Now Co-Hosted By Katie Couric

...or maybe Sarah Palin. Whichever of the weird-looking chicks shows up here can write the blog. But I doubt either of them will show, considering they both pulled early morning hours this week. Katie Couric co-hosted Good Morning America and made a few jokes about Matt Lauer and Al Roker. Meanwhile, over on the The Peacock, Sarah Palin co-hosted (and I use that term VERY loosely) The Today Show. Basically, it was just a shitload of interview segments getting her reaction to Mitt Romney...Barack Obama...cake... And the real losers here? Besides the viewers who don't give a shit about whether Katie Couric reads magazines or Sarah Palin's colonoscopy? (wait, I'm being told I have that backwards...so which one can see 30 Rock from her backyard?) It's CBS. Its big coup of the week was getting the best friend of morning co-anchor Gayle King OPRAH WINFREY to sit down and defend her shitty OWN channel that even makes the Lifetime Network seem friendly to men. Oh, and another morning, they interviewed Oprah's husband, Steadman, because...well...um...he was there? Anywho, I'd give CBS credit for not stunt-casting its morning show and sticking with the "we're going to bring you ACTUAL news" mentality they claim to have...except they interviewed Oprah and Steadman...separately. So, um, go team? What say you? Would you rather watch Couric...Palin...Oprah...or two fat hairy gay italian dudes (whom I will call "Mario" and "Luigi") cleaning out your pipes in the nude?

Hey, speaking of NEWS, the Supreme Court is trying to decide if President Obama's health care law that requires every american to buy health insurance or pay a fine (so essentially you're out the money either way) is constitutional. High Court hearings can be a bit dull. I really wish they turned out like The Daily Show's version of the story...

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Hot Docket - Animating the Health Care Hearing
www.thedailyshow.com
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One other big story that WON'T GO AWAY is the Trayvon Martin shooting. A group here in Charlotte actually made an acronym out of HOODIE that's something random and anti-racist, but I wasn't paying attention because I was busy eating Skittles and drinking iced tea. Anywho, the media's REALLY getting a newsgasm over this story. And as always, with live TV news, ANYTHING can happen...

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The O'Donnell-Chair Interview
www.thedailyshow.com
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Also, quick side-note, I used TWO clips from the Daily Show this week because:
1. my tablet refused to let me copy them in LAST week.
2. I'm lazy.
and 3. The Daily Show is coming to Charlotte and I would REALLY like a job with them, so I'm hoping that fervent use of their clips in this blog will draw their attention...or at the very least, a cease and desist letter. Please start lobbying Jon Stewart now to hire me. Thanks.

I would like to take a moment to say something very important: it's really hard to be as pretty as me. Yes, when I walk into a closet and I'm the prettiest one there, I get these really mean looks from the coats that are just hanging there, judging me, calling me a whore. Then I accept an offer by the coat rack to buy me a drink and rub it in all their faces. This, ladies and gentlemen, is only SLIGHTLY less ridiculous than what a british blogger claims. Here's a picture of the offender:

Here is the article Samantha Brick wrote. Perhaps in England, it's like "police" are "bobbies" and "apartments" are "flats" and, in this case, "beautiful" means "butt-fucking ugly" (which I will heretofore refer to as "bufugly"). Now, let me say, in this day and age, I appreciate a woman who has self-confidence (though I am more likely to walk up to a cute wallflower and offer her my roofies). For as many female pity-parties as I have been in (inadvertent) attendance to over the years, it's nice to see women who are confident they are attractive. HOWEVER, there also needs to be something said for women who keep their egos IN CHECK. In her essay, she marks that there have been times when she's been the most attractive woman in the room. After a Google search, I found "The Room" is a gay strip club. Y'know, a place that would mostly only have MEN in it. Keep up...these are the jokes that are going to get me hired as a cameraman at Daily Show. Also, I can't help but note that this "beautiful" (again, read: bufugly, because it's going to catch on) woman settled for marrying a frenchman who's ten years older than she is. Also, in the picture, it appears she's SO beautiful he's afraid to touch her and taint that...or he's blind and has been told he's standing next to a frightened narwhal. Nice narwhal...who's a good narwhal? (actually, I think BOTH might be correct) Anyway, while I don't agree that the article went to print, I also don't agree with the backlash she's getting on the internet (stupid internet, with your bloggers who can just say whatever they want and get away with it in the hopes that he'll be hired at Comedy Central...oh...). As you can imagine, it's a LOT of backlash. So I'll say this...Elephant Woman, you probably ought to move. Like to Bangladesh. Or Japan...where you can blend in with the other victims of last year's nuclear poisoning. You could always come to the United States, where beauty is honored on national TV. And I'm not talking about pageants. I'm talking about a nationwide nomination for Person of the Week...



But you have to be REALLY pretty and self-absorbed for that. So, hey, there's a career in TV news waiting for you. As the first narwhal-anchor-reporter.

-B-