Welcome to Dumb Criminal Day here at Thinking Hard! It's a celebration of the morons who get caught doing dumb things that prove, once again, that Darwin was right.
Let's start in Illinois...some tool decided he could get away with defrauding the national government. Yeah, get this: he thought he would try to SELL a U.S. SENATE SEAT! Who does that??? Oh, wait, he's the governor. Or he WAS.
That's right. Thursday, state lawmakers in Illinois voted to oust Rod Blagojevich from his position as the state's governor. I think back to this week's trial in the state senate...is there anything BlaGONEjevich could have done to save himself? Well, he could have SHOWED UP! Yeah, Little Rod decided the first day of the trial Monday was a great day to talk to Good Morning America, The View (Elisabeth Hasselbeck conspicuous by her absence...maybe it's another round of morning sickness. Zounds! She's spawning ANOTHER one!), Nightline and Larry King Live. "Tonight, the Rod Blagojevich National 'Out of Context' Tour rips through the Big Apple..NEW YORK CITY! Are you ready to MOCK???" I think I most enjoyed his conversation with ABC's Cynthia McFadden. She quoted his wiretapped conversation that he was "sitting on a bleeping goldmine" with regards to President Barack Obama's open Senate seat. He responds with "I am not a crook"...no, wait. He responds with "That was taken out of context." Cynthia fires back "Then put it IN context!" And Blago-a-go-go says he can't because the laws prevent him from talking about the case. Uh-huh. So THAT'S why you're on your "If I Did It" book tour? So you can go on TV and NOT answer media questions about what's about to remove you from your office?
Tuesday, he showed up on CBS's "The Early Show." His hair got more viewers than the segment.
Thursday, he FINALLY shows up to defend himself to the state senators. He spoke for 45 minutes...and was voted UNANIMOUSLY out of the governor's office. Thanks for playing, here are some lovely parting gifts...a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat...$200 in light bulbs from GE. GE: We bring good things to light...and 25 free visits to the Donald Trump Hair Salon, to keep that "do" from becoming a "don't."
NO LAWMAKER FROM ILLINOIS SUPPORTED BL-ALMOST-GOT-AWAY-WITH-IT-VICH! In fact, I listened to the roll call vote and one senator even said "Absolutely." That's not a yes! That's a "even if you asked me when I was piss-drunk, I would still recognize that this guy is a crook...and his hair is winking at me." First governor in 20 years to be ousted from office (trivia: the first governor to be ousted was in the early 1800s and was from the great state of North Carolina) and the first EVER governor to be removed in the history of Illinois. Well, congratulations Rod...you can now take your name from the infamous Guinness Book listing of "Worst Haircut" and move it over to "Worst Governor." Shit, EVEN SARAH PALIN STILL HAS A JOB! You suggested on ABC that you were in talks to put Oprah in the vacant Senate seat...you know she can hear you, right? More importantly, you know she's on TV and radio, right? Yeah, she went on her satellite radio network and said she had NO IDEA she was up for the job...but probably would have turned it down because of her busy schedule of...um...eating? And let's check in with one more person: the guy who WAS selected to fill the open Senate seat, Roland Burris. In the best case ever of "biting that Rod that fed you", Burris did not side with Blagoon either. How's that for irony...a BLACK guy from Chicago made it big and a WHITE guy got arrested.
Moving ahead (but not far)...the Chicago Police Department got a new recruit last weekend. He showed up in uniform Saturday afternoon and was assigned to a partner and a squad car. But he WAS ONLY 14 YEARS OLD! Yup, totally faking the cop thing. He just really wanted to be a cop. Worse yet, it took his new partner FIVE HOURS to realize he was not an officer because his uniform was missing a star that's on every officer's uniform. Way to go, Columbo! Remember kids, if you're going to murder someone in Chicago, make sure you put on that "I'm Not The Killer" shirt before police get to the scene.
Finally today...shit, I can't even write this any better. Just take a look at what happened in New Zealand:
Like music? Jay-Z and Radiohead are teaming up (shit you not) for an album similar to what Beyonce's husband did with Linkin Park. Check out the riffs at www.jaydiohead.com
Peace.
