Happy Turducken Day

(A quick shout-out to longtime reader Jessica Sells, who turns 21 Sunday...congratulations!)

If you read my Christmas preview blog a few days ago, you'll recall that I categorized people into three groups (if you want to know what those groups are...WHY AREN'T YOU READING MORE OF THIS BLOG???). Today, I'm going to do the same for Thanksgiving, and I'm going to use the Turducken to do it.

First, you have the turkeys. These are the people who are usually hosting 100 relatives and friends. They start planning this dinner WEEKS in advance. They've talked to all the guests to find out favorite dishes and special diets. They have all the ingredients and pans bought ahead of time. And they have the turkey sitting out 48 hours ahead of time so it has plenty of time to thaw and cook. And after it's all said and done, and they've done all the cleaning and the preparing and the cooking and the smiling and the greeting and the stirring and the broasting and the sauteeing and the hugging... they look at the mess that's been created in their homes and vow to have Thanksgiving at someone ELSE'S house next year. They become the next group...

Chickens. These are either former turkeys or have absolutely no desire to ever become a turkey. These friendly folks are the ones whose only real jobs on Thanksgiving are to get in the car, don't get lost on the way to someone else's home, and bring a hot dish or pie (preferrably store-bought, because if they're not cooking a turkey, why in God's name would they want to cook anything ELSE?). These people have usually received SEVERAL "Get Out of Thanksgiving Duty Free" cards. But beware, turkeys tend to get VERY angry and jealous at chickens on Thanksgiving.

Finally, we come to the ducks. As in "Duck and Cover." These are the people who usually don't even want to set foot outside their doors on Thanksgiving. They bought a case of beer the day before, woke up Thanksgiving day around 2pm (just in time for Domino's delivery and football) and "feel bad" for the poor bastards who are cooking dinner. And if the ducks are REALLY practicing tradition, they won't even set foot outside their doors on Black Friday. Not even for groceries. Why would they? They still have good beer and pizza!

Whatever your classification, love whoever you're with and enjoy the holiday. And I'll leave you with a little story that's keeping my family close to my heart, even though they're hundreds of miles away...

This week, a man strapped on a jetpack and no parachute and took a 21-second flight over a canyon in southern Colorado known as the Royal Gorge. An impressive feat, to be sure...especially without the parachute. But it hit a little closer to home for me.

When I was little, my parents made it a point to take us SOMEWHERE for summer vacation every year they could. Some years it wasn't possible, but for others, we hit the road. We packed into the minivan (that I would later wreck) and headed out for adventure. On one particular outing, we explored the western United States. We went to the Badlands and Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. We went to Las Vegas (keep in mind, I was not old enough yet to appreciate Sin City past "OO, look at all the pretty lights!"). And, yes, we went to the Royal Gorge. It was really cool. There was a little tram that took people (including me) down the side of the canyon and up close and personal with the river below. Then there was the bridge across it. Thick wooden planks supported drivers AND pedestrians, all looking to get a glimpse of exactly how far down it was to the bottom. I remember walking that bridge and thinking how high up I was...and hoping the bridge didn't break. It didn't. And more importantly, it sat in the back of my brain, a wonderful memory of a family vacation that's keeping me warm inside this holiday season. They'll probably never read this (Seriously, is NO ONE reading this blog???), but to my mom and dad, two of the most special people I'll ever know...Thank you.
-B-