Hey, we have the regional playoffs today...
Politics Region Final:
1. Sarah Palin vs. 3. Patti Blagojevich
For Governor Palin, it's all about bein' a maverick. She says she doesn't agree with how the federal stimulus money will be spent in Alaska (shocker, she's disagreeing with the Obama administration). She's concerned too much of that money is going to government programs that could lose funding when the stimulus money runs out. She's also dealing with another major budget issue in the state. She faces a record $1.3B deficit in next year's budget and is proposing using the state's rainy day fund for the first time in five years. The state HAD been boosting its money with oil investments...the higher the oil price, the more money in the state. Now that americans have FINALLY realized oil's not all it's cracked up to be, Alaska's paying the price. Sure, it's not quite the same as putting a thumb in the eye to the Middle East, but still satisfying. For Patti Blagojevich, the coming days are increasingly important. She's been subpoenaed because she was overheard on her husband's wiretaps, telling Big Rod not to help the Chicago Tribune with a sale of Wrigley Field if they were writing editorials calling for his impeachment. Her exact quote...let's see, I have it laying around here somewhere...ah, yes, here it is...-quote- "Fuck them!" -end quote-.
The referees enjoy a good f-bomb.
Winner: Patti Blagojevich
(to be honest, I'm a little surprised she's made it this far...)
Skewed Reality Region Final:
2. Lindsay Lohan vs. 4. Holly Madison
Well, this one's tight (again, the only time the word "tight" would be used to describe Lohan or Madison). Lohan came out and said she'd like people to stop badmouthing her so she can find a good acting job...apparently to prove she can still horribly BOTCH good acting jobs (someday, I hope she learns to act like a normal human being...then again, part of me hopes she doesn't). Madison, meanwhile, is still kicking up her heels on Dancing with the 17-Year-Old Stalker Magnets (Shawn-John, I found these guns, this duct tape and love letters here...are they yours?). In fact, she almost got the boot last week, but beat out "Crazy-Eyes: It's Complicated" Denise Richards. Now THAT'S a chick who should be in the tournament. So, Lohan wants out of the spotlight for a while, Madison wants to stay in it...and I'm here to crush dreams.
Winner: Lindsay Lohan
Entertainment Etc. Region Final:
3. Girls of 90210 vs. 4. Amy Winehouse
Well, I can't go based on body structure because both entrants are very slender, whether it be by starving or just run-of-the-mill meth use (I was told there would be no meth). Winehouse's husband recently left her for a younger woman, and she *drumroll* CHANGED HER FACEBOOK STATUS (fuck you, Facebook..and Twitter, while I'm at it) to show she's moving on. Also, I'm reading that her new recording label doesn't like her new darker, more reggae songs she's putting together. One source told Britan's The Sun newspaper that it's crucial to handle Winehouse's return to the world of music (and the sane) properly. The source also said her long-term prospects could be hurt "if she puts out a record that is in any way half-baked." True...she prefers COMPLETELY baked.
Winner: Amy Winehouse
(The girls of 90210 had a chance, but I was afraid winning would feed their egos...and they're trying to watch their weight)
The Oedipus Complex Region Final:
1. Nadya Suleman vs. 2. Angelina Jolie
Angie has a new weight-loss plan. Again, a source told The Sun newspaper (I should note...it's a tabloid) that she dropped 21 pounds in 21 days on a diet of lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup. Surprisingly, Jolie is exhausted. Additionally, some guy who paid $30,000 to charity two years ago for a date with Jolie says he STILL hasn't gotten his date, nor has he gotten his money back. (I don't blame him...I haven't even SEEN "Changeling", and I already want my money back) Nadya, on the other hand, thinks she doesn't need the FREE NURSES to watch over her little rugrats. She fired them because she thinks they're spying on her: "Nightingale to Big Cheese...Nightingale to Big Cheese...the Conveyor Belt is again on the move." Both ladies are making stupid decisions, but that nurse thing? Ludicrous.
Winner: Nadya Suleman
So, we're down to the final four:
Patti Blagojevich vs. Lindsay Lohan
Amy Winehouse vs. Nadya Suleman
-B-
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Who Doesn't Love A Cat Fight?
It's been the talk of the internet all week...Thinking Hard's Hottest Mess Tournament '09 commences today. But one of our contenders almost didn't make it, while another contender called 911 when we tried to drag her kicking and screa...er, I mean, PROVIDE COURTESY TRANSPORTATION to this year's tournament! Apparently Thinking Hard's reputation preceded me...
So, let's get down to it. We'll start in the Politics Region...
1. Sarah Palin vs. 4. Oprah Winfrey
It's been a tough year for both of these women. Oprah backed yet ANOTHER fictional "memoir"...seriously, who's vetting these authors??? Speaking of vetting, who prepped Sarah Palin for a White House run with John McCain??? For months, this hockey mom wouldn't stop winking at me or calling me "Joe." Everywhere she went, she saw Joes. Joe Biden. Joe the Plumber. Joe Six-Pack. She'd be calling Todd "Joe" in bed...if he wasn't spending so much time with the Idiot-arod. She even got to name his dogs..."Joe", "Joe", "Joe"... Don't feel too badly for her. At least she didn't name them after the magazines she reads at home: "Um", "Er", "Well", "I, uh." At least OPRAH can pick a winning president.
