Giving Thanks For Family...And A New Computer

Happy Thanksgiving/Black Friday/Cyber Monday/Leftovers Tuesday! We're gonna keep this one quick because you all need to go out shopping for Black Friday deals. I've been in TV news for a while, and I've seen some ridiculous things. I've seen anchors ignore cues from producers to stop talking because, hey, they were in the middle of a thought. But I don't think I've seen anything quite like quitting on air. Like these anchors out of Bangor, Maine, who didn't like the way their station was doing news. "We quit...now here's Steve with sports. Steve, how about them Jets?" The station's manager says the guy's anchor position was offered to someone else and his co-anchor just couldn't work without him. He's 29 and she's 40-something. Let's hope they're not blackballed in the industry for the rather bold move. Hey, it's starting to get cold here in the U.S. but things are just heating up in Argentina. I'm all about advertising to get your business up, but this air conditioning spot is a little...um...well, you decide: I can't decide which is weirder...the creepy child molester peeking out of the blinds or the dude catching on fire. Don't worry. That guy had more than enough hair on his body to protect his skin. -B-

Camping Outside Paula Broadwell's House

Hey, why waste time setting up a tent that will just get cold at night? Just drive your live news truck to Charlotte, North Carolina, and do what all the cool kids are doing...camp outside Paula Broadwell's house. The live trucks are warmer AND there's a chance of getting high/dead off carbon monoxide leaks. Yeah, we'll get to the scandal involving General David Petraeus in just a moment. But first, let's check in with our traffic center. Something tells me this traffic anchor isn't looking all that closely at what's going on behind her... Yup, all clear. No wrecks to see here. Speaking of wrecks, anybody been following the David Petraeus scandal? To give you the abridge version of what's been going on...the man who commanded troops in the Middle East resigned from his job as chief of the CIA because of an affair. He's been "linked" (or use whatever double entendre you prefer) in the national media to the woman who wrote his biography, a married mother of 2 children who lives in Charlotte, Paula Broadwell. She's been seen at a family home in Washington, D.C. (despite CONSTANT efforts by the media to stay outside her home in Charlotte, hoping to get some comment/middle finger when she comes home), and Petraeus just testified before Congress Friday behind closed doors. While we don't know what was said, members of Congress planned to focus mainly on the investigation into the U.S. embassy attack in Benghazi, Libya, that killed an ambassador and three others. Sources like CNN report the FBI was tipped off to the affair because another woman, who's friends with Petraeus, reported getting harassing emails from Broadwell. There's more to this story, and for that, I'm letting Jon Stewart handle it:

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Spyfall
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Spyfall - David Petraeus Resigns
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So I guess the big thing that people are using for jokes here is the title of Petraeus' biography..."All In." Yes, it's easy for US, just the casual americans, to snicker and titter at that. Even late-night comedians can enjoy it. But it's another thing ENTIRELY to see this on a TV station's newscast in Denver: To be fair, that graphics person probably just copied the first image that came up on Google and didn't give it another thought...or read the fine print. I'd imagine that person and the producer will be "All In"...the unemployment line. -B-

Nothing Of Import Happened This Week...

