When You're a Jet, You're a Jet All The Way...

I don't do sports much here (or West Side Story lyrics, for that matter), but I wanted to briefly hit this one.. and then I'll get to the more casual stuff.

Soooo, Brett Favre, three-time MVP quarterback of the Green Bay Packers... you, uh, enjoy "retirement"? Not so much, huh? Too bad there wasn't a minor-league baseball team to play for or ailing (yes, I said it...AILING) NBA franchise to own (I'm looking at you, Mr. "Captain Comeback" Michael Jordan) in your "retirement." I feel dumb even using that word to describe it. How about "publicized vacation with love letters from fans"? OH! I've got it..."Eventually Going Out...Trying Relaxing In Private." Man, I can't write all that for the rest of this column. How about I acronymize it? Let's see... E-G....O....T-R....I....P.... Okay, so Favre took his EGOTRIP and decided he wanted to hop back in the Packers line-up for the love of all cheeseheads. Except, oh wait, here's something he didn't count on: they didn't WANT him back in the line-up! And to punctuate the "Fuck You", he got traded to the New York Jets. Super Bowl, here he comes! Next time you decide to take an EGOTRIP, I suggest you take it to a Hillshire Farms kiosk at the mall so you can get alllll the cheese you want in the winter.

Okay, onto other stuff. Anybody see this "campaign ad" (geez, what's with me and quotation marks today? or parentheses for that matter?) featuring Paris Hilton? No, no, I'm not talking about the one where John McCain compares Barack Obama to trashy white chicks Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. I'm talking about the one released the next day on www.funnyordie.com . Paris is lounging by the pool, apparently taking a few minutes away from her busy day of starring in her next homemade porno and writing on her daily blog, "Why It's Hot to Think That Nicole Richie is a Trashy Bitch"...dot-net. It's a very tongue-in-cheek spot where she thanks "wrinkly white guy" McCain for the apparent endorsement for the White House. Then she INTELLIGENTLY offers a sensible energy plan (the only part of the commercial that was obviously written by someone smarter than her..a second-grader) and tells Obama and McCain that she'll..and I quote..."see you at the debates, bitches." Let me be the first to point out that I don't like Paris Hilton. I could run down my entire list of reasons to hate her, but this blog doesn't have enough room, so I'll hit the highlights: trashy, that ugly chin, the chihuahua, The Simple Life, The Simple Life 2, The Simple Life 3, the chin, she won't return my calls, seriously what is up with that pointy chin... But, in the end, she does a great job of poking fun at herself (that is, IF she gets the joke) and the candidates. I won't write in Paris on the November ballot...but I might consider Miley Cyrus. At least SHE'S willing to strip for a magazine...

And back to the chihuahua...attention dog lovers! And by "dog lovers", I mean you talk with them, bathe with them, eat dog biscuits with them, commiserate about why no man will ever love EITHER of you, etc. In the face of myspace comes www.doggyspace.com . Yes, it's the open forum for people who can't hold a sane thought... er, I mean, absolutely LOVE their widdle puppies! yes they DO!... to join the rampant internet community of other dog lovers and share their stories to find common bonds. I had hoped for a "deathmatch-style dog fight" gathering, but was instantly booted from the server with a swat on the forehead with a newspaper and a voice telling me "Bad dog!" Point is, it's nice to see a friendly forum for animal lovers. Now they're not pestering me on match.com.
-B-