Boo

Happy Halloween from the spooky haunted offices of Thinking Hard. Who's haunting the offices? The ghosts of people with half a brain...who died when they saw the number of insane people in the world. So instead of hearing "Wooooooooooooo," we get more of a "Will you look at that? James Cameron is planning to write a second AND third sequel to 'Avatar.' Is that truly necessary?" And, yes, Cameron IS planning to write those sequels...provided he MAKES it that long. Mwahahahahahahaha!

Actually, let me hit briefly on the subject of insane people. This week, three tornadoes ripped through our area, killing at least one person and injuring several others. Of course, that meant live tornado warning coverage that broke into regularly scheduled network programming. That meant viewers calling in to local TV stations and complaining that the dangerous weather coverage was interrupting their valued shows. Really, people? REALLY?! First, that live coverage might have saved some lives. Second, is your show THAT important? I mean, I'm a BIG TV junkie. My DVR STILL has crap on it from three weeks ago because I just have that much to watch. But I also know how to READ A BOOK or TALK TO PEOPLE to pass the time! Seriously, those stupid fuckers are contributing to the dumbing down of society! And third...come on, people. This is the technology age. You think your "valued shows" won't be available on the internet in the next 24 hours? How stupid and selfish are you? Tell you what...next time there's a tornado in your neighborhood, I hope the TV stations go ahead and just air "Dancing with the Stars" and run a little graphic at the bottom of the screen that reads "Tornado War--aw, never mind. Fuck you."

And one more person on the list of "Are You Fucking Kidding Me???"...police say a Florida woman was deep into an enthralling game of the popular Facebook game "Farmville" when she heard her baby crying. So she got up from the game...and shook the baby to death! Are you fucking kidding me???

Okay, now I'm done with insane people. Now I can focus on politicians, who are almost as insane. What, you don't believe me? Consider this year's political ads:

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Midterm Teapartyganza - Indecision 2010 - Negative Campaigning
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

That's Jon Stewart, who held this week's "Daily Show" episodes in our nation's capital. He was there for this weekend's Rally to Restore Sanity. Congrats to him and the entire Daily Show crew...they had a MASSIVE turnout. Call it a success for sanity. Hell, Stewart even interviewed President Obama. Here's a recap of that interview:

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Midterm Teapartyganza - Next Media Animates Barack Obama Interview
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

It seems one political challenger is already getting a lot of attention. Remember THIS guy from the New York governor's race?:



That's candidate Jimmy McMillan, and now there's a talking ACTION FIGURE for McMillan. The figure says "The rent is Too. Damn. High." But here's the catch...the figure is priced at $49.99. The action figure's price is Too. Damn. High. Also, Alvin Greene is calling...he wants a figure that spouts his catch phrase: Jim DeMint started the recession.

Speaking of viral sensations, how about THIS guy getting a new job:



(Bonus points for every Antoine Dodson costume you see this Halloween.) Maybe Dodson will be the new Slap-Chop spokesman.

Y'know the other fun part about the Halloween season? Sports. Now, anyone who's ever heard me speak will tell you I'm not a huge sports nut. But I AM a big fan of crazy sports coverage on TV. Consider this guy, covering the World Series:



And with the latest 3D technology, I'd like to see some sports highlights replayed in 3D, like this one:



Can we get Sarah Palin hired to operate a handheld camera at future hockey games?
Happy Halloween...and we'll see you after Election Day.

-B-

Completely Inappropriate

The rent is too damn high.

It's been a long week here at Thinking Hard. It all started with pictures like this from the upcoming issue of GQ:



That's "Glee" stars (left to right) Dianna Agron, Cory Monteith and Lea Michele. GQ decided to do a racy photo spread with the ladies. When I first saw the pictures, I thought "Hey, that's pretty hot. I mean, even though the girls play teenagers on TV, I know enough about the real world to know that they're in their early 20s and of legal status to look attractive in whatever they choose." Then the Parents Television Council got a hold of the pictures. If you're not familiar with the PTC, they're the people who think parents don't do enough parenting, so they fight the "smut" on TV, like pro wrestling. The PTC is up in arms for the image the pictures present to young "Glee" fans out there. Even Katie "Take a REAL Good Look at My Colon" Couric expressed her disappointment. My thought? Get over it. Dianna Agron responded to the criticism saying the photo shoot didn't represent who she is as a person, but she also didn't walk away from it. She also went on to point out there aren't many children who read GQ and maybe it's the PARENTS' responsibility to make sure they don't leave a copy of GQ laying out at home. Good call. There aren't a lot of good parents out there. But also, I came to the realization that there's something wrong with ME if I think a blonde and a brunette in their early 20s are attractive. Despite what my driver's license says, I think of myself as young. But I now know it's not how I perceive MYSELF that matters...it's how I'm viewed by others. And others would think that's skeezy. So, thanks, GQ, for making me feel dirty.

