Please Put Your Questions In The Box

Welcome back to Thinking Hard, and I'm delighted today to announce a first-of-its-kind sponsorship here at TH. You might have seen this weekend's Saturday Night Live, which was, for the first time ever, COMPLETELY sponsored by one company. Bud Light bought up all the ad time for SNL. Shortly after, TH was contacted by one of the largest food companies in the U.S. So, today's Thinking Hard is brought to you exclusively by Oscar Mayer. Let's get down to it, shall we?

In "Jon Gosselin is no longer the worst father I have ever seen on TV" news, a Colorado man freaked out the military Thursday when he reported his 6-year-old son had crawled into a helium-filled mylar weather balloon, just moments before it went airborne. During "gripping" "news" coverage, TWO military helicopters went up track the balloon (costing taxpayers $14,500). When the balloon finally landed, the "chasers" found the boy was NOT inside the balloon. Instead, he was found hiding in his home's attic...in a cardboard box (also known as "his room"). When Larry King of CNN interviewed the family live that night, Daddy Dearest (fresh off his SECOND appearance on the ABC reality show "Wife Swap") asked his son on live TV why he didn't come out when he heard people searching for him. The boy replied, "You said we were doing it for the show." I can only describe his father's face as having a look of horror-confusion-"Oh Shit" on it. Friday morning, the family was interviewed by all the morning news shows. In a pre-taped interview, Diane Sawyer spoke with the family on Good Morning America. During the tough questions, the boy had to go off-camera and vomit. That was followed shortly by Diane saying to the rest of the family "Does one of you want to go CHECK on him? We can keep talking with the rest of the family." The boy's mother made her best effort to hide her "I GUESS I'll do it" face. Later, in a live interview with Meredith Viera on NBC's Today Show, the boy actually got sick on camera. And for some reason, his parents thought it best to have him do it in a small, CLEAR Rubbermaid container. To be fair, they would have grabbed a nearby garbage can, but it was filled with food for tonight's dinner. Many are saying this family knowingly committed a hoax (partly because Daddy has, at one point in his "meteorological" career, blamed the GOVERNMENT for weather patterns), but I think the only hoax is how his parents convinced police NOT to take their children away. He now says he'll only answer questions about whether it was a hoax if the questions are submitted in writing and put into a box! Now, a brief word from our sponsor, Oscar Mayer. Oscar Mayer. Whether you spell it B-A-L-O-N-E-Y, B-O-L-O-G-N-A, or B-A-L-L-O-O-N-B-O-Y, it's all baloney to us.

Hey, how about we talk about a kid who DIDN'T comply with his father's plan for cheap airtime? This kid in Boston, 9-year-old Oliver Wahlstrom, made a ridiculously good shot during hockey practice. While I think it would have been MORE impressive if there had been 3-5 members of an opposing team BLOCKING him, it's still pretty cool to watch:



Now, to a video that actually DEFIES logic. Who says art isn't weird? An artist in England built the "Hand From Above." It...well, it's pretty self-explanatory. Also, if you want to annoy the shit out of your co-workers, crank up the volume on this one:

Hand from Above from Chris O'Shea on Vimeo.

While we're on the topic of putting your hands where they don't belong, check out THIS classy guy: a 30-year-old man in Utah is accused of groping a nurse at a hospital. While that might not seem so bad, he was groping her WHILE SHE WAS TRYING TO HELP DELIVER THE MAN'S CHILD! That's right, his PREGNANT WIFE was GIVING BIRTH just a few feet away! Here's the best part...he got arrested before his wife gave birth and he missed the birth of his own child (though I'm pretty sure he couldn't give a shit). I'm sure he's going to spend a lot of quality time working on that mylar weather balloon and the accompanying cardboard box. That's about as classy as a pregnant mother smoking. Now, a word from our sponsor, Oscar Mayer. Oscar Mayer. Deli meat so delicious, you'll want to have a sandwich just about ANYWHERE.

A mexican rock star also had a bad experience at a hospital. She says she got an infection from some "beautification injections"...in her butt. Yes, Alejandra Guzman says she was having the procedures to make herself more attractive to a NEW boyfriend (on a side note, ladies, if he's a NEW boyfriend, he probably is still too hot for you to want you to change anything...unless he's a butt guy). Now she wants to raise awareness in the U.S. of the dangers of such procedures. She's still working on her english, but I have a copy of her comments here... "Women everywhere should know of the dangers of taking it in the ass." Hm...butt injections...now that's a procedure I can get behind.

I imagine Guzman is dropping a lot of 4- and 5-letter words in her pain. Makes sense, considering a new survey shows mexican adults swear an average of TWENTY times a day...cranking out a grand total of 1.3 BILLION "fucks," "shits," and "shitty fucks" a day! That daily count is 40 in New York...and 80 in my apartment. Come ON, Mexico, KEEP UP!

While we're south of the border, you know where it SUCKS to be a music fan? Peru. No, it's not because of the QUALITY of the music. It's the QUALITY of the people SINGING it. This week, the lead singer of Depeche Mode (he's still alive?) played in Lima to 30,000 fans. And during the concert, he shouted to all the fans: "Thank you very much, Chile!" For those of you keeping score at home, Chile is NOT Peru. Strangely enough, nobody seemed to notice. It's probably because this isn't the first time. In 2003, Alanis Morissette played in Peru and shouted "Thank you, Brazil." Also, not Peru. And in 2004, a mexican pop band shouted "Long live Chile!" Really? A MEXICAN pop band?? I realize they're not MUCH closer than the U.S., but still!

I'm going to leave it there for a moment, while The Daily Show picks up the latest from CNN:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
CNN Leaves It There
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

Finally today, one more message from our sponsor, Oscar Mayer, home of the famous Oscar Mayer weiner:



-B-