-B-
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Change, Creativity and Creepy Hairstyles
The new era has officially begun. Barack Obama is the new President of the United States. I wonder if we'll start referring to him as "O." I don't know if there's been a LOT of change in the past four days, but I DO know that three major media outlets (two of them being the Associated Press and Reuters) are already pissed off at the big "O" because their news photographers were kept out of the Oval Office on the first day of the new presidency. Instead, the White House press office issued photos of Obama hard at work in the office. But the news outlets complain every other president let them in to take pictures and it's not like they're trying to take pictures of his private quarters or anything like that. Personally, I think they just wanted to be the first people to say they took a picture of the president's "O" face.
From O to Blag-O, Illinois Governor (for now) Rod Blagojevich heads to trial next week on accusations of fraud and corruption. He still contends he did nothing wrong, though there are phone tap recordings of Blagojevich trying to sell off President Obama's senate seat to the highest bidder. He also used a lot of...um...COLORFUL language. Blagojevich says he would have kept the language cleaner if he knew the government was listening in on his phone calls. WHAT? That defense makes about as much sense as him showing up to defend himself on a ridiculous TV show like "The View"...WHAT??? HE IS??? Yeah, apparently he's trying to book himself on Good Morning America and "The View" Monday morning. Let me tell you, I L-O-A-T-H-E Elisabeth Hasselbeck, but I hope she gets her conservative claws into his bleeping ass.
Let's wrap this up with the Oscars. Heath Ledger received a posthumous nomination for his role as The Joker in "The Dark Knight." It's the only nomination the movie got, and it's a classy move by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" got THIRTEEN noms. "Slumdog Millionaire" was also honored nine nominations, which is the first time I can recall that many nominations for a bollywood-style film. So, congratulations to the ORIGINAL films at the box office, as well as those films based on LITERARY WORKS. (For those of you not keeping track, "Benjamin Button" was a story written by "Great Gatsby" author F. Scott Fitzgerald) You'll note the absence of movies like "Halloween" and "Saw 5" from the nomination list. Hollywood has been obsessed with remakes and sequels for YEARS, and this year is no different. It's sad, really. Directors keep putting out trash that we've seen before, and yet we keep paying to see it. And we pass up the Oscar-nominated films. It's almost like the Oscar has become the award for the "Best Movie No One Paid To See."
Seriously, I read this week that some a-hole is doing a big-screen version of Tom and Jerry. Computer-animated cat and mouse, everything else is real. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? What is the market for that? Those of us who watched the cartoon as kids are too old now to really enjoy that (and hopefully too smart to take our own children).
So here's the bottom line...Hollywood has for years...and will continue to...put that kind of trash on the big screen. You know why? Because we pay for it. "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" was the top movie at the box office. Anyone see the trailers for that movie? Kevin James as a mall security guard who saves the day. Funny that production on the film was announced just a few months after my friend Martin pitched his TV show idea to some network execs in Vegas. It was called "Mall Police." At least one of the characters got around using a Segway. I don't want to suggest that Happy Madison ripped off his TV idea...but I'm not going to that movie.
Anyway, back to the point. Movies continue to play to the lowest common denominator. People apparently don't want to have to think at the theater. I make this plea...don't stop watching the crap movies, but for every, say, 3 crap movies you pay $10 a head to see, could you please see ONE critically-acclaimed movie? Much like a good book, you might be surprised to find something you're interested in. I suggest "Frost/Nixon." You can watch it before the upcoming remake of...wait, are you shitting me...FRIDAY THE 13TH??? Dammit.
-B-
From O to Blag-O, Illinois Governor (for now) Rod Blagojevich heads to trial next week on accusations of fraud and corruption. He still contends he did nothing wrong, though there are phone tap recordings of Blagojevich trying to sell off President Obama's senate seat to the highest bidder. He also used a lot of...um...COLORFUL language. Blagojevich says he would have kept the language cleaner if he knew the government was listening in on his phone calls. WHAT? That defense makes about as much sense as him showing up to defend himself on a ridiculous TV show like "The View"...WHAT??? HE IS??? Yeah, apparently he's trying to book himself on Good Morning America and "The View" Monday morning. Let me tell you, I L-O-A-T-H-E Elisabeth Hasselbeck, but I hope she gets her conservative claws into his bleeping ass.
