This Week's Post Makes Marco Rubio Thirsty

We'll get to the week's action in just a moment, but first, I'm getting reports of some breaking news... Ah, zombie alerts. Those things will never get old...just like the living dead themselves. Actually, funny story, someone hacked into stations in four different states because their Emergency Alert Systems...y'know, the systems that are RIDICULOUSLY important for keeping you informed in the case of missing small children, missing small adults, etc...were running the DEFAULT PASSWORDS! Even YOU probably know by know that you're always encouraged when creating passwords to use an intricate combination of letters and numbers so as to deter hacking. I'm fairly certain the default password combination of characters was 1-2-3-4-5. Ah, Dick Van Patten. May he rest in peace...wait, I'm being told he's not actually dead, it's just his career. Anywho, welcome back to the blogosphere for this week's Thinking Hard. Man, we had a LOT of shit going on this week. The Pope resigned. I believe he said it was just too much effort to keep up with his Twitter feed. And his failed effort to get the Facebook "Poke" button to be changed to say "Pope." "10 Billion Catholics Who Refuse To Believe In Birth Control Like This." Then we had the double-amputee Olympic runner (nicknamed "Blade Runner") saying he accidentally shot and killed his model girlfriend. I guess it would've been too obvious if he'd stabbed her, being nicknamed "Blade Runner" and all. Then the Carnival cruise ship got stuck in the Gulf of Mexico, probably weighed down by all of the human waste that was being left on it. Seriously, people on board couldn't get much to eat and they had to pee, poop and throw up in biohazard bags. And that was the day I decided never to go on a cruise. And finally, I feel like this is worth mentioning since the second-largest group of pageviews of this blog comes from Russia. A ten-ton meteorite came crashing down in Russia this week, sending shockwaves through buildings and causing a lot of physical and mental damage. At last check, more than 1,000 people had been injured...though, at this point, it's difficult to know for sure whether they had major physical injuries or were just being treated for shock. Check out this amazing home video... I'm pretty sure the DJ on that first clip is saying "And now, it's time for PRANK YANK! That's where we tell you about a great prank idea we have that would get us killed by our country's government..." That's the type of thing that would have people screaming so hard that their throats would be hoarse. How do you feel about that, Marco Rubio? That's actually gin. -B-