It's Been A Long Time Since I Rock 'n' Rolled

Sorry, guys and gals...I've been asleep at the wheel for a week. Let's see what we've missed...

In case you haven't heard by now, actor Heath Ledger is dead. His massage therapist found him naked and what she thought was asleep. After a couple of speed-dial calls to gal-pal Mary-Kate Olsen (I don't think she's the one with the eating disorder...but you can never really tell), THEN the masseuse thinks to check for a pulse and call 911. And the 911 operator has to run her through the proper CPR procedure. Now look, I'm not saying the 5-10 minutes would've made a difference...I think Ledger was long dead by then...but COME ON! Everyone should at least have a REMOTE idea of how to perform CPR. It takes almost no time to practice and learn. I've been through at least one CPR class, and I'm thinking about going back for a refresher.

Anyway, Ledger apparently had trouble sleeping as of late and had been taking prescription sleep medicine. Cause of death is, as of yet, undetermined, but I'm banking on accidental sleep med overdose. But I want to say, there's a classless bunch of people who turned out for his visitation/funeral who were apparently still offended by Ledger's brilliant performance (though I have yet to see it) in "Brokeback Mountain." They held signs that said "Heath's in Hell." To those churchgoers who saw fit to cast the first stone and be offended by a MOVIE, I can only say this: the Big Guy Upstairs is all-knowing and all-loving, according to every single thing that I've heard read from the Bible. It is not your job to cast judgment, it is not your job to be a bunch of bigots, and it SURE AS FUCK is not your job to show up at a somber occasion and, metaphorically, piss on a man's grave. God forgives you...but you're still a buncha dicks.

Moving away from the sad news of the day, the son of Kansas's governor has come up with an inventive new board game that makes "Clue" look like "Grand Theft Auto." Yes, it's time for another rousing evening of family time with "Don't Drop the Soap." (http://www.gilliusinc.com/dropsoap.html) For $35, you can play as the wheelchair-bound inmate, "Wheelz," or the buff african-american inmate, who's obviously not perpetuating ANY stereotypes by wearing the bling and wife-beater and going by the name of "Anferny." Yes, the goal here is to "escape prison riots," "slip glass into a mob boss' lasagna," and "avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room." (I can't make this up, folks.) And don't forget to not "smoke your entire stash in The Hole." The brilliant young entrepreneur's mother (yes, the GOVERNOR OF KANSAS) thinks it's a great idea. I see the humor in it...but she might want to distance herself a little from any possible controversy.

Remember, kids, it's a new year, new successes, new failures, new moments filled with happiness and sadness. Let the warming of the weather remind you that no matter how bad things get, they always start anew, like a cosmic "reset" button on the Wii of life. Make use of every day, and be thankful for each new breath that you get. Something new and exciting is always just around the corner. LOVE YOU, LOUISVILLE!

-B-