You'll have to pardon me if I seem half-focused on today's blog...I just went to the mailbox for the first time in about three weeks and am sorting through the letters. Let's see...bill...bill...past due...final warning...you are going to be evicted...OH, HERE'S A READER LETTER!
Dear Thinking Hard,
Longtime reader, first-time writer. I won quite a sizable chunk of change on a reality show a little while ago, but I can't figure out how to spend the money. I'm not a girl, so I can't spend the money on a boob job...well, I COULD, but...and I'm too self-absorbed to donate it to charity because, hey, I won a reality show. So, any suggestions?
Signed,
Adam Jasinski
Well, Adam, it appears you've decided what to do with the money since you wrote this letter. Jasinski won last year's "Big Brother" and police say he spent his $500,000 winnings on OXYCODONE! But to prove that entrepreneurship isn't dead, police say he turned around and RE-SOLD the pills for a profit! Too bad he sold 2,000 of them to a government witness. Adam...did you learn NOTHING from reality TV??? Big Brother is ALWAYS watching you. Here's another letter...
Hey, Blaine, some days I feel like the media is trying TOO hard to keep me up-to-date on the day's news. For example, a newspaper in New York put this story on its website:
A New York State Trooper pulls over a vehicle near the three-way intersection on Joslen Boulevard in Greenport Monday. The reason for the stop and the outcome of the investigation remain unknown.
What the hell is wrong with the media?
Love always,
J. Hartsell
Well, J., first, thanks for dishing out a daily dose of love. Second, there's simply no gatekeeping with the gatekeepers of the media. News outlets have long been presented as THE source of FILTERED information. The media have been known to check, double-check and quadruple-check their sources before a story hits air. Not so much anymore. Consider this news conference held by the lobbyist group "The U.S. Chamber of Commerce." The group spent a record $34.7 million in the third quarter this year to lobby against the Obama administration's proposals to overhaul energy policy, financial regulation and health care. So it only makes sense that when the group called local media outlets in D.C. to announce a complete 180 in its lobbying, some reporters jumped at the chance to talk to members of the group. Except...the news conference was a hoax by a group of pranksters called "The Yes Men." Check it...
(I personally enjoyed the blond reporter in the middle of the room STILL raising her hand in the middle of all the chaos. "Yes, dear, you can go to the bathroom.")
Let's read another letter...
Hey, Thinking Hard,
Those people in that clip are pretty dumb. They must have landed on their heads as children, huh?
Jessica S.
Well, Jessica, yes, they are pretty thick. But I don't know if they could survive something as painful as landing on their head. I mean, look at this poor girl from the World Gymnastics Championships earlier this month...
EMBED-Jessica Gil Ortiz Epic Gymnastics Fail - Watch more free videos
Here's another letter:
Thinking Hard,
I am simply A---PPALLED by the Home Shopping Network. I was watching last week as they were selling the $199 Nintendo Wii system and several plastic toys to attach to the controllers...for a total $329! What's worse, they proved ON AIR that they're selling cheap crap to the little old grannies with money to burn:
Here's my question...are there any OTHER game systems that are dangerous for flat-screen TVs? I just bought a PS3 AND a new flat-screen...and the PS3 is giving the TV the evil eye.
Also, you're adorable!
Signed,
D. Metz
Well, D., thank you. And YES, there IS a PS3 danger to flat-screen TVs:
We have time for one more letter...
Blaine,
You're really intelligent...I would dare call you smrt. (editor's note: she really spelled it like that. no joke.-b) And you know TV pretty well. What's the best television ad you've seen recently?
K. Hart
Well, K-hart, it happens to be this new spot from American Express...which really challenges the way I see everyday objects:
Keep those letters coming!
-B-
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Please Put Your Questions In The Box
Welcome back to Thinking Hard, and I'm delighted today to announce a first-of-its-kind sponsorship here at TH. You might have seen this weekend's Saturday Night Live, which was, for the first time ever, COMPLETELY sponsored by one company. Bud Light bought up all the ad time for SNL. Shortly after, TH was contacted by one of the largest food companies in the U.S. So, today's Thinking Hard is brought to you exclusively by Oscar Mayer. Let's get down to it, shall we?
