Pancakes Soothe My Anger

Hello, one and all, and welcome back to the blog. By this time next week, we should have a winner of the Florida GOP primary and I'm going out on a limb to make my prediction. The winner of Tuesday's primary will be...that one guy. With the thing. Who's always talking about that stuff. Y'know, about the government. Who's been kinda up and down in the polls. You know the one...the guy they've made fun of on Saturday Night Live. The guy who says he can beat Obama in November. Yeah, that one.

Also, one more bit of business before we get down to it. NBC's spy comedy "Chuck" officially came to an end Friday night after five seasons. The writers got to do an official send-off. It was amazing. Honestly, it was one of the most relate-able shows I've ever watched. If you've ever felt like a geek or nerd and wished something big would happen to you to prove to yourself that you're a bigger deal than what others thought of you, this was the show to watch. And it was funny. And charming. And I'm sad to see it go. I can only hope that if I ever write a TV show, I can put a voice to it that is so welcomed as the writers of "Chuck" did. Thanks guys for five great years.

You ever have those days/weeks/months/jobs where you try to do your work, but it seems like EVERYONE is critical of what you're doing? I'm thinking about starting a Twitter account called "Stupid Shit Heard In My TV Studio/Newsroom." It would start with "But the State of the Union happens EVERY year...can't we start the show with something ELSE???"

Speaking of stupid things that can occasionally be heard by inappropriate people at inappropriate times, what's the deal with leaving cell phones on during movies or stage/musical performances? Seriously, people! You are NOT so fucking important that the world won't wait 2 hours for you to finish enjoying your day before turning your cell phone back on. And if you ARE so fucking important...why not find someone else to cover for you for a couple of hours? Case in point, an orchestral performance was stopped in the UK a couple of weeks ago because someone in the front row left their cell phone on...and it rang. And rang. Yes, the person who didn't have the common decency to turn off the phone in the first place didn't want to admit to leaving it on, so they didn't even TRY to stop it from ringing. One thing that DID stop? The orchestra. Yup. They waited for the inconsiderate fucker's phone to stop ringing before resuming. That kinda spoils it for everyone else in the audience. I prefer the route of the Slovakian violinist, who found himself in the same situation recently and decided it would not stop him from being a professional...



COME ON! PHONES HAVE A "SILENT" FEATURE!!! JUST USE THAT!!!!!!

Also, would you PLEASE watch where you're driving???

Watch out for the pole!: MyFoxBOSTON.com

Wow, that happened at such a high speed, I'm not sure the driver had time to swerve and avoid the crash, or even hit the brakes. Hey, with that kind of clarity at the wheel, there's definitely a future for that guy as a news anchor. Yep, the pancakes didn't COMPLETELY soothe my anger.

-B-

A Big Week For Fat People

Two major events happened that should make "rounder americans" very happy. 1. Newt Gingrich won the South Carolina primary. True, he stores most of HIS fat in his head, but still. 2. Burger King is going to try out home delivery. Yes, you read that right. Burger King no longer wants people to WALK OFF their ridiculously greasy and cholesterol-heavy meals. Now the restaurant wants to bring it RIGHT to the customers' front doors! Tip: if you leave the door unlocked and say "Come on in" when they arrive, you can retain the quite-literal hold your couch has on you. In fact, the couch will actually meld into your fat.

Speaking of horrendous things that fat people do, Paula Deen has been trying to kill us all for the past three years. Okay, that's a SLIGHT exaggeration. In reality, she said this week she's had Type 2 diabetes for the past three years. So, while her body has been responding (as many bodies do) quite NEGATIVELY to the incredibly high number of jowls she has, she has been encouraging US to eat the same butter-rich foods that got her diabetes! So apparently Paula Deen is NOT a chef but a teacher of Darwin's Theory of Evolution: Survival of the Fattest. If she can't live past her 60th birthday, none of us can! It's diabolical! MWAHAHAHAHAHA..*ahem*...

While I'm on the subject of old ladies, I'm adding a new Friend of the Show this week. It's written by a 24-year-old woman who's enjoying the exploits of the dating world...along with her GRANDMOTHER. Yes, you can find the entertaining (not ALWAYS hilarious, but entertaining nonetheless) "Granny is my Wingman" blog in the Friends of the Show section.

So when I saw the headline in Toledo, Ohio, this week "Reporter Pole Dances During Live Shot," I was expecting a reasonably attractive woman in a tight outfit and tall boots. Two out of three ain't bad...



