "Peanut Butter 'D' Cup"? "Chocolate Nip"? Good job, PETA. You thought you came up with the BREAST idea ever...but you just came out looking like a bunch of boobs. At least that's SOMETHING you have in common with David Blaine.
-B-

Happy BR-Day to Me!

If you don't get the joke, BR stands for national ice cream chain Baskin Robbins, known for its 31 flavors of "slap your momma" goodness...and today's my 31st birthday. So it's my BR-day. (Hey, I can make dumb jokes...it's my birthday)

To celebrate, I'm adding a couple more friends to the show, but you'll have to wait until the end of this blog to read it. Or you can just skip ahead if you're like those people who pick up a mystery and skip right to the last page to figure out whodunnit. It's called "cheating." Can't you just be patient? I'll be done soon!

For those of you who stuck around, thanks. Let's start with a story out of the Republican National Convention this year in Minneapolis, MN. One of the visitors/delegates/lemmings (I REALLY think the new republican mascot should be a lemming...or a sheep) enjoyed listening to VP candidate Sarah Palin's acceptance speech, looked at his (I shit you not) $30,000 watch and decided it was time to head back to the hotel. Gabriel Schwartz, who's also an attorney in Denver, stopped at the hotel bar and started chatting up this pretty girl. He says they decided to go up to his room. She mixed up a couple of drinks, he made himself more comfortable, had a drink....and passed out. Yup, she drugged him and stole his $30k watch, along with other jewelry and cash for a total of (Schwartz claims) $50k. Okay, first, you're an ATTORNEY...I'm gonna bet this is NOT the first time you've ever heard of this happening. Second, check out what Schwartz told the media afterward: "As a single man, I was flattered by the attention of a beautiful woman who introduced herself to me. I used poor judgment. If there is any good that can come from this humiliation, it is to caution others that date rape happens to men, too." Really, Gabe? I wasn't there, but I can ALMOST guarantee you that what happened to you was not even remotely CLOSE to a "rape." In fact, I'm sure the lovely and talented crook you wanted to bone until the cows came home didn't even TOUCH your body except to remove your pretentious, overpriced Rolex and to pull your wallet out of your pants. I'm fairly certain she left that condom that was inside the wallet behind. You got robbed. I feel bad for you, because I think all average-to-below-average-to-painful-on-the-eyes men should get SOME kind of attention from an attractive woman at least once in their lives. But next time, take off that expensive watch before you try to chat one up. Or else your status symbol will instead be viewed as a symbol that you're a sucker.

Next up, Lindsay Lohan is expressing her views about the aforementioned VP candidated Sarah Palin. I encourage you to read it...because I'm not going to. I DO know that Lohan is critical of Palin...and it sounds like Lohan might actually be exercising her brain without getting naked to do it. I heard she wanted to be the new host of "Hardball" on MSNBC, saying "Going through life with only one makes you twice as much of a man." Actually, I've seen the chick Lohan's hanging out with now...what would she know about balls?

And, yes, Tina Fey did a drop-dead perfect impersonation of Sarah Palin on the season premiere of Saturday Night Live (quite frankly the only skit worth watching on the entire show...the whole show just seemed "off" and host Michael Phelps proved he should continue swimming in silence instead of trying to convince people he has a sense of humor). You want to see it, go look it up on nbc.com.. it's my birthday.

Okay, now for the friends of the show...

Adding the blog posted by good friend/news sister/cat sitter Katrina Gallagher (formerly Macaraeg..I am SO glad she married into a last name I can pronounce). She's posting thoughts about working out, etc.

And I'm posting another blog site, also cat-related. I don't normally do this, but since many of my readers are either fans of adorable animals..or fans of bad spelling.. icanhascheezburger.com seemed like an appropriate addition:

Prophetic or pathetic

Are we becoming a nation of idiots?

One theme that continues to emerge throughout this presidential campaign is the notion of "elites".

Somehow education has become a wedge issue.

Folks on the right like to trump how they are against the so-called liberal east coast elites. It's a smoke and mirrors trick to make people think republicans are "like them" just working folks who live day to day.

It's too bad they are not.

Most of the people who spew these talking points, day in and day out on radio and television are elites themselves. Many are (gasp) Ivy League educated, lawyers or hold some sort of advanced degree. That's a lot more education than the "base" they are trying to "energize".

A few months ago the PBS news magazine NOW reported on a trend among some in the working class who always vote Republican despite how many Republican backed economic policies put them in the situation they are in now. Many of the folks they profiled were living paycheck to paycheck, facing rising fuel and fuel prices, and foreclosure.

These tactics are nothing new. It's happened throughout U.S. history the high class (or ruling class if you will) use the working (or lower class) as pawns to promote their cause while breaking their backs.

A few years ago Mike Judge (the man behind Beavis & Butthead, King of the Hill and Office Space) made a movie called Idiocracy.

One of its themes is society is getting dumb now and in 500 years we'll all be idiots.

The movie itself has sparked many on-line conspiracy theories. I remember reading about it coming out when I lived in Louisville, then nothing. Turns out its release was delayed about 6 months, then it only opened in a handful of cities. There were no press junkets, screenings or much advertising.

Idiocracy is OK. It's not great, there are some good ideas that end up half-baked. It's totally watchable, much more so then the usual Hollywood drivel.