In "Jon Gosselin is no longer the worst father I have ever seen on TV" news, a Colorado man freaked out the military Thursday when he reported his 6-year-old son had crawled into a helium-filled mylar weather balloon, just moments before it went airborne. During "gripping" "news" coverage, TWO military helicopters went up track the balloon (costing taxpayers $14,500). When the balloon finally landed, the "chasers" found the boy was NOT inside the balloon. Instead, he was found hiding in his home's attic...in a cardboard box (also known as "his room"). When Larry King of CNN interviewed the family live that night, Daddy Dearest (fresh off his SECOND appearance on the ABC reality show "Wife Swap") asked his son on live TV why he didn't come out when he heard people searching for him. The boy replied, "You said we were doing it for the show." I can only describe his father's face as having a look of horror-confusion-"Oh Shit" on it. Friday morning, the family was interviewed by all the morning news shows. In a pre-taped interview, Diane Sawyer spoke with the family on Good Morning America. During the tough questions, the boy had to go off-camera and vomit. That was followed shortly by Diane saying to the rest of the family "Does one of you want to go CHECK on him? We can keep talking with the rest of the family." The boy's mother made her best effort to hide her "I GUESS I'll do it" face. Later, in a live interview with Meredith Viera on NBC's Today Show, the boy actually got sick on camera. And for some reason, his parents thought it best to have him do it in a small, CLEAR Rubbermaid container. To be fair, they would have grabbed a nearby garbage can, but it was filled with food for tonight's dinner. Many are saying this family knowingly committed a hoax (partly because Daddy has, at one point in his "meteorological" career, blamed the GOVERNMENT for weather patterns), but I think the only hoax is how his parents convinced police NOT to take their children away. He now says he'll only answer questions about whether it was a hoax if the questions are submitted in writing and put into a box! Now, a brief word from our sponsor, Oscar Mayer. Oscar Mayer. Whether you spell it B-A-L-O-N-E-Y, B-O-L-O-G-N-A, or B-A-L-L-O-O-N-B-O-Y, it's all baloney to us.
Hey, how about we talk about a kid who DIDN'T comply with his father's plan for cheap airtime? This kid in Boston, 9-year-old Oliver Wahlstrom, made a ridiculously good shot during hockey practice. While I think it would have been MORE impressive if there had been 3-5 members of an opposing team BLOCKING him, it's still pretty cool to watch:
Now, to a video that actually DEFIES logic. Who says art isn't weird? An artist in England built the "Hand From Above." It...well, it's pretty self-explanatory. Also, if you want to annoy the shit out of your co-workers, crank up the volume on this one:
While we're on the topic of putting your hands where they don't belong, check out THIS classy guy: a 30-year-old man in Utah is accused of groping a nurse at a hospital. While that might not seem so bad, he was groping her WHILE SHE WAS TRYING TO HELP DELIVER THE MAN'S CHILD! That's right, his PREGNANT WIFE was GIVING BIRTH just a few feet away! Here's the best part...he got arrested before his wife gave birth and he missed the birth of his own child (though I'm pretty sure he couldn't give a shit). I'm sure he's going to spend a lot of quality time working on that mylar weather balloon and the accompanying cardboard box. That's about as classy as a pregnant mother smoking. Now, a word from our sponsor, Oscar Mayer. Oscar Mayer. Deli meat so delicious, you'll want to have a sandwich just about ANYWHERE.
A mexican rock star also had a bad experience at a hospital. She says she got an infection from some "beautification injections"...in her butt. Yes, Alejandra Guzman says she was having the procedures to make herself more attractive to a NEW boyfriend (on a side note, ladies, if he's a NEW boyfriend, he probably is still too hot for you to want you to change anything...unless he's a butt guy). Now she wants to raise awareness in the U.S. of the dangers of such procedures. She's still working on her english, but I have a copy of her comments here... "Women everywhere should know of the dangers of taking it in the ass." Hm...butt injections...now that's a procedure I can get behind.
