You Get The Best Of Both Worlds...If You're Bisexual

Sadly, this is not about Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, being bisexual. But I DID want to touch briefly on the latest controversy surrounding Billy Ray Cyrus' Achy Breaky Daughter.

Cyrus posed in what are being termed "artistic" photos taken for Vanity Fair by acclaimed photographer Annie Leibovitz. I've only seen two pictures. The first shows Miley and Billy Ray more-or-less lounging against each other while sitting/laying on the ground. Both are clothed (thank God..didn't we already get enough of Billy Ray in the '90s???), but they way their arms are "draped" (I used the quotes because they seem a little..um...awkward, but that's the term being tossed around by the media) around each other implies a little reverse-Oedipus-complex stuff going on. How long until we see Miley gouge out her own eyes? It's a little creepy.

But what's REALLY creepy is that OTHER pic of the15-year-old saccharin-sweet superstar. You've probably seen it... her naked back is show and she's looking at the camera like a leper while holding a sheet over her chest. My first thought? "Wow, another promo picture for the next Batman movie." Seriously, Miley looks like friggin' Heath Ledger as the Joker in The Dark Knight Returns. I mean, she always looked like she was storing nuts in those cheeks for the winter (hold all your nut jokes...the girl's 15!), but this picture makes it look worse! Whoever did her makeup in this picture should be shot. It looks like it was done by a blind orangutan with the world's first case of Parkinson's Tourette's Syndrome. She paler than usual and her lipstick is smeared all over the place. She shouldn't be embarassed because she's doing a little "Bareback Mountain" thing.. she should be embarassed by that makeup!

More pointedly, every guardian of Miley Cyrus who was on the set that day and even Miley herself say they saw digital proofs of the pictures on the set and said the photos looked "beautiful" and "artistic." But NOW Miley's all embarassed... probably because Disney caught a glimpse of the shot. Hey, at least she's not pulling a full "Vanessa Hudgens" frontal shot. But seriously, even if Miley had no idea what she was getting into, her "handlers" really should've said something. And now I'll be seeing those pictures in my mind when I go to bed at night... and crying myself to sleep.
-B-