Gotcha, Journalism

Wow, Hard Thinkers, what a week in politics! Big news! Former Alaska governor and current gene-pool reject Sarah Palin says she's NOT running for president in 2012! I'm shocked!...no wait, I'm not. I was more shocked to find out soylent green is people. I was more shocked to find out circus peanuts will NOT make "circus peanut butter." Let's face it. Sarah Palin was never going to run for president unless people dropped to their knees every time they saw her stupid campaign-but-not-really-a-campaign bus, arriving in cities where she could easily draw some of the attention away from the ACTUAL candidates. She's like that bratty little brother or sister who, every time you brought home a paper with an "A" on it from school, would drop some beautiful knowledge like "Well, I saw Timmy Smith pick his nose and eat his booger! And then we called him Booger Brain! And then we laughed because we thought it was funny! And then I wondered what boogers taste like...because I'm awesome!" Sarah Palin's bus had more useless shit in it than ANYTHING Bret Michaels was a part of (Rock of Love? Nobody?). Simply put, Sarah Palin is a cocktease. She held her presidential campaign out in front of potential voters (all 5 of them) like she tempts Todd with her stretch marks on a nightly basis: "Oh, come on now, dontcha know there Todd...dontcha think this mark here is SEEEXXXY? Ya know, you can still kinda see a little bit of Trig's little baby penis in this mark right here...wait, where are ya goin'?" Palin's the person that injects herself into group conversations because she thinks she's interesting and attractive...and doesn't realize that everyone else hates her. I AM that guy! I know EXACTLY what I'm talking about! So now she's just a bitch who left her job before her contract was up without having any sights on another REAL job (yes, that's a dig at Fox News) and who's taking care of her young daughter and THAT daughter's baby. Seriously, I kinda expect the Palins to show up on Hillbilly Handfishin' and say "Hey, this is a LOT fancier than how we do it at home!"

Not to be overlooked, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie announced AGAIN this week that he will NOT be running for president. Yes, the guy who directed people asking if he would run to a website that featured 2 minutes of clips of him saying "No, I will not run" 80 different ways had to AGAIN repeat himself and say he's not running. 1. The republicans are getting desperate for a candidate (as proven by Herman Cain's surprising rise in the polls) and 2. Republicans don't pay attention, as proven in 2004 when they re-elected "W" and yet now they complain that we shouldn't have gotten into wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Keepin' in classy, GOP. I'm-a let my boy, Jon Stewart, drop a little knowledge on Chris Christie's LATEST "No, I'm STILL not running" news conference:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Indecision 2012 - The Great Right Hope - Not Chris Christie's Time
www.thedailyshow.com
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Now, some quick hits:

*Steve Jobs died this week...man, he was REALLY disappointed there was no Iphone 5 announcement.

*Dear "Occupy Wall Street" protesters: you're only slightly less ridiculous than the Tea Party protesers. But you need two things. 1. More direction...the protests should not be a "Aw, come on out and be angry at whatever you like, even if your cat's litter box has nothing to do with Wall Street." 2. Get a map...the Brooklyn Bridge is NOT Wall Street. In fact, Google Maps tells me Wall Street doesn't cross any body of water. See how easy that was! Just go to Google!

*For those of you taking part in the office pool, NBC's racy "The Playboy Club" is the first new show of the new season to get canceled...not because it's so risque, but no one gives a shit anymore about Playboy unless the bunnies are "getting married" (*snicker*) to Hef. (c'mon, Sarah Palin will run for president before Hef gets married) The second show to get cut? NBC's latest theft from the BBC sitcom department, "Free Agents." Hey, NBC, you got lucky with "The Office." You can stop now.

And now, it's time for "This Week in TV News Fuck-ups"...

First, let's go big with Good Morning America. The show ran a story on the Conrad Murray trial. You remember Murray...he's the guy on trial for making Michael Jackson in worse shape than he was when he was accused of being a child molester. So they ran a computer animation of a procedure doctors did to try to save Jackson, but whoever made the animation misspelled "balloon." Someone caught it and made a note to fix it, but they were apparently out of Post-It Notes:

Hey, that's actually a great move...I can't even TELL "balloon" is misspelled anymore. Mike Moskowitz will update his resume.

Next up, your five-day forecast for the greater Orlando area. Be sure to pack a jacket Saturday morning:

"And coming up for the weekend, it looks like we have a 100% chance of a frozen apocalypse...so be sure to bring those plants inside!"

Finally, it looks like someone found a way to make those local TV sports shows interesting:



Nah, not interesting enough...it's getting canceled with "The Playboy Club." On the plus side, Sarah Palin just figured out what word to throw on the side of her bus in 2016.

-B-