Why do all the hard thinking yourself? Leave it up to Andy and Blaine!
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Nothing Of Import Happened This Week...
...yeah, right.
So, not sure if you guys heard, but there was this thing on Tuesday. It was called a...wait, what was it again?...oh yes, an ELECTION. You might have known what happened by the loud bawling and crying by the republicans. More on that in a second. First, I'd like to point out that I was pulling for President Obama and didn't even have to cast a vote for him to be re-elected. He also didn't lose by one vote. So, yes, America, while your votes mattered on Election Day, mine did not. Also, can we revisit this electoral college thing one more time? The popular vote was pretty close Tuesday night when the networks declared President Obama the victor. Looking at electoral votes, Mitt Romney never stood a chance. But the electoral college has gone and weighted some states' votes over others. If I may, if we're going to weight some votes over others, can they be done by something more functional? Like IQ scores? I'd really like to see competent voters getting more out of their ballots than the drunkards who stumble into a voting booth...thinking it's a bathroom.
Anyway, I digress. Let me warn you now: there will be a LOT of video in this week's post. Come back often to watch your favorite clips. Blogger will simply count it as one pageview each time...and that'll mean more pageviews for us. Kind of like dead people casting ballots. Because they have nothing better to do than come back from the dead, just to vote Obama or Romney.
What a crazy week. Gay marriage approved in more states. Marijuana got the HIGH-five in a couple states. Donald Trump and NBC anchor Brian Williams got into a tiff about whether Trump is really someone that people listen to. And Karl Rove was called out by his OWN FOX COLLEAGUE ON NATIONAL TV FOR ACTING LIKE A DOUCHE. We'll get to the Karl Rove thing in a moment.
There were two different time periods that happened this week: B.B. and B.A. Bullshit Before and Bullshit After. Let's hit the Bullshit Before first...and I'm looking at the media for this segment. First, allow me to enlighten you a little on the Media Illuminati. Every station, every network goes out and finds stories on its own to report on, because that's their job. But there are a LOT more holes to fill in on newscasts because the newscasts are longer nowadays (a la CNN's 24-hour juggernaut). I refer to these as "newsholes." So while every station and every network has their own reporters and producers working on stories, there is NO WAY those people alone can fill those newsholes. I mean, there is a LOT of shit that needs to be packed into newsholes. Those things are gaping. So what networks and stations will do is pay for news services from other outlets to act as an enema to fill those newsholes. CNN uses its random affiliates across the world. Local stations use the Associated Press, Reuters, newspapers, etc. So there's a good chance that the same stations will use the same source for stories. One story...spread across several different stations in several different cities...would be difficult to spot because you're not watching newscasts in Spokane AND Memphis. So you'd never know...unless Conan O'Brien was on the case:
So, yeah, that happened. Who knows...maybe those stations will find ways to waste their employees' time re-writing EVERY LITTLE SCRIPT that they don't have time to write. Maybe in some bizarro world.
Now for one of my sheer joys of watching an election...going back to hear pundit predictions BEFORE the election. As one might assume, depending on the network, you were probably going to hear something partisan. Take a listen and figure out which of these guys were outright WRONG...
A quick moment now of special Bullshit During the election. A reporter from Miami, Florida, went to Chicago to cover President Obama's hometown crowd. As you can imagine, the Big O had quite a list of stars across many different industries. At one point, the reporter happened to be standing next to an interview being done with will.i.am from Black Eyed Peas. As you watch this clip, I want to remind you this is WILL.I.AM FROM BLACK EYED PEAS...
Y'know what's REALLY funny about that happening is The Cleveland Show JUST LAST SUNDAY had a joke on it about will.i.am's resemblance to other singers.
So now we get to Bullshit After. As you know, President Obama won re-election. There were some testy elections in other areas. Oh, quick shout-out to matheMAGICIAN Nate Silver. This guy used math to predict EVERY MAJOR POLITICAL RACE IN ALL FIFTY STATES! He did it in 2008 too, but only got 49 out of 50. Slacker. Still, though, remember kids...you will use math in the real world. Probably about once every four years.
Anywho, back to the big deal..Obama wins, Romney loses, Ryan STILL gets out with a congressional win, so he'll be back in Washington. Also, just in, former presidential candidate and current crazy cat lady Michelle Bachmann barely won her congressional re-election in Minnesota. Good. Just because they were clearly unfit to lead the country, they should be allowed to at least run 1/50th of it. So, bottom line...nothing changes after many, MANY months of political kabuki (which I believe means "bullshit"...or "theater"...one of those). So I'm going to grab a coffee while Jon Stewart does what is probably the best look EVER at this year's election...and post-election whining on Fox News. For the record, this is SO worth all of those months of kabuki...
I have one more thing to show you that's not election-related. But first let me say this: nothing changed on Election Day in Washington. The same parties are in charge of the House and Senate, ready to help/block President Obama. We have a big fiscal cliff to worry about after the first of the year and I just can't shake the feeling that everyone's egos will be too big to do anything to help the american public. You know...the same american public that PUT THEM IN WASHINGTON IN THE FIRST PLACE! But now they're all working for that lobby money and no one gives a shit about the little guy. Not even those fuckers in the Tea Party. They're all in it for the almighty bottom line: money. So, President Obama, a personal plea for you. You've been re-elected. You don't have to worry about whether you can stay in the White House past 2016 because you can't. PLEASE do something about Congress. PLEASE use the shit out of your executive orders. PLEASE help America. Because Congress is just waiting to fuck you again.
Okay, my last note of the day...there are COUNTLESS video sources coming into a newsroom's control room at any given moment. But rarely is it THIS bad. A weathercasterm at an ABC (pay attention, that's important) station in New York City (top market in the U.S.) turned to look at a radar in his monitor...and instead saw THIS (on the left):
That is a live feed of the newscast from the competing NBC station in town! The only way that would have been worse was if they'd put porn in that monitor. Ah well, the beauty of live TV is you always get another day to get it right. Politics...takes longer.
-B-
1 comment:
Wow. Third time's the charm on good 'ol Will.i.am.
Also, you're welcome for all the page views. Damn vids kept freezin' up my phone! :)
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