Hotter Mess: Sarah Palin
2. Hillary Clinton vs. 3. Patti Blagojevich
To be fair, I think the only reason both of these women made it into this year's tournament is the person they married. Bill did the fucking at the office...Rod did the "fuck"-ing on the phone. Hillary did make a great run at the White House. Sure, she cried and we could have only waited in fear for "All The President's Men-opause," but she proved she could be a decent leader and ended up Secretary of State. Her first few months in office? Spent on the other side of the world. President Obama knows a woman's place is in the war zone. Patti Blagojevich? The only mess hotter than the Middle East.
Hotter Mess: Patti Blagojevich
Over to the Skewed Reality Region...
1. Paris Hilton vs. 4. Holly Madison
This one seems like a slam dunk, considering Paris Hilton's seen more rim-jobs than the entire history of the NCAA tournament. She's even dating Doug Reinhardt from the "reality" show "The Hills." But let's take a moment to consider her opposition. Young. Blonde. Stupid. Almost like Paris Hilton...except Paris hasn't slept with anyone who fought in the Civil War.
Hotter Mess (and asking for John McCain's number): Holly Madison
2. Lindsay Lohan vs. 3. Heidi Montag
OH, I LOVE THIS ONE! The bi-slash-hetero-slash-homo-sexual starless..er, starLET. The chick from the "reality" show "The Hills." Lindsay Lohan fakes being in love with that guy, Sam Ronson...Heidi Montag fakes being married to an obnoxious Pratt named Spencer. Police in Los Angeles filed an arrest warrant for Lohan last weekend for violation of her parole from her 2007 drunk-driving arrest. Her alcohol education class (doesn't she know that stuff already? She drinks enough of it) director told police she missed three sessions over three weeks. But her lawyer argued she had left that program for another due to a -quote- "personality conflict." Yeah, the instructor had one, she didn't. And recently, Lohan tried to escape the paparazzi by going to Jack Nicholson's house and waking him up (he didn't sound pleased). Right...if there's someone who knows how to avoid the limelight, it's Jack Nicholson. Actually, he could pull it off...if he told them he's in a new movie. Maybe "Wolf 2"?
FAR Hotter Mess: Lindsay Lohan
Moving down to the Entertainment Etc. Region:
1. Britney Spears vs. 4. Amy Winehouse
Neither of these..ahem, LADIES...is a stranger to the tournament. Proper hygiene, yes...the tournament, no. Britney's back on tour now with this circus that is her life. Wait, what? OH, sorry, it's CALLED Circus. My bad. Apparently she's been getting anonymous death threats lately, presumably because she's lip-synching. Too bad the only time she's really USING the microphone is when she thinks it's off and she says the wardrobe is "too tight on my p***y." That is the first, last and only time you'll ever hear me use the word "tight" in a sentence talking about Britney Spears' p***y. At least she IS trying to get it together. Meanwhile, Winehouse has been in and out of Rehab (she kept saying "No...ah, you know the punchline) and was recently charged with punching a fan in the eye who asked for her autograph. To be fair, at least Winehouse wasn't holding a pen at the time.
Hotter Mess: Amy Winehouse
2. Miley Cyrus vs. 3. The Girls of 90210
It's amazing...I'm pretty slender, but ALL of these girls COMBINED still weigh less than me. Hell, they weigh less than a box of toothpicks. But let's consider their diets: Miley has a penchant for aged sausage, preferrably around 20 years or so (IT'S STILL A FELONY!). The girls of 90210 binge occasionally on a cracker. Then they don't eat for a week.
Hotter Mess: 90210 Girls
Let's wrap this thing up over in the Oedipus Complex:
1. Nadya Suleman vs. 4. Bristol Palin
This week, Octomom brought home two of her newborns. The paparazzi swarmed her home to get a picture of the children. They even dented her garage door, trying to get pictures before it closed. Suleman called 911 in a panic because she was afraid the paparazzi were dangerous. Don't worry, sweetheart, they're only after people who appear on talk show after talk show to talk about some freaky thing they've done lately...oh, wait. Bristol Palin, on the other hand, has lied to the media about wanting to marry the father of her son...TRIP!!!...only to come out now and say they actually called things off more than a month ago. She's a Palin, but this time, it's just not enough. And as much as I'd like to see Palin vs. Palin, we're gonna have to wait until next year.
Hotter Mess: Nadya Suleman
2. Angelina Jolie vs. 3. Ashlee Simpson-Wentz
So, Ashlee could easily be a good pick here because she's preparing to star in the "successful" relaunch of Melrose Place (fuck you, Hollywood)...or because she married Pete Wentz and completed the "Most Fucked-Up Looking Couple On The Planet"...or because she named her son BRONX MOWGLI! What the hell? Are they TRYING to get him beaten up? Oh, wait, I get it..it's kinda like a play on the urban jungle of New York, with the Bronx and Mowgli from the JungFUCK YOU! That's just a horrible thing to name your child. So, yeah, Ashlee's a great pick. But since I screwed you out of Palin vs. Palin, I owe you Suleman vs. Jolie.