There are some things you just can't un-see. But much like actually strippers, he still got the CLAP at the end of the day. (For the record, we here at Thinking Hard strongly support the right-to-work for any female american and fervently believe that if you have a moneymaker, by all means shake it. You'll make more money than me.)

Sure, it's funny when one person at a TV station does something ridiculous on TV. But what if it's SEVERAL people, including the person in charge of all the action, the NEWS DIRECTOR? There's a trial going on in Cleveland, Ohio, and while other stations are using the basic "inside the courtroom" video to cover it, one station is going above and BEYOND to give its viewers an update on the action. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the most Bat-Shit Crazy thing I've seen at all this week...The Puppets' Court:



ONE! ONE news director who's going to get fired! TWO! TWO news directors who are going to get fired! THREE! THREE news directors...

-B-

Third Place Is All I Need

Welcome back to Thinking Hard. Hey, does anyone remember the ShamWow or the SlapChop? Well, now there's a new item to take care of (among other things) unsightly and unwelcome hair:



A brief note before going further...we have a new Friend of the Show. My buddy Mark has Graves Disease and it forced him to leave a job he loved. I want more people to know about this disease and what the people who have it are dealing with. So he's our new Friend of the Show. Check it out under "Graves New World."

We're getting really excited here at the offices for the new Batman movie out this summer. But a TV station in Los Angeles apparently LOVES Batman...as exhibited by their over-the-top response to a live interview with the guy who originally played Robin. Boy Wonder, meet Girl Blunder...



And did she say she also has a Catwoman costume??? Holy unemployment line, Batman!

Anybody watching the primaries? Anybody??? Well, we wrap today's blog with the man who won in New Hampshire...and a guy who seriously needs to raise his standards...

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Indecision 2012 - New Hampshire Primary Results
www.thedailyshow.com
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This week's blog...featuring autocorrections from my new tablet

For the record, I had two misspellings in the title alone because my fingers are so freaking fat...not that the ladies are complaining.

Not a lot going on in this week's blog. Maybe I'd have more if the Iowa caucuses actually MEANT something. But I do want to offer up this little gem from Green Bay, where an anchorman had a true Anchorman moment..



I do love lamp.

Things are going to get a little somber for a moment here. We here at Thinking Hard lost a colleague and friend this week....rather, I lost a colleague and friend this week. Ken Ward was a reporter I worked with in Charlotte. We worked the overnights together for about a year. Every morning at 3am, I could count on him to show up to work with a smile. Ken passed away unexpectedly this week at the age of 44. It hit me hard. He had been ready to move to Florida for a new job with his new wife and young child. It's my hope that he passed peacefully in his sleep. We should all be that lucky. Ken was a good guy taken far too soon. And if that isn't a motivator to live life to its fullest every day, I don't know what is. From the most cynical guy you know, be good to each other and love one another as you want to be loved. Thanks for reading my weekly ramblings. Ken, we miss you, man.

-B-

We Made It...Now It's Time For The Apocalypse

Happy new year! Congratulations on making it through 2011...and good luck in 2012, when the world is supposed to end. Good times.

You might recall our Christmas blog last week. We had one clip in particular that really surprised some people. A meteorologist in Los Angeles walked off in the middle of a live shot, complaining and bitching that he wasn't getting enough time to do his weather and his live interview...all live on air. The folks at the Thinking Hard offices REALLY liked it when the anchors openly mocked him on air. It was pretty funny to poke fun at a guy who was generally being an asshole. If you missed last week's blog, please check it out. Anyway, so the a-hole in question went on the show days later to, presumably, explain his temper tantrum and sit next to the producer that he called out on air, presumably to apologize. Well, those things KIND OF happened...



Yeah, that guy's still a douchebag. Holler at me when he comes off his high horse. Dick.

So I was making some New Year's resolutions and I decided one of them will be to write more letters to my pen pal, Ranjib. Occasionally he'll send me pictures of his homeland, but he recently sent a picture of HIMSELF to me. I thought that was really sweet. Then I saw he had a pretty obvious fashion faux pas. See if you can spot it:

Yes, he IS wearing OLD Air Jordans! Come on, Ranjib! If a shit-ton of americans can storm shoe stores to pay $180 (!) for a pair of shoes, SURELY you can too! Maybe I'll send him some for his birthday. I bet he'll get a bang out of that.

No, I'm not ending on a 9/11 joke (too soon?). Here's how we end this week's blog: we here at Thinking Hard hope 2011 was tolerable for you, and we hope 2012 brings new and exciting things for you and the ones you love. Happy New Year!

-B-