One more thing I'd like to hit on this week (no pun intended)...NPR fired "journalist" Juan Williams after he went on Fox News and said he gets nervous every time he boards a flight and sees a muslim in full religious garb on board. Fox News then expressed outrage at the firing and offered Williams MORE airtime. People on both sides of the issue say it has to do with the muslim debate. Personally, I think has to do with Williams. He's been touting himself as a "journalist" on NPR for years, while at the same time "contributing" to Fox News. In other words, he's been reporting on NPR and offering his opinion on Fox. Anyone else see that as a conflict of interest? There's a certain acceptance that when a reporter speaks on-air on ANY outlet, that person will be talking about the facts of a story. But when said reporter starts spouting opinions, that line gets blurred. I don't want to see Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly or Keith Olbermann or Chris Matthews report from the scene of a burglary because I believe they'll just offer their two cents worth during the report. Likewise, I don't give a rat what Brian Williams or Lara Logan think about the muslim debate...just give me the news. But if you start blurring the line between reporter and "person with opinion," the future of news gets blurred as well. And people ALREADY don't trust the media. Just saying.

Imagine a world where every newsroom is run by people who value the internet more than what you see on TV. What would News Director Natalie do:



You think THAT'S a train wreck? Try watching a nerd dance-off at video game convention...hosted by, of all people, JAY MOHR:



Seriously, Jay Mohr hanging out with people half his age? Now THAT'S inappropriate.
Happy election day.

-B-

Can We Just Get To November Already?

Seriously, I should LOVE this time of the year...clever campaign ads, mudslinging, soundbites from politicians who may or may not have been caught on camera with a hooker at a posh hotel the night before, etc. But I don't. As if you couldn't already tell in my other 150+ posts, I'm a democrat. And I've been excited after the two most recent major elections (2006, 2008) because, hey, my party finally has some power. But let's not kid ourselves here...the democrats have done absolute shit with their power. I think back to what the republicans probably consider their glory days of shoving every bill they could possibly think of through the conservative-controlled Congress during the Bush, Jr. era (which sounds a little like Hardee's-offshoot Carl's, Jr. if you think about it). THAT'S what I wanted the democrats to do! A little payback for TWO "W" administrations. What did I get? Nada. Even that much-touted health care bill this summer...the Obama administration just backed off part of that bill and said "Um, look...insurance companies...you can, uh, go ahead and charge more for policies with seriously sick children." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? That was one of the things that was supposed to make it easier for parents! I'm not even planning to BE a parent and I'm pissed off! ...meh. Maybe Jon Stewart will make me feel better:

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Indecision 2010 - Unforced Errors Edition
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

Meh...still not quite happy. What else ya got?

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Rally Dos and Don'ts
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

Hmm...warmer... Come ON! Is Christine O'Donnell going to be the only candidate to do something ludicrous this campaign season? Isn't there SOME other candidate who doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning... who did something unusual on-camera, yet was COMPLETELY overlooked by the media? And can you spice it up with a little bit of "Where's Waldo?"



Ah, thaaaaat's the stuff. A little Alvin Greene goes a long way. I'll miss him. I hear he was at the fair to offer himself as a "Deep-Fried Candidate," but didn't like the scalding hot deep-fry oil. I'll miss him.

Politics made their way onto The View this week. Fox...um, "commentator?"...Bill O'Reilly appeared and started talking about the islamic center proposed at Ground Zero. You know those people at work (or at home) who LIVE to rile you up and play calm while you freak out? Yeah, it's like that:



I have to agree a little with Babs on this one...if you want to prove you're the bigger person, you just have to sit there and take it and not walk off set, no matter HOW much it feels like the right thing to do. I wonder how Fran Drescher of "The Nanny" fame would react on her upcoming new "Tawk Show" (yes, it's really going to be spelled like that)...

Vive Chile! I wonder what that one miner said underground when he found out both his wife AND his mistress showed up at the dig site to pray for him. How do you say "Well...shit" in Chile?