Hotter Mess: Angelina Jolie
Wow, couple upsets up in here! So, here's how it looks:
Politics Championship: 1. Sarah Palin vs. 3. Patti Blagojevich
Skewed Reality Championship: 2. Lindsay Lohan vs. 4. Holly Madison
Entertainment Etc. Championship: 3. 90210 Girls vs. 4. Amy Winehouse
Oedipus Complex Championship: 1. Nadya Suleman vs. 2. Angelina Jolie
See you in the quarterfinals!
-B-
So, let's get down to it. We'll start in the Politics Region...
1. Sarah Palin vs. 4. Oprah Winfrey
It's been a tough year for both of these women. Oprah backed yet ANOTHER fictional "memoir"...seriously, who's vetting these authors??? Speaking of vetting, who prepped Sarah Palin for a White House run with John McCain??? For months, this hockey mom wouldn't stop winking at me or calling me "Joe." Everywhere she went, she saw Joes. Joe Biden. Joe the Plumber. Joe Six-Pack. She'd be calling Todd "Joe" in bed...if he wasn't spending so much time with the Idiot-arod. She even got to name his dogs..."Joe", "Joe", "Joe"... Don't feel too badly for her. At least she didn't name them after the magazines she reads at home: "Um", "Er", "Well", "I, uh." At least OPRAH can pick a winning president.
Hotter Mess: Sarah Palin
2. Hillary Clinton vs. 3. Patti Blagojevich
To be fair, I think the only reason both of these women made it into this year's tournament is the person they married. Bill did the fucking at the office...Rod did the "fuck"-ing on the phone. Hillary did make a great run at the White House. Sure, she cried and we could have only waited in fear for "All The President's Men-opause," but she proved she could be a decent leader and ended up Secretary of State. Her first few months in office? Spent on the other side of the world. President Obama knows a woman's place is in the war zone. Patti Blagojevich? The only mess hotter than the Middle East.
Hotter Mess: Patti Blagojevich
Over to the Skewed Reality Region...
1. Paris Hilton vs. 4. Holly Madison
This one seems like a slam dunk, considering Paris Hilton's seen more rim-jobs than the entire history of the NCAA tournament. She's even dating Doug Reinhardt from the "reality" show "The Hills." But let's take a moment to consider her opposition. Young. Blonde. Stupid. Almost like Paris Hilton...except Paris hasn't slept with anyone who fought in the Civil War.
Hotter Mess (and asking for John McCain's number): Holly Madison
2. Lindsay Lohan vs. 3. Heidi Montag
OH, I LOVE THIS ONE! The bi-slash-hetero-slash-homo-sexual starless..er, starLET. The chick from the "reality" show "The Hills." Lindsay Lohan fakes being in love with that guy, Sam Ronson...Heidi Montag fakes being married to an obnoxious Pratt named Spencer. Police in Los Angeles filed an arrest warrant for Lohan last weekend for violation of her parole from her 2007 drunk-driving arrest. Her alcohol education class (doesn't she know that stuff already? She drinks enough of it) director told police she missed three sessions over three weeks. But her lawyer argued she had left that program for another due to a -quote- "personality conflict." Yeah, the instructor had one, she didn't. And recently, Lohan tried to escape the paparazzi by going to Jack Nicholson's house and waking him up (he didn't sound pleased). Right...if there's someone who knows how to avoid the limelight, it's Jack Nicholson. Actually, he could pull it off...if he told them he's in a new movie. Maybe "Wolf 2"?
FAR Hotter Mess: Lindsay Lohan
Moving down to the Entertainment Etc. Region:
1. Britney Spears vs. 4. Amy Winehouse
Neither of these..ahem, LADIES...is a stranger to the tournament. Proper hygiene, yes...the tournament, no. Britney's back on tour now with this circus that is her life. Wait, what? OH, sorry, it's CALLED Circus. My bad. Apparently she's been getting anonymous death threats lately, presumably because she's lip-synching. Too bad the only time she's really USING the microphone is when she thinks it's off and she says the wardrobe is "too tight on my p***y." That is the first, last and only time you'll ever hear me use the word "tight" in a sentence talking about Britney Spears' p***y. At least she IS trying to get it together. Meanwhile, Winehouse has been in and out of Rehab (she kept saying "No...ah, you know the punchline) and was recently charged with punching a fan in the eye who asked for her autograph. To be fair, at least Winehouse wasn't holding a pen at the time.
Hotter Mess: Amy Winehouse
2. Miley Cyrus vs. 3. The Girls of 90210
It's amazing...I'm pretty slender, but ALL of these girls COMBINED still weigh less than me. Hell, they weigh less than a box of toothpicks. But let's consider their diets: Miley has a penchant for aged sausage, preferrably around 20 years or so (IT'S STILL A FELONY!). The girls of 90210 binge occasionally on a cracker. Then they don't eat for a week.