Let's wrap this up with the Oscars. Heath Ledger received a posthumous nomination for his role as The Joker in "The Dark Knight." It's the only nomination the movie got, and it's a classy move by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" got THIRTEEN noms. "Slumdog Millionaire" was also honored nine nominations, which is the first time I can recall that many nominations for a bollywood-style film. So, congratulations to the ORIGINAL films at the box office, as well as those films based on LITERARY WORKS. (For those of you not keeping track, "Benjamin Button" was a story written by "Great Gatsby" author F. Scott Fitzgerald) You'll note the absence of movies like "Halloween" and "Saw 5" from the nomination list. Hollywood has been obsessed with remakes and sequels for YEARS, and this year is no different. It's sad, really. Directors keep putting out trash that we've seen before, and yet we keep paying to see it. And we pass up the Oscar-nominated films. It's almost like the Oscar has become the award for the "Best Movie No One Paid To See."
Seriously, I read this week that some a-hole is doing a big-screen version of Tom and Jerry. Computer-animated cat and mouse, everything else is real. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? What is the market for that? Those of us who watched the cartoon as kids are too old now to really enjoy that (and hopefully too smart to take our own children).
So here's the bottom line...Hollywood has for years...and will continue to...put that kind of trash on the big screen. You know why? Because we pay for it. "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" was the top movie at the box office. Anyone see the trailers for that movie? Kevin James as a mall security guard who saves the day. Funny that production on the film was announced just a few months after my friend Martin pitched his TV show idea to some network execs in Vegas. It was called "Mall Police." At least one of the characters got around using a Segway. I don't want to suggest that Happy Madison ripped off his TV idea...but I'm not going to that movie.
Anyway, back to the point. Movies continue to play to the lowest common denominator. People apparently don't want to have to think at the theater. I make this plea...don't stop watching the crap movies, but for every, say, 3 crap movies you pay $10 a head to see, could you please see ONE critically-acclaimed movie? Much like a good book, you might be surprised to find something you're interested in. I suggest "Frost/Nixon." You can watch it before the upcoming remake of...wait, are you shitting me...FRIDAY THE 13TH??? Dammit.
-B-
Friday, January 16, 2009
Is it cold in here, or is it just your shoulder?
Bust out the flaming garbage cans and throw an extra rabbit on the fire...IT'S COLD! Now, to be entirely fair, the 20-degree highs in Charlotte today are NOWHERE near the highs of 26-degrees...BELOW ZERO.. in Fargo, North Dakota. Yes, we midwesterners understand the risk when we live there. But that's just "ridiculous cold" (a couple of notches past "stupid cold" and "what the fuck was I thinking coming out here without any pants on cold"). And it's worse in spots where there's snow. My friends and family in Chicago were battening down the hatches for some flurries, but they never came. Still, the city was prepared:
It's funny, my co-worker (NOT a Chicago-phile) thinks the Sears Tower and Hancock Building look like the World Trade Center towers and thought it might be in bad taste. I tried to assure her the Twin Towers were NOT brought down by an evil, giant snowman...but she was having none of it.
Speaking of the Twin Towers, I watched a documentary called "Man on Wire" today. Pick it up (whether it be through Blockbuster, Netflix, Best Buy...or even by illegal download...it's THAT good). It's about the guy who walked a tightrope/cable strung between the towers back in 1974. It's fascinating, has some thrills, some romance. It also reminded me of the good video there is out there of the Twin Towers...NOT GETTING BLOWN TO KINGDOM COME BY A BUNCH OF DUMBASS HIJACKERS. Seriously, it seems like every Twin Towers-related documentary in the last 5 years has had something to do with the 9/11 attacks. It's nice to see something that celebrates something that happened while the World Trade Center was still standing.
