All right, I've been putting this off long enough... happy 2009. Thaaat's right. It's a new year. And for some of us, we rang in the new year sitting on the couch, watching Dick Clark count down the clock. If you didn't see it, you missed probably one of the saddest things I have ever seen on television. His comeback from the stroke was great to see a couple of years, but now it's just painful to watch him and listen to him. Almost as hard as it is to watch Seacrest. Honestly, let Dick retire in peace.
So, the first thing I noticed about the new year was...nothing. No fanfare. No sudden change in temperature or my mood. It didn't even have that "new year smell." It's like someone had already been driving my 2009 around and decided they didn't want it, so they sold it to me used.
Anyway, as much fun as it's NOT to ring in the new year solo, I feel it's worth it to mention that it's a lot easier to reflect on the past year when you're not surrounded by a swarm of people. And without that time to reflect, I wouldn't have been able to come to the realization that...2008 was a disappointment for me. Don't get me wrong, nothing incredibly awful happened to me in the year. But nothing incredibly exciting happened either. I didn't open any brand new chapters in my personal life like I promised I would LAST New Year's Eve. If I look back at where I was on New Year's Eve 2007, I realize I am about the same place now as I was then.
So, what now? Well, I have two goals in 2009. And I call them "goals" because "goals" are generally reached, whereas "resolutions" are usually lapsed, rejected or generally forgotten about early on in the new year. Think about it...if you made a new year's resolution last year, what was it?
First, I WILL NOT put '08 on any of my checks.
Second, I want to stop coasting. I've been coasting through my life for months. I haven't really attached my emotions to anything (except my sister's wedding...one of the high points of 2008). Somewhere recently, I stopped trying to make a difference in my own life. I stopped caring. I stopped taking chances. Ultimately, I stopped doing all the things that had already enriched my life and gotten me to this point. It's been the equivalent of taking a long car ride, starting at 65 mph (or however many km, for those of you reading in a country that uses the metric system), then decided to downshift and travel at 25 mph for a while. Sure, you're GOING to get there, and you might be able to appreciate the scenery, but once the scenery runs out, you have to have the motivation to accelerate back up to 65 mph. Or 88 mph, if you have any interest in taking your DeLorean back to 1955 and seeing how your parents met...and making out with your mom. Great scott!
Point: Until recently, I've always wanted to be better than I was. I've found ways to learn new things, have new experiences, etc. Lately, I've been content (note the absence of the word "happy") with who I am...but there's more out there.
And, sonofabitch, I'm gonna find it.
-B-
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2 comments:
Yes you will!
I think that's a fabulous goal-and coasting is an easy pattern to get into...but you'll find your way out-cuz you're Blaine and you're awesome:)
First, be grateful that you could just simply coast. I know, hard to believe, but coasting is much better than struggling--and a lot of people had to struggle to get through 2008.
But, kudos to wanting to improve yourself. We should all work to make ourselves more into the person we want to be--even if we don't quite know who that person is.
And, checks, really? Move out of the dark ages--god bless the debit card.
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