Hotter Mess: 90210 Girls
Let's wrap this thing up over in the Oedipus Complex:
1. Nadya Suleman vs. 4. Bristol Palin
This week, Octomom brought home two of her newborns. The paparazzi swarmed her home to get a picture of the children. They even dented her garage door, trying to get pictures before it closed. Suleman called 911 in a panic because she was afraid the paparazzi were dangerous. Don't worry, sweetheart, they're only after people who appear on talk show after talk show to talk about some freaky thing they've done lately...oh, wait. Bristol Palin, on the other hand, has lied to the media about wanting to marry the father of her son...TRIP!!!...only to come out now and say they actually called things off more than a month ago. She's a Palin, but this time, it's just not enough. And as much as I'd like to see Palin vs. Palin, we're gonna have to wait until next year.
Hotter Mess: Nadya Suleman
2. Angelina Jolie vs. 3. Ashlee Simpson-Wentz
So, Ashlee could easily be a good pick here because she's preparing to star in the "successful" relaunch of Melrose Place (fuck you, Hollywood)...or because she married Pete Wentz and completed the "Most Fucked-Up Looking Couple On The Planet"...or because she named her son BRONX MOWGLI! What the hell? Are they TRYING to get him beaten up? Oh, wait, I get it..it's kinda like a play on the urban jungle of New York, with the Bronx and Mowgli from the JungFUCK YOU! That's just a horrible thing to name your child. So, yeah, Ashlee's a great pick. But since I screwed you out of Palin vs. Palin, I owe you Suleman vs. Jolie.
Hotter Mess: Angelina Jolie
Wow, couple upsets up in here! So, here's how it looks:
Politics Championship: 1. Sarah Palin vs. 3. Patti Blagojevich
Skewed Reality Championship: 2. Lindsay Lohan vs. 4. Holly Madison
Entertainment Etc. Championship: 3. 90210 Girls vs. 4. Amy Winehouse
Oedipus Complex Championship: 1. Nadya Suleman vs. 2. Angelina Jolie
See you in the quarterfinals!
-B-
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Selection Sunday
You know, if there's one question I get from readers of Thinking Hard this time of year, it's "Why aren't you wearing pants?" And if I get TWO questions, it's "Why aren't you wearing pants?" and "Who's in this year's Hottest Mess Tournament?"
It's....time.
As you know, we expanded the tournament this year. There are now SEVENTEEN entrants! Obviously, they're going to need to be split up into four divisions. AND...we're going to have our first PLAY-IN GAME! (I LOVE this time of year!)
So, let's start things off with the brand-new POLITICS REGION. These entrants are seeded by bracket. The top-seeded Hot Mess in the Politics Region is...drumroll...Sarah Palin! She will face off in the opening round against the number-four seed...Oprah Winfrey! On the other side of the bracket, the number-two seed is...Hillary Clinton! She'll face off against the number-three seed...Patti Blagojevich!
Wow! Big names! Big Start! Let's keep it rolling...
The winner of the Politics Region will face the winner of the new SKEWED REALITY REGION for the divisional championship (and the right to go to the national championship). The top seed goes to...PARIS HILTON! You might remember she lost in the first round of last year's tournament, but she lost to the woman who came in second overall, Lindsay Lohan. Hilton will compete in the first round against the number-four seed...HOLLY MADISON! On the other end of the bracket, the number-two seed is...LINDSAY LOHAN! Lohan will take on the number-three seed...HEIDI MONTAG!
Moving on to the bottom of the brackets...
We have the brand-new ENTERTAINMENT ETC. REGION! Competitors in this category could be singers, actresses, porn stars, street performers/hookers...this is pretty much a catch-all region...since I'm sure the men they've been with have "caught all" they really care to have. Let's start with the number-one seed...BRITNEY SPEARS! Spears came in third in the tournament last year and hopes to have a strong showing this year. Her opponent is the fourth-seeded...AMY WINEHOUSE! Winehouse stumbled out of the tournament in the first round last year. The other side of the bracket looks like this...number-two seeded MILEY CYRUS (It's STILL a felony!) takes on the number-three seeded SKINNY BITCHES OF 90210!
Man, I can't wait to see how that comes out. Speaking of coming out, our last region...THE OEDIPUS COMPLEX! These are all competitors who are mothers...but probably shouldn't be. No surprise here, the number-one seed is...NADYA SULEMAN, THE OCTO-MOM! She'll take on the number-four seed...to be determined by the play-in game. Stand by for that. Let's check out the other half of the Oedipus Region...number-two seeded ANGELINA JOLIE looks to take on number-three seeded ASHLEE SIMPSON-WENTZ!
Now for the play-in game. These two competitors are playing for the number-four seed in the Oedipus Region. And this matchup is...BRISTOL PALIN vs. KATE FROM "JON AND KATE PLUS 8!"
Now, if you've never seen "Jon and Kate Plus 8" on TLC, this couple had twins...then a short time later had sextuplets (stop me if you've heard this one...*cough*NadyaSuleman*cough*). I keep seeing clips of the show where Kate treats Jon like her ninth child. She bashes him in front of the children. These kids are going to grow up thinking their daddy is a butler or something and their real daddy ran off with the maid. They might as well call it "Kate Plus 9." There's even been talk recently that Jon might have cheated on Kate, but both deny it. Kate was quoted as saying "We love each other very much...ISN'T THAT RIGHT, DEAR???" Apparently she had a car battery attached to his nipples.
