Wait, So Lance Armstrong Pretended To Be Manti Te'o's Girlfriend?

Yeah, sports news confuses me. Welcome back to the blog! Hope you're having a great week and finding ways to have fun WITHOUT using your assault rifles. Because, hey, guns kill. And guns with a shitload of bullets are reserved for people who simply CAN. NOT. AIM. At least that's what happens to me when I play violent video games. Not sure if you caught it, but the Prez, the Big O, the Head Cheese, the...wait, I'm being told no one actually calls him those names...President Obama unveiled some changes he wants to see in gun laws. Some of the more minor things were signed via a comically large desk and presumably a pen filled with ink and children's tears from Newtown, Connecticut. This all means these things were handled through EXECUTIVE ORDER!!!! (cue dramatic music...wait, I'm being told because of the increase in social security tax, we no longer have the budget for dramatic music...so imagine your own. and yes, you can use 50 Cent if you like.) Understandably, even though the executive orders don't call for a ban on assault rifles or universal background checks for gun purchases (Obama is relying on a rather incompetent Congress to pass that kind of stuff..so we'll see it the day after never), gun advocates think Obama's the devil. Yeah, good times. In fact, you know you're in trouble when New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (so nice, they named him twice...kind of) comes to your aid. Yeah, before the executive orders were signed, the NRA came out with an ad that the REPUBLICAN Christie called reprehensible and diminished the credibility of the NRA. You want to see the ad, don't you? I'll hand off at this point to Mr. Stewart...

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
There Goes the Boom
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The Daily Show with Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
There Goes the Boom - ATF
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As I'm sure you predicted, Fox News reported this story with its usual class, fairness and complete lack of bias...

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Grand Theft Semi-Auto
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The Daily Show with Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Grand Theft Semi-Auto - Coming for Your Guns
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(Also, a quick note...the next person who compares the danger of a gun to the danger of having and driving a car will get punched in the face. Cars might kill people, but their intended purpose is transportation. Guns shoot things. Things include people. Wait, you know what, you keep going with that argument. I enjoy watching people do silly things.) Okay, now for the non-gun part of the blog (thanks for waiting)...hey, guess what? It's fucking winter. And it's fucking cold, because that's what winter does. But I grew up in the Midwest and I know EXACTLY what "cold" feels like, with temperatures dropping below zero on a regular basis and several inches of snow and biting winds hitting my face and chapping every piece of exposed skin I was dumb enough not to cover. So it REALLY infuriates me when TV stations in the south and the west treat cool temperatures like the apocalypse (and more importantly, won't let meteorologists explain in a clear, calm manner if they REALLY should be worried about it). Here's a shining example of the cross between Chicken Little and that little shit who wouldn't stop hollering about a wolf... I need to go pound my head against a wall now. Hey, quick note, you probably won't see a new blog here next weekend. I'll be in Nashville for a news Emmy ceremony that I don't intend to win, but I DO expect to be well-fed. I might even try to smuggle out some food in a pocket of the rental tux. I imagine steak will keep for a day or two, right? -B-