And speaking of movies and the war on terror, Joe the Retar...I mean, PLUMBER...is officially "embedded" in the Gaza Strip, covering the war between Israel and Hamas. I saw a soundbite from him that suggested reporters should not be embedded in the war, that we should instead be informed about the war by those little newsreel clips shown at the beginning of movies back in the 1940s. Really? The reason some moron decided it was a good idea to send you over there (provided he wasn't trying to get you killed) is because he wanted you to give a perspective of the war that we CAN'T get from just a couple of 20-second stories on our local news channel. YOU'RE GETTING PAID to make those little newsreels seem worthless. Seriously, you don't want to plumb for your living, you don't want to report for your living, what DO you want to do??? Because, frankly, you appear to only be good at one thing, and I don't think you have the CEO/Manager credibility to be sitting around on your thumbs all day. Remember, kids, just say no to crack.
A big congrats to the Carolina Panthers for a strong season...that ended in a home playoff game last Sunday against the Arizona Cardinals. "Dear Jake Delhomme....FIVE PICKS??? REALLY??? Love, Blaine."
Speaking of playoffs, it's mid-January, which means we're about 2 months from March Madness. And it's almost time for Thinking Hard's 2nd Annual "Hottest Mess" tournament. I'm tracking some of the major players and thinking of opening it up to people outside Hollywood. But I have to take some road trips to scout possible competitors...and I hear Alaska is downright frigid this time of year.
-B-
It's funny, my co-worker (NOT a Chicago-phile) thinks the Sears Tower and Hancock Building look like the World Trade Center towers and thought it might be in bad taste. I tried to assure her the Twin Towers were NOT brought down by an evil, giant snowman...but she was having none of it.
Speaking of the Twin Towers, I watched a documentary called "Man on Wire" today. Pick it up (whether it be through Blockbuster, Netflix, Best Buy...or even by illegal download...it's THAT good). It's about the guy who walked a tightrope/cable strung between the towers back in 1974. It's fascinating, has some thrills, some romance. It also reminded me of the good video there is out there of the Twin Towers...NOT GETTING BLOWN TO KINGDOM COME BY A BUNCH OF DUMBASS HIJACKERS. Seriously, it seems like every Twin Towers-related documentary in the last 5 years has had something to do with the 9/11 attacks. It's nice to see something that celebrates something that happened while the World Trade Center was still standing.
And speaking of movies and the war on terror, Joe the Retar...I mean, PLUMBER...is officially "embedded" in the Gaza Strip, covering the war between Israel and Hamas. I saw a soundbite from him that suggested reporters should not be embedded in the war, that we should instead be informed about the war by those little newsreel clips shown at the beginning of movies back in the 1940s. Really? The reason some moron decided it was a good idea to send you over there (provided he wasn't trying to get you killed) is because he wanted you to give a perspective of the war that we CAN'T get from just a couple of 20-second stories on our local news channel. YOU'RE GETTING PAID to make those little newsreels seem worthless. Seriously, you don't want to plumb for your living, you don't want to report for your living, what DO you want to do??? Because, frankly, you appear to only be good at one thing, and I don't think you have the CEO/Manager credibility to be sitting around on your thumbs all day. Remember, kids, just say no to crack.
A big congrats to the Carolina Panthers for a strong season...that ended in a home playoff game last Sunday against the Arizona Cardinals. "Dear Jake Delhomme....FIVE PICKS??? REALLY??? Love, Blaine."
Speaking of playoffs, it's mid-January, which means we're about 2 months from March Madness. And it's almost time for Thinking Hard's 2nd Annual "Hottest Mess" tournament. I'm tracking some of the major players and thinking of opening it up to people outside Hollywood. But I have to take some road trips to scout possible competitors...and I hear Alaska is downright frigid this time of year.
-B-
Friday, January 9, 2009
Thank Goodness I Don't Deliver TV Interviews
Welcome back for the second Thinking Hard post of 2009! What do I get for that? Lint? Tinfoil? Brass farthing?
First off, you'll notice a new friend of the show. It's a blog written by that morning show producer in Chicago who went off on television snow coverage a few weeks ago (if you look in Thinking Hard's December '08 posts, you'll find the video link). If you enjoy Thinking Hard, you'll enjoy Ben's Breakfast Blog. If you don't enjoy Thinking Hard...then you probably aren't reading this. So piss off.