But Bristol Palin's having her own issues. She just announced that she called off her engagement with the guy who tapped that as...I mean, conceived a beautiful baby boy with her. Now, his sister claims Bristol is too controlling and won't let the man see his child. Plus, she's a Palin.
Winner: BRISTOL PALIN! WHOA! We have Bristol Palin on one half of the board and Sarah Palin on the OTHER half! We could end up with a Mom-War in the Championship Game! Palin moves on to face Nadya Suleman in the opening round.
Well, that's the layout for this year's tournament. I have a bracket I'm going to try to post soon, but if not...well, you'll survive right?
LET THE MADNESS BEGIN!!
-B-
It's....time.
As you know, we expanded the tournament this year. There are now SEVENTEEN entrants! Obviously, they're going to need to be split up into four divisions. AND...we're going to have our first PLAY-IN GAME! (I LOVE this time of year!)
So, let's start things off with the brand-new POLITICS REGION. These entrants are seeded by bracket. The top-seeded Hot Mess in the Politics Region is...drumroll...Sarah Palin! She will face off in the opening round against the number-four seed...Oprah Winfrey! On the other side of the bracket, the number-two seed is...Hillary Clinton! She'll face off against the number-three seed...Patti Blagojevich!
Wow! Big names! Big Start! Let's keep it rolling...
The winner of the Politics Region will face the winner of the new SKEWED REALITY REGION for the divisional championship (and the right to go to the national championship). The top seed goes to...PARIS HILTON! You might remember she lost in the first round of last year's tournament, but she lost to the woman who came in second overall, Lindsay Lohan. Hilton will compete in the first round against the number-four seed...HOLLY MADISON! On the other end of the bracket, the number-two seed is...LINDSAY LOHAN! Lohan will take on the number-three seed...HEIDI MONTAG!
Moving on to the bottom of the brackets...
We have the brand-new ENTERTAINMENT ETC. REGION! Competitors in this category could be singers, actresses, porn stars, street performers/hookers...this is pretty much a catch-all region...since I'm sure the men they've been with have "caught all" they really care to have. Let's start with the number-one seed...BRITNEY SPEARS! Spears came in third in the tournament last year and hopes to have a strong showing this year. Her opponent is the fourth-seeded...AMY WINEHOUSE! Winehouse stumbled out of the tournament in the first round last year. The other side of the bracket looks like this...number-two seeded MILEY CYRUS (It's STILL a felony!) takes on the number-three seeded SKINNY BITCHES OF 90210!
Man, I can't wait to see how that comes out. Speaking of coming out, our last region...THE OEDIPUS COMPLEX! These are all competitors who are mothers...but probably shouldn't be. No surprise here, the number-one seed is...NADYA SULEMAN, THE OCTO-MOM! She'll take on the number-four seed...to be determined by the play-in game. Stand by for that. Let's check out the other half of the Oedipus Region...number-two seeded ANGELINA JOLIE looks to take on number-three seeded ASHLEE SIMPSON-WENTZ!
Now for the play-in game. These two competitors are playing for the number-four seed in the Oedipus Region. And this matchup is...BRISTOL PALIN vs. KATE FROM "JON AND KATE PLUS 8!"
Now, if you've never seen "Jon and Kate Plus 8" on TLC, this couple had twins...then a short time later had sextuplets (stop me if you've heard this one...*cough*NadyaSuleman*cough*). I keep seeing clips of the show where Kate treats Jon like her ninth child. She bashes him in front of the children. These kids are going to grow up thinking their daddy is a butler or something and their real daddy ran off with the maid. They might as well call it "Kate Plus 9." There's even been talk recently that Jon might have cheated on Kate, but both deny it. Kate was quoted as saying "We love each other very much...ISN'T THAT RIGHT, DEAR???" Apparently she had a car battery attached to his nipples.
But Bristol Palin's having her own issues. She just announced that she called off her engagement with the guy who tapped that as...I mean, conceived a beautiful baby boy with her. Now, his sister claims Bristol is too controlling and won't let the man see his child. Plus, she's a Palin.
Winner: BRISTOL PALIN! WHOA! We have Bristol Palin on one half of the board and Sarah Palin on the OTHER half! We could end up with a Mom-War in the Championship Game! Palin moves on to face Nadya Suleman in the opening round.
Well, that's the layout for this year's tournament. I have a bracket I'm going to try to post soon, but if not...well, you'll survive right?
LET THE MADNESS BEGIN!!
-B-
Friday, March 13, 2009
And now for something slightly different...
Hey, Hard Thinkers (take that however you prefer), we're going to change things up a little bit today. If you're a faithful reader (and why wouldn't you be???), you know I'm likely in this blog to let my mind wander, hit on several items in one blog and be as entertaining as possible. Not today.
