If You Touch My Junk, I'll Have You Arrested

Hey, you know what, Johnny Antiestablishment? You have one of three options: walk through the body scanner, get a patdown, or DON'T FUCKING FLY, YOU MORON! Personally, I'd prefer you take Option 3...because it means I'll get MY patdown sooner. In a line I wish I'd come up with this week, I wonder if TSA will start charging people who want a patdown a "baggage handling fee." Seriously, if you assholes complaining about the patdowns and body scanners (that are, mind you, in place to prevent ANOTHER 9/11 attack) have a BETTER idea that doesn't start with "just let" and end with "us through," the TSA's website is www.tsa.gov. I'm sure they'd love to hear your brilliant idea.

On another note of how americans just don't have a clue, Bristol Palin made it to the finals of "Dancing with the Stars." So, for those of you who haven't been watching this season, the finals are the chick from "Dirty Dancing," a chunky black kid whose claim to fame is being a chunky black kid on Disney Channel programming... and a chick who REALLY should have just said "No" to Levi...the daughter of a woman that the world should just say "No" to.

Speaking of Sarah Palin, her TLC reality show scored record premiere ratings for the network last week (Kate Gosselin's gonna be PIIIIISSSSSSSSED). And she told Barbara Walters she believed she could beat President Obama in 2012, which caused Walters' head to explode. Also, Ms. "Fox News, would you mind funding my 2012 presidential campaign" Palin received what I can only assume are accolades for her CREATIVE (read: awful, just plain awful) use of the English language:



Thanks, Oxford Dictionary for a notoriously bad idea: encouraging stupid people to expand the English language. And believe me, I know a lot about notoriously bad ideas. I keep having them. But nowhere NEAR as bad as the idea NBA star Tony Parker had: he's rumored to have slept with the wife of a former teammate. Don't remember Tony Parker? Here's a refresher: he married Eva Longoria. Now they're getting a divorce. And now, an open letter from Thinking Hard to Tony Parker:

Dear Tony,
REALLY?!
Love, Blaine
PS: Since you're great at having bad ideas, can you please send me your soon-to-be-ex-wife's phone number?

Hey, I went to see "Morning Glory" yesterday. Entertaining movie. I'm a big Rachel McAdams fan (read: stalker). It was fun to see how morning news was portrayed, especially the anchors who are difficult to work with. Hm...

Speaking of news, there are just some things on local news that I'll never understand HOW they make it on TV, but they entertain me nonetheless:





Well, THAT woman probably won't be out to do any Black Friday shopping this week. Ah, yes, how I love the holiday tradition of peaceful shopping among quiet, friendly customers. It's so tranquil. Hm, maybe I'll see what THIS store has to offer:



...perhaps not. Black Friday shopping seems like a notoriously bad idea.
Happy Thanksgiving!

-B-