Why is there STILL crappy stuff on TV in the fall???

Yes, it's fall premiere season, and while I've been anxiously looking forward to shows like "Fringe," "My Own Worst Enemy" and "Paris Hilton's New BFF Search" (seriously, they'll put ANYTHING on TV nowadays), I'm STILL seeing my fair chunk of Crap TV.

Let's start with the presidential debate. :) Okay, to be fair, I bet there were a lot of people watching this last night because they wanted to see John McCain and Barack Obama go toe-to-toe in a no-holds-barred, electrified steel cage death match (see, that's what they get when they air the debate at the same time as Friday Night Smackdown). Everyone else tuned in because NOTHING ELSE WAS ON. Thank goodness for our local independent station, which aired Oprah while the debate was on. Don't judge.

In all seriousness, the debate was really good. Both guys got in their shots, sounded like they knew what they were talking about, nobody's last name was Bush... everything I look for in a presidential debate. Though, I have to say, I don't know who did McCain's facial reconstruction, but next time, can we get that doctor to wipe the smirk off his face? I'm not shitting around. Watch the debate and watch his face. Every time Obama's talking, McCain is smirking at Jim Lehrer. He's either a dick...or has an unfortunate facial malfunction.

Anyway, I wasn't really dying to see this debate. It's the VICE-presidential debate I want to see. Time for Sarah Palin to answer some tough questions on foreign policy. She HAS been meeting with foreign dignitaries over the past couple of weeks...but she's met them in the UNITED STATES. McCain's harping on Obama for not visiting the middle east...has he MET his running mate? Or has he just been staring at her ass this whole time? Regardless, it will be interesting, because I think many expect McCain to die in office and Palin would take over. So she HAS to start boning up on her Foreign Policy 101. (and on a side note, I like Obama. I want Obama in the White House. But I'm starting to see it not happening. I think America is still more racist than it is ageist or chauvanist. That's sad.)

Earlier this week (speaking of BONING IT), "magician" David Blaine "hung upside down for days in New York, then took a dive of death to the ground." I put every single part of that in quotes except his name (I probably should've done that too) because he did NOTHING of what was promised. Sure, he hung upside down, but kept getting pulled upright onto a crane to pee, eat, whatever. And his "dive of death" was him jumping off a 40-foot platform to the ground with a helium balloon and a couple of wires attached...then "floating" into the sky. Fans there had no idea what was going on...hell, even ABC's announcer went dead silent trying to figure out how to call it: "Well, folks, it looks like David Blaine fucked up another one. Join us again for his special next year 'When Will People Just Start Ignoring My Antics'...and the live crowd even booed Blaine. He showed up on Regis and Kelly trying to explain what he was trying to do and that the wind didn't cooperate with his helium balloon. He said ABC told him to cancel the stunt, but he didn't want to disappoint his (booing) fans. He also said he knew something went wrong when his closest friends called to say "Um, what was THAT?" After his botched "hold my breath for 7 minutes underwater" stunt, I hope ABC drops his sorry ass. Before you sign a multi-million dollar contract to perform a stunt, you better damn well make sure it WORKS.

Also in showbiz news this week, Clay Aiken is gay. Shocker. American Idol judge Simon Cowell wasn't surprised, adding "it's like being told Santa Claus isn't real." Clay said he finally wanted to come out to show his new son that it's not okay to lie. What he SHOULD have said was it's not okay to lie BADLY. C'mon, Clay, did you REALLY think you were fooling us? Like that one time your hair and makeup made you look like Ellen DeGeneres...who is ALSO GAY?? I would've loved to play hide-and-seek with him as a kid. I'm sure he'd hide...by standing out in the middle of an open meadow with a big neon sign above him that read "Don't Look Here!"

And finally, PETA (the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) wants Ben & Jerry's (the ice cream guys) to start using women's breast milk in their ice cream instead of cow's milk. I would say that again...but I had to stifle my laughter AND my gag reflex the first time. Really, PETA? You think "Ben & Jerry's Spu-Mommy Ice Cream" would be a big seller? How about "Ben & Jerry's Chunky Pumpy"? "Peanut Butter 'D' Cup"? "Chocolate Nip"? Good job, PETA. You thought you came up with the BREAST idea ever...but you just came out looking like a bunch of boobs. At least that's SOMETHING you have in common with David Blaine.
-B-