One quick note and I'll be on to the main topic...a former colleague of mine passed away this week. Chuck Olmstead was one of the most entertaining people I had the fortune of meeting in Louisville, Kentucky (and there were a lot...most of them reading the very blog). Fresh out of Iowa, he surprised me on several levels...his deadpan humor, his ability to dig a story out of nowhere, his ability to TELL that story in a way that entertained AND informed me, and his New England accent (somewhat out of place in Louisville, Kentucky). But he was always genuine whenever I talked to him. If he was in a bad mood, I knew it...but he never took it out on me. If he was in a good mood, I knew it...and he shared it with me. A quick wit, a sense of style...Chuck Olmstead had it all. Thanks, Chuck, for sharing it with me.
Now to the business at hand. If you read last week's blog (and why wouldn't you???), you probably saw my clip of a Daily Show story on all the errors committed by CNBC during the build-up to our current economic crisis. Well, Mad Money host Jim Cramer got a little peeved by how many times HE appeared in the story, pushing people to buy when they should have sold. He spoke out against Jon Stewart on "Today"...and Stewart continued to tweak that nerve:
So, Stewart hosted Cramer for a lengthy interview that some call a "ripping" by Stewart. I disagree. I think it was a poignant debate and if anyone who criticizes the Daily Show as "liberal" or "just a comedy show", but has/had money in the stock market, I think Stewart cemented himself as "not just another comedy show host...but someone who knows what the fuck he's talking about and is willing to stand up for those who like him AND those who hate him." I hear he's putting it on business cards. Please take about 23 minutes out of your day and watch this entire interview. Thank you, Jon:
Part One:
Part Two:
Part Three:
-B-
One quick note and I'll be on to the main topic...a former colleague of mine passed away this week. Chuck Olmstead was one of the most entertaining people I had the fortune of meeting in Louisville, Kentucky (and there were a lot...most of them reading the very blog). Fresh out of Iowa, he surprised me on several levels...his deadpan humor, his ability to dig a story out of nowhere, his ability to TELL that story in a way that entertained AND informed me, and his New England accent (somewhat out of place in Louisville, Kentucky). But he was always genuine whenever I talked to him. If he was in a bad mood, I knew it...but he never took it out on me. If he was in a good mood, I knew it...and he shared it with me. A quick wit, a sense of style...Chuck Olmstead had it all. Thanks, Chuck, for sharing it with me.
Now to the business at hand. If you read last week's blog (and why wouldn't you???), you probably saw my clip of a Daily Show story on all the errors committed by CNBC during the build-up to our current economic crisis. Well, Mad Money host Jim Cramer got a little peeved by how many times HE appeared in the story, pushing people to buy when they should have sold. He spoke out against Jon Stewart on "Today"...and Stewart continued to tweak that nerve:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | M - Th 11p / 10c | |||
| Basic Cable Personality Clash Skirmish '09 | ||||
| ||||
So, Stewart hosted Cramer for a lengthy interview that some call a "ripping" by Stewart. I disagree. I think it was a poignant debate and if anyone who criticizes the Daily Show as "liberal" or "just a comedy show", but has/had money in the stock market, I think Stewart cemented himself as "not just another comedy show host...but someone who knows what the fuck he's talking about and is willing to stand up for those who like him AND those who hate him." I hear he's putting it on business cards. Please take about 23 minutes out of your day and watch this entire interview. Thank you, Jon:
Part One:
Part Two:
Part Three:
-B-
Saturday, March 7, 2009
CNBC-Bashing (and a sack lunch)
Well, North Carolina survived its snowstorm last weekend. Actually, it was the biggest I've seen since I've been here...up to 6 inches! (that's what she said) Tomorrow, it's going to be almost 80 degrees. And people wonder why my sinuses have left the building...
So, John McCain's daughter is writing a blog about her personal life, politics and dating (how original...I hear she called it "Thinking Hardly with Meghan McCain). To be totally fair, she's cute and if I didn't know her father was older than dirt, I'd probably buy her a drink. According to her blog, that's where things would go wrong: "nothing kills my libido quite like discussing politics." Humma-what???
Yeah, apparently Daughter Time (whose father would then be...come ON people, keep up!) is having trouble finding a guy she's interested in. Apparently she's turned off by Obama supporters AND McCain supporters. Check out this date she went on:
Nothing makes me more ill than the idea of some guy bragging to his friends that he was going to go on a date with “John McCain’s daughter.” (Unfortunately this has happened more times than I would like to count and each time I can sense it within the first 30 seconds of meeting them.) One extreme fan of my mother’s recently told me I could be “his Cindy.” And then asked me if I ever wore pearls because they probably would look as good on me as they do on my mother. No, I'm not kidding. Any guy that has a fetish for older women in pantsuits and large pearls obviously only finds my last name attractive about me.
Also, if you're looking for cheesy lines on a date with Meg McCain, here's what you should avoid:
Once I went out with a guy who said the food I had ordered was a “maverick choice” and proceeded to tell me, “Wow, straight talking must run in the family.” It’s like someone taking Lisa Marie Presley out on a date and singing “Hound Dog” in the middle of dinner.
