| The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Donald Trump's October Surprise | ||||
| ||||
| The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Republican Candidate Said What About Rape Now? | ||||
| ||||
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Are You Kidding Me? A Hurricane..AT THE END OF OCTOBER???
And now we're getting reports in the Thinking Hard news center of an earthquake off the west coast of Canada that has sparked tsunami warnings in Hawaii! Alright, fess up...which of you pissed off Mother Nature?
We'll get back to the weird weather...eventually (probably not), but first, some breaking news out of Dallas, Texas:
That's right, it was a devastating title first line title second line in the streets of Dallas. We'll get back to that breaking news in a moment (again, probably not), but first: politics. Hey, remember when Donald Trump told americans that he didn't think President Obama's birth certificate was legit? Yeah, those were good times...
Wow, I didn't realize a hippo is like the kind of sprinkler you don't want ANYWHERE NEAR your lawn. (side note: Barbara Walters said Trump is just embarrassing himself. When you disappoint Barbara Walters, you can't take ENOUGH showers to wash that shame away.) While we're sitting on the political conversation, we are just a little more than a week out from Election Day. And you've heard EVERYTHING about Mitt Romney and President Obama. But how about those little regional races? The smaller ones who are struggling to get as much attention as the elder siblings...a "Jan Brady"-style election, if you will (no, Jan, NOBODY loves the middle child). What are THEY to do to remind voters who's in the race?
Perhaps the GOP should try a more ridiculous approach to its stance on rape: "Rape...Add a G and you get a grape."
Hey, Halloween is coming up. Want to be trendy? Like those people who went dressed as the Crocodile Hunter that year that he died? Might I suggest what South Park offered up this week? Gangnamstein. Because, let's face it, that song's a monster that's gotten out of control. Don't believe me? You know the homes that always program their Christmas lights to Manheim Steamroller or Trans-Siberian Orchestra? Get a load of this:
*facepalm*
-B-
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Thinking Hard...Now 100% Vomit-Free
Hey, gang, welcome back. Did you feel part of your souls die this week? If so, it was probably because YouTube broke. That's right, for the "it seemed like FOREVER" moment of 15 minutes, YouTube went down. Unfortunately, it went down in the middle of the afternoon, the time most people reserve for clock-watching, emailing and watching videos of lolcats. Nope, you can not has cheezburger during that 15 minutes. Whatever did we do as a society for that 15 minutes???? It's like that new TV show, "Revolution," where the world loses power for years. But strangely, those people seemed to have it more together than the group who couldn't access the latest Piano Cat video (what is it with cat videos?). So for those of you poor bastards who went insane because you couldn't watch the top YouTube videos this week, allow me to present Thinking Hard's new segment, "Chimpanzees Are Assholes"...
At least they didn't fling their poo at him. They just flung him like poo. This has been another installment of "Chimpanzees Are Assholes."
Hey, anybody catch that second presidential debate? Holy cripes. President Obama took his 5-hour energy drink this time and came out swinging against Mitt Romney. And, as expected, Fox News wasn't happy...
I was REALLY hoping one of them would slap the shit out of the other. That would've made it more fun. Let me take one moment to address the Libya thing. As much fun as it was to watch Romney eat a little crow, can we PLEASE discuss something that people GIVE A SHIT ABOUT? Yes, what day President Obama called this a "terror attack" goes to his communication with his team overseas. But what does that matter to me? When George W. Bush announced 9/11 was a terror attack, 2 massive buildings in New York had been wiped out and the Pentagon had been targeted. And that was just in the first 2 hours! The only reason the President needs to know if it's a "terror attack" is so the Secret Service can move his ass to an impenetrable underground bunker. Americans in general...they just know the world's falling apart. Other than 9/11, when's the last time we LEGITIMATELY looked to the President for guidance? Shit, in the last 5 years, americans have wanted to hear "Yes, we know the economy's in the shitter, and I'm going to use my executive order to fire all of Congress and get some people in here who know exactly what the FUCK THEY'RE DOING!" We don't get that. We get bitching about jobless numbers. We see companies opening and closing. We see more money poured into wars overseas that don't mean shit over here. Remember that war in Iraq? How getting rid of Saddam Hussein meant we were safer from his "weapons of mass destruction" and how the war would mean "cheaper gas"? Yeah, where's that? And Election Day is just a couple of weeks out. Candidates are trying to get my vote. I tell you what, you start talking about something substantial, show me hard numbers, admit if you've done something wrong and how you plan to correct it, and maybe...MAYBE...I'll consider going to the ballot box for the first time. Because so far in my lifetime, I haven't seen one person worth wasting my time for. Yes, my forefathers "fought and died so I could vote." Bullshit. They fought and died so that other countries like England and Germany wouldn't take over the U.S. You think ANY of those poor motherfuckers who died in combat walked in saying "Gosh, when they write about this in the history books, I hope they remember that we gave America the ability to be bipartisan assholes on the first Tuesday in November"? They fought to keep us out of concentration camps. They fought to keep kings and queens from running this place. I tell you what, you give me ONE PERSON to run this country while being checked and balanced by the Supreme Court and you've got yourself a deal. Because Congress isn't doing shit. They're just trying to support their guy in the White House and be a bunch of dicks of the guy in the White House ISN'T their guy. Our 2+ party system has absolutely given people political freedom, freedom to choose people they like based on where the candidates stand. It's also granted politicians the ability to be assholes. Because at YOUR office, if you disagree with the boss or you're a dick to your boss, you'll be fired. In Washington, it means you'll get re-elected. Again and again. But who am I? I'm just one american. And last I checked, no national election was ever decided by one vote.