I imagine Guzman is dropping a lot of 4- and 5-letter words in her pain. Makes sense, considering a new survey shows mexican adults swear an average of TWENTY times a day...cranking out a grand total of 1.3 BILLION "fucks," "shits," and "shitty fucks" a day! That daily count is 40 in New York...and 80 in my apartment. Come ON, Mexico, KEEP UP!
While we're south of the border, you know where it SUCKS to be a music fan? Peru. No, it's not because of the QUALITY of the music. It's the QUALITY of the people SINGING it. This week, the lead singer of Depeche Mode (he's still alive?) played in Lima to 30,000 fans. And during the concert, he shouted to all the fans: "Thank you very much, Chile!" For those of you keeping score at home, Chile is NOT Peru. Strangely enough, nobody seemed to notice. It's probably because this isn't the first time. In 2003, Alanis Morissette played in Peru and shouted "Thank you, Brazil." Also, not Peru. And in 2004, a mexican pop band shouted "Long live Chile!" Really? A MEXICAN pop band?? I realize they're not MUCH closer than the U.S., but still!
I'm going to leave it there for a moment, while The Daily Show picks up the latest from CNN:
Finally today, one more message from our sponsor, Oscar Mayer, home of the famous Oscar Mayer weiner:
-B-
In "Jon Gosselin is no longer the worst father I have ever seen on TV" news, a Colorado man freaked out the military Thursday when he reported his 6-year-old son had crawled into a helium-filled mylar weather balloon, just moments before it went airborne. During "gripping" "news" coverage, TWO military helicopters went up track the balloon (costing taxpayers $14,500). When the balloon finally landed, the "chasers" found the boy was NOT inside the balloon. Instead, he was found hiding in his home's attic...in a cardboard box (also known as "his room"). When Larry King of CNN interviewed the family live that night, Daddy Dearest (fresh off his SECOND appearance on the ABC reality show "Wife Swap") asked his son on live TV why he didn't come out when he heard people searching for him. The boy replied, "You said we were doing it for the show." I can only describe his father's face as having a look of horror-confusion-"Oh Shit" on it. Friday morning, the family was interviewed by all the morning news shows. In a pre-taped interview, Diane Sawyer spoke with the family on Good Morning America. During the tough questions, the boy had to go off-camera and vomit. That was followed shortly by Diane saying to the rest of the family "Does one of you want to go CHECK on him? We can keep talking with the rest of the family." The boy's mother made her best effort to hide her "I GUESS I'll do it" face. Later, in a live interview with Meredith Viera on NBC's Today Show, the boy actually got sick on camera. And for some reason, his parents thought it best to have him do it in a small, CLEAR Rubbermaid container. To be fair, they would have grabbed a nearby garbage can, but it was filled with food for tonight's dinner. Many are saying this family knowingly committed a hoax (partly because Daddy has, at one point in his "meteorological" career, blamed the GOVERNMENT for weather patterns), but I think the only hoax is how his parents convinced police NOT to take their children away. He now says he'll only answer questions about whether it was a hoax if the questions are submitted in writing and put into a box! Now, a brief word from our sponsor, Oscar Mayer. Oscar Mayer. Whether you spell it B-A-L-O-N-E-Y, B-O-L-O-G-N-A, or B-A-L-L-O-O-N-B-O-Y, it's all baloney to us.
Hey, how about we talk about a kid who DIDN'T comply with his father's plan for cheap airtime? This kid in Boston, 9-year-old Oliver Wahlstrom, made a ridiculously good shot during hockey practice. While I think it would have been MORE impressive if there had been 3-5 members of an opposing team BLOCKING him, it's still pretty cool to watch:
Now, to a video that actually DEFIES logic. Who says art isn't weird? An artist in England built the "Hand From Above." It...well, it's pretty self-explanatory. Also, if you want to annoy the shit out of your co-workers, crank up the volume on this one:
Hand from Above from Chris O'Shea on Vimeo.
