Welcome 2013...Kiss My Ass, 2012

Hey, everyone, welcome to the end of the year blog of Thinking Hard. Wow, what a 2012, am I right? I mean, there was...stuff...and...things...and there was that one...person...who did that...thing...with the...hair. Okay, let's be honest. Most days, I can't even remember what happened the day before because my brain has begun protecting itself from drawma (added W for effect) and agony by just doing a daily flush of the previous day's events. It's a great defense mechanism that can be accomplished without the use of drugs or legalized marijuana in a few states. So, let me be frank: I'm not going to be much help reminding you of what happened in 2012. But my buddy James hooked me up with the clip that will help as all remember what happened in the past 366 days... Ermehgerd I forgot all that stuff happened. Well, here's looking forward to a 2013 that I will also forget at the end of the year. Who knows...maybe I'll be broadcasting from somewhere else 365 days from now... Happy New Year, everybody! -B-

Congrats On Surviving The Apocalypse

Here's a stunner...the world didn't end according to the Mayan calendar. My theory? The guys making the calendar got bored and decided to go watch some bloodsport instead. So, we're back from our holiday break as you get ready to enjoy yours. Nothing like just barely missing a foot of snow in the Midwest to get your holiday excitement flowing. Hey, have you seen Jay-Z's sister? He's looking for her... You know how to tell if you're getting a little, um, heavier? When your clothing responds to your forecast. What if EVERYONE talked like they were on TV? (Seriously, try that the next time you talk to family members. Hilarious. Or confusing.) Y'know, I have to say there have been quite a few errors in the news industry this year, many of which have appeared in this blog. (you're welcome) But sometimes, the CORRECTIONS are funnier than the errors. Check out this link for some of the best and worst of the year. My personal favorites include The New York Times' "An article on Monday about Jack Robison and Kirsten Lindsmith, two college students with Asperger syndrome who are navigating the perils of an intimate relationship, misidentified the character from the animated children’s TV show “My Little Pony” that Ms. Lindsmith said she visualized to cheer herself up. It is Twilight Sparkle, the nerdy intellectual, not Fluttershy, the kind animal lover." (That's right, stay out of it, Fluttershy!) I also really liked this one from the National Review: "I misspoke this evening on the Special Report panel. I suggested that Godzilla was less destructive than King Kong. And everyone knows that it’s the other way around. I apologize for any offense to the Kong family or to Godzilla’s fans — or victims." And the Charlotte Observer got a big shout-out for "Typo of the Year" for saying a player had a "herniated dick." Y'know, as much as I LOVE corrections, it's rare to find something as entertaining as an error when it happens on live TV. Kick back and enjoy this YouTube compilation... If that doesn't scream "Merry Christmas," I don't know what does. -B-

A Quick Note From The Road

Welcome back to the petulant 5-year-old that is Thinking Hard. I had every intention of not posting a blog while I'm on vacation, but I had to take a moment to address the tragedy in Connecticut last Friday. If you've been following this site for a while, you know I'm not a big fan of kids, especially little ones. That said, the shooting that happened in Newtown last week was a heinous, unconscionable act. Those little children did absolutely nothing to that asshole. They did not deserve to be killed, especially so close to Christmas. And he took the pussy way out by killing himself instead of facing the consequences of his actions. I realize he represents a very small minority of idiots who got hold of guns and used them to go on a killing spree. But with the movie theater shooting in July and now this, I think it's time for lawmakers to have a very adult conversation about what to do about guns... without considering the NRA lobbyists who are paying for their re-election campaigns. Because we're now leaving the realm of ludicrousness and entering the realm of complete and total bullshit. I know very sane people who have guns and don't go on shooting rampages. Let's have more of THAT behavior. And of you know someone or love someone who just doesn't seem quite right in the head, get them help NOW and don't wait for "your love" to change them. -B-

Let The Holiday-ing Commence

Hey, everybody, welcome back to Thinking Hard...I'll be with you after a moment in the hospital with violent morning sickness (let's be honest...is there ANY morning sickness that's NOT violent? What would that be exactly? Clearing your throat and spitting just a little bit of vomit out?). Seriously, I wish I could be happy for Kate and William, but after having their wedding shoved so hard down my throat I thought I was being intubated, it's just SO HARD TO CARE about Kate having little heirs. Especially since I've been staring at magazine covers in the check-out line at the grocery store for MONTHS saying Kate's pregnant...then later, they cover their asses by saying "Pregnancy Shocker: Kate Loses Baby!" Ridiculous. And then you get the radio DJs calling the hospital where Kate was staying and pretending to be the Queen. Yeah, the first nurse who fell for it killed herself the next day. And every "news" program leads with her pregnancy. What is it about celeb pregnancies that make people in the media act like morons? ESPECIALLY IN ENGLAND. Look, I get it...the world mourned in the 90s for the death of Princess Diana and we've been watching her sons grow up into princes who get married on live TV and who go to war after dressing up like Hitler. But didn't we WIN the Revolutionary War? Didn't we win our FREEDOM from all things that have to do with England? I feel like America was born...left the home for college...went out and worked a few years...then decided to go BACK to live at home because it was easier (see also: the desire to go back into the womb). Tell you what.. while I sit here and pound my head against the keyboard, I'll let someone else handle this:

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I don't really give an F about the royal pregnancy...but that's probably because my F was used elsewhere. Take a look at this survey from a Milwaukee TV station:

Yes, I believe Americans should have the right to bear fun. Hey, one more thing today. I'm flying home for my annual holiday trip next week, so there's a good chance this place won't be updated for a week or two. But this week marks our 5th birthday here at Thinking Hard. We hit that 10,000 reader milestone this year and I'm thrilled that you've stuck with the ramblings posted on this blog for so long (admit it, you're here for The Daily Show). So just a quick note of thanks for your support. And we'll be back to you in a week or two. -B-

We're Almost To Our 5-Year Anniversary!

The gift for a 5-year anniversary around Thinking Hard is paper. At least, that's what people keep littering on my desk. So, um, go ahead and keep it. December 12th is the date. Mark it. Commit it to memory. Or else I'll pout if you forget it and we'll go to bed angry. Let's start with some breaking news out of Chicago...with some broken news reporting: (Thanks, James, for sending that one in!) And now, a moment in news creativity. Lesson: always rewrite your scripts...or cut off Conan O'Brien's cable feed. Actually, for the record, only the first clip was about cyber Monday shopping. The others were about cyber Monday masturbating. Finally today, I'll like to toot my own horn for a moment. I've been nominated for a regional news Emmy award. It's my first and I'm very proud. (I'd briefly like to point out that my job is news is ENTIRELY SEPARATE from the blogs I post on this site...and the views and jokes I present here are in NO WAY related to my station or anything I do there. I'm quite professional...if a bit angry some days...at the station and would NEVER allow any of what I write here to bleed into the responsible journalism I do on a daily basis) So, if you'd like to see the nomination party, my nomination shows up at 35:23... Thanks for letting me share something very personal and professional that I'm proud of. Hope you all have a great week and we'll see you back here next week. -B-