Yeah, sports news confuses me.
Welcome back to the blog! Hope you're having a great week and finding ways to have fun WITHOUT using your assault rifles. Because, hey, guns kill. And guns with a shitload of bullets are reserved for people who simply CAN. NOT. AIM. At least that's what happens to me when I play violent video games.
Not sure if you caught it, but the Prez, the Big O, the Head Cheese, the...wait, I'm being told no one actually calls him those names...President Obama unveiled some changes he wants to see in gun laws. Some of the more minor things were signed via a comically large desk and presumably a pen filled with ink and children's tears from Newtown, Connecticut. This all means these things were handled through EXECUTIVE ORDER!!!! (cue dramatic music...wait, I'm being told because of the increase in social security tax, we no longer have the budget for dramatic music...so imagine your own. and yes, you can use 50 Cent if you like.) Understandably, even though the executive orders don't call for a ban on assault rifles or universal background checks for gun purchases (Obama is relying on a rather incompetent Congress to pass that kind of stuff..so we'll see it the day after never), gun advocates think Obama's the devil. Yeah, good times. In fact, you know you're in trouble when New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (so nice, they named him twice...kind of) comes to your aid. Yeah, before the executive orders were signed, the NRA came out with an ad that the REPUBLICAN Christie called reprehensible and diminished the credibility of the NRA. You want to see the ad, don't you? I'll hand off at this point to Mr. Stewart...
(Also, a quick note...the next person who compares the danger of a gun to the danger of having and driving a car will get punched in the face. Cars might kill people, but their intended purpose is transportation. Guns shoot things. Things include people. Wait, you know what, you keep going with that argument. I enjoy watching people do silly things.)
Okay, now for the non-gun part of the blog (thanks for waiting)...hey, guess what? It's fucking winter. And it's fucking cold, because that's what winter does. But I grew up in the Midwest and I know EXACTLY what "cold" feels like, with temperatures dropping below zero on a regular basis and several inches of snow and biting winds hitting my face and chapping every piece of exposed skin I was dumb enough not to cover. So it REALLY infuriates me when TV stations in the south and the west treat cool temperatures like the apocalypse (and more importantly, won't let meteorologists explain in a clear, calm manner if they REALLY should be worried about it). Here's a shining example of the cross between Chicken Little and that little shit who wouldn't stop hollering about a wolf...
I need to go pound my head against a wall now.
Hey, quick note, you probably won't see a new blog here next weekend. I'll be in Nashville for a news Emmy ceremony that I don't intend to win, but I DO expect to be well-fed. I might even try to smuggle out some food in a pocket of the rental tux. I imagine steak will keep for a day or two, right?
-B-
No joke, Miss New York won the Miss USA pageant last night.. and beat out the southern belles of South Carolina and Oklahoma. I believe her first post-victory quote was "Wait til my boyfriend Vinny heahs abowt this! We'uh gunna DOO it awl night! But only in thuh ass because I'm savin' my vuhginity for Tom Brady. I LOVE YOU TOM!"
Worth noting if you ever used it: the founder of Reddit committed suicide. I have nothing here, mostly because I'm limited in my online use to MySpace and Facebook.
If you missed YouTube or the national news shows this week, apparently THIS is a thing now...
Um...yeah...so, you're single? Shocker.
Hey, I want to hit a little political action. Congress recently approved a bill that will give victims of Superstorm Sandy $9B...of the $60B they'd been asking for. And some republicans in Congress didn't even want to give them THAT much! Among them, brand-spanking-new North Carolina representative (and new chair of the Transportation Security Subcommittee...for some unknown reason) Richard Hudson. If you don't follow North Carolina politics, and why should you, here's his big campaign ad from before the November election...
Every time I hear that tuba and look at Hoover, I keep thinking it implies the dog is farting. (Side note: the dog passed away in October. Sorry, Hoover.) Anywho, the freshman Congressman decided to ingratiate himself with his new constituents by showing them it's okay not to help people in other states if you don't have the money. Look, I understand we're in an economic crunch. I remember all the fiscal cliff bullshit and I'm looking forward to the spending deficit debate in the next few weeks. But COME ON! You KNOW it's going to pass! This is NOT one of those moments where you take your stand and look like a hero! This is one of those moments like when you see a guy hit by a bus and everyone's asking if anyone else knows CPR and YOU say, "Well, I DO, but I really need this air for my OWN body. So, um, I gotta get to work." Way to live up to your first name, Dick.
Actually, Hudson showed up on Daily Show this week...talking about a fairly controversial topic. He's in the second clip...
Also, side note, some asshole in California ran around a movie theater (of all things), chasing someone and shooting at them. So, yeah, I'm sure the crazy gun people are right. And I trust if you bother to read this far down in this blog, you're not all that crazy and might actually be a responsible gun owner. Could I get you to tell your cohorts to stop being insane? Thanks. Preesh.
Let's hit one more news topic...Jimmy Kimmel has been moved to 11:35pm on ABC. His talk show HAD been coming on just after midnight. Nightline has now been pushed to 12:35am. I say all this because this occasional segment on his show is one of my favorite segments...
And now, a movie plot in 6 words...that I just didn't bother to post to that Twitter hashtag...
"Aliens Invade. Heroes Unite. Hulk Smash."
-B-
So the first full week of 2013 is in the books...go team? As expected, Congress worked out a deal to avoid the fiscal cliff just hours after we went over it. So, ultimately, you won't see any impact in your paycheck except the extra 2% social security tax. See, we apparently had been on a social security tax holiday and were paying LESS to social security for the past several months. That vacation is over. Ah well...it was fun while it lasted. I just wish I'd bought a t-shirt or a postcard.
Let me tell you that the creative process here around the Thinking Hard offices has been a little lacking since the new year began. I think I have a head cold or something. Y'know what I really need? I need a clip of a December 31st bash that was televised in Hollywood that REALLY shouldn't have been televised. Now, I could name the host (some of you might recognize him as an "actor" or "comedian"), but I just saw an article in which he claims all of the bat-shit craziness you're about to see was actually PLANNED and that he's benefitting because people are talking about his show several days after the fact. So I'm not gonna name him. Don't want to give him one more hit on the Google feed. Because I highly doubt this monstrosity was "planned"... (also, watch this clip soon...it keeps getting removed from various sites)
Wow...if THAT'S what 2013 holds for us, the apocalypse should have killed us in 2012.
-B-