Actually, I feel bad for her. Dating is hard anyway, let alone if you're the daughter of the guy who lost to "that one." So, guys, dating advice for Meghan McCain...avoid talking politics. Or war. Or pearl necklaces...
Speaking of parents and their children, I've added a special "Friend of the Show." A guy is showing pictures on his blog of his children's lunchbags. Here's the thing...he draws and colors the pictures on the bags ON HIS LUNCH BREAK AT WORK! Such a huge effort for something that his children might not be old enough to cherish...and might just throw away. You really have to check out the detail on these bags. Just click on "Lunch Bag Art"...when you're done reading this blog, of course.
Hey, anybody watch the Bachelor lately? Some people are pissed off because this single father asked a woman to marry him on the final episode...then weeks later broke it off on national television and asked one of his other "castoffs" to be with him instead. Stay tuned for ABC's newest reality show, "Sloppy Seconds."
I've been getting a lot of response from readers about who I should enter into this year's "Hottest Mess" tournament. Last year's winner, Angelina Jolie, still has not responded to let me know if she's coming. She and Brad must be busy, spending all their time with television interviews about their Oscar wins...oh, wait, that's right, THEY DIDN'T WIN. Stay tuned for ABC newest reality show starring Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, "Sloppy Seconds."
Moving ahead, Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger is planning to write a memoir. You might not have heard of this guy...apparently he landed a plane safely in the Hudson River recently. I'm kidding. EVERYONE has heard of this guy. Now, it's gone from a "Miracle on the Hudson" to a real "Cirque du Sully."
Hey, that sounds like something you'd see on The Daily Show. That brings me back to the title of this blog..."Don't Fuck With The Daily Sh.." Oh, wait, sorry...it's "CNBC-Bashing." I don't know if you saw it or not, but CNBC (known for its accurate reporting that there's nothing wrong with the economy and we should all rush right out and buy stocks like they're bottles of spoiled milk, just taking up space in the refrigerated section of your local grocer) recently had its analyst, Rick Santelli, on the network and he ripped on President Obama's economic stimulus plan. Santelli was slated to appear on The Daily Show (presumably to answer questions about the tirade) this past Wednesday, but last Friday, CNBC canceled the interview, saying it's time to move on from that story. NOT SO, CNBC! If you can spare the next 8 minutes, PLEASE watch what I would consider is one of the best examples of "Daily Show is more reliable than YOU are" journalism. You're gonna love this:
-B-
So, John McCain's daughter is writing a blog about her personal life, politics and dating (how original...I hear she called it "Thinking Hardly with Meghan McCain). To be totally fair, she's cute and if I didn't know her father was older than dirt, I'd probably buy her a drink. According to her blog, that's where things would go wrong: "nothing kills my libido quite like discussing politics." Humma-what???
Yeah, apparently Daughter Time (whose father would then be...come ON people, keep up!) is having trouble finding a guy she's interested in. Apparently she's turned off by Obama supporters AND McCain supporters. Check out this date she went on:
Nothing makes me more ill than the idea of some guy bragging to his friends that he was going to go on a date with “John McCain’s daughter.” (Unfortunately this has happened more times than I would like to count and each time I can sense it within the first 30 seconds of meeting them.) One extreme fan of my mother’s recently told me I could be “his Cindy.” And then asked me if I ever wore pearls because they probably would look as good on me as they do on my mother. No, I'm not kidding. Any guy that has a fetish for older women in pantsuits and large pearls obviously only finds my last name attractive about me.
Also, if you're looking for cheesy lines on a date with Meg McCain, here's what you should avoid:
Once I went out with a guy who said the food I had ordered was a “maverick choice” and proceeded to tell me, “Wow, straight talking must run in the family.” It’s like someone taking Lisa Marie Presley out on a date and singing “Hound Dog” in the middle of dinner.
Actually, I feel bad for her. Dating is hard anyway, let alone if you're the daughter of the guy who lost to "that one." So, guys, dating advice for Meghan McCain...avoid talking politics. Or war. Or pearl necklaces...
Speaking of parents and their children, I've added a special "Friend of the Show." A guy is showing pictures on his blog of his children's lunchbags. Here's the thing...he draws and colors the pictures on the bags ON HIS LUNCH BREAK AT WORK! Such a huge effort for something that his children might not be old enough to cherish...and might just throw away. You really have to check out the detail on these bags. Just click on "Lunch Bag Art"...when you're done reading this blog, of course.
Hey, anybody watch the Bachelor lately? Some people are pissed off because this single father asked a woman to marry him on the final episode...then weeks later broke it off on national television and asked one of his other "castoffs" to be with him instead. Stay tuned for ABC's newest reality show, "Sloppy Seconds."
I've been getting a lot of response from readers about who I should enter into this year's "Hottest Mess" tournament. Last year's winner, Angelina Jolie, still has not responded to let me know if she's coming. She and Brad must be busy, spending all their time with television interviews about their Oscar wins...oh, wait, that's right, THEY DIDN'T WIN. Stay tuned for ABC newest reality show starring Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, "Sloppy Seconds."
