It's Easter...I'm Gonna Take The Day Off

Hope you guys are enjoying your hidden egg hunts for Easter and whatnot. Welcome back to the blog. And in case you weren't watching TV at all this week, the U.S. Supreme Court spent two days talking about whether gay marriage should be banned across the nation. Tuesday, the justices heard arguments for and against Proposition 8, which became law in California and essentially banned same-sex marriage. Wednesday, they heard arguments about the FEDERAL Defense of Marriage Act, which does the same thing, but on a federal level. For all the opinions I throw out in this forum, today will not be a day I foist my opinion upon you. I will, however, throw out three enjoyable clips from The Daily Show on the subject. It's probably more entertaining if you're for same-sex marriage. But not to exclude anyone from enjoying their God-given right of reading this blog and having a good time, I'll also post a funny moment that made a Washignton reporter look a little like a dick.. and another episode of All-Star Celebrity Bowling that EVERYONE can enjoy. Because, you know, I want to make sure to include EVERYONE. I want everyone to have the same ability to enjoy this blog.. or be miserable reading it. So, here we go...

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

And now to the White House, where NBC correspondent Chuck Todd was allowed to ask A question of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (king of my favorite search engine...Netanyahu.com. It's funnier if you say it out loud. And REALLY emphasize the U.). It looks like Chuck got a little greedy... Ah, Passover jokes. And finally, as promised, here's another installment of All-Star Celebrity Bowling... How does she bowl in those STOCKINGS??? Also, if you're not watching Doctor Who, you're missing out on some reasonably-explained sci-fi with a lot of humor and heart. I highly recommend it. But start with David Tennant...it'll be easier than jumping right into Matt Smith's portrayal. Excelsior! -B-

Thanks, News, For Wasting My Time

Y'know, my life isn't quite what it used to be. I used to have a LOT more time to just sit and watch TV or sit and read a book without having to deal with a shitload of distractions. I find myself unable to not touch my smartphone while I'm watching TV, even if it's just to play a few levels of Angry Birds or Super Stickman Golf 2 (NOW WITH HATS!). So my time is a more valuable commodity than it was 6 years ago. So when I watch local news, I want local news, or I'm going to turn the damn channel. That's what makes me so aggravated that an Alabama anchor was proposed to...LIVE ON AIR...last weekend. I was glad to see the folks at WGN were just as angry as I was... Then again, what is WGN doing??? How is bitching about that stuff NEWS? (and while I'm on the subject, just because something is NEW doesn't necessarily mean it's NEWS!) But I digress. Let me get back to my point. I've worked with reporters and anchors who are shocked and stunned when they get overtly personal/flirtatious/threatening letters and emails from viewers who feel like they KNOW the people who work on TV. Hell, I've talked to assholes on the phone who seem to have no problem telling the people on air how they should be doing their job. That takes a LOT of cajones. And you know why it's so easy for them to do it, besides just being assholes? It's because the anchors and reporters MAKE it so easy for viewers to feel like they're part of their lives. By pulling shit like getting proposed to on air. Now, to be fair, it's clear the Alabama anchor didn't plan that herself...but other people involved in the news product DID. There were at least a producer and probably some anchors who got involved in setting the whole thing up for this dumb guy who is now going to be JEALOUS by every viewer who walks up to his fiancée, acting like they know her. It all starts somewhere. And most times, it starts with the on-air talent. So how about we just go back to the old days of Rather, Brokaw and Cronkite? When I just did not give TWO SHITS ABOUT WHAT THEY HAD FOR DINNER OR WHAT THEIR WEEKEND PLANS ARE AND JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING NEWS!!! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK??? *exhales* Enough about the visual media. How about the impending death of print media? I was fascinated by this former reporter's blog about why she left news. And I realized that all media is something that's physically and emotionally exhausting with no big payoff. It's frustrating. To walk into the same newsroom every day, sometimes for more than 40 hours a week, without financial compensation but instead the promise of a "comp day" that I know I'll never use because I feel like my newscast will crumble to the ground without my presence. (Editor's note: it was about this time that I launched into an offensive and unnecessary tirade about my job that didn't make me feel any better AND hurt a friend. So I felt it better to remove it, treat it as "water under the bridge" and let us move ahead with our friendship. We've forgiven each other and we're treating this as a growing experience. So let's just go right ahead with the better reason to tune into this week's blog) So, please to enjoy a little All-Star Celebrity Bowling: They're turning that into a TV show. Y'know, I might consider watching it. With my smartphone in my non-remote hand. -B-

He's-a Da Friggin' Pope!