Also, a quick note, apparently there's a new gauge available to let people know what type of audience their online ramblings are tuned to, i.e. a college education or high school education, etc. Thinking Hard was awarded a classification of "Elementary." And let me promise you that in 2009, Thinking Hard will continue to fight hard for the exploits of mediocrity and the undereducated. After all, I've been told that two people I know (in their 20s AND 40s) had no idea that Washington, DC, was, in fact, NOT in Washington State and was instead in the District of Columbia. For such a little-known place, a lot of the nation's most important people sure do hang out there.
So, let's crack open this cold one and enjoy it. I titled this post "Thank Goodness I Don't Deliver TV Interviews" because I've seen a lot of really, REALLY bad ones this week.
Let's start with the media rampage of the juggernaut-cum-Godzilla known as Ann Coulter. She has a new book...and apparently a new "Fuck you, broadcast news" attitude. Spotted on both CBS's Early Show and NBC's Today this week, Coulter took pointed questions from respected journalists Harry Smith and Matt Lauer...and insulted them. What did you expect? An Ann Coulter interview where she's NOT combative and comes off like a total bitch? It's like going to a hockey game and NOT expecting to see guys punching each other's teeth out. Seriously, I'm a liberal and I would be willing to listen to Coulter's conservative views if she didn't seem like such an a-hole when she's doing it. Enough with the pious, "holier than thou" attitude! And if she's hoping her "attack on the media" will generate hype around her new book, consider this...I don't even remember what the book's called, and I've seen the cover now at least twice.
Also a target of Coulter's rampage is Caroline Kennedy, who's being considered to replace outgoing New York senator Hillary Rodham Beckinghamton Shropshire Checkoutmyfancymiddlename ImissedbeingpresidentbyTHISmuch Clinton. In a local TV interview in New York, Kennedy was heard at points doing what some consider "rambling", filling gaps in her sentences with a lot of "ums" and "you knows." Hey, I'm okay if Coulter wants to criticize Kennedy's lawmaking skills, but let's wait and see what happens if she's appointed. After all, I've heard PLENTY of useless ramblings from men and women who were ELECTED BY THE PEOPLE to their seats in Congress. And don't even get me STARTED on that Bush fellow...
But Caroline Kennedy isn't just drawing the barbs of Ann Coulter. No, sirree-bob, you betcha (you see where this is going). Recent grandmother and host of the new reality series "What The F*&% Am I Going To Do NOW?" Sarah Palin...wait, she's also a what...A GOVERNOR???...who would be stupid enough to elec...oh...
Anywho, Palin did a recent television interview saying that the media has been a little more forgiving in its interviews with Caroline Kennedy than they were with her. I mean, she has a good point. Kennedy's in line for a Senate seat! That's an important role! Can you imagine all the scrutiny she'd get if she was running for, say, VICE PRESIDENT??? Palin suggested it's a "class" issue. I agree...Kennedy is a member of the "upper" class; Palin is a member of the "no" class.
Palin also took shots at the "liberal journalists" who interviewed her during her stumble...er, drunken stupor...er, RUN for the Vice President's office. You might remember those "difficult" and "unfair" questions, like Katie Couric's "What magazines and newspapers do you read?" and the gripping follow-up question "Just give me a name of one of them." Palin chided Couric, saying the world does not revolve around Katie Couric. Again, I agree. Palin makes an excellent point. Katie Couric should not be treated as if she was, say, running for VICE PRESIDENT!
Palin made another point during her interview that she was defensive of any and all media coverage of her daughter's out-of-wedlock, almost-underage birth. I'm not going into that here with the exeception of two words: Tripp? REALLY?
And following "Sarah Palin's Happy TV Friends and Friends", one of her former co-stars on the comedy-tragedy that is her "career," Joe the Plumber has a new job. Get this: he's going to the Gaza region to report on the Israel-Hamas conflict for a website. Awesome. If he doesn't get shot in his first week, you can almost guarantee he'll be suggesting that Israel "put some of that Hamas on their pita chips and stop this war." He might also report the overwhelming presence of chickpeas in the Hamas ranks.