While we're on the subject of marriage, the "storybook romance" of Courteney Cox and David Arquette is on the skids. The day after they separated, Arquette called in to the Howard Stern show, all sad and heartbroken. He talked about cheating on Courteney a couple of times. He also talked about how Cox had treated him like a child sometimes. Uh, Dave, if I can interject...you ARE a child! You're a 12-year-old trapped in a 39-year-old body! How do I know? Because I'M a 10-year-old trapped in a 33-year-old body!

Let's wrap this one up with my favorite newspaper-picture caption I've seen in weeks:



His son's Peter has good taste (that's what she said).

-B-

OMG ABC!

Okay, so I WAS going to title this week's blog "OJ Simpson...and Rick Sanchez...still not jews," but as I surfed the web, I found there are some OTHER issues I have to tackle first...don't worry, I'll get to Rick Sanchez. Oh, yes, I will.

It appears that ABC is trying to find ways to convince people that they're not part of the (we can all thank Sarah Palin for this idiotic yet infectious term) "lamestream" liberal media. Item #1: Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars. Now look, I realize that the people on that show are doing as much "dancing" as they are "stars," but we've come to realize we're going to get a bunch of b-or-c-list movie, music, sports and TV personalities shaking their groove things for a few weeks and we'll enjoy poking fun at the Master Ps of the world while we cheer for the Shawn Johnsons out there. But let's not kid ourselves: Bristol Palin is NOT anywhere remotely related to the word "star." Quite the opposite. She's a black hole (just ask Levi). Nothing more. So it's clear ABC is directly trying to pander to Sarah Palin and get in her good graces by allowing her "virginal" daughter to appear on the show. Item #2: Outspoken conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck is the new "reporter" for Good Morning America. I know, I know. This girl's only experience with anything related to news is sitting next to Barbara Walters on The View. How this chick rose to popularity is beyond me anyway. But, yes, by ALL means, put the former "Survivor" contestant and the girl who admitted on national TV that her third pregnancy was an error into a reporting position on Good Morning America. After all, the show has already sucked all the credibility George Snuffulupagus had from hosting "This Week." Why not turn it into a parody of itself?

Wait, I'm not done. ABC has done one more thing to piss me off this week. Remember CBS's "brilliant" (is anyone counting my quotation marks this week? Do I qualify for the "unnecessary quotations" blog?) idea to air a sitcom about the blog "Shit My Dad Says"? ABC's taking it one step further...the network execs are putting together a show surrounding the "Awkward Family Photos" blog. I'm. Not. Kidding. As blog, humorous. As book, humorous. As sitcom, TERRIBLE. Hey, ABC! If you're listening, I have a couple of actually GOOD sitcom ideas for you...but you'll actually have to THINK HARD to figure out one of them! (start sending your emails to ABC corporate now...we here at TH can use the big TV money)

Also a bad TV decision: they're going to remake the "Wonder Woman" series. Okay, maybe not as bad a decision as "Awkward Family Photos," but some of us have been waiting YEARS for a decent big-screen movie featuring Wonder Woman. The guy who's creating the show also created "Ally McBeal"...so expect a bunch of whining from WW about why Superman never calls back.

While I'm on the subject of awkward sexual encounters, a new study about sex came out this week. One interesting note: 85% of the men in the survey say their latest girlfriend achieved orgasm...while only 64% of the women said they had the big O. Lesson: women lie and men are gullible (many of them probably also believe Jessica Biel is a talented actress). Also of note: 15% of men aged 50-59 reported they'd received oral sex from another man at some point. No report on the response to the follow-up question "Was it an altar boy?"

Okay, let's FINALLY get to this:

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Hurty Sanchez
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

While we do enjoy poking fun at people here at Thinking Hard, I want to give Mr. Sanchez his moment as well:



Look, Rick, I can understand you being pissed that a former governor who was the butt of SO many jokes after sleeping with a hooker is now in the coveted time spot on CNN that you were on briefly, therein removing your opportunity to Wicker up the Shams in prime time, but let's not kid ourselves: if your last name wasn't Sanchez, I probably wouldn't realize you're in a minority. And yes, there are many jewish people in high-ranking positions in Hollywood and television news, but come on...don't you think they kind of EARNED it, what, with all of the CONCENTRATION CAMPS??? And if you think mexicans and hispanics and others are being mistreated, don't you think you should take it out on, oh, I don't know....ANYONE AT FOX NEWS, WHOM JON STEWART EXPLICITLY OPPOSES?????? Seriously, he makes fun of you because you're terrible at your job and, at times, borderline mentally handicapped. Not because of your heritage.