Welcome, Pope Francis. I'll do my best not to make fun of your sissy, girly name. KIDDING! DON'T SMITE ME! Hey, you lucky readers, welcome to a special EARLY edition of Thinking Hard. Your benefit is my agony...I'm working 7 days straight and won't have time to blog Sunday. Want to know what I'm doing? It's a little something like this... Actually, what I do didn't quite make the tape. Yes, I walk in at midnight to put that shit on at 4:30am. Y'know, when the helicopter is going to shoot video for the day's stories. Apparently there's also a 4-and-a-half hour newscast to be put together. Still, though, I appreciate KPIX's explanation of what happens in a newsroom so I can stop trying to explain in to my grandparents. "No, Grandma, I'm not ON television...I MAKE television." Actually, intern Kelsay presented this ALTERNATE version of what she and I do. It's all in fun, but some days, it REALLY feels like this: Thanks, internet. Why can't people just blog like the rest of us??? Y'know, there's the occasional moment on TV news where video airs that seemed like a good idea at the time, but doesn't really work out in the end. Happy Women's Day... BIG UPS TO HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT! "Hartford, "the Whale," they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime." If you can name that movie, you have way too extensive knowledge of movies. I mean, mistakes CAN happen, though, when a station does a buttload of live TV. Like my reference last week about the chopper pilot. This is how that appears on TV... But sometimes, it takes more than one person to make an error on air. After all, this list of birthday people had to come from SOMEONE: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to interview an intern candidate. A Mr. Phil McCracken. EMAIL US! TEXT US! TWEET US!...on second thought, don't. -B-

Thinking Hard....Where "Conclave" Is Just Another Term For "Cleavage"

Hey, kids, welcome back to the show. Thanks, as always, for tuning your computer parts to this interweb station for a non-live broadcast of words. Do you like local TV? Do you like words? Do you enjoy when local TV does things wrong with words? Like spelling the word "chopper" like this: CHOPPE...or spelling the word "pilot" like BILOT? Then you'll appreciate this post by Buzzfeed. The site collected some of the best on-air misspellings, mis-phrasings and generally just weird graphics from around the world of local news. Here are a couple of my favorites: I love errata. Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Lawrence, what say you? Ah, she's a tough one to please, that one. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go drink a lot of water.. and filibuster for more than 12 hours. Surely the Senate will listen to ME, right? Things are gonna change, I can feel it. (thanks, Beck) -B-

We're Back, Baby! or Jennifer Lawrence Isn't Impressed With This Blog

I'm sitting at my computer's keyboard and not my phablet, so that means I have internet access again! Woot! Actually, I need to offer up a couple of apologies in relation to last week's blog. First, I'm sorry to AT&T. I unfairly blamed the company for cutting out my internet service because I was a little slow on the bill payment. As it turns out, my internet router had died. The same internet router that AT&T sold me a couple years ago. So, AT&T, I'm sorry for blaming you for my internet outage...even though you were essentially responsible for my internet outage. Second, I'm aware that my phablet's autocorrect changed the word "gay" to "Gary" last week as I was talking about the gay scandal within the Catholic Church. So, my apologies to all the Garys out there who were unfairly connected to the scandal. And if anyone out there has a problem with my apologies, Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Lawrence has a little something for you: I'm assuming that's her response to the 30th reporter asking her after the Oscars about her slipping and tripping up the stairs to accept her Best Actress award. Seriously, it got so bad with the backstage interview questions about that slip that I was thankful for the one reporter who started to ask about something else...until he asked the 20-something actress whether she was concerned she had already hit her peak. Her response: "Well I wasn't until you asked that question!" Hollywood reporters are idiots. So, while I've been unable to blog, I've had a lot of time to browse the interwebs and watch local TV news...from other cities. And it seems like they all cover some of the big news stories in a similar way. VERY similar... You don't need us to tell you those people are just re-hashing the same wire copy. C'mon! Give me something different! Give me a big story but a reporter who's just frustrated enough about it not to give a shit about what comes out of her mouth! Do we have ANYTHING like that? No joke, my reporters spend 5-6 hours outside when it's snowing and then an additional 5-6 hours at work because no one realizes they've already been at work for 5-6 hours. Not ONCE have I heard them bitch about it on-air. Now, when they're talking to me on the phone in the newsroom? Entirely different story. But you know who else thinks it sucks in the snow and cold? This guy: Now before you get on my case about showing such a horrific thing on this blog, first, let me say at least I didn't throw up that stupid video of the Harlem Shake on the airplane (side note: what will be the next big internet craze? Harlem planking?). Second, the kid survived. Sure he had a head injury and some punctured organs, but do you really think he ended up hanging there by ACCIDENT??? Keep that fucking bar down on your lap next time! I wonder if the head injury gave him a nervous tic...like this local reporter who can't say his name without flinching: So, back to the big stories. The Pope is out. Billions of dollars in spending cuts couldn't be avoided by a Congress who just had to have one last "fuck you" to their opponents on the other side of the aisle. Argo was a good movie, but the actors in it weren't good enough to win awards. But none of that matters when you consider what I'm about to show you. Across the pond (read: Pacific Ocean), those crazians (crazy Asians) are coming up with amazing ways to demolish a building. And while it probably takes FOREVER, at least there's no mess. Check this out: So THAT'S how shrinkage works! -B-