But waiting is SOOOOO worth it, especially when I have an assortment of internet goodies for you.
Welcome back, returning guests, to Thinking Hard. I'm your host. And let's start today with President Obama making yet ANOTHER defense of his Obamacare plan. No, you haven't accidentally stumbled onto a political blog. This time, he was firmly "planted" Between Two Ferns.
Y'know, I wasn't a fan of The Hangover, but Between Two Ferns is okay with me. Now to a special note for the Fresno, California, CBS station...um, make sure you're knocking on the right door for an early morning giveaway. At least the Publishers Clearing House folks get it right most of the time (but they keep missing MY door).
Hey, you remember when that entertainment reporter who confused Samuel L. Jackson and Laurence Fishburne? I love that he precedes the clip by saying "It's because he didn't know it was me." Don't worry dude, he probably just confused you with that OTHER white entertainment guy...y'know, Roger Ebert.
Want to know how I plan to spend my last day at work? Telling people it's my last day at work. Like this chick on Russia Today...
Now to our health report...
Finally, a news helicopter crashed shortly after taking off from a Seattle TV station. It's a scary thing, as I've been in a news helicopter before. It seems pretty cool until you realize there's nothing under you to save you in a crash. Still, I think this station covering the story might have wanted NOT to take a live stream of Twitter pics...
Okay, first, fuck Justin Bieber's jailhouse video. He could be moonwalking and falling all over the place and I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! Put him where he belongs...Dancing with the Stars or The Bachelor.
Now that I've gotten THAT out of the way...IT'S A GREAT DAY! Reason 1...
Oh shit yeah! Reason 2...a reporter in cold evening temperatures grabs her own snot with her lower lip! I wish this could be viewed better. I want slo-mo...like the Zapruder film...
Hey, welcome back to the defrosted Thinking Hard blog. The offices were filled with several inches of snow last week...and because North Carolina only owns about 3 snowplows, it's a wonder I even got back to my apartment from work. Seriously. My complex didn't shovel or scrape or anything. It's a good thing I don't live on a hill...oh, wait...
I know I've been kinda lax lately with the blogging and such. Sorry. My personal life abounds with busyness...or is that business? Anyway, I'd like to point out the passing of Hollywood legend Sid Caesar. His show was essentially the precursor to Saturday Night Live...with OR without a black woman in the cast. Also, I don't know if you caught that Philip Seymour Hoffman passed. I think WABC in New York is still a little confused...
Remember, kids, ALWAYS check the spelling of your tweets. Hey, a quick shout out to Jimmy Fallon, who started his (hopefully not brief) stint as Tonight Show host last night. He had a lot of cameos, including Tracy Morgan, Tina Fey and Stephen Colbert, who welcomed him "to 11:30, bitch!" Hope it goes well for you Jimmy! I'm also looking forward to Seth Meyers taking over the 12:30am spot. He's pretty funny and seems like a nice enough dude.
Hey, back to the snow. You remember the debacle a couple weeks ago in Atlanta where the roads were just piled upon by white shit? Well, folks there claimed to be prepared, but local TV stations wanted to make SURE people understood they could be stuck on the roads again and what a terrible situation it could be. I'm sure this cost someone their job, but this is probably most informative graphic I have EVER seen on a TV station...
I would also have added "Fuck you if you think you're going out in this shit, young man/woman!" Speaking of, I saw Dallas Buyers Club...Jared Leto is REALLY good as a cross dresser. And it's a really good movie. I liked it more than I expected. You should check it out. As for me, I'm out. No, not like Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club. Just outta here. Stay warm!
Hey, do you know who Samuel L. Jackson is? Y'know, Pulp Fiction? "Oh, I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?" "Go ahead, say 'What' one more time, mother fucker, I DARE you!" Yeah, that guy. Ummm...this entertainment anchor from LOS FUCKING ANGELES had a slight problem...and Sammy called him out HARDCORE. This. Is. Epic.
I love Sam Jackson. And Jim Cantore from the Weather Channel. I hear he's a dick to work with sometimes. But THIS? This is SOOOOO worth it.
