I Met George Romero!

And honestly, I'm a little surprised by how few people know/care about George Romero. No, he's not as well known as Jerry Bruckheimer or Steven Spielberg or George Lucas or Rob Zombie (it STILL seems weird to watch a horror movie directed by a rock star), but he's one of the fathers of cinema...and he's largely responsible for a movie genre that's gone from generally underappreciated to pretty mainstream. He's also probably responsible for many of your nightmares.

I'm talking about zombies. Y'know...the walking dead, the brain eaters, the people who watch the View and agree with Elisabeth Hissyfit. George Romero started it all in glorious black & white with the original "Night of the Living Dead." Since then, he's directed a few sequels. He's also been involved in the "Creepshow" movies and the "Tales from the Darkside" TV series. Guy's a legend. Anyway, so I met George Romero at an autograph signing Friday...and shelled out 15 bucks for his signature on a DVD (urgh). I think I was most surprised as I watched him sign my DVD. I watched his hand shake as he signed "Blaine, stay scared. George Romero." And I was left thinking that there's a better than average chance that I will outlast the man. But his iconic work will live on in his fans and in the annals of film. Thanks, Mr. Romero, for keeping me awake at night.

Speaking of legends who want my money, MC Hammer has signed a deal for a new REALITY SERIES on A&E! Holy crap! First, he's sending away everything he has in gold for quick cash...now he's dating three nude models in their early twenties, who will stay at his mansion and help him publish future issues of Playb...wait, sorry, wrong guy. That's someone ELSE who's past his prime. Well, at least the "gold for cash" bit was right. Anyway, watch for "Brotherhood of the Traveling Parachute Pants" on A&E, coming soon.

Speaking of the high price of fame, a vicious attack took place last week in Connecticut. A woman went to visit her friend and a CHIMPANZEE started attacking her! It feels like an awkward episode of "The Electric Company"..."HEEEEEYYYYYY YYYYOOOOOUUUU GGUUUUUUUYYY...OH GOD! GET HIM OFF ME! I'M WEARING A YELLOW DRESS AND HE'S TRYING TO UNPEEL ME!!!"

So this 70-year-old woman owns the chimp and he's starred in commercials...and as Elisabeth Hissyfit's replacement on The View. (Amazingly, no one noticed) So the chimp got out of the house, and the woman called her 55-year-old friend, Charla Nash, to help corral him. She got over to the house and the chimp went bananas...er, went ape-shi...lost his mind and started clawing at Nash and biting her face. After several minutes, the chimp's owner FINALLY decided to stab the chimp with a butcher knife and hit it with a shovel to stop the attack. Nash had life-threatening injuries.

The chimp's owner answered criticism later from the media about why she would keep a 200-lb. chimp as a pet. She responded with "Some parents have junkie kids, and they still care about them!" Okay, 1. They're human children, not animals you dress up like children (which should AUTOMATICALLY qualify you for a mental facility...or The View). 2. Let's see..."junkie" implies they're on illegal drugs. But YOU fed your chimpanzee unprescribed XANAX the morning of the attack, a drug that has not been tested on chimpanzees (at least, not that the makers will officially confirm). YOU drugged a monkey that attacked YOUR friend. YOU are an irresponsible pet-owner. YOU are the problem.

So, I fully expect to find the next edition of the Clue board game in stores soon, with additional characters and weapons. "I deduce that Ms. Hissyfit killed Mr. Boddy in the View studio while brandishing a chimpanzee."
(This blog has been sponsored by Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Sherri Shepard and Barbara Walters.)
-B-