The Madness Continues!

Hey, we have the regional playoffs today...

Politics Region Final:
1. Sarah Palin vs. 3. Patti Blagojevich
For Governor Palin, it's all about bein' a maverick. She says she doesn't agree with how the federal stimulus money will be spent in Alaska (shocker, she's disagreeing with the Obama administration). She's concerned too much of that money is going to government programs that could lose funding when the stimulus money runs out. She's also dealing with another major budget issue in the state. She faces a record $1.3B deficit in next year's budget and is proposing using the state's rainy day fund for the first time in five years. The state HAD been boosting its money with oil investments...the higher the oil price, the more money in the state. Now that americans have FINALLY realized oil's not all it's cracked up to be, Alaska's paying the price. Sure, it's not quite the same as putting a thumb in the eye to the Middle East, but still satisfying. For Patti Blagojevich, the coming days are increasingly important. She's been subpoenaed because she was overheard on her husband's wiretaps, telling Big Rod not to help the Chicago Tribune with a sale of Wrigley Field if they were writing editorials calling for his impeachment. Her exact quote...let's see, I have it laying around here somewhere...ah, yes, here it is...-quote- "Fuck them!" -end quote-.
The referees enjoy a good f-bomb.
Winner: Patti Blagojevich
(to be honest, I'm a little surprised she's made it this far...)

Skewed Reality Region Final:
2. Lindsay Lohan vs. 4. Holly Madison
Well, this one's tight (again, the only time the word "tight" would be used to describe Lohan or Madison). Lohan came out and said she'd like people to stop badmouthing her so she can find a good acting job...apparently to prove she can still horribly BOTCH good acting jobs (someday, I hope she learns to act like a normal human being...then again, part of me hopes she doesn't). Madison, meanwhile, is still kicking up her heels on Dancing with the 17-Year-Old Stalker Magnets (Shawn-John, I found these guns, this duct tape and love letters here...are they yours?). In fact, she almost got the boot last week, but beat out "Crazy-Eyes: It's Complicated" Denise Richards. Now THAT'S a chick who should be in the tournament. So, Lohan wants out of the spotlight for a while, Madison wants to stay in it...and I'm here to crush dreams.
Winner: Lindsay Lohan

Entertainment Etc. Region Final:
3. Girls of 90210 vs. 4. Amy Winehouse
Well, I can't go based on body structure because both entrants are very slender, whether it be by starving or just run-of-the-mill meth use (I was told there would be no meth). Winehouse's husband recently left her for a younger woman, and she *drumroll* CHANGED HER FACEBOOK STATUS (fuck you, Facebook..and Twitter, while I'm at it) to show she's moving on. Also, I'm reading that her new recording label doesn't like her new darker, more reggae songs she's putting together. One source told Britan's The Sun newspaper that it's crucial to handle Winehouse's return to the world of music (and the sane) properly. The source also said her long-term prospects could be hurt "if she puts out a record that is in any way half-baked." True...she prefers COMPLETELY baked.
Winner: Amy Winehouse
(The girls of 90210 had a chance, but I was afraid winning would feed their egos...and they're trying to watch their weight)

The Oedipus Complex Region Final:
1. Nadya Suleman vs. 2. Angelina Jolie
Angie has a new weight-loss plan. Again, a source told The Sun newspaper (I should note...it's a tabloid) that she dropped 21 pounds in 21 days on a diet of lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup. Surprisingly, Jolie is exhausted. Additionally, some guy who paid $30,000 to charity two years ago for a date with Jolie says he STILL hasn't gotten his date, nor has he gotten his money back. (I don't blame him...I haven't even SEEN "Changeling", and I already want my money back) Nadya, on the other hand, thinks she doesn't need the FREE NURSES to watch over her little rugrats. She fired them because she thinks they're spying on her: "Nightingale to Big Cheese...Nightingale to Big Cheese...the Conveyor Belt is again on the move." Both ladies are making stupid decisions, but that nurse thing? Ludicrous.
Winner: Nadya Suleman

So, we're down to the final four:
Patti Blagojevich vs. Lindsay Lohan
Amy Winehouse vs. Nadya Suleman

-B-