A Big Week For Fat People

Two major events happened that should make "rounder americans" very happy. 1. Newt Gingrich won the South Carolina primary. True, he stores most of HIS fat in his head, but still. 2. Burger King is going to try out home delivery. Yes, you read that right. Burger King no longer wants people to WALK OFF their ridiculously greasy and cholesterol-heavy meals. Now the restaurant wants to bring it RIGHT to the customers' front doors! Tip: if you leave the door unlocked and say "Come on in" when they arrive, you can retain the quite-literal hold your couch has on you. In fact, the couch will actually meld into your fat.

Speaking of horrendous things that fat people do, Paula Deen has been trying to kill us all for the past three years. Okay, that's a SLIGHT exaggeration. In reality, she said this week she's had Type 2 diabetes for the past three years. So, while her body has been responding (as many bodies do) quite NEGATIVELY to the incredibly high number of jowls she has, she has been encouraging US to eat the same butter-rich foods that got her diabetes! So apparently Paula Deen is NOT a chef but a teacher of Darwin's Theory of Evolution: Survival of the Fattest. If she can't live past her 60th birthday, none of us can! It's diabolical! MWAHAHAHAHAHA..*ahem*...

While I'm on the subject of old ladies, I'm adding a new Friend of the Show this week. It's written by a 24-year-old woman who's enjoying the exploits of the dating world...along with her GRANDMOTHER. Yes, you can find the entertaining (not ALWAYS hilarious, but entertaining nonetheless) "Granny is my Wingman" blog in the Friends of the Show section.

So when I saw the headline in Toledo, Ohio, this week "Reporter Pole Dances During Live Shot," I was expecting a reasonably attractive woman in a tight outfit and tall boots. Two out of three ain't bad...



There are some things you just can't un-see. But much like actually strippers, he still got the CLAP at the end of the day. (For the record, we here at Thinking Hard strongly support the right-to-work for any female american and fervently believe that if you have a moneymaker, by all means shake it. You'll make more money than me.)

Sure, it's funny when one person at a TV station does something ridiculous on TV. But what if it's SEVERAL people, including the person in charge of all the action, the NEWS DIRECTOR? There's a trial going on in Cleveland, Ohio, and while other stations are using the basic "inside the courtroom" video to cover it, one station is going above and BEYOND to give its viewers an update on the action. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the most Bat-Shit Crazy thing I've seen at all this week...The Puppets' Court:



ONE! ONE news director who's going to get fired! TWO! TWO news directors who are going to get fired! THREE! THREE news directors...

-B-