Let's slowly move away from politics and talk tech. President-elect Obama (I can't WAIT to drop that ELECT from his name...I'm so excited for him to take office, for inauguration day, I'm going to make some BARACK-COLI...it's a vegetable joke) announced this week that he's pushing for a delay in the government-mandated switch from analog television signals to digital television signals. The switch was ordered by Congress to happen next month. But apparently the government's not financially ready for the switch. This is the switch you've seen countless commercials about, talking about how you'll need a new converter box to attach to your antenna to draw in the new digital signal or your TV won't work. The government offered $20 off coupons for every American who signed up for them. But now they've run out of the coupons (and the money to support them) and are now putting people on a waiting list. But it DOES NOT mean there's a shortage of converter boxes. It just means you'll have to drop full bank for a box instead of saving 20 bucks. I thought it was funny that a lot of the people who won't be rushing out to by a brand new HDTV are the older audience members and that the signup for the coupons was on the internet...something they STILL don't understand.
Finally, a new type of television was unveiled this week at the Consumer Electronics That You Can't Afford In This Recession Unless You're A CEO Who Hasn't Been Convicted Of A Federal Crime Show (or CETYCAITRUYACWHBCOAFCS, for short). We're talkin' 3-D BABY!!! Finally, I can watch porn the way it was MEANT to be watched...expect to see the following post SEVERAL times on Craigslist:
"Brand new 3-D TELEVISION!!! Works great. $5,000 or $2,500 if you promise not to ask about the white stain on the screen."
-B-
First off, you'll notice a new friend of the show. It's a blog written by that morning show producer in Chicago who went off on television snow coverage a few weeks ago (if you look in Thinking Hard's December '08 posts, you'll find the video link). If you enjoy Thinking Hard, you'll enjoy Ben's Breakfast Blog. If you don't enjoy Thinking Hard...then you probably aren't reading this. So piss off.
Also, a quick note, apparently there's a new gauge available to let people know what type of audience their online ramblings are tuned to, i.e. a college education or high school education, etc. Thinking Hard was awarded a classification of "Elementary." And let me promise you that in 2009, Thinking Hard will continue to fight hard for the exploits of mediocrity and the undereducated. After all, I've been told that two people I know (in their 20s AND 40s) had no idea that Washington, DC, was, in fact, NOT in Washington State and was instead in the District of Columbia. For such a little-known place, a lot of the nation's most important people sure do hang out there.
So, let's crack open this cold one and enjoy it. I titled this post "Thank Goodness I Don't Deliver TV Interviews" because I've seen a lot of really, REALLY bad ones this week.
Let's start with the media rampage of the juggernaut-cum-Godzilla known as Ann Coulter. She has a new book...and apparently a new "Fuck you, broadcast news" attitude. Spotted on both CBS's Early Show and NBC's Today this week, Coulter took pointed questions from respected journalists Harry Smith and Matt Lauer...and insulted them. What did you expect? An Ann Coulter interview where she's NOT combative and comes off like a total bitch? It's like going to a hockey game and NOT expecting to see guys punching each other's teeth out. Seriously, I'm a liberal and I would be willing to listen to Coulter's conservative views if she didn't seem like such an a-hole when she's doing it. Enough with the pious, "holier than thou" attitude! And if she's hoping her "attack on the media" will generate hype around her new book, consider this...I don't even remember what the book's called, and I've seen the cover now at least twice.
Also a target of Coulter's rampage is Caroline Kennedy, who's being considered to replace outgoing New York senator Hillary Rodham Beckinghamton Shropshire Checkoutmyfancymiddlename ImissedbeingpresidentbyTHISmuch Clinton. In a local TV interview in New York, Kennedy was heard at points doing what some consider "rambling", filling gaps in her sentences with a lot of "ums" and "you knows." Hey, I'm okay if Coulter wants to criticize Kennedy's lawmaking skills, but let's wait and see what happens if she's appointed. After all, I've heard PLENTY of useless ramblings from men and women who were ELECTED BY THE PEOPLE to their seats in Congress. And don't even get me STARTED on that Bush fellow...