While we're on the topic of putting your hands where they don't belong, check out THIS classy guy: a 30-year-old man in Utah is accused of groping a nurse at a hospital. While that might not seem so bad, he was groping her WHILE SHE WAS TRYING TO HELP DELIVER THE MAN'S CHILD! That's right, his PREGNANT WIFE was GIVING BIRTH just a few feet away! Here's the best part...he got arrested before his wife gave birth and he missed the birth of his own child (though I'm pretty sure he couldn't give a shit). I'm sure he's going to spend a lot of quality time working on that mylar weather balloon and the accompanying cardboard box. That's about as classy as a pregnant mother smoking. Now, a word from our sponsor, Oscar Mayer. Oscar Mayer. Deli meat so delicious, you'll want to have a sandwich just about ANYWHERE.
A mexican rock star also had a bad experience at a hospital. She says she got an infection from some "beautification injections"...in her butt. Yes, Alejandra Guzman says she was having the procedures to make herself more attractive to a NEW boyfriend (on a side note, ladies, if he's a NEW boyfriend, he probably is still too hot for you to want you to change anything...unless he's a butt guy). Now she wants to raise awareness in the U.S. of the dangers of such procedures. She's still working on her english, but I have a copy of her comments here... "Women everywhere should know of the dangers of taking it in the ass." Hm...butt injections...now that's a procedure I can get behind.
I imagine Guzman is dropping a lot of 4- and 5-letter words in her pain. Makes sense, considering a new survey shows mexican adults swear an average of TWENTY times a day...cranking out a grand total of 1.3 BILLION "fucks," "shits," and "shitty fucks" a day! That daily count is 40 in New York...and 80 in my apartment. Come ON, Mexico, KEEP UP!
While we're south of the border, you know where it SUCKS to be a music fan? Peru. No, it's not because of the QUALITY of the music. It's the QUALITY of the people SINGING it. This week, the lead singer of Depeche Mode (he's still alive?) played in Lima to 30,000 fans. And during the concert, he shouted to all the fans: "Thank you very much, Chile!" For those of you keeping score at home, Chile is NOT Peru. Strangely enough, nobody seemed to notice. It's probably because this isn't the first time. In 2003, Alanis Morissette played in Peru and shouted "Thank you, Brazil." Also, not Peru. And in 2004, a mexican pop band shouted "Long live Chile!" Really? A MEXICAN pop band?? I realize they're not MUCH closer than the U.S., but still!
I'm going to leave it there for a moment, while The Daily Show picks up the latest from CNN:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| CNN Leaves It There | ||||
| ||||
Finally today, one more message from our sponsor, Oscar Mayer, home of the famous Oscar Mayer weiner:
-B-
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I Read Thinking Hard For the Pictures
Okay, bad news...the Thinking Hard late-night talk show has been cancelled. I know, I know. I'm disappointed too. But we here at TH are thinking about getting into the MAGAZINE arena. I couldn't think of a reason not to, especially since there will be FOUR new spots opening up on the Barnes & Noble magazine rack. Publisher Conde Nast announced this week it will stop printing the longtime cooking magazine, "Gourmet," along with two bridal magazines ("Elegant Bride" and "Modern Bride"...what's the difference? Does a modern bride have an Ipod jack in her tiara? No reason that can't be considered "Elegant") and a parenting magazine called "Cookie." THAT'S the cure for obesity in children! A guide to parenting involving COOKIES!
The big question about a Thinking Hard magazine is...will there be nudity? The answer is...absolutely! The most succesful magazines have male AND female nudity. Look at Playgirl: 19-year-old Levi Johnston, the guy who had sex with and fathered a child with at least one member of the Palin family, says he's wrapping up a deal to pose nude for the magazine. I'm sure he's anxious to show off his Idita-rod.
While getting Levi Johnston to pose nude might seem impressive, Playboy magazine went one better: MARGE SIMPSON will appear nude in the magazine! Yes, a full frontal, totally nude cartoon character...a little like some Japanese animation. Normally I pick up Playboy for the articles, but this might be the first one I'm actually interested in the pictures. After all, Marge Simpson has to be the most REAL woman ever to appear in the magazine.
