Grow a Set! (or Politics Is Such A Palin The Ass)

Okay, we're 5 days out from Election Day...which means we're 6 days out from the end of those God-awful election campaign ads. But, come on, we secretly enjoy watching the ads. Not so much the tame "I'm such a good person and you should elect me" ads, but the ones that are bordering on the outlandish. The ones that accuse their opponents of illegal practices, the ones complaining that the incumbents haven't done a thing in office except watch their own interests, and my personal favorite...Senator Elizabeth Dull...sorry, DOLE...accusing challenger Kay Hagan of being -quote- "Godless" and an atheist. I have seen some crazy ads in my day, but that is just about loony. Perhaps Dole's husband is her campaign manager? Next we'll see one suggesting voters using the "little blue pill" should vote for Dole. (Oh, and if you see a campaign ad that's paid for by a party or a committee to re-elect somebody, but not "approved by" the candidate, that just means the candidate liked the ad, but thought it in poor taste to verbally "approve" it.)

But then I read about an interview done via satellite with Joe Biden. Anchor Barbara West of Florida TV station WFTV had a 4-minute interview with Biden and she used part of that precious time to quote a teaching of Karl Marx. "You may recognize this famous quote: 'From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs,'" West said. "How is Senator (Barack) Obama not being a Marxist if he's intending to spread the wealth around?" Biden's response: "Are you joking?" She wasn't. Later, the Obama campaign released a statement calling the interview "combative" and "unprofessional", and the campaign pretty much assured WFTV they would not get any more interviews until after Election Day. (I mean, I'm sure the questions just came from a newsroom manager whose sole reason for earning a paycheck is to tell other people what to do...and who doesn't work with one of THOSE?)

Think whatever you want about the line of questioning, whether it was appropriate or uncalled for. That's not the point here. The point is really two-fold...the media needs to grow a set, and the candidates need to grow a set. (and for those of you a little to old to understand the terminology...Senator John McCain, I'm looking at you...because you're OLD...I mean, grow a set of balls)

Hey, media (I say looking in the mirror), grow a set! You've had no problem asking Sarah Palin the tough questions (so much so that NBC's "not as exclusive" interview with "Palin" was with "McCain and Palin"...more on that in a moment). But how about hitting McCain, Obama and Biden with some BSC questions? And by BSC, I mean Bat Shit Crazy. Come on, take a chance! Ask McCain if the reason he's not releasing his health records is because of his ONE TESTICLE, then compare him to Adolf Hitler! Ask Obama about his terrorist ties to Bill Ayers, then show a picture from the Enquirer of the two of them looking at plans for a nuclear warhead! Ask Biden...more inane questions about Obama! Come on! There was SO much more investigative journalism in the days of Richard Nixon and Watergate (by the way, I pause for a moment to mourn this week's passing of the director of "Deep Throat"...who died after having a stroke). Reporters dug deep for dirt and FOUND IT, then VERIFIED IT before REPORTING IT. Now, there isn't enough time for a reporter to follow and investigate leads because they're too busy trying to shoot 3-5 stories during the day just to fill a minute and a half in the 6pm news. You think I'm kidding...I'm not. So that leaves the rest of you to pick up the slack. Start throwing shit at the wall and see what sticks! "Senator McCain, are you an alien?...No...Senator McCain, are you a robot?...Absolutely not...Senator McCain, are you scheduled to die the day after inauguration?...WHAT?? WHO TOLD YOU???" You're bound to come up with SOMETHING concrete as long as you keep asking.

Now, to the candidates...grow a set! After absolutely appalling (abysmal? suicidal?) interviews with ABC and CBS, NBC finally got a crack at making Sarah Palin say something absolutely outlandish...and John McCain sat by her the whole time! What the fuck??? I thought you picked her because she was her own woman! With her own values! And her own knack for shoving those hooker-booted-feet in her mouth! (which I hear there's a "homemade" video of...if you know what I mean) SHE'S A MAVERICK! Let her grab the deck and shove her OWN ace into the fight! (that line is really funnier if you say it out loud... then use the word "dick" instead of "deck" and "ass" instead of.. aw, forget it) You made your own bed, McCain, and spent some time staring at that fine ass without listening to her (like most old men look at their own daughters after a stroke)... now you have to lie in it. Look at the Biden/Obama camp. Biden's not afraid to step in front of a group of people and say Obama will be tested in the first month of his presidency if elected. The republicans say "OH! Snap! Biden's lost faith in his own candidate!" But Joe Lieberman says "Hey, assholes, I said the same thing a while back and I was talking about BOTH McCain and Obama...sure, no one listens to the jew..." And he's right. Foreign powers test new presidents. "W" was in office only about 9 months when Osama bin Laden decided to send some "Al Qaeda air mail" to the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. It is a fact of life. The kids always want to know just how far they can push the new babysitter, to see where exactly those limits are. In W's case, he came in, fell asleep on the couch, and while he was out, the kids put his hand in warm water and made him piss his pants. Then, for the next 7 years, the kids ran to the neighbor's house while W kept checking behind trees in the front yard saying "I...GOTCHA", only to find no one behind the tree.

We're going to be tested again and again because we're in charge of the world...or at least that's what we've been led to believe. And if Iraq wasn't filled with (God, can't we PLEASE use a better energy like, say, WIND that NEVER goes away???) oil, we wouldn't still have more than 4,000 troops dying over there. Whoever gets elected next Tuesday, I hope to high heaven that he is smarter than the guy in the White House now, whom I could really make smarter if the Secret Service would just let me open up his skull.. and PISS ON HIS BRAIN!

God bless term limits.