-B-
| The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Democalypse 2012 - The Second Debate*: Now Including the President | ||||
| ||||
| The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Democalypse 2012 - The Second Debate*: Now Including the President - Benghazi | ||||
| ||||
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Malarkey
Hey, we're already halfway through October, which means we're only just a few more days out from Election Day. Lady Gaga, tell us what you think of the presidential campaigns... (spoiler if you have a weak stomach: she's gonna throw up 3 times. If you can't watch that type of thing, skip over it. You won't miss any jokes.)
That's right, first Justin Bieber, then Lady Gaga. Getting sick on stage must be a thing now. Let's hope Adele doesn't start. By the way, side note, her theme for the new James Bond movie, Skyfall, is pretty good. Side note #2: the best band you're not listening to right now is The Heavy. Search for What Makes A Good Man. It's groovy.
Okay, so the 2nd of 3 presidential debates is coming up. And the candidates for veep hashed it out this week. Joe Biden ridiculed "his friend" Paul Ryan on stage, and Paul Ryan claimed he and Mitt Romney have a full economic plan. Great fun. But here's one political story you might have missed this week. Two guys are running for Congress in California, and they turned a political appearance into a UFC weigh-in...
I don't know.. I think the old guy on the left had a chance before Erik Estrada ("I played Ponch on CHiPS!") stepped in to stop things. That's the type of fervor I want out of my political races! I want good TV! I don't want a bunch of whining about whether a candidate has released tax forms because people don't give a shit. How much a candidate did or didn't pay only matters if they skipped out on their taxes for several years. But THIS...THIS is what I come to see every 2 to 4 years! This is great! I think all political races should be settled in a pay-per-view cage match! Jon Stewart and the kids over at The Daily Show had a really good piece on other smaller political races, starting with the guy who seems to know all there is to know about vaginas. In fact, his campaign manager should consider putting "Vagina First" on campaign posters...
Bring on the elections!
-B-
| The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| You Magnificent Bastards | ||||
| ||||
| The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| You Magnificent Bastards - Down-Ballot Notables | ||||
| ||||
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Thanks Again
If you caught up with the blog in the middle of the week, you'll note we finally hit 10,000 pageviews! Woo-hoo! Seriously, I couldn't have that without you readers, so thanks from the bottom of my heart, and I can't wait until we hit 20,000! (well, let me lower my expectations slightly...11,000!)
As I talk about lowered expectations, did anyone catch the presidential debate Wednesday? It's the first of 3 debates, and if this was a "Best 2 out of 3" debate format, I'd be a little uncertain as to whether debate number 3 would actually happen. Holy shit. Mitt Romney threw everything at President Obama, and the Prez just sat there and took it! I felt like I was watching an Ali-Frazier prizefight, and instead of "Down goes Frazier!" I heard "Why did Ali just decide to lay down???" If they were a couple of dogs that were rough-housing, President Obama rolled over and showed his belly...and Romney took that to mean the belly WAS NOW A TARGET! Mr. President, if I may...YOU SHOULD BE CLOBBERING HIM! Here's what Jon Stewart thought of the action:
Seriously, I don't think Obama could've won the crowd if he'd busted out into Gangnam Style. There are two more debates to go...I hope Mr. Obama has the stomach for it.
(worst segue ever in 3...2...1...)
Hey, did anyone see the Wisconsin news anchor who's a little bit on the heavier side making the rounds on the talk shows this week? Here's why she's suddenly become a kind-of-household name...
Holy shit! That chick just spent FOUR MINUTES on a MORNING SHOW speaking out against an asshole viewer! I say good for her. People in the media take a lot of shit from Average Joe Ass-scratcher sitting at home, thinking he can do the job in media better than the people working in the industry (in a few cases, he's right...don't tell him). These are the same assholes who believe that the replacement referees in the NFL should be set aflame to the delight of football fans everywhere. Hey, motherfuckers! You got a problem with what you're watching? Change the damn channel! Get your lazy fingers up and grab the remote and change it if you're not happy with it. Because the next time you, Joe Public, need "help" (read: retribution by putting some business that "done you wrong" on TV to screw that particular business) from a newsroom, they'll be less inclined to help. In fact, I've heard those phone calls and read those emails. Quite frankly, if you're not smart enough to realize you DIDN'T win an African lottery, then I'm not going to waste any of my already-anger-filled day on you. And more power to this anchor. Girls out there NEED more self-esteem! Their magazine racks are filled with 5'10" leggy blondes who don't eat more than a lettuce leaf a day just to get on the cover of a monthly rag that can't even make its subscription quota. (Sports Illustrated, I'm glancing in your general direction...) They're convinced if they don't look like that, they'll never be successful and no one will ever love them. So kudos to businesses who put normal-looking women in front of the cameras and in the magazine ads. Be you. Be happy about being you. Don't fit a mold...make a new one based around yourself. Because at the end of the day, an overweight news anchor from Wisconsin is getting more TV time than the asshole sitting in his recliner, bitching about how fat she is.
I'm out.
-B-
| The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Democalypse 2012 - O Bama, Where Art Thou? Pt. 1 | ||||
| ||||
| The Daily Show with Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Democalypse 2012 - O Bama, Where Art Thou? Pt. 2 | ||||
| ||||
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
10,000!
Just a quick midweek post to thank all of you loyal readers...this blog has now received 10,000 views! Thank you all! We'll see you back here this weekend!
-B-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)