What Other Shenanigans Can I Possibly Get Into?

(that's a "Juno" shout-out to my frozen buddy in Minnesota, Andy Graning. Andy, drink some hot chocolate and sit on my lap by the fire as Uncle Blaine tells everyone a story or two...)

Dateline: India...
Those crazy Indians...not the Native Americans ones who see fit to take all of my hard-earned money that I continue to shove into the nearest slot machine or drop on a bet of "RED" on a roulette table, only to turn up "BLACK"(I wonder if it's considered offensive to bet on "RED" at a casino run by Native Americans)...the OTHER Indians...y'know, from India...
Anyway, those crazy Indians...they've found a way to make a car for $2500. No, there is not an extra zero missing. Really. $2500. They call it the Tata Nano, which means "Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, take this out on an actual road." Apparently, the "midget car" (as I like to call it...I will NEVER be able to fold myself into one of those) gets about 50 miles per gallon. FIFTY MILES!!! We can't get that kind of mileage here in America, and we're supposedly the "smartest country on the planet," as evidenced by our fearless lea-duh-r.

Dateline: Gaston County, N.C. (it's near Charlotte...trust me)...
69-year-old Dennis Beasley goes to have dinner at an Outback Steakhouse (probably for the Bloomin' Onion...one of those will kill me...soon) and sees an open parking spot. The car in front of Beasley passes it, so he excitedly pulls in. But just like an episode of Seinfeld, the other car tries to BACK IN. The other driver gets out and asks why Beasley just stole his spot. (
http://www.gastongazette.com/news/tidwell_15281___article.html/beasley_police.html) That other driver is a city councilman in nearby Gastonia. The two "exchange words" (apparently a lot of 4-letter ones..."I'll trade you my F*** for your C**K") and Beasley goes on to tell police that the city councilman PUNCHED him. Later, he decides the councilman didn't TAKE a swing but THREATENED to take a swing at him. No charges, but it does leave the question...do you prefer to back in or pull in forward.

And since we're on the topic, the Adult Entertainment Expo is on in Sin City this week. That's right, the hottest adult directors/stars/golden showerers/leather-clad feces-eaters on the planet are in Las Vegas this week...right next door to the CONSUMER ELECTRONICS SHOW. I'm going to say that again...mostly for MY entertainment... The Adult Entertainment Expo is set up RIGHT NEXT DOOR to the Consumer Electronics Show. Now, don't get me wrong, I can't judge the adult film industry. In fact, just the opposite. That's a true case of knowing your target audience, because if there's ANYONE not getting "any" on a regular basis, it's the guys building new electronics in their parents' basements (I'm looking in your general direction, Steve Jobs...you and that blasted iPhone). Maybe next year they'll consider a JOINT venture in one booth. I can see the headline now: "iPhone Falls To iBrator"

-B-