Speaking of fake...well, EVERYTHING...a 22-year-old woman won a special beauty pageant in Hungary Friday night. The contestants were required to have had plastic surgery to compete. Yup, it's just like the Miss America pageant, except they ADVERTISE fake breasts and nose jobs! (I tell you, Trump's missing out on a golden opportunity...) So, the winner got an apartment in Budapest. I wonder if the runner-up got the Booby Prize.
-B-...wait a sec, you don't REALLY think I'm ending this on a BOOB joke, do you???
Let's take a moment to delve into the world of art and literature...and the desire to make more money off of existing works. Andrew Lloyd Webber, the composer possibly known best for his work bringing the classic "Phantom of the Opera" to the world of musicals, IS MAKING A SEQUEL TO "PHANTOM!" I'm going to repeat that, because it's one of several bat-shit crazy things in this week's blog...Andrew Lloyd Webber is making a sequel to "Phantom." Now, the original took place in these beautiful settings in Europe, so one can only imagine where he's going to place the seq...CONEY ISLAND??? WHAT THE HELL??? Yes, the Phantom is moving from the opera house to CONEY ISLAND. Well, at least the rats will remind him of home. SERIOUSLY! And in a punchline that I could only make up if I was 80 years old and lost my sense of humor, his representatives promise a "rollercoaster of thrills."...really?
Okay, at least that's the only classic tale being tampered with this week...WHAT? A SEQUEL TO "DRACULA"!?! Seriously, did these guys sit down to lunch with Jerry Bruckheimer??? "Oh yeah, guys, there's nothing that the public appreciates more than a sequel to a classic or a remake of something that came out in the 70s and 80s." What, will Dracula move to Six Flags over Georgia and haunt the Funnel Cake Factory? Maybe the Count will just change his mission statement from "I vant to suck your blood" to "I vant to suck." Let's check that U.S. release...it's probably somewhere it will bring in a ton of curious readers and money like New York or...AIKEN, SOUTH CAROLINA??? So now we know the only things that can stop Count Dracula are garlic, a stake...and the literate.
Let's end this week with something that doesn't make me feel like my I.Q. is dripping out of my ears...whatever you did this week, however hard you worked, is about to feel like nothing. I worked on several ways to introduce this clip, but there is nothing I can say that will do this man justice, so I'll just leave you to watch it:
-B-
The big question about a Thinking Hard magazine is...will there be nudity? The answer is...absolutely! The most succesful magazines have male AND female nudity. Look at Playgirl: 19-year-old Levi Johnston, the guy who had sex with and fathered a child with at least one member of the Palin family, says he's wrapping up a deal to pose nude for the magazine. I'm sure he's anxious to show off his Idita-rod.
While getting Levi Johnston to pose nude might seem impressive, Playboy magazine went one better: MARGE SIMPSON will appear nude in the magazine! Yes, a full frontal, totally nude cartoon character...a little like some Japanese animation. Normally I pick up Playboy for the articles, but this might be the first one I'm actually interested in the pictures. After all, Marge Simpson has to be the most REAL woman ever to appear in the magazine.
Speaking of fake...well, EVERYTHING...a 22-year-old woman won a special beauty pageant in Hungary Friday night. The contestants were required to have had plastic surgery to compete. Yup, it's just like the Miss America pageant, except they ADVERTISE fake breasts and nose jobs! (I tell you, Trump's missing out on a golden opportunity...) So, the winner got an apartment in Budapest. I wonder if the runner-up got the Booby Prize.
-B-...wait a sec, you don't REALLY think I'm ending this on a BOOB joke, do you???
Let's take a moment to delve into the world of art and literature...and the desire to make more money off of existing works. Andrew Lloyd Webber, the composer possibly known best for his work bringing the classic "Phantom of the Opera" to the world of musicals, IS MAKING A SEQUEL TO "PHANTOM!" I'm going to repeat that, because it's one of several bat-shit crazy things in this week's blog...Andrew Lloyd Webber is making a sequel to "Phantom." Now, the original took place in these beautiful settings in Europe, so one can only imagine where he's going to place the seq...CONEY ISLAND??? WHAT THE HELL??? Yes, the Phantom is moving from the opera house to CONEY ISLAND. Well, at least the rats will remind him of home. SERIOUSLY! And in a punchline that I could only make up if I was 80 years old and lost my sense of humor, his representatives promise a "rollercoaster of thrills."...really?
