Game On

Well, the Democrats are done with their convention and Republican presidential candidate John McCain will be walking into Minnesota next week for the GOP convention with a new running mate. And I'm told he's picking Minnesota's own governor Tim Pawlenty! Congratulations! I'm sure we'll have "Pawlenty" of time to consider voting...

...wait, I'm being told that McCain is NOT going with Pawlenty and instead is choosing former rival for the White House Mitt Romney! Congratulations! Y'know, between the two of them, McCain and Romney have had more wives than the entire Republican party, and I think Romney is still married to most of...

...wait, NOT Romney either? Then who...

...you...are...shitting...me...

...okay, it's been confirmed. John McCain has officially chosen Alaska's Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate in the November election. Hmmm...I have no joke for this one.

Seriously, McCain surprised a lot of people today. He chose a 44-year-old mother of five children, so we now have the YOUNGEST candidate in this election running alongside the OLDEST...MAN EVER. In fact, let's accentuate that point. During his speech in Ohio Friday to introduce Palin, he was cut off THREE TIMES by the crowd singing "Happy Birthday" to him. And he seemed a little pissed off to be interrupted by a crowd with worse rhythmic timing than he has...AND to be reminded that he's 72 years old! Seriously, it went a little something like this:
(crowd sings Happy Birthday)
"Okay, thank you for remembering my birthday. Now, I have an important..."
(crowd interrupts to sing Happy Birthday again, presumably the second stanza)
"Okay, that's twice."
(crowd jumps in to sing again...)
"Seriously, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M OLD! I GET IT!"

It was actually kind of funny to watch McCain build up the speech momentum with "Let me introduce to you the next Vice.." and be interrupted by a bunch of "WHOOOOOOOOO!!!! YEAH!!!!!" and have to REPEAT "Let me introduce to you the next Vice President.." It's almost like he wanted to say "Will someone PLEASE let me finish my story before I forget it again??"

So, Governor Palin, welcome aboard. I'm sure your defense of the proud land of Alaska will continue as the Republicans push to drill in the Alaskan Oil Refuge to "reduce dependence on foreign oil" (read: drill more holes in the U.S.). I'm sure the fact your 19-year-old son is about to be deployed with the Army in the Middle East will make you want to go along with McCain's plan to "end the war at some point..eventually...some day... even if it takes 100 years." And I'm sure your complete inexperience in foreign policy will make you the perfect person to take over as President of the United States of America once McCain's heart FINALLY gives out...the day after the inauguration. (I wonder if it would happen while they're in bed TOGETHER.. talk about a SCANDAL!!! It would be enough to make everyone forget about that other guy, whose name rhymes with SCHBILL SCHCLINTON)

I guess the political game is coming down to change versus experience. Obama's camp issued a statement about Palin, saying it appears McCain has tabled any talk about experience in this debate. Hey, just because Palin's never set foot out of Alaska with her NRA lifetime membership card doesn't mean she, too, doesn't want to bomb the shit out of every country in the Gulf.

Either way, it's going to be an interesting November. We'll either have the first black president or the first woman vice-president. As for me, I think I'm going to write in Bill Gates as a candidate. In this time of economic uncertainty, it seems like only a billionaire can REALLY give you any change.
-B-