Hey, everybody, and welcome to this special Christmas edition of Thinking Hard. Yup, we're one of the few offices actually OPEN on Christmas Sunday. That's wrong on so many levels. Well...TWO levels, anyway.
Let's start with a holiday shopping idea if you can find any stores open today...do NOT expect to find the new Air Jordans available ANYWHERE but eBay. Nike released the shoes early Friday morning and I learned a LOT about the current state of our economy: white people be POOR! Shoppers turned out to local shoe stores in DROVES across the country to lay down $180 for the shoes (which, incidentally, were NOT personally worn by Mr. Jordan, God rest his soul...wait, what? He's NOT dead? But what's he doing? I haven't seen him in weeks...). Well, these bright young consumers were NOT going to be held down by the MAN who did NOT want them to put their HARD-EARNED money back into the economy. They weren't going to wait in LINES holding TICKETS...because there's no order in the NBA, so there shouldn't be order buying shoes from an NBA legend! That's not what Mr. Air would've wanted! So I'm seeing all this video at these stores of people bum-rushing the EVIL GLASS DOORS blocking them from entering their favorite stores (that's un-American! Who puts LOCKS on DOORS???) and I can't help but notice...there are only about TWO white people in line to buy the shoes amid THOUSANDS of...um...NON-white people. And that's when it hit me: white people are POOR. They can't afford to drop $180 on a pair of shoes. But apparently the economy is GREAT for african-americans. I felt like I was playing a game of "Where's White-O?" in the sea of humanity out at these stores. So a big thank you goes out to the african-americans who braved the stores that refused to recognized the Emancipation Proclamation passed 150 years ago. And a big thank you as well to the companies who are WELL-compensating their african-american employees. And if anyone would like to support the poor white american working class, call me.
Hey, primaries and caucuses are coming up fast. The GOP candidates are making their cases for votes. Ron Paul stands to have a good showing in the Iowa caucuses. But he might be working a little TOO hard to support white America...
Well if THAT'S all it takes to get rid of Ron Paul... Actually, it takes even LESS to get rid of Newt Gingrich. His own staff FORGOT to apply to have his name put on the primary ballots in Virginia, as did Texas Governor Rick Perry. And there are NO write-ins on the primary ballots in Virginia. I guess they can be forgiven. After all, Gingrich is old...and Perry has the mental capacity of a 5-year-old...girl.
Hey, if you ever get out to Los Angeles, be sure to watch local TV station KTLA. They have a lot of fun. In fact, they've spent a few segments lately poking fun at an audio clip that accidentally aired of one of their reporters asking an intern to fetch him a cup of coffee (doesn't he know? Talent is supposed to ask PRODUCERS to do mundane things like that!). Let's take a look at all the fun and frivolity...
You might have noticed a LOT of time with that weather guy, Henry DiCarlo. Apparently he lost his joviality as Christmas got closer:
I guess he only likes to waste air-time when HE'S the one in charge of timing. I REALLY liked the anchor's response about cheese and "whine." For Christmas, I'd give that guy a pink slip. And that's why I'm not in charge. Anywhere.
I hope you all have a wonderful holiday with friends and family, remembering the true reason and spirit of the season. We'll be back next week to kick off 2012. Have a bang-up final week of 2011!
-B-
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I'm Ronery, So Ronery
Not even Arrec Bawdrin could save Kim Jong-Il. Sad. He was probably too busy playing Words With Friends to help him. "Yes, I KNOW CPR, but I'm trying to figure out how to play this Q and this J on this triple-letter, triple-word score block of letters. Hang on. Let me just check Wikipedia..." (yes, that's for you, James)
Hey, welcome back to the blog. Thanks for your patience as we returned from our holiday flights. Smooth sailing, no screaming children. Oh, wait, I'm told we have some breaking news coming in from Fox News Channel about politics...
(If you don't see it, I'll explain it for you at the end. Hint: you need to know some geography.)
