It's Late March...

Fill out your brackets, give up your "gambling rehab" and get ready for March Madness!
Um, no, this is NOT about basketball. We're looking for the most screwed up person/persons in the U.S.

Round 1: (1) Britney Spears vs. (8) Miley Cyrus
Seems like a gimme, but cast members on How I Met Your Mother (have been paid to) say GOOD things about Britney's upcoming guest appearance on the CBS sitcom. It airs next Monday (3/24). Britney's role is relegated to that of a receptionist who has a thing for the main character on the show. Alicia Silverstone was also set to guest, but apparently when she heard Britney was coming on, she backed out (no joke). Sarah Chalke from Scrubs will take Silverstone's place.
Miley Cyrus had her name legally changed from Destiny Hope Cyrus. Hey, you can have the "best of both worlds"...except when it comes to your NAME.
Final analysis: Britney showed up ON TIME (more than she can do for her children in custody hearings with K-Fed) to shoot the episode and wasn't drunk. But show producers won't say how many takes it took her to get her lines right. Cyrus...she's got a couple more years before I can truly consider her a top seed in the tournament. Not looking for an upset here. Britney's still "Crazy."
Winner: (1) Britney Spears

(2) The Olsen Twins vs. (7) Angelina Jolie
The Olsens have been pretty prominent in the media in the last year, with mentions of rehab and connections to the late Heath Ledger (if you'll recall, the woman who found Ledger's cold, lifeless body thought it more important to call one of the Olsens to ask if she should "Still fluff pillows?" than to call 911). But Angelina Jolie's making headlines for her next child, who will NOT be purchased from a "United Colors of Benetton" ad.
Final Analysis: OH, COME ON! What's more twisted than Angelina Jolie GIVING BIRTH???
Winner: Angelina Jolie in an upset. (Hey, don't look at me...the brackets were signed before she announced the "blessed" event)

(3) Paris Hilton vs. (6) Lindsay Lohan
This one's a toss-up. Again, the Committee's brackets were posted last fall and took into account Hilton's time in the slammer and Lohan's time in rehab.
Final Analysis: Lohan seems to have dropped out of the headlines (and rehab at LEAST once), while Hilton is seen with a much older beau...wait, I'm being told that is NOT her beau...he is a GURU...and apparently asexual.
Winner: Lindsay Lohan. Paris is due to be in an upcoming episode of My Name is Earl (LOVE that show)... and an asexual guru assures the populace that Paris will NOT be joining her former "Simple Life" BFF Nicole Richie at Babies R Us. Speaking of...

(4) Nicole Richie vs. (5) Amy Winehouse
They tried to give her condoms, but she said "No, no, no."
Seriously, congrats to Nicole on the birth of her child. Now, the media can go back to asking if she's too skinny. Funny thing...she calls it "baby weight," we call it "thanksgiving dinner." Winehouse, on the other hand, found a way to win AND accept a Grammy without being in the United States. They wouldn't let her back in the U.S....something about drugs...
Final Analysis: It all comes down to this: who WILL BE less screwed up? Will being a Grammy winner force Amy Winehouse to focus less on her "bongs" and more on her "songs"? And will being a mommy force Nicole Richie to focus on her health and EAT A DAMN CRACKER???
Winner: Nicole Richie. Oh, and I have to give her this package I received for her from Ethiopia's president... he wanted to send her some food.
-B-