Thinking Hard With Andy & Blaine: So You Brought Zima And Condoms..To Teach Her A Lesson?

Oh, you know it's gonna be a sweet blog when the title refers to the "Dateline: To Catch A Predator" series. For those of you young'uns out there who never enjoyed the pedophilic fun, here's a brief primer: NBC gave reporter Chris Hansen free reign to work with a shitload of anti-pedophile activists to entrap them at homes by convincing them online that there were teenage boys/girls home alone who were easily imbibed with alcohol. There were hidden cameras all over the house. And the "bait boy/girl," who was generally a young-looking woman of legal age, would say "Come on in and sit in the kitchen, I just have to get something from upstairs." Idiots enter the kitchen...and in walks Chris Hansen and a photojournalist to do a brief "So, what are you doing here?...oh, you just wanted to teach him/her a lesson about internet safety...and that's why you showed up naked (no joke, it happened on at least one occasion and was NOT pretty) with a 6-pack of Zima and a box of condoms...let me read back some of the transcript from your online conversation...she said 'I might be too young for you,' and you said 'You've got to learn sometime' (seriously, this was my favorite part of the interview)." And after Hansen grilled them for a few minutes and they appeared shameful, he let them leave. Which they did...into the waiting hands of sheriff's deputies outside. It was such an awesome show that had to be canceled when one of the guys killed himself (not on camera). In fact, when it started, the guys were confused when they first saw Hansen walk into the kitchen. But then, you could tell the show was gaining popularity because the pedos recognized Hansen as soon as he walked in. It was great! So, with all of Hansen's work with hidden cameras, imagine my surprise when HANSEN was caught on hidden camera walking into a Palm Beach hotel with a woman 20 years younger than him (a reporter, too, no less) who's not his wife...and not walking out until the next morning. Also, the National Enquirer broke the story. Yes, catching famous men cheating on their wives IS what's keeping the Enquirer in business. "So, Mr. Hansen...you brought this woman to a hotel for the night to teach her a lesson about reporter ethics?"

One might assume that ALONE would make this an awesome week for me...but OH NO. Not by a LONG shot. Have you perhaps heard about this Florida mom on trial for killing her young daughter? I know, it hasn't really been in the headlines lately (seriously, there's a series of fucking APPS for this trial!). Her name's Casey Anthony and, in a horrible yet honest vision of my dating life, she was attractive enough (before the jail time waiting for her trial) that I probably would've tried to pick her up in a bar. So the trial's kind of been a media circus, but the judge appears to not be putting up with any shit, which is kind of awesome...especially when a news photographer in the courtroom saw a guy in the audience flip off the prosecutor and that photographer TOLD THE JUDGE! Surely this kid will get off easy because he's 28-year-old TGI Friday's server (who probably lives in his parents' basement), right?:

Downside, that kid won't survive 6 MINUTES in jail, let alone 6 DAYS. Upside, he might like it...and those shiny handcuffs probably could be considered "flair" if he doesn't get canned at TGI Friday's. Douche.

So, you're sitting there thinking "Okay, Blaine, so there were a couple of pretty funny stories this week for Thinking Hard, but I'm still not convinced it was one of the best weeks ever based only on TWO stories." Well, first, fuck you. I'm the one writing for an hour online...all you have to do is read and watch it. Second, I'm not done yet. Not even close. See, there was a verdict in ANOTHER big trial this week that I've SOOOOO been looking forward to. Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich (a Democrat) has been on his second trial for fraud/corruption/what else ya got charges after he was caught on a wiretap trying to sell President Obama's old Senate seat after he was elected to the White House. The first case ended in a mistrial. The second time around, he spent FOUR DAYS on the stand, blithering and babbling incoherently, making me wish I was a court reporter in Chicago. Blago's been convinced all this time he'd be acquitted...let's see how THAT worked out for him:

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I wonder if he'd consider selling his hair because IT'S fucking golden.

(Public service announcement: people on Twitter are sending out a total of 200 million tweets a day...really, people? I think it's time to cut back, don't you? -- That public service announcement was less than the maximum characters for a tweet...don't make me tweet that.)

While I'm talking about bad habits, let's look at another fantastic piece of video. This time, we're looking at a breaking news report from a fire in Houston at an abandoned business with tanks that used to store petroleum. I should also point out that Texas has been dealing with REALLY dry weather and wildfires. For 20 points, see if YOU can figure out what the reporter is doing wrong here:

That guy sent out an apology on the station's Facebook page to assure angry viewers that he was standing on CONCRETE when he put out his cigarette. And he pulled an Ashlee Simpson on SNL when he blamed a "technical glitch" for the reason he was caught on air smoking. Dude, it wasn't the glitch that people were upset about...it's that you were around an already flammable situation with a lit cigarette. Next time, just chew the gum until you get back in the live truck.

I can see I"m starting to win you over, but it's not quite enough. You're thinking "Blaine, this is entertaining, but it needs to be BIGGER. Do you have anything in a Size 12 politically awkward moment?" You're in luck...courtesy Chris Wallace on Fox News talking to Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann (also a Minnesota congresswoman):

Wallace later apologized. But you don't seem quite sold just yet. "Bigger," you demand. Well, I will tell you I am here for the PEOPLE! RISE UP AND BE HEARD! YOU WANT BIGGER, I'LL GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST I'VE GOT (that one's just for the online predator people watching Thinking Hard):