Y'know, as a producer in TV news, I should tell you I'm not busy goofing off during a newscast...trying to make sure things don't go to shit if we have technical issues, trying to fill time if anchors stop reading...it's really a lot of juggling. But not quite as much juggling as what goes on in Portland, Oregon:
(Somebody ought to get slapped for that.)
Oh, I'm being told we have another update from Fox News, this time about the democrats:
While we're talking about politics, anybody watch MSNBC? One of their big political correspondents is Chuck Todd. But did you ALSO know he's an avid bird-watcher?
Maybe he's taking up sign language. Oh, sorry to interrupt, but we have another update coming in from Fox News, this time looking at the poll numbers for the GOP presidential candidates...
For those of you keeping score at home, there have been a total of four errors in the Fox News graphics I've shown you. Here's what you should have spotted:
1. Utah is labeled with a "NV" for Nevada in Graphic #1.
2. Vermont is labeled with a "NH" for New Hampshire in Graphic #2.
3. In Graphic #3, Mitt Romney is NOT half-black, half-white.
4. The graphics people at Fox News are NOT competent
Now, who knows what will happen to the inept graphics department at Fox News. All I know is I'd be swearing up a storm in the control room if that shit hit my newscast. I just hope I wouldn't be caught on AIR dropping any f-bombs...
Well, if I did, at least I'd make it on Thinking Hard...
-B-
Hey, welcome back to the blog. Thanks for your patience as we returned from our holiday flights. Smooth sailing, no screaming children. Oh, wait, I'm told we have some breaking news coming in from Fox News Channel about politics...
(If you don't see it, I'll explain it for you at the end. Hint: you need to know some geography.)
Y'know, as a producer in TV news, I should tell you I'm not busy goofing off during a newscast...trying to make sure things don't go to shit if we have technical issues, trying to fill time if anchors stop reading...it's really a lot of juggling. But not quite as much juggling as what goes on in Portland, Oregon:
(Somebody ought to get slapped for that.)
Oh, I'm being told we have another update from Fox News, this time about the democrats:
While we're talking about politics, anybody watch MSNBC? One of their big political correspondents is Chuck Todd. But did you ALSO know he's an avid bird-watcher?
Maybe he's taking up sign language. Oh, sorry to interrupt, but we have another update coming in from Fox News, this time looking at the poll numbers for the GOP presidential candidates...
For those of you keeping score at home, there have been a total of four errors in the Fox News graphics I've shown you. Here's what you should have spotted:
1. Utah is labeled with a "NV" for Nevada in Graphic #1.
2. Vermont is labeled with a "NH" for New Hampshire in Graphic #2.
3. In Graphic #3, Mitt Romney is NOT half-black, half-white.
4. The graphics people at Fox News are NOT competent
Now, who knows what will happen to the inept graphics department at Fox News. All I know is I'd be swearing up a storm in the control room if that shit hit my newscast. I just hope I wouldn't be caught on AIR dropping any f-bombs...
Well, if I did, at least I'd make it on Thinking Hard...
-B-
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Tape Delay
If you've tuned in for this week's Thinking Hard blog, just wait longer. The writers are still on holiday vacation, but they'll return to the office Tuesday morning. That's the last time we get Rod Blagojevich to book our flights...he kept trying to sell our seats!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Happy Anniversary! Now For Some Words, Friends...
I realize I'm a little early this week with this, but I was afraid I'd miss my deadline because I'm stuck playing Words With Friends with this guy, username AlecB, who just will NOT stop playing words! I've lost a lot of sleep because this guy is so addicted to this game. But there WAS a game a few nights ago where he stopped playing for a little while. I wonder what happened...