Okay, at least that's the only classic tale being tampered with this week...WHAT? A SEQUEL TO "DRACULA"!?! Seriously, did these guys sit down to lunch with Jerry Bruckheimer??? "Oh yeah, guys, there's nothing that the public appreciates more than a sequel to a classic or a remake of something that came out in the 70s and 80s." What, will Dracula move to Six Flags over Georgia and haunt the Funnel Cake Factory? Maybe the Count will just change his mission statement from "I vant to suck your blood" to "I vant to suck." Let's check that U.S. release...it's probably somewhere it will bring in a ton of curious readers and money like New York or...AIKEN, SOUTH CAROLINA??? So now we know the only things that can stop Count Dracula are garlic, a stake...and the literate.
Let's end this week with something that doesn't make me feel like my I.Q. is dripping out of my ears...whatever you did this week, however hard you worked, is about to feel like nothing. I worked on several ways to introduce this clip, but there is nothing I can say that will do this man justice, so I'll just leave you to watch it:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| William Kamkwamba | ||||
| ||||
-B-
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Like A Bear With CHAINSAWS For Paws
Big, exciting news here at Thinking Hard...we've been picked up for our first late-night talk show! WOOT! Now, as you know, the first episode of any program can make or break a show, sometimes a career. So we pulled out all the stops to get some BIG names on the show. Conan O'Brien is going to come on and join Desperate Housewives actress Teri Hatcher in what's sure to be a HILARIOUS segment where they race around the building and end at a finish line in the studio. That should be fun, right?
HAHA! HILARIOUS!...can we get a paramedic over here? Conan has a mild concussion.
Well, I'm sure our NEXT guest will be VERY entertaining. David Letterman asked to come on our first show to make an important announcement. This will be funny for sure:
HAHAHA!...I don't get it. Also, why am I getting a collect call from jail from a producer at 48 Hours?
Well, hopefully our next guest will bring a bright spirit to the show. She has a big showbiz background and a new book out, which I admit I haven't read yet, but I'm sure it's got a lot of stories of pillow fights with her co-star, Valerie Bertinelli. Please welcome One Day At A Time star Mackenzie Phillips...wait, what? We're out of time? Already? Well, I'm sure it's a great book and maybe talks about the importance of family. Be sure to join us tomorrow night when our guests include Hollywood director Roman Polanski! I bet he's got a big new movie to promot...wait, what? What "travel problems"? Well, we'll work something out.
How about THIS...Hugh Jackman doing live theater. Yeah, not such a big deal for the guy who hosted the Tonys, right? Well, one of his paying customers committed a cardinal sin in the audience...he didn't turn off his cell phone. Check out how Hugh reacts to the ringing phone:
Yeah, FUCK THAT GUY. It's rude enough when I'm in a movie and people will talk on a ringing cell phone, but to leave your phone on when there are LIVE performers on stage? That guy's lucky Jackman didn't go all Christian Bale on his ass, or they'd be done, professionally.
Speaking of things that are appalling, Sarah Palin's new memoir is coming out soon. I hear she's mulling over two possible titles: "Going Rogue" or "How The Bible Says I Should Be Vice-President, So There, Liberal Media." Hm...can't wait to see which one she picks.
Hey, the health care debate is STILL GOING ON. Meanwhile, President Obama, First Lady Michelle Obama and Might-As-Well-Be First Lady Oprah Winfrey spent Friday fighting a losing battle to bring the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chicago (Rio de Janeiro won). To be fair, I hear the Olympic Committee is against government-run health care. Anyway, so new numbers out this week show medical providers, businesses and other groups have spent $110 million this year on television advertising fighting about the health care overhaul. I'm sorry...what??? And the AARP is one of the biggest spenders??? Hey, old people bitchin' about how you don't want the government controlling your health care...open your good eye and take a look at how your money is CURRENTLY spent! Wouldn't that $110 million be better spent on more diabetes commercials with Wilford Brimley???