Sadly, given the current climate, we may see the realities of Idiocracy before we know it.

Myspace or Yours?

First, to that one guy in Galveston, TX, who intends to hang out on his island and ride out Hurricane Ike this weekend.. you are a stupid fuck.

Okay, on to business...

I'm not sure if any of you faithful readers are aware of this, but there are apparently some websites being used for what's being called "social networking." Yeah, that sentence is dripping with sarcasm, because it seems like EVERYONE is a member of Myspace, Facebook or both.

It's come to my attention that there are three basic groups of people on these sites that I can sum up in three simple letters: OCD.
O-- Obsessive. These are the people who check Myspace and/or Facebook 4-5 times an hour to see if any of their "friends" are online or if any of their "friend requests" have gone through. If you're not one of these people, you probably KNOW at least one. Here's how you spot them: they're the ones who send you 20 requests a day for things like "snowball fight," "take this pseudo-plant and send one back to me," and the ever popular "take this 'What can YOU shove up YOUR anus' quiz." Yes, free friendship is available online, and proven with comments, bulletin boards, "stickers", and even...ahem...blogs. Do not judge these "O" people lest ye be judged...repeatedly. With at least 20 comments on your bulletin board over the course of the next hour.
C-- Casual. These are the people who check Myspace and/or Facebook 4-5 times a week (maybe TWO weeks). They'll politely respond to messages from friends whom they have not seen in years and ask those friends how things are going, how the second/third/seventh marriage is going, how long until they stop popping out those damn kids, etc. They're likely to respond to 1, maybe 2, "friend requests" or "snowball fights" over the course of a month. They might even through a snowball back...which is exactly the amount of a chance in hell that you'll hear from the final group...
D-- Don't give a fuck. These are the people who check the sites once a year (if you're lucky). They didn't even want to put up a page in the first place, but got tired of all the nagging "friends" asking them what their Myspace page was. (In the interest of full disclosure, my Myspace page STILL ends in a random set of numbers...my cleverness goes to this blog) There will be only about 2 pictures of them on their page, and there's a better-than-average chance that they didn't even create the page themselves, but instead let one of their "friends" do it for them. They're also likely to annoy the "O" groupers by not responding to any "friend requests" and just letting them sit there...forever...just for fun.

It's a tongue-in-cheek look, but still somewhat true. Social networking sites are a double-edged sword. You can see all these people..but as soon as you grant a friend request, they can see everything you do. Or, at least, what you're willing to post online. And for some people, that's a LOT more than should be done.

There have also been some well-publicized incidences of cyber-bullying, where immature children (and sometimes adults) pester, harang and pretty much harass people they don't care for on the sites. You might have even heard about the girl who committed suicide because of all the bullying being done to her.

As for me, I've won and lost on the sites. I found a hot date by looking at the friend list of one of my friends. On the down side, it's also been easier for my exes to track me down.

I could go on about this for hours, but you don't have that kind of time. Bottom line, there's no regulation on these sites, which is why some people like them and some hate them. Once you approve that friend request, your world becomes as open a book as you want it to be. And without having to communicate face-to-face with people, it seems a lot easier for some to disclose VERY personal information. So Myspazz at your own risk. Because your "friends" might not be as tight with you as you think. But you can always guarantee they're a little OCD.
-B-

What a wonderful world

I see trees of green and skies of blue... but I have NEVER in my 9 years in news seen anything like this. Let's go to the BREAKING NATIONAL "IT'S NOT POLITICS OR PREGNANCY, BUT IT'S STILL A REALLY FUCKED UP STORY" WIRE (Copyright 2008):

Published: September 4, 2008
PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - Police in Port St. Lucie are on the lookout for a cross-dressing man who snatched a 74-year-old woman's purse. As if that weren't odd enough, they're depending on a strange clue.
The suspect left behind a condom filled with water he had been using as a fake breast. The woman said she believed the thief followed her while shopping. A witness told investigators he was wearing a short denim skirt and black tube top, and fled in a silver car with two other male crossdressers.
Police are processing the condom for fingerprint and DNA evidence.

And in a totally unrelated story, Sarah Jessica Parker, Lindsey Lohan and the middle Hanson brother have mysteriously disappeared from TMZ's cameras.
-B-

Look who's watching and/or surfing

A few TV related stories caught my eye over the past few days.

Nielson is beginning to use a walking people meter of sorts to track t.v. viewing. The device is about as large as a cell phone and picks up a random, unique audio signal from each TV station. The goal is to track what people are watching in bars, restaurant, etc.

It doesn't take a genius to realize this could be a boon for sports coverage. Most of us have gone to a bar at one time or another to watch the big game with friends. Hopefully, this is just one step in making TV ratings more accurate.

Without getting all big brother on your asses, I can't see why in the world of digital cable the technology is not there to track everybody's tv viewing. If we can watch programming on demand, there must be a better way to track viewing in real-time.

Also, a new Ipsos survey finds that rich people are spending more time on-line. It also found that the more money your household makes, the more time you spend on the web.

Much of that has to do with actual on-line access (i.e. high speed connections) and ownership of hand held devices (i.e. Blackberry's and iPhones).

Advertisers should listen, if you want to reach the rich, buy ads on line.

It's got to be tough to launch a media campaign these days. Where do you spend your money? TV? Newspapers? With millions of websites out there how do you know which ones to target?