Super Happy Chick Fight Video Fun Time!

(You'll have to pardon the title...I had Chinese for lunch)

Oh, Friday, how I have longed for you. Only you could grant me the full time to unleash my mental prowess upon the "interwebs." Thank you, glorious Friday.

Check it! Welcome back to Thinking Hard. Oh, what a week it has been. We'll get to the chick fighting in a sec, but first, I want to start with a hot Hollywood actor...who whines like a little girl when someone interrupts his scene. Yes, if you haven't heard it by now, the audio tapes have been released of "The Dark Knight" himself, Christian Bale, unleashing an endless stream of obscenities while shooting...wait, is this right?...I'm getting word he was shooting ANOTHER DAMN TERMINATOR MOVIE! (Didn't he read last week's blog???) So, he was shooting a star-studded scene with Bryce Dallas Howard (you remember her...she's Ron Howard's daughter whose only recent claim to fame is M. Night Shamalamadingdong's "Lady in the Water"...poor thing) in New Mexico last summer. A cinematographer misstepped into the scene he was shooting with Howard and he went OFF on the poor bastard. Here's a 4-minute clip: (this is NOT safe for work)



A few days later, Bale would be arrested for physically assaulting his mother and sister. I bet he's great at parties. But in Bale's defense, he's Bat-shit Crazy. Actually, the funnier version of this popped up on a BBC morning show: (also, NOT safe for work)



(Don't you just love Super Happy Chick Fight Video Fun Time day???)
Actually, this makes me think of the Super Bowl. Nope, not referring to Bruce Springsteen crotching himself on an HD camera during halftime (though, I'm sure of all the people and things he saw during halftime, the camera was the LAST thing he expected on his crotch). What? You missed it??? Well, here's another look:



(That clip got replayed TWICE on the DVR at the Super Bowl party I went to) No, I'm talking about the Arizona Cardinals fans in Tucson. See, they were watching the game on Comcast and (if you missed the game) the action really picked up in the last few minutes. Exciting finish. Anyway, while they're watching these sweaty guys playing football...Comcast cuts away for a few seconds of accidental PORN! Would've been nice...had the film not been featuring a NAKED MAN at the time. That is NOT the kind of ball handling you want to see at the Super Bowl.

Moving on, let's talk about CHICKS, MAN! So, did you see inauguration night for President Barack Obama? Lots of celebrities, lots of dancing, and a special performance by Beyonce of Etta James' famous song "At Last" while the first couple danced. It was a beautiful moment. So, Etta "I'm not really that crazy, I'm just really old...okay, so I'm also really crazy, but at least I wasn't wearing Aretha Franklin's hat" James came out this week and said she was upset that Beyonce sang HER SONG at the inauguration. She even went as far as to say Beyonce "was gonna get her ass whipped" and that Obama "wasn't MY president." Well, this morning, James told the media she was "just kidding" Beyonce and Obama. And that's been our new segment, "Wow, my sense of humor is going to SUCK when I'm old."

MORE CHICKS, MAN! Ashley Judd (you remember her, right? She was the only ATTRACTIVE Judd with a promising movie career. No, she's not dead...just her career) is in a new video for the animal rights group Defenders of Wildlife. She's preaching the ills of killing wolves and bears in Alaska from airplanes. And GUESS WHO SHE'S TARGETTING! That's right...she calls out former VP candidate/media darling/soundbite queen/MENSA candidate Sarah Palin. Palin found the time to look up from reading all of her magazines to respond. She says the anti-wolf/bear/any furry creature-overpopulation program is scientifically based (it says so in this magazine right...shoot, now where did that thing go?...well, I read it in all of them) and is important to keep up the moose and caribou populations...FOR HUNTERS. I presume they're the poor hunters who can't afford to do their shootin' from a fancy ol' plane. "HOO-WEE! You got TWO wings on that thing??? Do the Russians know about this?"

Okay, enough fighting. I have to show you this clip from Conan O'Brien this week. The artist's name is Theresa Andersson. The things at her feet are recording her words and looping them as playback. What she does here is just amazing by the time she gets to the end. This IS safe for work and one of the most impressive pieces of music I've ever seen performed:



Remember, kids, just say yes to drugs. This public service announcement brought to you by Michael Phelps..."Michael Phelps, soon to be living in a van down by a river near you."
-B