For those of you who don't watch TV or read the interwebs, Alec Baldwin was booted from an American Airlines flight earlier this week because he refused to turn off his phone when the plane door closed...y'know, like federal regulations say you're SUPPOSED to. He was just so involved in his game of Words With Friends. So he pitched a fit, the plane was delayed, and Baldwin threw a temper-tantrum on Twitter. Dude, seriously? It seems as though NO ONE remembers the whole "calling your daughter a rude little pig" thing...UNTIL you start acting like an asshole AGAIN! Let's face it: people enjoy watching you on 30 Rock because it was your comeback tour for calling your daughter a pig. But if you were to leave that show, we wouldn't care, because Tina Fey is fantastic. So please, Mr. Baldwin, step off your high horse and turn off your phone when asked. #who'salecbaldwin?
And now, our new favorite game here at Thinking Hard: "Drunk or Stroke?" And here's tonight's competitor, from Mankato, Minnesota...
And now, a story that defies explanation, even here at Thinking Hard...where chaos reigns supreme. I'm posting this article about the owner of the NBA team Orlando Magic, who reportedly drunk-dialed player Dwight Howard. A reporter from WFTV got a hold of a transcript of that call...that was partially faked by an internet writer. Hilarity ensued. With video. My favorite type of hilarity.
And now, our new segment for all of you space fans out there called "Hey, Look, The Moon"...
That is all.
-B-
For those of you who don't watch TV or read the interwebs, Alec Baldwin was booted from an American Airlines flight earlier this week because he refused to turn off his phone when the plane door closed...y'know, like federal regulations say you're SUPPOSED to. He was just so involved in his game of Words With Friends. So he pitched a fit, the plane was delayed, and Baldwin threw a temper-tantrum on Twitter. Dude, seriously? It seems as though NO ONE remembers the whole "calling your daughter a rude little pig" thing...UNTIL you start acting like an asshole AGAIN! Let's face it: people enjoy watching you on 30 Rock because it was your comeback tour for calling your daughter a pig. But if you were to leave that show, we wouldn't care, because Tina Fey is fantastic. So please, Mr. Baldwin, step off your high horse and turn off your phone when asked. #who'salecbaldwin?
And now, our new favorite game here at Thinking Hard: "Drunk or Stroke?" And here's tonight's competitor, from Mankato, Minnesota...
And now, a story that defies explanation, even here at Thinking Hard...where chaos reigns supreme. I'm posting this article about the owner of the NBA team Orlando Magic, who reportedly drunk-dialed player Dwight Howard. A reporter from WFTV got a hold of a transcript of that call...that was partially faked by an internet writer. Hilarity ensued. With video. My favorite type of hilarity.
And now, our new segment for all of you space fans out there called "Hey, Look, The Moon"...
That is all.
-B-
Sunday, December 4, 2011
The Cain Train Has Derailed
Goodbye, Herman Cain. Let this be a reminder to everyone...your illicit affairs should only happen AFTER you are elected President.
Welcome back to "TV Behaving Badly." I'm always proud to work in an industry where so many people create so many live fuck-ups...and then those fuck-ups are blasted all over the internet. I love the high-tech generation. For example, Reverend Billy Graham went to the hospital last week for pneumonia. Doctors caught it early and were very positive about his health...and then the CBS station in Charlotte, NC, reported Graham had died Saturday morning...and then had to RETRACT said story because they'd gotten it wrong. Apparently it all comes down to an initial report that came into the station's newsroom and NO ONE thought to check with another source to make sure this actually happened! This is the same station that showed the graphic "Man Killed To Death" a few weeks ago. It's also one of the top stations in the market, so, y'know, apparently people love watching a train wreck. That's why so many people watched Britney Spears' reality show. Hey, it could've been worse. It could've been a racist look at Black Friday shoppers last week by a TV station in Baltimore...
Y'know, Black Friday must be really stressful, especially for the REPORTERS...
Personally, I'm sick of the random people who think it's awesome to do stuff during live shots to get on TV. HOWEVER, I do NOT agree with this YouTube poster who decided to use the term "fat kid" in the headline. Not cool, dick.
Hey, give me 30 seconds and I'll give you TWO errors in spelling in a St. Louis newscast. Two things to remember...the town's name is PITTSfield and the word is spelled SOUTHWEST...