Speaking of the boobs over at Fox News, I KNEW this would be an issue when I saw it come out. The classic, over-the-top basketball video game NBA Jam is coming back. It's the game that started the "Big Head Mode" trend before Rihanna ever hit the scene. One of the classic features of the old version was the ability to put in a code and play as certain people, including the designers of the game and I even think Frankenstein's Monster was available. This time around, the designers included secret playability for President Obama, Vice President Biden...and, yes, Sarah Palin. But there are some complaints that the Dems are more represented in the game than the Reps. Seriously? The fact that the discussion about Reps vs. Dems in NBA Jam even came up makes about as much sense as THIS existing:



Stupid Levi. Thanks, Melissa, for giving me an image I just can't un-see. Like the OTHER Blaine Clark on Facebook, Stephen Hass. Here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Blaine-Clark/244458890606 I won't post any pictures of the site, but read this dude's wall. It's HILARIOUS. I kinda want to make him a Friend of the Show, but I think that would disrupt the space-time continuum.

Hey, you're probably familiar with Dora the Explorer. The 14-year-old girl who lends her voice to the cute animated character...is SUING Nickelodeon for royalties from reruns and DVD sales. Really? "Today, we're going to the...LAWYER'S OFFICE...the COURTROOM...and the CONFERENCE ROOM TO SETTLE...can YOU remember where we're going today?" I can just picture THAT courtroom battle: "Mr. Boots, Your Honor, for the plaintiff. Miss Explorer, can you show us on the Backpack where the bad men stole your money?"

Let's wrap this up with one more AWESOME clip. It's of Bolivian president Evo Morales in a charity soccer match. Ignore the music...a lot of the online clips had copyright violations. Anyway, just remember as you watch the clip: Morales is number 10 on the green team:



BOOM-SHAK-A-LAK-A! Can we trade players with Brazil? I'll take Morales and give Sarah Palin to Brazil. I'd vote for this guy!

-B-

Great F***-Ups in World History

Sure, we've all done dumb things at the office...it just feels like THIS week, things have been EXTRAORDINARILY dumb.

Take, for instance, politics. Sure, we know politicians are mostly evil. But this week seemed pretty memorable:

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Indecision 2010 - Taliban Dan & Boo-Gate
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

Why, oh, WHY couldn't a nuclear bomb go off under Palin's chair??? Honestly, someone should have started a new segment on "Dancing" this week called "The Whiner's Circle." Palin's always bitching about the liberal media and Michael Bolton, who got voted off this week, complained that Bruno Tolioni embarrassed him by saying Bolton was an awful dancer...right in front of Bolton's mother, who was in the crowd. Come ON, dude! After all the jokes about your singing, your hair and your sexual preference...I'd think your mom enjoyed letting someone ELSE rag on you for once! Meanwhile, Mrs. Palin thought Bolton was hosed by the liberal media...because she doesn't like ANYONE to take fault for their own mistakes...unless they're democrats.

While we're on the subject of mistakes, this one was a doozy. This comes from the LIVE finale of Australia's Next Top Model. Keep a close eye on the host's face around the 2:30 mark:



I guess it could have been worse. She COULD have said Michael Bolton's an awesome dancer and Sarah Palin would make a great president.

You know who ELSE probably thinks she'd make a great president? Snooki. She's releasing a memoir of sorts soon...and who better to write the first page of the book about her life than YOU. That's right, Snooki's holding a contest for people to write the first page of her book. The winner gets it printed (and Snooki has one less page she has to stretch her brain to write). Here's my entry (don't copy): "Since I was born, I've been soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunk. I like sex. Palin 2012!"

Any of you go to a party and that ONE guy/girl shows up and you think "Who invited THAT guy/girl?" Usually it's me (and once, it was the 2008 vice-presidential debate)...but this time, it's Stephen Colbert:

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Truthiness to Power
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

Finally, I want you to see if you can identify the design flaw in this new Las Vegas hotel:



Give up? IT'S A DEATH RAY! Apparently, the sun reflects off the windows down onto the swimming pool...the sun has burned some people and melted plastic bags! Holy shit! Scientists have finally done it! They made the perfect vacation spot for Snooki AND the Palin family!

Welcome, Io.

-B-