I Read Thinking Hard For the Pictures

Okay, bad news...the Thinking Hard late-night talk show has been cancelled. I know, I know. I'm disappointed too. But we here at TH are thinking about getting into the MAGAZINE arena. I couldn't think of a reason not to, especially since there will be FOUR new spots opening up on the Barnes & Noble magazine rack. Publisher Conde Nast announced this week it will stop printing the longtime cooking magazine, "Gourmet," along with two bridal magazines ("Elegant Bride" and "Modern Bride"...what's the difference? Does a modern bride have an Ipod jack in her tiara? No reason that can't be considered "Elegant") and a parenting magazine called "Cookie." THAT'S the cure for obesity in children! A guide to parenting involving COOKIES!

The big question about a Thinking Hard magazine is...will there be nudity? The answer is...absolutely! The most succesful magazines have male AND female nudity. Look at Playgirl: 19-year-old Levi Johnston, the guy who had sex with and fathered a child with at least one member of the Palin family, says he's wrapping up a deal to pose nude for the magazine. I'm sure he's anxious to show off his Idita-rod.

While getting Levi Johnston to pose nude might seem impressive, Playboy magazine went one better: MARGE SIMPSON will appear nude in the magazine! Yes, a full frontal, totally nude cartoon character...a little like some Japanese animation. Normally I pick up Playboy for the articles, but this might be the first one I'm actually interested in the pictures. After all, Marge Simpson has to be the most REAL woman ever to appear in the magazine.

Speaking of fake...well, EVERYTHING...a 22-year-old woman won a special beauty pageant in Hungary Friday night. The contestants were required to have had plastic surgery to compete. Yup, it's just like the Miss America pageant, except they ADVERTISE fake breasts and nose jobs! (I tell you, Trump's missing out on a golden opportunity...) So, the winner got an apartment in Budapest. I wonder if the runner-up got the Booby Prize.

-B-...wait a sec, you don't REALLY think I'm ending this on a BOOB joke, do you???

Let's take a moment to delve into the world of art and literature...and the desire to make more money off of existing works. Andrew Lloyd Webber, the composer possibly known best for his work bringing the classic "Phantom of the Opera" to the world of musicals, IS MAKING A SEQUEL TO "PHANTOM!" I'm going to repeat that, because it's one of several bat-shit crazy things in this week's blog...Andrew Lloyd Webber is making a sequel to "Phantom." Now, the original took place in these beautiful settings in Europe, so one can only imagine where he's going to place the seq...CONEY ISLAND??? WHAT THE HELL??? Yes, the Phantom is moving from the opera house to CONEY ISLAND. Well, at least the rats will remind him of home. SERIOUSLY! And in a punchline that I could only make up if I was 80 years old and lost my sense of humor, his representatives promise a "rollercoaster of thrills."...really?

Okay, at least that's the only classic tale being tampered with this week...WHAT? A SEQUEL TO "DRACULA"!?! Seriously, did these guys sit down to lunch with Jerry Bruckheimer??? "Oh yeah, guys, there's nothing that the public appreciates more than a sequel to a classic or a remake of something that came out in the 70s and 80s." What, will Dracula move to Six Flags over Georgia and haunt the Funnel Cake Factory? Maybe the Count will just change his mission statement from "I vant to suck your blood" to "I vant to suck." Let's check that U.S. release...it's probably somewhere it will bring in a ton of curious readers and money like New York or...AIKEN, SOUTH CAROLINA??? So now we know the only things that can stop Count Dracula are garlic, a stake...and the literate.

Let's end this week with something that doesn't make me feel like my I.Q. is dripping out of my ears...whatever you did this week, however hard you worked, is about to feel like nothing. I worked on several ways to introduce this clip, but there is nothing I can say that will do this man justice, so I'll just leave you to watch it:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
William Kamkwamba
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

-B-