Hey everyone, I'll try to make this week's blog quick...Ashton's in bed waiting for me. Seriously, Demi's surprised Ashton cheated on her with a younger, less skeletal woman after six years of wedded bliss. I'M more surprised that it took Ashton a WHOLE SIX YEARS to think "Wow, 50's not looking so hot."
Big news this week involving Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger. You might remember him as the airline pilot who made an emergency landing in the middle of the Hudson River, saving his entire crew and passengers. It will CONSTANTLY be referred to as the "Miracle on the Hudson." (See also this blog, which referred to the whole media debacle as the Cirque du Sully) Well, this week, he flew a vintage-ish plane for charity. After he landed, another pilot took off to fly the plane away...but had to make a (wait for it) EMERGENCY LANDING at the airport in Charlotte, North Carolina. Holy crap, Sully! What's up with the planes you're in? You MUST be the world's most dangerous man! In fact, I don't think flying planes is a dangerous enough job for you. You've heard of the cable show "Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe"? I propose a show called "Dangerous Jobs with Sully...Don't Laugh at My Nickname or I'll Fly Your Plane." Seriously, can you imagine how he'd do at some other jobs?...
Knife salesman. Who better to sell you a set of the sharpest Ginsu knives in the world?? For an added bonus, his infomercial would show him juggling the knives...blindfolded...strapped to the wing of a plane in mid-air...with STILL enough ability to notice when the plane's pilot passed out, so he'd walk up to the cockpit and land the plane safely. In a river. Because it's kind of his thing now. And in his first interview after the averted disaster, his first comments would be "NOW how much would you expect to pay???"
The weird guy who sticks his head in an alligator's mouth. Okay, first, what kind of medical and dental do these guys get, because I'm sort of looking for a new job. Second, how has Sully NOT done this yet? He'd be perfect! The absolute calmest man to ever try it. Wait...is he wearing ALLIGATOR BOOTS? OH MY GOD, HE'S ALREADY DONE IT...AND THE ALLIGATOR LOST!! I envision his last words to that alligator were "Take that, you croc-sucker." Or not. Sully seems pretty clean with his language. I imagine in the cockpit of the Miracle on the Hudson flight, as the plane went down, he shouted "Holy...COW!" and then after the flight he apologized to his co-pilot about the language.
Rancher. Cowboy. Call it what you will, but the mere job has been the prime example for everything macho in the U.S. for decades. It seems like everyone who slaps on that 10-gallon hat suddenly becomes a chick magnet, never mind the alligator boots. Sully would probably still trade the cowboy hat for his pilot's cap. And can you imagine what he'd do to the guys who'd try to steal his cattle? He'd stop them in their middle-of-the-night thievery and say "Gentlemen, I believe you're lost. This is not your farm." And they'd run away in fear. Because Sully is that awesome.
UPS driver. Ladies, have you ever seen a man sexier than some of the guys they hire to drive the UPS vans?...what?...that's a woman??...ew. But think about it. He's the perfect choice. He had more experience with Brown than most people...did you CHECK the underwear of the passengers on the Miracle on the Hudson plane? It's a good thing they landed in a dirty river: "What? No, of COURSE I didn't crap my pants! I must've picked up something from the Hudson."
Window washer. One of my favorites. C'mon, this suits Sully so PERFECTLY. Consider this: window washers spend most of their days HUNDREDS of feet in the air. For Sully, that would be like going from riding the Regurgitron 5000 roller coaster to the Ladybug kiddie ride! And as a pilot, he has to pay close attention to meticulous details, just like a window washer making sure he didn't miss any spots...as well as making sure the brakes are set on the platform hanging hundreds of feet in the air. And don't have any safety concerns for Sully. If the platform starts falling, he'll find a way to land that thing in a bucket of water.
Finally, the job with the most potential danger of all...
Look, there's GREAT potential for screaming kids at any ice cream parlor. And even though the PASSENGERS of Sully's flights are WELL-accustomed to the hollering and bawling of small children (parents, PLEASE give us ear plugs...it's the humane thing to do), Sully himself is not. He's locked in a soundproof cockpit with a headset on, listening to air traffic control chatter. In fact, I imagine he considered a career as a flight attendant, but decided to be a pilot instead JUST so he could avoid hearing the screaming young'uns. (Great name for a band, by the way...Screaming Young'uns) So if he dared work at an ice cream parlor, he'd practice the one skill he'd absolutely need to prevent a child from crying. Picture this: a child orders a single scoop of Rocky Road ice cream. Sully scoops it up and politely hands it to the child. The child takes one lick of the ice cream...and bumps the scoop off the cone, sending it plummeting to the floor. Sully, wasting no time, goes all Matrix-like and DIVES over the counter, reaching out his arm just as the ice cream barrels toward the linoleum. And at the last possible second GRABS the scoop and places it back on the child's cone, thus averting disaster. Because, you know, that's how he rolls.
Before I leave you today, a quick update on the Penn State scandal...and quite a shocker on national TV this week:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Jerry Sandusky Phone Interview | ||||
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Bob Costas would later recount that he had planned a sit-down interview with Sandusky's attorney and about ten minutes before air time, that attorney said "What if I could get Jerry on the phone?" Attorney for Jerry Sandusky...the one job even SULLY isn't crazy enough to do.
-B-
1 comment:
I made the blog!! I wish I would have taken more care with my photos but Sully was busy saving kittens from a tree. We had to cut our photo shoot short.
You're the best! And yes, very broken up about the divorce. Almost enough to accept the ORANGE AP ALERT!!!
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