Moving ahead, Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger is planning to write a memoir. You might not have heard of this guy...apparently he landed a plane safely in the Hudson River recently. I'm kidding. EVERYONE has heard of this guy. Now, it's gone from a "Miracle on the Hudson" to a real "Cirque du Sully."
Hey, that sounds like something you'd see on The Daily Show. That brings me back to the title of this blog..."Don't Fuck With The Daily Sh.." Oh, wait, sorry...it's "CNBC-Bashing." I don't know if you saw it or not, but CNBC (known for its accurate reporting that there's nothing wrong with the economy and we should all rush right out and buy stocks like they're bottles of spoiled milk, just taking up space in the refrigerated section of your local grocer) recently had its analyst, Rick Santelli, on the network and he ripped on President Obama's economic stimulus plan. Santelli was slated to appear on The Daily Show (presumably to answer questions about the tirade) this past Wednesday, but last Friday, CNBC canceled the interview, saying it's time to move on from that story. NOT SO, CNBC! If you can spare the next 8 minutes, PLEASE watch what I would consider is one of the best examples of "Daily Show is more reliable than YOU are" journalism. You're gonna love this:
-B-
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The "Fairer Sex" Angers Me
Let's start with your weather forecast...
It's March 1 in Charlotte, North Carolina, and our meteorologists are predicting severe weather, so of course we're expecting...
WHAT??? What the f*** do you mean SNOW?!? Well, I guess that's what I get for golfing on January 23rd and bragging to my friends and family. Who says there's no such thing as global warming?
As I "anxiously" await our next snowfall (F-U, Mother Nature), I'd like to briefly revisit a topic from a previous post...Nadya Suleman, the so-called "octo-mom" and favorite in this year's "Hottest Mess" tournament. So, I heard this week that someone offered her a contract to appear in an adult film. Of course she's going to sign because, quite frankly, she needs the cash and apparently doesn't give a crap about what she's doing "down there" anyway. I heard she could sign on for a SERIES of the films..."Suleman," "Suleman 2," "Suleman 3," and "Suleman 4: The Quest for a Piece." Of course, that last film will mostly be forgotten by fans of the franchise until years later when Angelina Jolie takes over the role in "Suleman Returns." (Hey, don't groan...my other options for movie titles were "Not Another Fourteen Movie" and "He's Just, Nadya, That Into You"...my personal favorite)
Also, while I'm on the topic of movies, I found out this week that Hollywood is planning remakes of "Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Neverending Story." Hollywood and I are officially not speaking to each other.
I DID catch parts of the Academy Awards last Sunday night. Bad year to be nominated in the Best Supporting Deceased Actor category...Heath Ledger was the shoo-in. Seriously, I was MORE surprised to see Angelina Jolie show up at the ceremony and NOT look like she'd spent the day on crack. (This blog sponsored by Jennifer Aniston.)
But I have to commend the filmmakers behind "Slumdog Millionaire." Eight Oscars, including Best Director and Best Picture...congratulations! I also am digging that song from the movie, "Jai Ho," which I believe means "Would you kindly move your car from this parking spot so that I may pull in?" I also read this week that the Pussycat Dolls are remixing it...they'll probably have to call it "Jai Hos."
Bring on the snow!
-B-
It's March 1 in Charlotte, North Carolina, and our meteorologists are predicting severe weather, so of course we're expecting...
WHAT??? What the f*** do you mean SNOW?!? Well, I guess that's what I get for golfing on January 23rd and bragging to my friends and family. Who says there's no such thing as global warming?
As I "anxiously" await our next snowfall (F-U, Mother Nature), I'd like to briefly revisit a topic from a previous post...Nadya Suleman, the so-called "octo-mom" and favorite in this year's "Hottest Mess" tournament. So, I heard this week that someone offered her a contract to appear in an adult film. Of course she's going to sign because, quite frankly, she needs the cash and apparently doesn't give a crap about what she's doing "down there" anyway. I heard she could sign on for a SERIES of the films..."Suleman," "Suleman 2," "Suleman 3," and "Suleman 4: The Quest for a Piece." Of course, that last film will mostly be forgotten by fans of the franchise until years later when Angelina Jolie takes over the role in "Suleman Returns." (Hey, don't groan...my other options for movie titles were "Not Another Fourteen Movie" and "He's Just, Nadya, That Into You"...my personal favorite)
Also, while I'm on the topic of movies, I found out this week that Hollywood is planning remakes of "Nightmare on Elm Street" and "Neverending Story." Hollywood and I are officially not speaking to each other.
I DID catch parts of the Academy Awards last Sunday night. Bad year to be nominated in the Best Supporting Deceased Actor category...Heath Ledger was the shoo-in. Seriously, I was MORE surprised to see Angelina Jolie show up at the ceremony and NOT look like she'd spent the day on crack. (This blog sponsored by Jennifer Aniston.)
But I have to commend the filmmakers behind "Slumdog Millionaire." Eight Oscars, including Best Director and Best Picture...congratulations! I also am digging that song from the movie, "Jai Ho," which I believe means "Would you kindly move your car from this parking spot so that I may pull in?" I also read this week that the Pussycat Dolls are remixing it...they'll probably have to call it "Jai Hos."
Bring on the snow!
-B-
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