...yeah, right. So, not sure if you guys heard, but there was this thing on Tuesday. It was called a...wait, what was it again?...oh yes, an ELECTION. You might have known what happened by the loud bawling and crying by the republicans. More on that in a second. First, I'd like to point out that I was pulling for President Obama and didn't even have to cast a vote for him to be re-elected. He also didn't lose by one vote. So, yes, America, while your votes mattered on Election Day, mine did not. Also, can we revisit this electoral college thing one more time? The popular vote was pretty close Tuesday night when the networks declared President Obama the victor. Looking at electoral votes, Mitt Romney never stood a chance. But the electoral college has gone and weighted some states' votes over others. If I may, if we're going to weight some votes over others, can they be done by something more functional? Like IQ scores? I'd really like to see competent voters getting more out of their ballots than the drunkards who stumble into a voting booth...thinking it's a bathroom. Anyway, I digress. Let me warn you now: there will be a LOT of video in this week's post. Come back often to watch your favorite clips. Blogger will simply count it as one pageview each time...and that'll mean more pageviews for us. Kind of like dead people casting ballots. Because they have nothing better to do than come back from the dead, just to vote Obama or Romney. What a crazy week. Gay marriage approved in more states. Marijuana got the HIGH-five in a couple states. Donald Trump and NBC anchor Brian Williams got into a tiff about whether Trump is really someone that people listen to. And Karl Rove was called out by his OWN FOX COLLEAGUE ON NATIONAL TV FOR ACTING LIKE A DOUCHE. We'll get to the Karl Rove thing in a moment. There were two different time periods that happened this week: B.B. and B.A. Bullshit Before and Bullshit After. Let's hit the Bullshit Before first...and I'm looking at the media for this segment. First, allow me to enlighten you a little on the Media Illuminati. Every station, every network goes out and finds stories on its own to report on, because that's their job. But there are a LOT more holes to fill in on newscasts because the newscasts are longer nowadays (a la CNN's 24-hour juggernaut). I refer to these as "newsholes." So while every station and every network has their own reporters and producers working on stories, there is NO WAY those people alone can fill those newsholes. I mean, there is a LOT of shit that needs to be packed into newsholes. Those things are gaping. So what networks and stations will do is pay for news services from other outlets to act as an enema to fill those newsholes. CNN uses its random affiliates across the world. Local stations use the Associated Press, Reuters, newspapers, etc. So there's a good chance that the same stations will use the same source for stories. One story...spread across several different stations in several different cities...would be difficult to spot because you're not watching newscasts in Spokane AND Memphis. So you'd never know...unless Conan O'Brien was on the case: So, yeah, that happened. Who knows...maybe those stations will find ways to waste their employees' time re-writing EVERY LITTLE SCRIPT that they don't have time to write. Maybe in some bizarro world. Now for one of my sheer joys of watching an election...going back to hear pundit predictions BEFORE the election. As one might assume, depending on the network, you were probably going to hear something partisan. Take a listen and figure out which of these guys were outright WRONG...

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Democalypse 2012 - What Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Stronger Edition - Media Accountability
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A quick moment now of special Bullshit During the election. A reporter from Miami, Florida, went to Chicago to cover President Obama's hometown crowd. As you can imagine, the Big O had quite a list of stars across many different industries. At one point, the reporter happened to be standing next to an interview being done with will.i.am from Black Eyed Peas. As you watch this clip, I want to remind you this is WILL.I.AM FROM BLACK EYED PEAS... Y'know what's REALLY funny about that happening is The Cleveland Show JUST LAST SUNDAY had a joke on it about will.i.am's resemblance to other singers. So now we get to Bullshit After. As you know, President Obama won re-election. There were some testy elections in other areas. Oh, quick shout-out to matheMAGICIAN Nate Silver. This guy used math to predict EVERY MAJOR POLITICAL RACE IN ALL FIFTY STATES! He did it in 2008 too, but only got 49 out of 50. Slacker. Still, though, remember kids...you will use math in the real world. Probably about once every four years. Anywho, back to the big deal..Obama wins, Romney loses, Ryan STILL gets out with a congressional win, so he'll be back in Washington. Also, just in, former presidential candidate and current crazy cat lady Michelle Bachmann barely won her congressional re-election in Minnesota. Good. Just because they were clearly unfit to lead the country, they should be allowed to at least run 1/50th of it. So, bottom line...nothing changes after many, MANY months of political kabuki (which I believe means "bullshit"...or "theater"...one of those). So I'm going to grab a coffee while Jon Stewart does what is probably the best look EVER at this year's election...and post-election whining on Fox News. For the record, this is SO worth all of those months of kabuki...

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Post Democalypse 2012 - America Takes a Shower
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Post Democalypse 2012 - America Takes a Shower - Karl Rove's Math
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And because I feel this guy deserves to be the ONLY PUNDIT EVER DURING A PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION...