But Caroline Kennedy isn't just drawing the barbs of Ann Coulter. No, sirree-bob, you betcha (you see where this is going). Recent grandmother and host of the new reality series "What The F*&% Am I Going To Do NOW?" Sarah Palin...wait, she's also a what...A GOVERNOR???...who would be stupid enough to elec...oh...
Anywho, Palin did a recent television interview saying that the media has been a little more forgiving in its interviews with Caroline Kennedy than they were with her. I mean, she has a good point. Kennedy's in line for a Senate seat! That's an important role! Can you imagine all the scrutiny she'd get if she was running for, say, VICE PRESIDENT??? Palin suggested it's a "class" issue. I agree...Kennedy is a member of the "upper" class; Palin is a member of the "no" class.
Palin also took shots at the "liberal journalists" who interviewed her during her stumble...er, drunken stupor...er, RUN for the Vice President's office. You might remember those "difficult" and "unfair" questions, like Katie Couric's "What magazines and newspapers do you read?" and the gripping follow-up question "Just give me a name of one of them." Palin chided Couric, saying the world does not revolve around Katie Couric. Again, I agree. Palin makes an excellent point. Katie Couric should not be treated as if she was, say, running for VICE PRESIDENT!
Palin made another point during her interview that she was defensive of any and all media coverage of her daughter's out-of-wedlock, almost-underage birth. I'm not going into that here with the exeception of two words: Tripp? REALLY?
And following "Sarah Palin's Happy TV Friends and Friends", one of her former co-stars on the comedy-tragedy that is her "career," Joe the Plumber has a new job. Get this: he's going to the Gaza region to report on the Israel-Hamas conflict for a website. Awesome. If he doesn't get shot in his first week, you can almost guarantee he'll be suggesting that Israel "put some of that Hamas on their pita chips and stop this war." He might also report the overwhelming presence of chickpeas in the Hamas ranks.
Let's slowly move away from politics and talk tech. President-elect Obama (I can't WAIT to drop that ELECT from his name...I'm so excited for him to take office, for inauguration day, I'm going to make some BARACK-COLI...it's a vegetable joke) announced this week that he's pushing for a delay in the government-mandated switch from analog television signals to digital television signals. The switch was ordered by Congress to happen next month. But apparently the government's not financially ready for the switch. This is the switch you've seen countless commercials about, talking about how you'll need a new converter box to attach to your antenna to draw in the new digital signal or your TV won't work. The government offered $20 off coupons for every American who signed up for them. But now they've run out of the coupons (and the money to support them) and are now putting people on a waiting list. But it DOES NOT mean there's a shortage of converter boxes. It just means you'll have to drop full bank for a box instead of saving 20 bucks. I thought it was funny that a lot of the people who won't be rushing out to by a brand new HDTV are the older audience members and that the signup for the coupons was on the internet...something they STILL don't understand.
Finally, a new type of television was unveiled this week at the Consumer Electronics That You Can't Afford In This Recession Unless You're A CEO Who Hasn't Been Convicted Of A Federal Crime Show (or CETYCAITRUYACWHBCOAFCS, for short). We're talkin' 3-D BABY!!! Finally, I can watch porn the way it was MEANT to be watched...expect to see the following post SEVERAL times on Craigslist:
"Brand new 3-D TELEVISION!!! Works great. $5,000 or $2,500 if you promise not to ask about the white stain on the screen."
-B-
Friday, January 2, 2009
Happy Meh Year
All right, I've been putting this off long enough... happy 2009. Thaaat's right. It's a new year. And for some of us, we rang in the new year sitting on the couch, watching Dick Clark count down the clock. If you didn't see it, you missed probably one of the saddest things I have ever seen on television. His comeback from the stroke was great to see a couple of years, but now it's just painful to watch him and listen to him. Almost as hard as it is to watch Seacrest. Honestly, let Dick retire in peace.