Hey, kid, Ninja Tip #23...DON'T SCREAM WHILE YOU'RE RUNNING AT SOMEONE YOU'RE TRYING TO SURPRISE. You're pretty much just ASKING for a knee to the junk. Speaking of knees to the junk, I have a 12-hour shift of snow coverage coming up...and a hotel stay that will keep me from my apartment. Gotta jet.
A quick note to all you "the cold weather disproves global warming" nay-sayers...shut. the. fuck. up. Until you actually understand the science behind something you are NO LONGER allowed to "be the first to officially de-bunk global warming." Asses.
Hey, welcome back to the blog. Even you, Justin Bieber. Even you. So while I was out, a shitload of chemicals spilled into a river in West Virginia. The head of the company responsible for the aforementioned "tainting" decided to hold a news conference (while drinking crystal clear bottled water...because who drinks from the tap anymore, amiright?) He tried to dodge questions and leave the news conference. And then a reporter did something close to epic...
Now, to be fair to all of those people who HATE the media, this clip is for you. It follows last night's state of the union speech and the reporter is asking a congressman about campaign finance allegations. I'm only using Fox for this because it has good subtitles...and this is something you HAVE to be sure to read if you can't hear it...
How long until I have Rob Ford picking Grimm as a running mate for ANYTHING?
Happy 2014, Hard Thinkers. I hope you had a safe and wonderful New Year. But there are already some people having their worst start ever for a year. And no, I'm not talking about Chris Christie and the dolts that have nicknamed his current scandal "Bridgate." No, I'm talking about people like this woman on Fox's New Year's Eve bash:
Actually, I think SHE was having a blast. Him? Probably wishing he was anywhere else right then. But hey, it's 2014, so we're gonna fuck shit up. Like the Transformers franchise. Remember how the first movie was all cool and stuff? And then the second one was okay but we didn't want to admit it might have some sucky parts? And then the third one? And now the FOURTH one? Seriously, is Bumblebee gonna be the next co-star in the "Fast and Furious" movies??? Anyway, Michael Bay is...well, Michael Bay. He's gonna direct shit whether you like it or not. And he's gonna bang Megan Fox whether humanity likes it or not (KIDDING! There's zero proof that the two of them ever hooked up...it's just funny. Just with the jokes, people.). One would assume he's able to sit there and shoot the shit about things like movies and TVs and which TVs are best to show his epic movies. That's what Samsung thought too. Samsung thought he should bullshit on a stage about how cool its new curved TVs are. Samsung thought it would be a ringing endorsement by a big Hollywood director that the news media would LOVE and put all over the news for some free press. Samsung got it PARTIALLY right. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Michael Bay's latest offering, a clip I like to call "How I Shit The Bed"...
That dude is having a TERRIBLE start to 2014. He DOES like to take people on an emotional ride, though. This time, I was feeling horror, then shock, then confusion, then humor, then schadenfreude. But that's funny...that's the same reaction I have to some of his movies. I walk right out in embarrassment.
Here's another couple of guys who started off 2014 to a shitty start. They broke into a home. The home of a TV news photographer. With a camera. That's turned on. Also, a special shout-out to good friend Linzi Sheldon. It's nice to see she's doing well in the Pacific Northwest. Anyway, check this out...
Also starting the year off with a shitty time? People living anywhere in the eastern 2/3 of the United States. It's fucking COLD this week! And snowy! But mostly record-breaking COLD! So cold, people are trying an idiotic stunt of trying to throw boiling water in the air and watching it turn to vapor. Which some idiots are burning themselves with. Morons. Anyway, here's one example of a news station trying to urge people to be morons...
Finally, these guys are having a bad start to their year...or good, depending on how hard you laugh. The guy on the right is the brother of friend-of-the-show Bridget. This is only slightly LESS awkward than Michael Bay on the Samsung stage...
Anyway, however you started 2014, I hope it was good, but I hope the end of the year is even better. All the best!