Speaking of "what the fuck" moments, the Wisconsin Tourism Federation recently had to change its name...because it found out its initials spell WTF. The mistake was pointed out by the Parents Eager to Nix Inacceptable Spelling. They're always looking for government loopholes to fill.
I'm all for people minding their own business, but this might have gone a little far. A couple in Massachusetts was standing in line at a Kentucky Fried Chicken (so you already KNOW they're classy...at least they bothered to get out of their car and stand for a minute)...and they started cussing because the line was moving too slow. There were some CHILDREN in line, so a guy asks them to stop. Police say the couple then BEAT THAT MAN as he was leaving the restaurant! Wisconsin Tourism Federation? They probably had their cell phones on in line too.
Now, for a parting shot...special G-20 summit coverage from The Daily Show:
-B-
HAHA! HILARIOUS!...can we get a paramedic over here? Conan has a mild concussion.
Well, I'm sure our NEXT guest will be VERY entertaining. David Letterman asked to come on our first show to make an important announcement. This will be funny for sure:
HAHAHA!...I don't get it. Also, why am I getting a collect call from jail from a producer at 48 Hours?
Well, hopefully our next guest will bring a bright spirit to the show. She has a big showbiz background and a new book out, which I admit I haven't read yet, but I'm sure it's got a lot of stories of pillow fights with her co-star, Valerie Bertinelli. Please welcome One Day At A Time star Mackenzie Phillips...wait, what? We're out of time? Already? Well, I'm sure it's a great book and maybe talks about the importance of family. Be sure to join us tomorrow night when our guests include Hollywood director Roman Polanski! I bet he's got a big new movie to promot...wait, what? What "travel problems"? Well, we'll work something out.
How about THIS...Hugh Jackman doing live theater. Yeah, not such a big deal for the guy who hosted the Tonys, right? Well, one of his paying customers committed a cardinal sin in the audience...he didn't turn off his cell phone. Check out how Hugh reacts to the ringing phone:
Yeah, FUCK THAT GUY. It's rude enough when I'm in a movie and people will talk on a ringing cell phone, but to leave your phone on when there are LIVE performers on stage? That guy's lucky Jackman didn't go all Christian Bale on his ass, or they'd be done, professionally.
Speaking of things that are appalling, Sarah Palin's new memoir is coming out soon. I hear she's mulling over two possible titles: "Going Rogue" or "How The Bible Says I Should Be Vice-President, So There, Liberal Media." Hm...can't wait to see which one she picks.
Hey, the health care debate is STILL GOING ON. Meanwhile, President Obama, First Lady Michelle Obama and Might-As-Well-Be First Lady Oprah Winfrey spent Friday fighting a losing battle to bring the 2016 Summer Olympics to Chicago (Rio de Janeiro won). To be fair, I hear the Olympic Committee is against government-run health care. Anyway, so new numbers out this week show medical providers, businesses and other groups have spent $110 million this year on television advertising fighting about the health care overhaul. I'm sorry...what??? And the AARP is one of the biggest spenders??? Hey, old people bitchin' about how you don't want the government controlling your health care...open your good eye and take a look at how your money is CURRENTLY spent! Wouldn't that $110 million be better spent on more diabetes commercials with Wilford Brimley???
Speaking of "what the fuck" moments, the Wisconsin Tourism Federation recently had to change its name...because it found out its initials spell WTF. The mistake was pointed out by the Parents Eager to Nix Inacceptable Spelling. They're always looking for government loopholes to fill.
I'm all for people minding their own business, but this might have gone a little far. A couple in Massachusetts was standing in line at a Kentucky Fried Chicken (so you already KNOW they're classy...at least they bothered to get out of their car and stand for a minute)...and they started cussing because the line was moving too slow. There were some CHILDREN in line, so a guy asks them to stop. Police say the couple then BEAT THAT MAN as he was leaving the restaurant! Wisconsin Tourism Federation? They probably had their cell phones on in line too.
Now, for a parting shot...special G-20 summit coverage from The Daily Show:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Pittsburgh Irates | ||||
| ||||
-B-
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