Are You Kidding Me? A Hurricane..AT THE END OF OCTOBER???

And now we're getting reports in the Thinking Hard news center of an earthquake off the west coast of Canada that has sparked tsunami warnings in Hawaii! Alright, fess up...which of you pissed off Mother Nature? We'll get back to the weird weather...eventually (probably not), but first, some breaking news out of Dallas, Texas:

That's right, it was a devastating title first line title second line in the streets of Dallas. We'll get back to that breaking news in a moment (again, probably not), but first: politics. Hey, remember when Donald Trump told americans that he didn't think President Obama's birth certificate was legit? Yeah, those were good times...

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Donald Trump's October Surprise
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Wow, I didn't realize a hippo is like the kind of sprinkler you don't want ANYWHERE NEAR your lawn. (side note: Barbara Walters said Trump is just embarrassing himself. When you disappoint Barbara Walters, you can't take ENOUGH showers to wash that shame away.) While we're sitting on the political conversation, we are just a little more than a week out from Election Day. And you've heard EVERYTHING about Mitt Romney and President Obama. But how about those little regional races? The smaller ones who are struggling to get as much attention as the elder siblings...a "Jan Brady"-style election, if you will (no, Jan, NOBODY loves the middle child). What are THEY to do to remind voters who's in the race?

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Republican Candidate Said What About Rape Now?
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Perhaps the GOP should try a more ridiculous approach to its stance on rape: "Rape...Add a G and you get a grape." Hey, Halloween is coming up. Want to be trendy? Like those people who went dressed as the Crocodile Hunter that year that he died? Might I suggest what South Park offered up this week? Gangnamstein. Because, let's face it, that song's a monster that's gotten out of control. Don't believe me? You know the homes that always program their Christmas lights to Manheim Steamroller or Trans-Siberian Orchestra? Get a load of this: *facepalm* -B-