1. If an older GUY is into younger GUYS, is he called a Nittany Lion?
2. If a black pizza entrepreneur is into women looking for jobs, is he called a Republican Presidential Candidate?
3. ....um...hang on, I'll remember it...the EPA?
That's right...BIG week in news for us here at Thinking Hard. We pretty much had a giant newsgasm. And who would've thought that the big story to start the week would be so easily forgotten? GOP Presidential Candidate Herman Cain is being accused now by four women who say he sexually harassed them and even tried to push one's head into his lap to...um..."examine his zipper." At least two of them were paid off several years ago and still came forward. STILL not enough to knock him off the top of some of the latest GOP polls. That's basically like the republicans saying "Hey, that's a lot better than what I did with my teenage stepson last night."
And that leads us right into another big news story...the sex scandal that rocked Penn State. Seems quite a few years ago, a grad assistant caught one of the football team's coaching staff raping a player in the showers. So he reported it to coach Joe Paterno...who reported it to HIS superiors...who did nothing. In this entire chain of command of "good ol' boys," NO ONE CALLED THE POLICE. It's like the Catholic Church. Now, don't get me wrong...the offending staff member (perhaps I should use neither "staff" nor "member" in this story) lost his key to the boys' locker room. Wow. It cost the National Restaurant Association more to sweep the Herman Cain stuff under the rug than this ACTUAL CASE OF RAPE. So, as you can imagine, the students at Penn State took to the streets of the campus to defend the victim...Joe Paterno. That's right. In a tribute to the true classiness of Penn State, they RIOTED after the university fired Paterno this week, not making any comments about how they feel bad for the REAL victim (the player) but instead taking up for the man who THEY believe was the victim (Joe Paterno). Hell, even that idiot Ashton Kutcher tweeted his support for Joe Pa because he thought the coach was being pushed out because of his age...and not, y'know, because he helped cover up a rape case on campus. In the midst of the melee on Penn State's campus, students even tipped over a live news truck, which the station later reports could have started a large fire/explosion because it started leaking gasoline. So, with a couple of exceptions, to the entire campus of Penn State...Fuck. You. You whiny, bitchy bunch of pussies who think football is the only thing that matters. You uninformed, poorly educated miscreants. You pieces of shit. I wonder how YOU'D react if someone you trusted (i.e., a coach, a father, a priest) betrayed that trust in the most horrible way possible by inserting his penis into your body without ANY agreement on your part...then you kept it quiet because of the way others viewed your attacker. I find myself often disappointed by the human race's desire to continue procreating and adding more people to this planet, but you, Penn State students, you make me think of the 4-year-old children I hear screaming and crying in the store because they can't have a little toy, totally oblivious to the fact that their mothers can't afford the toy and can barely afford FOOD to put on the TABLE. But I guess some thanks are in order. Thank you for proving that this new generation is a generation of selfish fucking bastards with absolutely no regard to their common man. Football above all, right? Assholes.
*sigh* Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Now, let's hit that third big news story of the week, which was, uh...um...er...
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Indecision 2012 - Mercy Rule Edition | ||||
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(side note: even though I was ready and waiting for the Rick Perry jokes here, I still fell for the intro about the three funniest movies Adam Sandler has been in...and only being able to name two...because Sandler hasn't done anything TRULY funny since Happy Gilmore...and Jack & Jill has "giant turd" written all over it)
And now, the bonus. Here at Thinking Hard, we offer you the big stories...but we also offer you a story or two you might not have heard about. This time, it's a story out of Minneapolis, Minnesota. A reporter thought he stumbled onto the story of the lifetime...a puppy mill was raising dogs not for pets, but for food. The reporter thought he found a connection that the mill sent the dogs to New York's Chinatown. He even called one place and asked if they sold dog meat...and the person on the phone said yes. Turns out, there was something a little lost in translation. The person on the other end of the phone thought the reporter said DUCK meat, which the business DOES sell. But it does NOT sell DOG meat. Apparently, the puppy mill DID send some living dogs, but the shipment was intended for a PET STORE and the address was just incorrectly labeled. The New York Health Department investigated and found no evidence of dog meat being sold. So, the reporter is in the DOGHOUSE and has a little egg on his face. Tell you what...let's allow people in Taiwan's popular news agency to make things a little worse for him:
Delightful. I think that reporter needs to book a trip to a secluded island for a while. He can fly RyanAir, which announced this week it's looking at offering in-flight porn. But only in the COCKpit.
-B-
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