Now, for a completely NSFW moment here on Thinking Hard. It's so NSFW, for the first time in a LONG time, I'm posting the link here instead of embedding the video. The Tampa Bay Fox affiliate had to apologize to viewers because during a live postgame show for the Buccaneers last weekend, a camera crew interviewed a player in the locker room...with another player's PENIS being caught on camera behind him! Talk about your "talking head" interviews...
Finally, how do you like your Christmas ruined? Do you prefer to find out from your parents about Santa Claus...or would you rather find out about it from some bitch on an anchor desk? You can thank this Fox Chicago anchor for her efforts in killing Christmas. Her comments start with about :90 left in this clip:
YGBFKM! (You gotta be fucking kidding me!) At least they made her apologize and ready angry letters on air...
That really pisses me off. Moreso than the "fat kid" video earlier. ARGH! I'M SO ANGRY! If only there was something that could make me feel better, like an unexpected developing national network story...
Ahhh...that's the stuff. A quick note...the staff of Thinking Hard (read: me) is heading for holiday vacation this week, but will make every effort to post the annual "Happy Anniversary" blog while on the road. But if for some reason it doesn't come, just remember we asked Santa to deliver it...and Santa doesn't exist, right, Fox Chicago???
-B-
Welcome back to "TV Behaving Badly." I'm always proud to work in an industry where so many people create so many live fuck-ups...and then those fuck-ups are blasted all over the internet. I love the high-tech generation. For example, Reverend Billy Graham went to the hospital last week for pneumonia. Doctors caught it early and were very positive about his health...and then the CBS station in Charlotte, NC, reported Graham had died Saturday morning...and then had to RETRACT said story because they'd gotten it wrong. Apparently it all comes down to an initial report that came into the station's newsroom and NO ONE thought to check with another source to make sure this actually happened! This is the same station that showed the graphic "Man Killed To Death" a few weeks ago. It's also one of the top stations in the market, so, y'know, apparently people love watching a train wreck. That's why so many people watched Britney Spears' reality show. Hey, it could've been worse. It could've been a racist look at Black Friday shoppers last week by a TV station in Baltimore...
Y'know, Black Friday must be really stressful, especially for the REPORTERS...
Personally, I'm sick of the random people who think it's awesome to do stuff during live shots to get on TV. HOWEVER, I do NOT agree with this YouTube poster who decided to use the term "fat kid" in the headline. Not cool, dick.
Hey, give me 30 seconds and I'll give you TWO errors in spelling in a St. Louis newscast. Two things to remember...the town's name is PITTSfield and the word is spelled SOUTHWEST...
Now, for a completely NSFW moment here on Thinking Hard. It's so NSFW, for the first time in a LONG time, I'm posting the link here instead of embedding the video. The Tampa Bay Fox affiliate had to apologize to viewers because during a live postgame show for the Buccaneers last weekend, a camera crew interviewed a player in the locker room...with another player's PENIS being caught on camera behind him! Talk about your "talking head" interviews...
Finally, how do you like your Christmas ruined? Do you prefer to find out from your parents about Santa Claus...or would you rather find out about it from some bitch on an anchor desk? You can thank this Fox Chicago anchor for her efforts in killing Christmas. Her comments start with about :90 left in this clip:
Shopping Mall Santas Scaling Back Kids' Expectations, Profiling Parents: MyFoxCHICAGO.com
YGBFKM! (You gotta be fucking kidding me!) At least they made her apologize and ready angry letters on air...
That really pisses me off. Moreso than the "fat kid" video earlier. ARGH! I'M SO ANGRY! If only there was something that could make me feel better, like an unexpected developing national network story...
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Brian Williams' "Nightly News" Fire Alarm | ||||
| ||||
Ahhh...that's the stuff. A quick note...the staff of Thinking Hard (read: me) is heading for holiday vacation this week, but will make every effort to post the annual "Happy Anniversary" blog while on the road. But if for some reason it doesn't come, just remember we asked Santa to deliver it...and Santa doesn't exist, right, Fox Chicago???
-B-
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