Have Yourself A Melee Little Christmas

Seriously, Kentucky shoppers??? You gotta be all fighting THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS??? That's like an automatic FIVE pieces of coal in your stocking...for the next ten years!

Hey, welcome to your Christmas present...a mid-week Thinking Hard. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, Happy Hanukkah to those who celebrate it, Happy Kwanzaa to those who celebrate it, and Happy Celebration Of Liberal-Bashing to those at Fox News who quietly celebrate it. They'd send their own greetings, but they're off fighting the war on Christmas.

Hey, wanna know what gets a news anchor FIRED from a station in Wichita, Kansas? On a Saturday night? And keeps him from getting ANOTHER JOB he had lined up? It's the last 6 words (7 if you like "outta" is better as "out of") in this clip...



Perhaps when he said "Let's get the fuck outta here," he meant "my career in news." Poor guy. Lesson #1 in news...if you have a microphone on, ALWAYS assume that it is turned on.

However, there were some other embarrassing moments in local news in the last couple of weeks. Take this brilliant blonde killjoy from a station in Raleigh. Perhaps she should have called out "SPOILER ALERT!"...



Is that meteorologist going for her jugular??? Awesome! Santa approves! But that's not all. How about we all just air the same script that comes to us from CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC or Fox? All around the nation? That way no one misses out!



Hey, lazy producers, it's okay if you go fuck yourselves too. Santa does NOT approve! And then there's the tweet sent out by the sports director of a station in Oklahoma City. It read “Happy we are the melting pot. Will be happier …if ppl who pour into our pot & sell me fuel & Milk Duds find time to learn our language.” I'm betting someone's gonna find Milk Duds in his fuel. More coal! Santa disapproval!

DUCK! Perhaps you heard about Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty "fame" speaking about why he thinks gays are just wrong. He told GQ magazine (also, a quick "fuck you" to GQ magazine for thinking Robertson should be interviewed. What, George Zimmerman too busy? Santa does NOT approve in principle!) "It seems like, to me, a vagina -- as a man -- would be more desirable than a man's anus. That's just me. I'm just thinking: There's more there! She's got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I'm saying? But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. It's just not logical." I believe by "more to offer," he meant in hillbilly-ese that "she can cook in the kitchen and clean clothes and birth babies all day." I wonder how he feels about a WOMAN'S anus. Maybe he thinks it smells like roses? Anyway, A&E thought enough to boot him from the show. Well, A&E, you're halfway there...now about the SHOW...

Finally, there's the Bloomberg (that's the money reporting folks) TV anchor who thought it would be interesting to give his co-anchors $20 in "bitcoin" last week. For those of you who aren't following it, bitcoin is the latest virtual currency that's starting to be used to buy stuff online and in actual stores and restaurants. A QR code is used to access the money. Which is why some greedy folks IMMEDIATELY jumped on their smartphones when the anchor SHOWED THE QR CODE ON TV!!! It's amazing how quickly 20 bucks can disappear into the interwebs. Seriously dude. That's like putting your credit card number AND security code on TV. I mean, I guess I could understand how you could make that mistake...IF YOU DIDN'T WORK AT BLOOMBERG!!! Santa disapproves HEAVILY!...but appreciates the 20 bucks.

Hey, thanks for coming back for this Christmas edition of Thinking Hard. I hope you and your loved ones are well and stay that way this holiday season. Cheers!

-B-