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Nate Silver
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I have one more thing to show you that's not election-related. But first let me say this: nothing changed on Election Day in Washington. The same parties are in charge of the House and Senate, ready to help/block President Obama. We have a big fiscal cliff to worry about after the first of the year and I just can't shake the feeling that everyone's egos will be too big to do anything to help the american public. You know...the same american public that PUT THEM IN WASHINGTON IN THE FIRST PLACE! But now they're all working for that lobby money and no one gives a shit about the little guy. Not even those fuckers in the Tea Party. They're all in it for the almighty bottom line: money. So, President Obama, a personal plea for you. You've been re-elected. You don't have to worry about whether you can stay in the White House past 2016 because you can't. PLEASE do something about Congress. PLEASE use the shit out of your executive orders. PLEASE help America. Because Congress is just waiting to fuck you again. Okay, my last note of the day...there are COUNTLESS video sources coming into a newsroom's control room at any given moment. But rarely is it THIS bad. A weathercasterm at an ABC (pay attention, that's important) station in New York City (top market in the U.S.) turned to look at a radar in his monitor...and instead saw THIS (on the left):

That is a live feed of the newscast from the competing NBC station in town! The only way that would have been worse was if they'd put porn in that monitor. Ah well, the beauty of live TV is you always get another day to get it right. Politics...takes longer. -B-

So THAT Happened...

What's up and welcome back to Thinking Hard. Hey, we had some unusual weather here this week...some cool temperatures and a light sprinkle. I can't imagine it was worse in any OTHER part of the U.S. Yeah, I'm making a small joke about Hurricane/Tropical Storm/Superstorm Sandy. Look, the bottom line is the northeastern U.S. got the shit kicked out of it by Mother Nature. Subway tunnels flooded, power plants exploded, entire parts of New York are STILL in darkness. I vote we refer to Sandy as "Shitstorm Sandy" from here on out. Or maybe Gangnam-storm... Yeah, okay, that'll be enough of that. The storm was nuts and all (one) of us (me) here at Thinking Hard sends our (my) well-wishes and support to the storm victims, both in the northeast and the Caribbean. And how weird is it that it happened so close to Election Day? It's like the nation needed a reminder that President Obama still kinda knows what he's doing. One of my favorite messages of support that the job the President is doing came from a very unlikely source:

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A Daily Show Tribute to Institutional Competence
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Side note: I REALLY want a sign language translator for Thinking Hard. I know what you're thinking, that deaf people can still READ. But I tend to want to buy things I don't really need just because I think they're cool. For example, I own every season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD (Sarah Michelle Gellar, call me). So let's see where that show's creator, Avengers director Joss Whedon, stands on the presidential election... Zomnies...love it. Joss, call me. I desperately want to write for you. Anywho, back to what's important...nerd culture. Did you see George Lucas sold his farm to Disney for $4.1B??? Yes, you read that right. The company that now owns Marvel comics...also owns Indiana Jones and Star Wars! That means two things: 1. No more shitty alien storylines in Indiana Jones movies and 2. New computer for Iron Man's armor: Jar Jarvis. Big shout-out to my buddy Nate for this one: "Mee-suh power at 50 percent!" Speaking of nerdiness, Halloween was this week.. and the person who carved this pumpkin is my hero: All right, now that I've gotten all the geekdom out of my system (sort of), let me point out something very important. By the time you read this blog next week, we will (likely) know who will be President of the United States for the next four years. If the recent polls are any indicator, it's going to be close. Like REALLY close. Like 2000 Bush/Gore close. I won't sit here and espouse my political standings, especially since I received a postcard this week reminding me that I've never voted (funny, they call it an "experiment" and say I was "randomly chosen" for it. Bullshit. I was chosen so they could shame me into casting my vote. Joke's on them...as evidenced in my blogs, I have no shame.). So I'll stick with this: whoever is elected to the White House has a lot of work ahead of him. From 2000 to 2008, a lot of money was spent and the recession started. We're still trying to drag our asses out of said recession. There are still unemployed people and people losing their homes. There are still people fighting in middle eastern countries (notice how we never invade "civilized" societies like Italy or Norway?). The nation is still battered and bruised, and someone has to do something to bring us out of it. So, Mr. President, whoever you may be after January, can I ask you to please go and punch people in Congress so they'll actually get some shit done? Please??? Thanks. I'm tired of being the bad guy. - Ralph, "Wreck-It Ralph" -B-