So, the first thing I noticed about the new year was...nothing. No fanfare. No sudden change in temperature or my mood. It didn't even have that "new year smell." It's like someone had already been driving my 2009 around and decided they didn't want it, so they sold it to me used.
Anyway, as much fun as it's NOT to ring in the new year solo, I feel it's worth it to mention that it's a lot easier to reflect on the past year when you're not surrounded by a swarm of people. And without that time to reflect, I wouldn't have been able to come to the realization that...2008 was a disappointment for me. Don't get me wrong, nothing incredibly awful happened to me in the year. But nothing incredibly exciting happened either. I didn't open any brand new chapters in my personal life like I promised I would LAST New Year's Eve. If I look back at where I was on New Year's Eve 2007, I realize I am about the same place now as I was then.
So, what now? Well, I have two goals in 2009. And I call them "goals" because "goals" are generally reached, whereas "resolutions" are usually lapsed, rejected or generally forgotten about early on in the new year. Think about it...if you made a new year's resolution last year, what was it?
First, I WILL NOT put '08 on any of my checks.
Second, I want to stop coasting. I've been coasting through my life for months. I haven't really attached my emotions to anything (except my sister's wedding...one of the high points of 2008). Somewhere recently, I stopped trying to make a difference in my own life. I stopped caring. I stopped taking chances. Ultimately, I stopped doing all the things that had already enriched my life and gotten me to this point. It's been the equivalent of taking a long car ride, starting at 65 mph (or however many km, for those of you reading in a country that uses the metric system), then decided to downshift and travel at 25 mph for a while. Sure, you're GOING to get there, and you might be able to appreciate the scenery, but once the scenery runs out, you have to have the motivation to accelerate back up to 65 mph. Or 88 mph, if you have any interest in taking your DeLorean back to 1955 and seeing how your parents met...and making out with your mom. Great scott!
Point: Until recently, I've always wanted to be better than I was. I've found ways to learn new things, have new experiences, etc. Lately, I've been content (note the absence of the word "happy") with who I am...but there's more out there.
And, sonofabitch, I'm gonna find it.
-B-
So, the first thing I noticed about the new year was...nothing. No fanfare. No sudden change in temperature or my mood. It didn't even have that "new year smell." It's like someone had already been driving my 2009 around and decided they didn't want it, so they sold it to me used.
Anyway, as much fun as it's NOT to ring in the new year solo, I feel it's worth it to mention that it's a lot easier to reflect on the past year when you're not surrounded by a swarm of people. And without that time to reflect, I wouldn't have been able to come to the realization that...2008 was a disappointment for me. Don't get me wrong, nothing incredibly awful happened to me in the year. But nothing incredibly exciting happened either. I didn't open any brand new chapters in my personal life like I promised I would LAST New Year's Eve. If I look back at where I was on New Year's Eve 2007, I realize I am about the same place now as I was then.
So, what now? Well, I have two goals in 2009. And I call them "goals" because "goals" are generally reached, whereas "resolutions" are usually lapsed, rejected or generally forgotten about early on in the new year. Think about it...if you made a new year's resolution last year, what was it?
First, I WILL NOT put '08 on any of my checks.
Second, I want to stop coasting. I've been coasting through my life for months. I haven't really attached my emotions to anything (except my sister's wedding...one of the high points of 2008). Somewhere recently, I stopped trying to make a difference in my own life. I stopped caring. I stopped taking chances. Ultimately, I stopped doing all the things that had already enriched my life and gotten me to this point. It's been the equivalent of taking a long car ride, starting at 65 mph (or however many km, for those of you reading in a country that uses the metric system), then decided to downshift and travel at 25 mph for a while. Sure, you're GOING to get there, and you might be able to appreciate the scenery, but once the scenery runs out, you have to have the motivation to accelerate back up to 65 mph. Or 88 mph, if you have any interest in taking your DeLorean back to 1955 and seeing how your parents met...and making out with your mom. Great scott!
Point: Until recently, I've always wanted to be better than I was. I've found ways to learn new things, have new experiences, etc. Lately, I've been content (note the absence of the word "happy") with who I am...but there's more out there.
And, sonofabitch, I'm gonna find it.
-B-
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